Angstyboi
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Everything posted by Angstyboi
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Thanks all of you and Tylin is right. I guess it really has to do alot with the break up. I really wasn't looking for attention hear, nor was expecting it, but it's always nice when people have nice things to say about you ^_^ I just kind of adapted to my ex so much that I bestowed her with my faith in myself, when she went, so did it. My self esteem was all generated from her, but all she had to say before she left was that I was psycho, skitzo, clingy, etc. I understand girls want confidence, boy did my ex let me have it with that. I guess I look for that in a girl as well, so I guess it's only fair. It's just really hard for me to handle someone telling me I'm ugly or unattractive because then I start wondering why. Even though I know not everyone in this world will find a certain person attractive, I still would like to know why it is they find me that way. More then Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp everyone loves the guy, but some girls I know just don't like him.
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Thanks guys, I actually was only expecting like 1-2 responses and not even about the picture. It's just that I feel like crap when someone says I'm ugly, and I believe them way too much. I ridicule myself way too much, and yeah I take criticism very seriously. The only trait I really like is my eyes. They used to change colors very often(from blue to green) but they typically just blend now (green layer, with a darker green with some blue, etc.) I appreciate the compliments, but as I said, for whatever reason I tend to believe the negative one's. I'll read what you posted now, Green. And those spots on my shirt are water....yeah water...^_^ P.S: Bob Dylan? Really? No I've never gotten any comments about that. I guess since my generation really doesn't know who he is.
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I hope she finds me...but a few have found me already. I like both, I know only time will tell who is right for me but I do feel guilty for liking both.
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Since my girlfriend broke up with me, my self esteem has been going on a roller coaster. Sometimes I feel like I'm ok looking and other times I agree with those who think I'm ugly. There're people that say I'm hot and stuff, but the people that say I'm ugly seem to have a better influence. A 200 people can say I'm hot and 20 people can say I'm butt ugly and I'd agree with those 20. I guess I just hate being right, and those who think I'm ugly I feel are right. When people even so much as comment on my nose, or say I look "Jewish"...it gets to me. I'll post my picture, not so people can say "OMG you're so hot" nor am I looking for attention, just so you know where I'm coming from: image removed My nose is a bit on the odd size and I really don't want to get surgery on it because I do believe in the whole "like me for who I really am" concept. But I can't help but take those who don't like my looks seriously.
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Since my ex has broken up with me, quite a few girls have to terms with their feelings for me. I happen to like 2 very much. I'm still single of course. But I can't help but feel guilty for liking 2 because I always felt I should just ignore my feelings for one person and focus mainly on another. But I do want to enjoy being single as much as I can. I mean I'm not sleeping around or anything but the idea of phone sex with one girl has arose, I don't even know if that'd be bad. Both of them have their deeming qualities and their flaws. I know time will tell me who is best, but should I help but feel guilty for so much as blowing a kiss at one(by request *rolls eyes*) at one, if there is another who asks me to do the same for example? I'm sorry, I know it sounds weird but the littlest things get me feeling guilty, I'm usually a very mild mannered person.
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Why is this happening to me?!
Angstyboi replied to Angstyboi's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
I'm trying to. But there're places that I just freak out in and start thinking of her. Central Park is a huge one...I used to take her there alot and we shared some of our best boyfriend/girlfriend moments there whether it be the "you're the best..." talks or just kissing. Unfortunetly, I was there today. With 1 friend at first, but I didn't tell him what was going on with me. But he left and I was walking around by myself...I began to think of her...projections of the past being spread upon the present day terrain of us holding hands(I can almost feel the warmth of her hand) and it's scary...I hope I'm not going insane... -
Why is this happening to me?!
Angstyboi replied to Angstyboi's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
I have met a few girls, but I'm so used to my ex that they just seem too different for my taste. And yeah I understand the whole hit a wall thing, but I'm starting to wake up in the morning thinking of her right away like I used to when I was depressed. I don't understand...It's almost my birthday, is she going to be feeling like this? Chances are, no. So then why am I? -
I can't take this torment my own mind punishes me with. 2 days ago would have made me and my ex's anniversary. As the hours float by, my memories of us 2 together come back as clear as day. Hour by hour, day by day, what we did when we first met. I was getting over it...I was happy, I was fine, but now I feel like crying everyday like I did when she dumped me and betrayed me. It's not even day dreams, it's literally I turn my head to my bed, and there she is laying there under my blankets looking at me smiling. I may sound insane, but I'm starting to miss her alot. I can't even move on like this. I've been on NC with her, and I know she's having fun, and doesn't give a damn what's happening to me. But I'm a disaster, isn't the "good guy" supposed to be the victor? Why is this happening to me?
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Today would have been our anniversary
Angstyboi replied to Angstyboi's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
Just got home, my head is killing me I've been thinking too much. I was riding my bike by the water where I saw the Statue of Liberty. Then another memory came to mind where we went on the Ferry and we had a great time on Ellis Island...Today was just a museum of thoughts coming out and my head is killing me...I hope this doesn't continue. -
Today would have been our anniversary
Angstyboi replied to Angstyboi's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
I know, I'm probably going to winde up just staying home. It feels like I have to go out today just like last year...but I wouldn't know what to do. My friend just told me to go bike riding with him. I usually bike ride by the water which has me thinking more. But it's more of the *smile* "she was so great..." kind of thoughts. -
I'm a bit down. Today would have been our anniversary with my ex. I went to Coney Island where we met, and just looked at everything. Flashbacks immedietly came to my head, how I was so excited, where we kissed, etc. I remember everything as clear as day...and it's all I can think about today. Also whether or not she is thinking about it too(some of you are probably going to say "nope" and it makes me upset that she isn't). I was doing fine, it's just that I was looking forward to this special day with her.
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I did start riding my bike which made me feel excellent. Then it happened again, and it went right back to how it used to be.
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I just need some help. I'll give you guys the jist of it. I look at life as a competition, but I do not mean to. Like if I see a boy my age, or even younger and see his better traits, I get jealous. I see if the person is smarter then me, has a nice girlfriend that loves him, has more muscle, better looking, etc and I just sigh, and say to myself "you win...". Also, like today. People were making fun of me, insulting me, calling me weird, etc. Now just because these people did that, I feel like the whole world hates me and I'll never amount to anything. I could explain further if need be, but that's really it and it really gets to me...
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But that's only because she almost completely changed into a different person. She was weak and gave into her friends. I loved the her from before that lasted quite a while, but not long enough.
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Ex's tend to go back to their roots when they know they made a mistake. Not true for everyone but I think your ex is looking for you to talk about "something". I think you did the right thing by avoiding her(probably not on purpose) but breaking NC too soon can hurt you.
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My ex has been in 2 rebounds after me, she claimed she wouldn't be ready for a long time and now she is with a person who she doesn't know all that well. My "friend" is right, my ex is having fun. But I guess I should wait. She's not over here in New York just yet anyway, so I have time to wait. It's just that she's different, and I don't know if I can fall in love with someone whose different like I did with my ex. Maybe I can? But I am going to take this time to get to know her of course. I hope everything works out...
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I actually did the same thing, many girls are contacting me now. But there is one mutual one where we both like eachother is in effect, the rest understand I am finding a girlfriend even if it's not them(one doesn't, she wants me to go out with her but I don't want to).
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I'm known to be the "young psychologist", people come to me to pour their heart out and I would give advice back. My ex girlfriend in her crazy state complained of my advice giving, claiming that I basically force it on people. Today I was hanging out with a female friend of mine who seems to have a thing for me. She came straight out and said "I want you to have sex with me" (in the profaine way). I kept saying "no". Then she brought up something that made me think of Naima(my ex); "you know Naima is having fun over on her end, but over here you're just moping over her. You're all alone". Now it was upsetting to hear because I hope...for some reason that she isn't being a fool on her end but I responded "I'm not alone because I'm moping, everyday that I'm single, makes me stronger and makes it less likely I'll get an infatuated/rebound girlfriend." But despite that, it did make me think...maybe she's right. I am always being nice but I'm not having fun at all like this. I didn't do anything, didn't even want to touch her. It was hard for me to even hug this girl. Later on, she went on a mood swing. Telling me that my advice is appreciated but unwanted. Naima...said this to me too. That's why she left me...and she's right. I feel like I should keep my mouth closed, just listen and nod. Why can't I have fun right now with just my so called "good looks"(I personally don't think so)? I have found a girl that does seem to like me and she's a very nice person. She's different...very different from Naima so I'm scared but I actually like her. She is smart but she's goofy. She seems more loyal but at the same time less tolerable, like I said she is different. So I'm scared. She said she wants to get to know me alot better. I know girls like that can bring you down and she wouldn't be hurting if I did anything to her, she is in it for that. My other friend who likes me wants to take it slower. She's not Catholic though, so going to church is out of the option but that shouldn't stop me...I'm so confused, I feel like Naima, I feel like I actually know why Naima acted so strangely. She was weak...this is just over burdening now. Alot of people have fallen into "like" with me since Naima left, but the only one I like is the one that is different then Naima and I don't know if I can fall in love with a girl who is different like I did with Naima. I have talked to the "Man of faith" and he told me to pray for Naima so that she doesn't make any bigger mistakes, and pray that she one day realizes them. Which I do, and Naima is a person too, she is my first love and they say you really don't forget your first love. But moving on....once again, I'm scared.
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Actually since my break up, I've been not sleeping right at all. Guess I'm scared, everytime I wake up the thought just rings right into my head of everything we no longer do together. I was afraid to dream of her but I needed to sleep, so I did. Just my luck, I dreamt of her. So I'm walking, just strolling like the mellow guy I am and suddenly I'm at a place where the ground is covered in stones(you know like those little stones they put around planted trees?). Anyway, a few kids were riding their bikes and suddenly I saw my ex riding last. I ran after her, took her by the shirt and launched her down into the rocks. I stood over her for a brief instance as she stared at me in fear as I clenched my teeth and closed my fist. I kneeled down, grabbed her and screamed "what is wrong with you?! how the hell can you do this to me?!" The new version of my so called "lover" is smug, proud, and stubborn. However to my surprise, she was her old self, timid, sensitive, fragile. She began to cry and look at me straight in the eyes and said "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" with tears. I then looked at her shirt and blood began to seep through it. I got up in fear of myself . In a flash, I was then on the ground as she sat on my waste and went down as if to kiss me and said "what's wrong?" which is where I woke up... Dreams sure can mess with you...I think I know what it means but any opinions?
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I know and I'm really not. It's just I wish I didn't need to adapt to a new girl. But if I were to go back to my ex, I'd have to adapt to a new girl anyway because she's not the same person. It's just, I was scared that maybe there is a such thing as being too different then someone you had originally loved and it not working because of that.
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You're only 15, calm down with that. But if you just MUST do it, use a condom.
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I'm just worried that someone different then someone I fell madly in love with won't get the same affection. She jokes, she's random alot of the time, etc. My ex was serious, random at times, funny, smart. I am still learning about this new girl. Everything is just different for me the second time around, I miss my ex but I am getting over it. I need to adapt to a new face, new personality, new likes, new dislikes, her not being a virgin(I'm not either so I guess I shouldn't worry). This is why I wish my first love would have been my last but hopefully things will work out.
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All girls are different out there. I met a girl who seems to like me and all, etc. I know I won't make the same mistake as my ex and won't rush into a relationship because I want mine to be good, not fail like hers will. Anyway, my ex is different from this girl, I mean some similarity is there but overall, it's something that I have to adapt to. But my question is, is it good that she's different? Sure I like her back but could this thing actually work, can I actually fall madly in love with someone different then my ex girlfriend(when she was a good girl)?
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I want something from her now. My friend told her and she said fine but she doesn't want to see me. I guess it's an honor, I mean if she really didn't care she wouldn't mind seeing me now would she?
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She used to be a nice person, but now she's so far gone. So I really don't know what to believe. She's gone mad and has forgotten who her first true love was, how can you do that? Because I'm sure having trouble trying to forget about her and her evil words. But it's not even that I just think about, it's like she died. I can never kiss her again, hold her, anything. Yeah once I get a new girl, it won't matter probably but I can't change the fact she was my first love. My emotions are switching between hate and lust and it's driving me mad.