coldheart

Funny I had posted this thread: yesterday, and then later on in the same day the following happened. She sent me a super formal e-mail beginning with "Hi" and ending with "thanks" regarding some remaining things I need to pick up at her house plus a couple things she needs from me that belong to her. I already had these articles on the way to her, but that's not the main point. The items she asked about are petty things, not really worth much. Why would she bother to send a dry e-mail about such? Current breakup situation: 4 weeks since breakup 3 weeks since NC 1 week since visual contact at a local bar (she saw me with a very attractive date) This is roughly 1 of 4 formal e-mails sent by her, all with the same dry, bitter attitude although the last one before it was a week after the breakup. I still don't know why she employs such a bitter attitude towards me if we broke up on mutual terms and using a normal, calm closure conversation. Refer to the link at the beginning of this post if you want to have an idea of how our relationship was and how the breakup went. Thanks for any and all input! CH

taleahmage, thanks for the uplifting words. It is certainly tough at times, but I am thankful to have started brand new on a lot of things (House, car, gym) including having a roommate that is my best friend living with me. He went through 2 heartbreaks and is on my same boat. We grieve together and comfort each other when in need. I guess I have to ride out this storm of "ups and downs" and hope that the "downs" slowly begin to subside. It's only the beginning (4 weeks)... sigh... CH

Just when I think I am finally getting past acceptance and into the healing process, I get a huge downer and go into depression mode. That's the type of day I am having today. My breakup was mutual and about 4 weeks ago. I have been actively going out, having a good time, and dating some girls here and there. Why do I still feel this way? I know that I took a big part in the downward spiral of the relationship with my predominant character, but did I really deserve it this way? Me and my ex were like soulmates. Manufactured for one another. We had a peaceful and mutual breakup, then next thing I know is that she is as cold as ice, not wanting to talk with me anymore, wanting to just move on, and dating someone as early as a week after the breakup. I really really want to get this stage over with and move on but I can't help the seldom thought about everything we had that just pops in to my mind at random moments. I have allot of new things in my life such as new car, new house, new gym routine, and this has helped me move on to a certain extent. However the lack of "that special someone" to share it all with creates a real bad emptiness inside. I really want to get over this ASAP. I don't even frequent the town where she lives anymore, for fear of seeing her and get that trembling effect that I got last time I saw her in public. Please help me find the best way to get through this undieing emptiness! CH

Thanks for the all the replys guys. I think I am just going to avoid putting any more mind to it, and will just move on. No reason to be worked up over someone or something that could not care less (Or at least shows that they could not care less) about me right now... CH

Just to give you guys a brief recap... I was on here 2 weeks ago grieving about my mutual breakup and the fact that my ex had taken a strong step in the opposite direction (moving on without looking back, no resentment, no sadness, no anger... NOTHING), and how I was feeling guilty and remembering the things I've could of made better in the relationship. Well, I got some interesting news yesterday that gave me a little extra grief, but a world of closure and relief at the same time. My ex from nearly 2 years together, has been dating since the breakup. My take on this is that she obviously had a something in the backburner waiting, but it still depletes her image as a lady. I am very shocked at the news since she was the most honest girl I have ever been with, and never displayed any signs of infidelity or a "side plan". I guess she took my breaking up with her as a golden ticket, since she was probably figuring out a way to do it herself for days, weeks, and probably even months...who knows. I don't think the idea has hit me yet, but I want to be prepared for when it does, I can handle it. Thanks for all your help guys! CH

I saw her yesterday at a local sports bar that is very busy on Wednesdays. She was not particularly with anybody, just surrounded by friends and some family. I sat on the opposite side and was with my best friend and some nice girl that I am friends with. My ex seemed as if life was good and nothing ever happened. Maybe it's just a front, maybe not, but it looks offly natural. I'm kind of feeling good that I am shipped out her things yesterday. Surprised that I am handling it the way that I am... it was a 2-year relationship and perhaps THE ONE. Oh well it has been on my mind since I woke up this morning and I have been wondering if her seeing me with friends/females is a good or bad thing, or if it has totally gone against my NC. CH

I thought the same thing but then again she knew my stuff was in storage and wouldn't be moved out till my closing on my new house (the closing had an indefinite date). Anyways, no reason to dwell on any possible other reason, it's only self-torture IMO. Thanks for the recomendation guys! CH

Me and my ex broke up mutually about 2 weeks ago due to excalating arguments and some mistreatment/neglection on my part. 24 hours after the breakup she called to let me know that we didn't have any reason to see each other or talk about anything else because nothing would work at this point. In addition, she told me that all of my stuff was ready for pickup at her house and I picked it up through a friend the next day. Now that I have moved into my new house, I have an entire boxfull of her stuff and about 4 hangers of clothing articles. Should I box it all up and just wait for a "forced" contact on her part, or voluntarily send it back through FedEx? What type of impression would this yield? At the moment Im holding NC for 2 weeks and she apparently wants nothing to do with me any further since she hasn't contacted me. All advice is appreciated! CH

Well, as many of you may have recalled from my breakup thread, I initiated NC 3 weeks ago and the more days that pass, the more I miss this person and want them back in my life. The breakup was mutual, but was overdue in terms of arguments and mistreatment on my part. I really don't know why she hasn't contacted me if we were together for 2 years and had a soulmate-like relationship. She told me she would always love me on her last text. The days that pass are very difficult to deal with and they only seem to get harder and harder on me. I keep my head up and reflect confidence because I cannot afford to let my character image be deteriorated, but when alone, My mind wanders off into the thoughts of my loved one. Please help me deal with this!

Awesome Scruff, really motivating stuff. Good luck with your outcome!

Thanks for the input guys. Scruff, I totally understand the principles of NC. I am aware that it is a time to just better ourselves in every aspec, not just give us an edge in opportunity to get back with the ex. However, in terms of sheer opportunity, I wanted to make sure that I just prolonged the healing time and did not make it an eternity. Thanks for your comments. CH

As many of you recall from my other thread, me and my ex broke up on mutual terms. However, I am technically the dumpee since she took a strong "give up and move on" initiative after the breakup. Having said that, I will describe my last contact with her and allow you guys to steer me in the right direction. The day after the breakup, I called her to see if we could meet at a park where it was calm to talk and she agreed to do it the next day. When the next day rolled around, she called me during lunch and told me that after thinking things over, there was no further purpose in seeing each other or talking about anything. After about 4 kind requests for her to accept my request (borderline begging), she said that if I REALLY needed to tell her something that it couldn't be in person. I kindly accepted and told her that I would be sending her a letter. That same day I sent her the famous e-mail letter. Not a sappy, mushy letter... just a letter that pretty much explained my coming to terms with my attitude problem and that I was planning on fixing it, etc... (The letter did not indicate that a reply was necesary). No reply has been attained in 10 days, and last Friday I sent her a response to an e-mail about something she wanted back with a "PS: Thinking of you... a lot". I kind of thought of it as a non-harmful, tiny little stone in her pond. She just replied "Thank you", but to the main e-mail header, not to the "P.S." message. it has now been 5 days of NC since that final contact. Is it to late for NC to work? Any suggestions? Thanks! CH

jl301, congrats man, you are doing a great job. I am on day 5 on NC but hope that the days quickly pile on. Sometimes it's unbearable and I often find myself typing up e-mails that I end up deleting once I am halfway through. It's mostly composed of a feeling of guilt that drives my "wanting to explain to her this and that..." thinking that it's the reason she is away, but you just cannot lose with NC. STAY STRONG!!! CH

That is so true and I really needed to hear that this morning scruff. I had that "Along Came Polly" movie in my head and was kind of confused as what is the right thing to do in my scenario. Thanks for your words of encouragement. Looks like time will definitely tell...

Robo, thank you for taking the time to evaluate my situation and provide the enlightening words you did. Right now I am in the process of coming to terms with the problems I have, and dealing the necessary steps to better my persona, my character, my personality, and my attitude before considering any sentimental contact with another person again. I figured it would help me, and the next person in life, whether it ber her, or someone else. I really don't want to sound selfish but I DO think about all this time that I take to change, and wonder if she will be around to see the changes. Is it something that I just have to leave in the hands of destiny and "true love"? NC still applies to my situation? Forget NC and just go propose? I re-emphasize that she has no desire to speak to me or see me right now. Thanks for the support guys! -CH

Tyler, taking your thread for what it's worth, I appreciate you sharing a sample of what we all hope to get from NC. May god bless your soul man... -CH

First of all I would like to thank the administration of this community for establishing such a great place where all of us heart-broken can come grieve, grow, and become strong together. On to my story... Well it's hard not to make this long but I will be as direct to the point as I can. When me and my ex met we were friends for the first 3 months, as I was trying to not rush things... I was still rebounding out of my last heartbreak. Then I made things official on the 4th month. We were soulmates, and she was my hero... the perfect girl. Things were purely magical for the first year with minimal arguing. She liked everything I liked, and vice versa. Practically made for each other type of deal. From the 13 month onward, a gradual change started to take place in which she started to grow out of all the arguments and fighting. I admit to the fact that I was arrogant, proud, and always blamed her for most of the problems. Took the relationship and her love for granted to say the least. About a week ago we had an "I give up and we've done everything possible with no result" type of conversation (although I did take the lead and start this conversation, she went along with it while crying and weeping as she agreed to the things said) that led to a mutual breakup. I now find myself thinking only of the good times and miss her incredibly. I am trying to stay away from the "neediness" concept but to put it in simple terms, she is the love of my life, period. We broke up on a Saturday, and only the Monday after she had already taken up a stance of "not wanting to see each other because it's useless at this point", so I wrote her a 4-page, gut-spilling, pride-dumping, realization letter on that same Monday. No further related contact has been intended by either part (Only a few e-mails regarding some circumstances such as "your stuff is ready for pickup at my house" or... "I am sending someone to your house to pick up x thing, please confirm someone will be there"). It has now been 7 days since the original NC and 3 days since the "technical" NC. Can anyone decipher my situation and let me know what's going on/how to deal with it? I've read most breakup tutorials and many of them apply to "the dumped". However I must emphazise that this was a mutual breakup although I am the one that wronged my ex and desire to have her back. Thanks for your support! -CH