Angstyboi

I'm sorry but I don't care whether or not she used me because it would hurt either way. Are there any books that I can get into that can help me that anyone knows of at least?

She was a very loving girlfriend, and I was really loving boyfriend. It was great, she never wanted to let me go. Eventually she started...losing it and told me she needed time to be alone. When she was ready she'll consider heavily coming back to me. She went out with a kid who was rid of within like 2 weeks. She then came back to me, still my ex, kissing me, holding my hand, everything she would do when she was my girlfriend. Last sunday she began doing the whole vunerable thing. She began to sexually expose herself and tried to fiddle with my belt, till I stopped her. I told her "I do not want you for sex, I want you for you." After that...it just seemed like held a grudge on me. She began to ignore me, I called her and she broke the news to me. She is going out with a kid younger then her, when she said 2 days before that she won't be ready for a long time. Her promises were all broken. I was crying on the phone, telling her, reminding her not to forget who I am. Instead, she put me on speaker phone so her friends and her new boyfriend including herself can laugh at me. I was getting over it but yesterday she made another low blow which was basically that I was a crummy boyfriend. She said different our whole relationship. I take it seriously when I do something that involves my time, my love, and my patience and I'm not recognized by the one person...Listen, I don't care if she's my ex. It still really HURTS. I'm really losing it, my blood boils, my fists clench and I just want to kill her!

Should I have expected failure?

Sorry if my posts are too long but can anyone give me a holler?

It's a bad sign when you start considering suicide all over again, but it's not something to worry about, I'm stronger then those feelings. But I feel like I screwed up badly, I should have just let time deal with it. But fine I'll fill in the rest now. Once again, let me put it in dialogue form: *I lay down on my bed Naima: Move over. *I move over. *She lays down with her butt awfully close to my waist. *I get up Justin: Maybe I should lay on the floor or something. Naima: Stop being silly. Justin: Really, I can. I've done it before. Naima: Just lay back down. *I lay back down Justin: Alright, I'll just go take a bath. Naima: Justin...*awwf!* *I take a quick bath and come back out to see her eyes closed on my bed. *I take my blanket and pillow and go to the floor. Naima: What are you doing? Justin: *Smile* Going to relax on the floor. Shh just go to sleep. Naima: Whatever... *I lay on my back thinking, looking at the cieling. *She turns over and looks at me. Naima: Justin, come back and lay next to me, I'm not asking. Justin: ...Fine. *I lay next to her again with her butt awefully close to that place... *I jolt a little to which she responds with a sexual breath Naima: No fair... Justin: What?... Naima: It's just been a while. Justin: Heh as if anyone else did it, it'd be just as good. *I was joking* Naima: It's just been a while. Justin: So if anyone else did it, it would feel just as good?...*I was increasingly getting more serious* Naima: *Shrugs* Justin: Oh... Alot of it is just a blurr(no nothing happened), but it wound up with me sitting there in tears. She began to take her shirt off and I stopped her and turned around and closed my eyes and teared. She sat there with her top part exposed and began to undo my belt, I told her "do you think this is all I want you for?! sex?" to which she responded "it's all I can give you". I teared a bit more and collapsed onto my bed and she fixed herself and me. She held herself and said "I don't like when anyone touches me". That sentence used to be followed with "except you" but it wasn't. She got up out of bed and put her jacket on. I started to cry(yes I'm a wussy) and said "don't leave..." so she sat down and said "the more I stay, the more both of us gets hurt". She was right, but I wanted her to stay. I went under my blanket...the look of fear she had when she told me she didn't like being touched was the same look as when she got her stuff robbed(I made a topic about it) when I got furious at the guy and wanted to kill him only this time...I did it. I punched my self in the head repeatedly(yeah...I'm a psycho), I was so mad at myself. Then it led into everthing else I posted.

Well anyway yesterday was pretty tramatizing which I really don't want to talk about right now because I really don't know what went on half the time. Then it began to get happier, she said that she'd like only kisses on the cheek, etc. From now on. I asked "do you think one day, it could be on the lips again" she half way nodded, stopped, thought, smiled and said "maybe! I don't know." First we went to a pizza place because she was hungry so I bought her some pizza and a drink. She sat down, so I went to another table in the back to sit down(I really just needed to gather myself). All the while she kept looking back and staring till she was finally ready and came over to me so we can go. We went out to the movie (Pirates of the Caribbean 2) but it started in a few hours so we went to the billiar hall. We played Ping Pong all the while she was joking, I was making her laugh. And then she said "lets play air hockey, I'll pay!" so we did. I won, again joking all the while, we played again and she won once again laughing, etc. I asked her if she likes me better then this kid named Naces who she had previously had a bit of a crush on(she admitted that it could just be an infatuation) and she normally wouldn't respond so outright to this question but she said, "yes! I like you alot more then Naces" We played some more game and left to see the movie. I requested that I don't sit next to her during the movie and she said "no, you're sitting with me". So I was walking away as a joke and she kept pinching my butt and, point is it was all pretty fun. We got into the theatre and I sat else where while she started reading a book, before the movie aired. Right before show time I went to her, she smiled. I asked what snacks she wants and what drink and once again demanded that I sit with her. So I got the snacks and did but sat a seat away but once again, patted the seat next to her so I gave in and did. We watched the movie, she was having fun laughing, I wasn't laughing but I was enjoying myself. She told me to lay down on her a few times so I did but ended up sitting up anyway. After the movie ended, we both began to just walk away from eachother. So much that even if I were to stop(which I did) she would just keep going. I wasn't feeling very good while walking behind her so catching up to her was becoming a real problem, I didn't know what was going on, I didn't get any sleep the previous day and the only thing I had to eat was pop corn. She came to a stop at an intersection and I told her I wasn't feeling good so she told me to sit. We talked, she told me she doesn't want me for money, sex, or anything other then for me to be there for her. I wound up taking the train with her home to which she fell asleep on me. I kissed her on the cheek and I was about to go to sleep myself. She turned her face around as if to say, "this one too". So I did, then she puckered her lips a little, implying the same thing(I hope) so I did and she went to sleep on me. When we got to her station, she kissed me on my lips a few times and left. Now I left some things out, but lets just say in the beginning it was very confusing and it involved me getting very very angry at myself. The reason I didn't want to sit next to her was to fight my own temptations. All I know is, I think I screwed up any possibility to ever get back with her, I even asked her why she does such things that symbolize effection with me and she simply said "I don't notice". But when i told her she would just stay quiet. I really don't get anything, one second I'm being treated like everyone else in her life, next I'm being treated then more then just a friend which she actually said.

I see what you mean Talo. I will apologize and carry on a happy day for the most part tomorrow. I'm just worried because everything was going so well, and I hope this doesn't change anything. Any kisses she wanted to give me(she said she wanted to before the fight), cuddling, and whatever else I was looking forward to.

Thank you so much Talo. You're right. I've apologised many times before but hopefully she'll accept it this time. She just said things with attitude and kept wanting to hang up, stuff like that. I'll apologize and accept what she wants to do, hopefully nothing that will jeapordize whatever she wants to do with me. And yeah...I did act jealous On another note, I asked her if she likes me, she said "actually yeah, or else I wouldn't be here trying to make things better" and then she followed with "I deeply care about you". I don't think she knows what I meant but maybe she does. Anyway, can her period have to do with anything you think? Thanks again.

We got into bit of a fight today...she said some things that offended me, and it did hurt. She still wants to see me tomorrow in person which is like when we really get along. But is this normal for someone who is supposebly falling in love with you to say some hurtful things over the phone and still want to see you? Well, I might as well add that she is on her period, I don't know if that matters much but maybe it does? The whole thing started when she told me she may go to a party but tells me that she won't do anything "stupid", I still detest it. But the point is, there was a fight, words were exchanged, she's on her period, I'm hurt, she's seeing me tomorrow(sunday), what should I do? Forgive and forget, kiss make up? Any quick advice please? Thanks.

Doubt is something I do the most unfortunety. And yeah...being that she's my first real love I would have liked to keep it that way. I know that in life I can experience the full thing with just one person I love. She is sorry about everything she's done out of spite, etc. She says the way she handled it was very immature and now she's going back to her old self little by little. I hope this isn't just a little phase but one can only hope I suppose. I highly appreciate the support Talo. I may see her over the weekend so I'll pick her up some nice flowers and take her to a movie as another otherwise good gesture.

Everyone seems so sure it's love. I hope everyone's right. But I am kind of the jealous type, not drastically but I do wonder....but I know I can trust her. She said she wants to stay single for a while; "when I'm ready, you'll be the first on my mind that I'll consider". I guess I'm just living in the future. Concerning some foul things that she did to me after the break up...should I forgive her? She said sorry and is now being nicer to me again(like she was in the beginning when she first fell in love with me). Is this is a case of forgive and forget?

I know it's very confusing for her. But if she's showing that she "loves me" from the sidelines, without actually telling me then why is it so confusing? I really hope what you guys said is true, I really hope she's not planning something or just knows of something. I'll make it clear to her that she should respect the fact that I love her which means my expectations are already met. I hope all goes well. She seems very drawn to me still. Yesterday she called me she says "can I talk to you for at least 15 minutes...please...", it wasn't about anything important, just some things she did that day and she could have easily called someone else to tell them. I will talk to her, but it always seems to be something different eachtime. If I were to ask her if she loves me, she could probably say "no" when all of the signs are there that she does. You can't just fake these things, I know she's just scared. Scared of what? possibly committment phobia. I really don't know what to do overall, I guess I'll let time do all of the work.

Thank you for the response. I agree, Boy. Several times, she's said "I don't deserve someone like you...". I think it's really self esteem issues. If you're right, then what you're saying is that she does love me, she just doesn't know what to do with it and is too scared to say it. And I've seen that myself. She loves when I say "I love you" to her, I'm the only person she calls(frequently anyway), calls me baby, says I'm lovely, etc. etc. Do you think it'd be a good idea to sit her down and just tell her of what I'm aware of and tell her not to worry? Or something to that extent? Any tips will be appreciated Thanks again!

I want to keep this topic alive so excuse the multiple posts. I want to keep it one thread. She still calls me "babe", says she's happy with the fact that I love her, says I'm gorgeous(pshh which I am Laughing ) and etc. What to make of everything? I really don't know, but she says "if we're together it would be like my mom and my step dad" which means she's bossy, and I'm the pushover. I however don't think so, any ways you think I can convince her otherwise and improve on this whole campaign Also, can you she really actually love me if she hasn't actually said it? If I were to say "I love you" to her, should would say "I know...". Is there a logical reason that she isn't saying it or is it because she really doesn't, That's what really mixes up the confusion. She really is a smart person, so I hope that she will eventually consider me strongly. This relationship counselling is basically a "job" that she gets paid for. It's a program in her school that teachers about abuse, treatment, etc. So I think it is helping her, and I think she is realizing on her own. But I hope for the best, I guess I am the one who wants to rush it Razz But I know I shouldn't so I'll wait. I guess I'm scared that I won't be the one picked...I don't know. I actually talked to her today, I don't know what to make of something. I'll put it in dialogue form to make it easier Naima(my ex): Justin, can I ask you something? Justin: Sure. Naima: What are you up to? Justin: Concerning what exactly? Naima: With me..Like are you trying to protect me from boys that don't even exist(laugh)? When I say I'm not ready...I don't know... Justin: You know I do love you, and I don't want you getting sidetracked. One day I'd like you to say "Justin, I'm ready for a relationship" and come to me...I don't know, I promised you I'd love you forever and here I am keeping my promise. Naima: I know but I don't want to hurt you. Justin: Why are you so set on hurting me? Naima: I'm not set on hurting you, it's just I don't want to. Justin: Stop being set on that, be set on making me happy. Do you think she really is anticipating something that will hurt me? Or do you think she is just worried for nothing? I really don't know what to make of it...How do you think I can overall improve everything? Roses? Anything? Thanks in advanced.

As I said originally, the new guy could have just been an infatuation. I wouldn't say you're a "fall back guy". The real issue is her knowing, you need to let her know everything that's going on.

Now as BetterKarma said, she probably using you but it isn't intentional. It's more of a confusion. This new guy needs to vanish, and then you can allow her back in your life. My ex had a boyfriend for a little while, but she got rid of him and stays rid of him. She may like someone else but she recognizes them as infatuations and goes to the one she feels safest with(me). That's exactly what your ex needs to do in order to get her back. She needs to ignore who she "likes" if she wants to get a chance with you. I suggest telling her "this new guy needs to go, or I have to break off communication" or something to that extent.

No such thing as "limited time" unless one of you is moving or something. Just relax, talk, and show her your better side again, the side of you that made her love you. Talk to her, smile, laugh, hug, just don't do anything drastic.

Hey listen Guy, it could be definitely true that she is coming back to you. Like I said, what she is doing is what my ex did as well. Just do not do anything rash, and hope for the best. No communication can help on many levels but it is extremely hard. Of course doing other things while still in communication can easily be better then no communication but you guys really need to talk about what could happen, IE you pressing no communication, you guys not even being able to talk, etc. Just be careful and think about what you do.

This can go both ways. She can be using you, sure. Or she can be using him. There is a little thing called infatuation. It hasn't been long since you guys broke up and thereforeeee she became infatuated and went out with him. Was it her really liking him? She may think so, but no. I had the same thing happen to me. My girlfriend broke up with me, became infatuated, went out with a kid for 2 weeks or something like that and they ended. She came to see me and she wanted to have sex with me but I refused(she was vunerable and I knew it). Now she has her head straight, she doesn't even consider that last kid her ex or even a past boyfriend at all. She's affectionate towards me now that we've given it time. You just need to give it time, her infatuation and her being vunerable would die down and then maybe just maybe the real affection will come in if you give it time.

Thank you Talo for the helpful evaluation. I really hope you are correct, I really do hope that she will reconsider everything and come back to me. We didn't break up on bad terms, she did some stupid things after but nothing that can't be forgiven. Maybe things won't be the same, but they can be better if I let it. I hope this is not just a passing thing. Boy oh boy I hope it's the truth though.

Well...how can I tell whether or not this is just her getting some dry ground to stand on? Sorry I just have alot of questions, I guess I'm happy but just want to make sure of it.

So what should I do? Even if it's months from now, what if she says she's ready is it a good idea to try her again? How do I know this isn't all just an act?

Could be making everything up to me, could be for my upcoming birthday. But besides the taking me out part, what can this mean?

So does this mean I should just go along with it till she finally says "Justin, I'm ready to go back out with you"?

I wish this didn't matter but we're both 17.