Ephemeral 2

No problem anytime!! If you ever need anything else feel free to contact me.

Umm I was wondering since you were a guy do you think you can help me out with a problem. If you have the time please look at my post. It's called age gap/mixed signals. I would truly appreciate any feedback i can get. Thanx. By the way your welcome.

First understand that you are COMPLETELEY normal. I can understand your worries about the caretaker qualities in you, I'm like that myself. You know though that he's not right for you. Yes it's painful now and you think you won't be able to turn him away since you still have feelings for him but you'll get over him. You've already taken the steps as it is since you know why he's bad for you. To satisfy those caretaker qualities for if he does come back you can look at it this way. You know that he has serious problems to address. They are problems that make him an unsuitable boyfriend and if you take him back your letting him escape those issues. That would be unfair to the both of you in the long run. Also think about his kids. He needs to shape up or his kids will be completley out of control. If he's truly ready to admit he needs help and comes to you for it be there for him strictly as a friend if you think you can handle it. Don't do yourself,him or his kids the injustice of going out with or marrying him. He is obviously not ready. You will be fine. Give it some time. I know it's a cliche but time heals all wounds. Be happy that you were able to share great times with him but know that, that chapter of your life is finished. You sound like a very smart and loving person. You will definitely find someone that can treat you with respect and wants to make you happy in every aspect of your life. Good Luck though you don't really need it. Sincerely, Ephemeral

It seems that your reading too much into this. Your g/f most likely doesn't notice she's doing it. I suggest though for your own peace of mind to ask her upfront about it. From what you say she doesn't have a serious problem in telling you how she feels. Don't worry about it just communicate. It's something that unfortunately has to be refined in relationships.

One this could be medical problem or your just really scared deep down in giving yourself so completely to him even if you do love him. Just be open to him about your insecurities. Let him know what's going on and solve it together. If a solution can't be found then you could go to a doctor about it since it might be a medical problem. Which is perfectly normal. I truly believe that once you talk to him about it that things will be fine.

Your very right this relationship does not sound healthy at all. If he contacts you then just remember all the arguments you had. It's obvious that you have tried to reason with him calmly and it didn't work. Were you able to get any idea as to why he was so offensive? Maybe he thought that there was something wrong with him if you were unhappy about the slightest thing. Something along those lines anyway. Just know that you deserve someone better. Someone that can truly be there with you on every level of your life. Just stay strong and chant to yourself that you deserve better if you need too. You'll be fine.

All of that advice is really good. Yes it is hard to be alone but if you give up now then you'll be passing up the wonderful experiences you will go through when you are with someone. Life in general i aslo very beautiful. There are so many things out there for you to see. Please be a little patient and don't hurt yourself. You are not alone everybody here is there for you.

That was very beautiful and inspirational. Your really talented.

Yes life can get really hard to deal with at times and the easiest way to escape ones problems is to die. I don't mean to offend but killing yourself is very stupid. You have a g/f and friends that are there for you to help you out. You may view yourself as leading a horrid life but we are our own worst critic. The people around you your girl and friends are with you because they see wonderful qualities in you. Don't hurt yourself anymore by selling yourself short. Please promise that you will try harder.

You need to stay away from her. This kind of relationship is not good for you at all cause in the long run you will end up in serious pain. Don't mistake the fact that she has sex with you means she's interested in a serious relationship with you. Sorry if that was a little crude but it's very true. You'll find someone better.

I agree with Jitrenda. Let your girl know what you have told us. Good luck!

I notice the guys smile and laugh. When someone smiles you can tell if their confident in themselves, happy, warm and if they have a sense of humor.

Dear Starlightnbright, Honesty is the best policy. It will be best for you to face your fear of rejection. I know it will be difficult since I have been through similar situations. Let him know how you feel if he returns the feelings then great. If he doesn't then you will know for sure how he feels about you and move on. Closure is very important in situations like this. Let me share something with you. With my very first crush I had sent him a secret admirer letter letting him know that I was interested. Since he didn't know my friends I just had one of them deliver it to him. I was eventually caught with one of his reply letters and we became friends. Since he was two years older we had different groups of friends and found it easier to get to know each other through letters. I never went out with him but I realized that I was much happier and relieved since I had told him how I felt. I was disappointed for awhile that I couldn't be with him but had no regrets since I ended up with a great friend. After that whenever I had a crush on a guy I went up and told him because I didn't want to be left thinking about does he or does he not. It always made me feel better afterwards because I got straight answers from them. Some rejected me and it was a little disappointing but I was able to say that I tried and now I have no regrets because I know how they felt. The point is that if you don't let him know and get a straight answer from him you will leave yourself in limbo. As for your friend yes she would be angry with you but do the decent thing and talk to her about it first. Apologize from the heart for lying to her. Then let this guy know how you feel. If you can tell he's a great guy somebody else will and go for him like your friend kelly did and you will most likely miss out. Follow your heart. Sincerley, Ephemeral

Dear Mundu, Where to start... well first you said that there is no spark in your relationship with your girl and that you aren't completely content in being with her. So thereforeeeeee I say move on. I can understand how you don't want to disappoint your family but being with your girl and her being with you is not fair to the both of you. Especially since you both had agreed in the first place that your relationship was going nowhere. Both your families will get over it. I can understand that you feel obligated to do the right thing by her since she is pregnant but that does not mean you have to marry her. It's the 21st century after all. I strongly believe that two people should never ever get married with each other until both are truly in love with each other. Marriage is a partnership where both should be happy while facing the challenges of life together. Getting married just because she is preganant is a horrid reason. First of all you won't be able to make each other completely happy that could lead to either infidelity or a very early divorce. You must also think about your child. What kind of example would the child witness as they grow up. No child should ever have to go through a divorce right a long with their parents. It would be a very painful experience. You can still do the right thing by her, by being there physically and emotionally for your child as a father and be there as a great friend to your girl. Let her know that you will always be there for the both of them and help her provide for your child as he/she grows up. Set yourself and her free to lead your own lives. You could work things out with that woman you accidentally met or find someone else and your current g/f will also find someone else. Before that though talk things out with your girl so that there will be no hard feelings. Good Luck! Sincerley, Ephemeral

Dear Craig01, I agree with CamaroJoe. From what you said lou found out that you like her but not from you directly so she was most likely unsure if it was true or not. Just be honest with her. You really have nothing to lose and oh so much to gain. Good Luck!!

Dear MK, Here are my answers: A1. Just be your own casual self as you approach her. Don't plan what your going to say to her because if things don't come out like it was in your head you'll get nervous. A2. Respect her wishes and if her parents ask you directly for help of course help since it was unavoidable after all. A3. Definitely go for that walk. Give her about 2 minutes. If she doesn't say anything first then you go right ahead. Go with the flow. A4. Get her a card and a small something else. Don't send a message that pressures her into a more serious relationship with you.

Dear CamaraJoe, I would say the first one is more painful since the person invests more of there time in being with the person they like. The second one would just get me annoyed but easier to move on from.

Hello , Here's a little background: I am 17 and the guy i like is 33. I met him through work about a year ago. We have become really close friends and continue to get closer even though i have left the job. I can hang out with his coworkers without a problem since were all mutual friends. I've also hung out with one of his best friends and it's great. We discussed my feelings for him about 2-3 months after we met and he rejected me. He said he was flattered that the age difference didn't matter to me but it did to him. So since then we have just become the greatest of friends and I don't want to lose that friendship. The thing is that I had told him i didn't like him in that way anymore but i really do. I don't want to repeat the same mistake by reading too much into his actions but his current actions are confusing me. We are the type of close friends that can talk about sex freely without a problem. he flirts with me at times subtly and not so subtly but we have never kissed on the lips or anything like that. When we hang out alone together to go shopping or something like that people would think that we're going out. Basically we have become much more emotionally and physically close. We both share similar dreams and have a lot of interests in common and we understand each other all the time on a very close level. I would talk about something and he would always get it and vice versa. Another thing is that lately i noticed that when i talk about my other male friends he gets a little mad like he's jealous or something. He's the type of guy that can conceal his anger really well but i know him well enough to be able to tell. My family also know i like a guy so much older. They tell me to be careful and tease me about it. So I know things can go really well but I don't know how he really feels about me. I mean yes he rejected me once but there are so many differences now. Am i just reading too much into it or is it that he's just waiting for me to turn 18 so there would be no legal problems? I understand how the age gap can cause problems and gossip i hear it all right now as it is and we're just friends. I also separated myself from him for awhile. No calls no nothing to see if i only liked him because i was around him so much but after the first day i already missed him so much and knew that wasn't the case. I can't stop thinking about him. He would just pop into my mind all of a sudden. When i saw him again he told me that he missed me and kept on telling me to contact him. Since then we have started to hang out again and i know he enjoys himself. So am i wasting my time with him? I just really am so confused. Please help me if you can. Thanks for listening. Ephemeral 2