Jump to content

coldheart

Members
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    147

  • Joined

 Content Type 

Everything posted by coldheart

  1. coldheart
    Honestly man, because I want to see if there was anything left for me to do and be convinced that I did everything I could in order to save any possible chance. I feel as if now it's all her though, I am ready to embark into long term NC about now... -CH
  2. coldheart
    Well it's been over 4 months that I "let her be" after a mutual breakup. Hell I haven't even bothered to pop in here and check the forums... I just did what I had to do. So I wrote her a casual e-mail asking about her in a cute third person fashion. Like a "hello I am here just saying hi" type of message. Nothing remotely close to clingy, needy, or reminiscent of the past. The reason I did this was to test the friendship waters and see if there is any remaining bitterness in her, or if she's willing to reach out and be social once again. I was totally prepared to do this in terms of self-awareness of what the responses could or could not be. Please critique my actions. At this point I still love and care for her, but I am ready for any response whether it's good or bad. Thanks! -CH
  3. coldheart
    This is an interesting read. I would like to hear more about your situation Needhope. I myself have been holding onto 2.5 months NC but in contrast to you, I am not getting any signs of desired reconciliation on her part. -CH
  4. coldheart
    I'm totally with you on that one. I felt like doing "special" things on multiple ocasions such as easter, mother's day, and our anniversary but always held back in the end. I figured if I had missed some of them while I was IN the relationship, what help was it to remember them after it was done? It probably would of been taken as a cheesy way to attemp reconciliation. -CH
  5. coldheart
    It just feels so weird. Feels almost as if something new is happening in my emotional department. Two and a half months of successful post-breakup campaigning and here I go, into a week of pain and sorrow, longing for what once was the meaning of life to me. As of right now, what I have to do is very understood and clear, I just cannot seem to jump start myself into "move-on" mode again for the time being... Very difficult situation. -CH
  6. coldheart
    About 48 hours ago I came to a tough realization that made me come back to this website today and share (It's been a while that I post because I was trying to get the breakup idea out of my head). Basically, it's been 2 months and a half since the breakup and initianion of NC on my part. She has made no attempt to make any sort of contact except that petty "happy easter" text to my sister in April. Even through our "would be" 2-year anniversary that passed 10 days ago did she try to contact me. Ladies & Gentleman, I thought I was getting over her, yet realized this is only the beginning. Much strength to all you newly broken up out there, specially for those on NC which is the correct way to do it. The road ahead is long and bumpy. I certainly do not see any light at the end of my tunnel yet... Feel free to comment...sigh... -CH
  7. coldheart
    Found some valuable information intended for the benefit of women suffering breakups, but helps men realize a few things too. The no contact rule is thoroughly explained as well. I hope you all enjoy it! link removed -CH
  8. coldheart
    Thanks, but I try...
  9. coldheart
    Actually, the bidding and money part is no object here. The sole purpose of this auction is to transmit a very important message...
  10. coldheart
    I hope you guys can find a little cheering up with this! I have over 400EA transactions on eBay with 100% positive feedbacks, but I've never done anything like this. Felt creative this morning. I hope you can all find some uplifting humor with my useful boredom link removed Your friend, -coldheart
  11. coldheart
    When I first started NC it felt harsh because it's something that I never applied to any one of my previous relationships. However, now that I am entering week 6, things have sort of began falling into place emotionally. I am able to think more clearly about me, what I want out of life, and what I think about the relationship with a clarified mind. Right now I am content and think I have made a ton of progress for only a month and a half. I expect to continue my way forward, although I am aware that good days will occasionally be acompanied by a couple bad ones... -CH
  12. coldheart
    This place combined with my previous 2 breakup experiences has allowed me to tackle my latest breakup doing all the right things. 6 weeks no contact, 7 weeks since breakup. Feels mighty good to know that I am making progress. My down days are much less frequent and my emotions are starting to evolve into the "move on" mode. Thanks to all the members who have put the no contact strategy into their own words and helped us understand it to the fullest. God bless you all! -CH
  13. coldheart
    And I can say that I have gone through each and every one of these stages. Well put Major. The good part is that the hurt days and feelings are progressivley improving. It's a time thing... -CH
  14. coldheart
    My life is a lot more active now, as I've become more active in fitness activities, reading more books, meeting new people, and going out with different new & hot dates. However, sometimes I find myself back at my computer desk at home, playing songs that only make me miss my ex. I do not miss the new person... I miss the person that I met when I fell in love with her. The idea of her never being the same ever again is sad, but also opens my eyes to move on. Am I past the bargaining process? I know for sure that I am no longer in denial or angry, but still get nervous when my friends mention that they have seen her here or there etc... I figured that I still need to heal but that I have gained some sort of acceptance. I feel that every week I gain some good ground in the forward direction and that the down days are less frequent per week that passes by. Can any of you identify where I am at emotionally? Thanks guys! -CH
  15. coldheart
  16. coldheart
    Funny you mention this because yesterday was my ex's birthday as well. Good thing I clocked out of the "significant day-obvservation mode" ever since our "would be" 2-year anniversary came and went a few weeks ago. I hope to eventually forget these days. 5 weeks NC and going strong. i am proud of my efforts, despite loving and missing my ex as much as I do... -CH
  17. coldheart
    Well yesterday I hung out with a good friend of mine that works in the same industry as me. She is VERY attractive and we always had this thing for each other. So she came over the new house yesterday as a house warming visit, and what started as a few drinks and talking ended up in a homerun sleepover. It felt strange having another woman in bed next for me for the first time since my breakup, and quite honestly it made me think more about my ex. I really enjoyed this person's company, and we are just special friends, but I can't help thinking about the intimacy with my ex when I was with her. All my friends tell me that no matter how much fun or distraction I have, I revert back to thinking and mentioning her, and it's getting old real fast. I know that they understand me and just want to see me move on already and be happy, but it's much easier to talk about than experience one's self. I really want to get over my ex very soon, but these petty distractions are doing little to "erase" the image of the person I love, and in most cases only intensifies the nostalgia. Anybody understand what I am going through? Is it normal? -CH
  18. coldheart
    Yup, having lived through a rebound myself, I admit that it is extremely unfair for the reboundee. After my previous ex I thought my life was trashed (knew nothing about these sites or proper post-breakup strategies). So after pushing my ex so far away that she never called again, I took interest in this new girl that I was attracted to physically, but not much else. She professed her love one day, and I did not reciprocate. One day she began questioning why we had been going out for 6 months and didn't commit to each other. I left her on this very same day. I will never forget how much it hurt me that I had used a good girl (I had been her first love, first everything) to be my rebound. Shamus, as with you, I am currently dating many chicks, but refusing to tie the knot for this very same reason. I refuse to put anyone in my hurtful condition because it is too painful and I would only want to do to others as I would like to be done to myself. I will continue like this until I am 110% positive that I am fully healed and over my ex. Hope this helps! -CH
  19. coldheart
    ...at least not until I heal. Most of you know about my story and my mutual breakup with my ex 5 weeks ago. I still think about her allot, and dreams with her come and go with no previous warning. Many of you may critique my feelings, but I just cannot take her back right now even though I miss her to death. I feel as if she turned away so abruptly after the breakup that I wouldn't be able to handle the recovery of getting back without being healed first to adress things with a clear mind and deal with any possible baggage without any additional pain. Is this a normal feeling? Thanks all... -CH
  20. coldheart
    Very insightful post. Thanks! -CH
  21. coldheart
    Thanks guys. I am still riding the NC train for months ahead to let myself heal, and be able to view this from an elevated position... an objective state of mind. Till then, I will stop questioning any petty contacts from her part because it will only place me back in my recovery process. -CH
  22. coldheart
    Coolady, I fell ya hun. Just a rule of thumb though... Never regret anything you do! It was a sour experience, but a learning experience nonetheless. If it wasn't for that relationship, you probably wouldn't of looked for that problem in your future mate nor diagnosed it fast enough to prevent re-damaging yourself in the same way. I have felt as if I regret some things from my past at times, but when I sit down and analyze the situation, everything happened for a reason! Glad you found a relief on getting rid of 100% memories. I still have yet to delete pics on the PC, discard letters, and scavenge the garage for any sort of item that has 1% remembrance of her, but all the main things are out and gone, either back to her, or the garbage. Great thread. -CH
  23. coldheart
    A bit extreme, but you can't lose if you do that
  24. coldheart
    Well, while with my ex girlfriend, I used to have many dreams that would actually consist of either her cheating on me, or her drawing away from me in one sense or the other. I guess that was my biggest fear so it would linger in the back of y mind only to be dreamt of at night. It was soothing to have her rubbing my back the next day telling me "baby you know for a fact that would never happen!". The problem now is that I am having dreams in reverse order... Now I have dreams of her and I meeting up for a chat in person, me telling her everything I've suffered and how I want her back (the opposite of what I would do and doing in real life) and things just ending up in her rejecting me all over again. I hurts to have to wake up alone from these horrible dreams. The hardest part after waking up from these dreams is knowing that not only we are no longer together, but she moved on at light speed and began dating right away, while I was still hurt. No attempt from her part to contact me in any sense except for dry distanced e-mails about petty little belongings, etc. She was everything to me... I know that it will take me allot less time to realize "what I've lost" than most other people. They just don't make them like her anymore... Sigh... -CH
  25. coldheart
    Well, I am already at the stage where I have gained acceptance of the relationship being over, and I want to enter and exit the healing process. I am aware of how it feels to heal since I have healed 100% from my previous 2 relationships, and it's a good feeling. A feeling that you maintain the good memories, and forget about all the bad ones. A period where you no longer feel co-dependent on that person and you just wish the best in their life for their hapiness. At this time it is very hard for me to accept that fact given that I am 4 weeks out of the breakup and my wounds are fairly still fresh. Mentally, I have prepared the road to recovery, but emotionally there is still a delay. My weeks consist of up & down days and sometimes it feels as if I take one step forward, and two steps back. Hopefully the light at the end of the tunnel will just begin to brighten more and more... Is there an average time where I should begin to feel healing effects, or is this time period different for every person? For the record, it took about 6 months to fully heal from my previous relationships, although this last one seemed as the deepest one I ever had. Thanks to all that can help! CH
×
×
  • Create New...