life_hard

Don, Hahaha, I was reading about oxytocin as well. Last year, National Geographic had a great article about it and here is the link, looks like the don't have the full article online. link removed But Don, the love molecule itself is "phenylethylamine" that actually give us the rush, but the bonding molecue "oxytocin" is the bonding molecule. Here is a great article distinguishing the two. link removed I am also battling with this rush myself and I am fully aware of it. I fell in love with someone I dated few months ago, but I had to break it off cos he is bad news in the long run. But I manage to see him every so often, once or twice a month and every time it's a lot of fun, we had a blast this weekend, but then the withdrawal symtoms kick in today, monday!!! I feel like missing him but it is the internal drug that I am missing. But oddly enough, the reason why I broke it off with him is, we went on a week long trip last fall, when we came back, he withdrew slightly, called me less often and seems to pull aways, so I broke it off. So for some men, what I suspect is - the conquering of women mode kicks in. After they know they could "have" you or they "had" you, then the challenge is gone, they then get bored....they are not trully in love with you, but just high on it.... oh I don't... too complicated to analyse it to death.... I guess we just have to live!!! Live!

HI BeeBee and Donster!!! OMG, the two people that gave me wonderful support during some tough time of mine *big hug*

It's just a complicated thing, but I honestly feel that it is inappropriate to show pictures of other people to 3rd party without asking them in certain situation and THIS IS those certain situations and it should be asked like "can I show you my pictures to my friends"....kinda of like "can I give you your number to this friend" only a polite thing to do.... ug.... forget it...

I am not divorced yet, my husband is a well known person in his field etc etc and his family is very well established and few people may recongise me as his wife. I went on date with a man several times, although I didn't tell him to be discreet, I assume that it should be and I told him that I don't want exposure at all. But he end up showing a picture of me to one of his friends on purpose to show how good looking I am... I reacted and told him he shouldn't do that.... I got real mad at him.... Am i over reacting? thanks

bighair, you said there is a guy you hit it off with but he never called back..... like what the heck???? they never called back? why? It happened to me... makes me wonder is it me? what do you make of that?

You cried over it???? You're taking it WAY too personally...Geeez.... listen... I will try my best to explain some of my experiences and try not to let you know perhaps you're a bit of a prude. I had men who couldn't come at all inside of me, they have issues, not sensitive enough etc etc... it's ALL a mental game... sex is very mental. Just cos he pulled it out doesn't mean he is degrading you, he may find it relieving to take the condom out, he may not want to impregnate you... etc etc... but for crying over it???? I am sorry, you really need to understand the ejaculation mental state of men, there ARE MANY MANY state and variation of what they are thinking, some are complex and some are degrading and some are just very simple.... but please please don't cry over it, it is not about YOU, if you think it is all about YOU, then you're too self centered.... Hey, I know this sound harsh... but I just want to give you a different perspective on this.. sorry if I trully offended you....

Shadow, Thank you for your comments.... I think you have mistaken, it is like this: "My bad date reminds me of our good dates together..." Besides he is active on link removed anyway It says, I am dating and moving on too since you haven't called but I still like you and think about our good dates.... kinda of like that...

Thank you!!!!!!!!!! Deal, I made the decision, not sending it.... You guys are a great great great bunch..... Yes very right... often times, you can't see yourself and you guys put things in perspective for me... I think too much with my heart, that is a problem

I had an earlier thread of my situation and I am just pasting here: Went out on 2 dates with a guy who is in town for business, no sex happened although he wanted it. We clicked right away and he even said he will call me and before he left, he emailed me from the airplane saying he will be in my thoughts and want to see me in the future. He comes in and out a lot. Well, after he left, I send him a messge saying "Hope you made it in okay,etc etc", I then send him a very tomboyish picture of myself to go with his thought, then I said I will send him a more feminine picture of myself later.... He is very active on link removed over the past few days..... It has been about 2 weeks and I want to send this letter: Hi xxxx, Just wanted to say hi. I went out on a "bad" date this past weekend and afterwards I just remembered how good our get together was few weeks ago. Anyway, I haven't heard from you since you went home, I am sure there is a good reason for it. Even if you may not be all that into me, somehow I still want to give you an ego boost and let you know that my gut feeling still tells me you're a great and good person... Afterall I am so new to this dating scene, so....oh well...anyway, my bad date reminded me of you ========= If he is a player and bad person, it will embarrassed him, if he is sincere then he will respond... what do you guys think?

It sounds to be that you guys may be emotionally incompatible. If at this early state, there are some sort of negative emotions going on, it is somewhat a red flag, at this early stage, it should be all fun and warm feeling inside....

Just realise that "HE IS NOT THAT INTO ME!!!!" He now went back to his hometown and hasn't contacted me and I now just saw him on link removed online. I guess I am expecting too much after 2 wonderful dates....it still hurts.... odd.....

Just want to start a thread here so that we all understand and define these 3 important components in good relationship. I will start first: emotional compatability - ability to understand each other's feeling and express them, frequency of contact like once every day or once every week is sufficient intellectual compatibility- Like to read the same types of books and movies and being able to disuss it in a deep level sexual compatibility - frequency of course, being adventurous, like to role play at times... your definition?

I just realise something and I am laughing at myself. I am pathetic.... absolutely PATHETIC!!!!!!!!! After 2 dates? Yeah, I have issues....

Hi nemo, Oh it is a very very different picture of me. When he saw me, I have long hair and no glasses at all, but I told him that I use to have very very short hair and I had glasses on as well. So it is a different me, that is why I am sending him the picture. Beside, he said I will be in his thoughts before he left, so I thought sending him a picture of myself to go with that thought might be okay, No?? nemo? Also, if he does feel that way (the way you describe) wanting him to frame it, then we are not emotionally compatible at all. It was a fun gesture and a sort of funny different picture of me, a different side, it was meant to be fun 75% and the 25% yes, to remind him of how I can look differently (may be).

Guys, you are a great bunch. Here is an issue, tell me if he is just not that into me. Went out on 2 dates with a guy who is in town for business. He comes in and out a lot. We clicked right away and he even said he will call me and before he left, he emailed me from the airplane saying he will be in my thoughts and want to see me in the future. Well, after he left, I send him a messge saying "Hope you made it in okay, traveling is tough these days", I then send him a very tomboyish picture of myself to go with his thought, then I said I will send him a more feminine picture of myself later.... It has been 2 days now, he hasn't emailed me back... I thought he would want to see a more pretty picture of me, would want to contact me. No we haven't had sex, even though he wanted to on our second date. I just found out that he just logged onto link removed and has been active within 24hrs. What is going one? Is it me? He is not that into me? Playing hard to get on his part? He is a very busy person.... Any insight would be great....

Sooooooo new to dating game...hate it

rainynight: I wrote you a private message as well... But anyway, yes, this closure letter is good, I wouldn't change anything, it is very precise and your feelings show thru the words, although others have mentioned to be more firm in some of the words, but I think being soft is better, cos the message is still get accrossed, sort of easying a very difficult situation. Soft but firm would be good. But to end on a good note, it would be nice to say, thank you for the good times, cos afterall there are good memories there. No? Well, in the long run, it is better to remember the good but completely let go of the past.... that is how I would want to remember things....

Yeah, I know, I am doing SO well too..... I feel a sense of indifference too sometimes, but comes and goes in waves I guess. But I think his photo website is slowy my progress..... I use firefox so I can't block his page, unless I use an add-on. But in IE, it is better, you can block a site and put a passcode on it.... Yes, why am I looking at this photos.... SICK!!!!!! Thanks, but now that I know there is possiblity that he might be able to track views like that, then I will definitely stop.... I want to let him know I am committed to getting over him....

Thanks theproman23!!!! Thanks for clearing this up! Well, we are in different states, so if he has a tracker that shows location, then he will know it is me. And thanks for clearing the IP address issue, he may or may not have it. BUT given such information, I will stop checking his photos and briefcases from now on, for me it is better and I should stop cyberstalking anyway, and for him, no ego boost for him to know that I am still checking him out... thanks proman23!!!!

Cos he might want to know if I still "care" by seeing if I still check out his phots. He puts up pictures there every so often. And good question, why am I checking it so often. Well, if it is possible then, I will stop checking from now on. So, is it possible for him to put a net tracker on his yahoo photos? Even though the server is somewhere else?

Hi Guys, Since I have been checking on my ex's yahoo photos website, I wonder if there is a way he would know who or where the visitor came from, if he uses some sort of web tracking software. I heard that once you have an URL like a simple one like: "/link removed" then you can have a site tracker and it will tell you the IP or the location of the visitor. Is this true???? He is a computer geek.... but I don't want to give him any ego boost to let him know that I am checking him out. I am just merely curious.

Over the past week, two concepts I read have helped me a great deal in dealing with my own issues. The person who ends the relationship and found happiness in someone else: "You can't control the hurt feelings of your ex. Once you break up, your responsibility in that area ends. That's the great thing about breaking up. you don't have to care anymore. That's not to say you can be deliberately cruel. And that's not to say that you won't have spontaneous feelings of empathy, because it's human to have empathy. But going about your life, seeking happiness, that's not deliberately cruel. You're just going about your life. So do whatever you have to do, and just hope that your ex will get over it." Breaking up in ITSELF is a very reponsible thing to do, dragging it on and on is very irresponsible and more selfish. The person who is heartbroken over the break up: "What I observe about those who meet difficulties with admirable grace and courage is that they somehow manage to keep their shape; they do not become someone else and they do not give up or turn away; they remember what they are trying to do; they remain; they persist. They do not lose their ideas. I suppose this could be expressed as "they have faith" except that to "have faith" seems to be to expect a positive outcome. It is more that the people who deal with adversity well seem to recognize the possibility that things might not work out but they keep going and try to be cheerful." What I learn is: there is a "right" way to break up, a mature break up, a graceful breakup, it doesn't have to be ugly, but MOST of us just can't do it, in the end you lost a lover and may be a friend in the long run.

Quoted from a column I read this morning: "What I observe about those who meet difficulties with admirable grace and courage is that they somehow manage to keep their shape; they do not become someone else and they do not give up or turn away; they remember what they are trying to do; they remain; they persist. They do not lose their ideas. I suppose this could be expressed as "they have faith" except that to "have faith" seems to be to expect a positive outcome. It is more that the people who deal with adversity well seem to recognize the possibility that things might not work out but they keep going and try to be cheerful."

After reading so many postings here and have been on the receiving end of healing, I finally feel like I can contribute some after my dealing with 2 months of my own mess. Indeed, such selfishness is "normal", we all are in on earth assuring ourselves to live, that is just a very basic evolutionary trait that prevails in the animal kingdom. As to being selfish and end up hurting others, this is what I have to say. It is selfish to prolong the break up and drag things on and on and on with no firm decisions on either end, that IS selfish. As for the dumper, once his/her decision to end things is done and clear in a nice but firm way, he/she has no other resposponsility to the relationship any more. The decision to end things is ITSELF a very responsible thing to do. As for how the dumpee handles it, it is all entirely up to that person and hope that in the long run, it becomes a good positve life lesson .....