gratefulpain

Michael Bolton Gonna break these chains around me Gonna learn to fly again May be hard, may be hard But I'll do it When I'm back on my feet again Soon these tears will all be dryin' Soon these eyes will see the sun Might take time, might take time But I'll see it When I'm back on my feet again CHORUS When I'm back on my feet again I'll walk proud down this street again And they'll all look at me again And they'll see that I'm strong Gonna hear the children laughing Gonna hear the voices sing Won't be long, won't be long Till I hear them When I'm back on my feet again Gonna feel the sweet light of heaven Shining down its light on me One sweet day, one sweet day I will feel it When I'm back on my feet again CHORUS And I'm not gonna crawl again I will learn to stand tall again No I'm not gonna fall again Cos I'll learn to be strong Soon these tears will all be dryin' Soon these eyes will see the sun Won't be long, won't be long Till I see it When I'm back on my feet again When I'm back on my feet again I'll be back on my feet again

Thanks everyone.. I guess I got weak... the hearing of her voice and small talk made me forget we wer broke up momentarily... then the hint of the boyfriend things cuts me like a knife and i instantly want to tell her to go to hell (i dont though) NC is so hard.. even though I havent been answering he calls .. except responding to he sad voice mail... In a weird way It made me feel good that she was trying to call me..... is that sick or what?

About 3 and a half weeks after horrific ending... we had a fight where she moved back with her MOM this was the 3rd move out in 2 years... But she would always come back in a day or two... annyway during our cooling off period she told me she was dating again.. I was floored, crushed and devastated, no sleep, no food, everything.... but I did the NC like you all suggested .. Which made her call me immature and mean.. but I kept it up.... I prayed for her happiness every night so I would loose my anger toward her that worked for my healing ... I mean I was way in bad shape.... ... she came the other day to pick up her appliances...(3 weeks have passed) we had a moment... we hugged each other I said "sometimes I miss you"... she cried and said the same... we said bye etc... She asked me if I had a new girlfriend.. I told her that was an akward question.. she said " just wanted to know if you have moved on" I told her" it was too soon and Im just reading books, going to work and working on myself...." She said I don't see why we can't be friends I care about you.... I just nodded..... Here's the deal.... she calls once a day and just small talks about nothing... its weird ...like how her day went bla bla.... I'm actually still recovering from this... if you notice my earlier posts..... We dont have mutual friends exept we paractice softball at the same field sometimes...The other day she was a softball practice and between innings she would purposely go to her cell phone to check for messages...almost like trying to get me to notice... then when I ignored this she was purposely late getting back on the filed and says " sorry that was my boyfriend" to a teammate as if on purpose... aww that hurt like a motrha!!!!... why would she purposely want me to over hear that crap.... whats the deal.?... the fact that the very thought of her new so called boyfriend makes me cringe.. is that a sign im no where near healed?... why would she purposely want me to over hear that crap.... the other day I didnt answe the phone ,, she left a message in a real sad crying voice... si i gave in and called her back.... it was bascially nothing.. then she started small talking..... Im freakin confused...

Dude I know how you feel. I went out to the mall and I couldnt even make eye contact... I felt like "less than" .. 0 confidence... but I went to a party last week , it was my sister birthday.. so I got tons of introductions... could not have been better for me.... all the girls were super nice and gave me hugs... I think my sister told them I was bummin.... I dont have any great words of wisdon but man I am in the exact same boat.. Im 3 weeks into the new me.. without her..... SOMEWHERE OUT THERE THERES A HOT , LOVING, CARING ,SENSITIVE, GOOD HEARTED , UNSELFISH, GEM OF A WOMAN... who dosent know it yet but is gonna look you in the eye and say.... "thank god you broke up with her"

Good for you.. you proved that with NC whatever the motive two things are going to happen.... either they will come back (whether you wanted them to or not) or they wont...... either way,,, either outcome YOU will have been way on your way to healing..... then if by chance they come around..... the funny part is you may not want them back.... good for you..... not there yet myself....

NC has helped me take control of my life. My habit early on was to keep my cell on silent and leave it on the table. But I found myself always walking by the phone peeking to see if she called, then if she didnt I would start wondering what she was doing, re-living the pain and it would consume me for the next hour....I started getting angry re-visiting the pain etc. etc. So by turning my phone off I didnt know wheter she called or not and if she did it would go straight to VM and she rarely leaves a msg. NC has gave me some dignity. She can now wonder what I'm doing...which is working on myself reading posts , working out, and re-inventing me.... The tranquility/serenity comes in spurts for me now... what I like to do since I live in a major city is go to a higher elevation and look out at the city or at anything that puts my life in perspective. When i look out at something vast It makes me realize how many "other" fish there are in the sea.... and that there is someone out there for me again... Compared nothing she's everything Compared to everything she's nothing when I say that to myself i feel serene... hope it helps i know i babblin

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing. It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love for your dream for the adventure of being alive. It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon... I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain mine or your own without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it. I want to know if you can be with joy mine or your own if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful be realistic remember the limitations of being human. It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and thereforeeee trustworthy. I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presense. I want to know if you can live with failure yours and mine and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "Yes." It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children. It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back. It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments. ~Oriah Mountain Dreamer~

In response to Luvagain... I know how you feel, your hearts been schooled. But..... If you stay out of arms reach so that you cant be hit... you are too far away to be hugged too.... I will love again.... and she wont be perfect, I wont be perfect, lifes not perfect.... so it'll be perfect..... Quote: if there are no dogs in heaven... then when I die I want to go where they went...

x) Ive learned to have a healthy relationship with myself first. be comfortable with my own approval. never letting anyone else validate me. x) Ive that if I hurt really bad after the breakup that meant I loved really deep in the relationship... x) Ive also learned to take time to mourn dont be ashamed dont try to deny or be super strong cry if I need feel the pain if I need dont mask it or fix it... x) Ive learned not taking a bath or eating for 3 days and looking sad and desperate makes convient store clerks watch me more carefully when Im in their store.

*Maybe when the door of happiness closes.Another opens, but often we look so long at the closed doorthat we don't see the one that has been opened for us. good stuff

Well I was in a relationship.. im on the healing after break-up boards.... I would go get a magazine (nothing slutty) probably once every two months just to glance or whatever... no video and no internet and no strip bars... she asked me "so im not good enough?" we had a big argument... she ended up leaving and a week later was with some other guy... I believe that wasnt the main reason we parted.. but it was the last straw..... I didnt think it was a big deal.. she obviously took it personal

I agree with you Boricua. I amd about 3 weeks into my ordeal. I practiced NC and it had really negative results, not for me but for them. She left msg, saying I'm childish for not answering the phone.. etc. etc. she came over and acted a * * * * * over my house because I wouldnt let her in... she actually keyed my car and let the air out of my back tire...

bummer.... youre in the early gaping wound stages....its time to get selfish and a bit self centered.. say to yourself "I need to heal thats my first and number one priority" ... i know its hard seems like youre a giving person...its what I had to do until i could start healing... if you cry alot its very good... I actually made myself a little area in my house to let it out.. i even played sad songs etc.. to make it happen..... after a few crying sessions which is a natural response to the trauma.... you will cry less.. suddenly or slowly you'll say to yourself.... "im all cried out over him"..... read boks on relationship endings , they were good for me.... knowledge is power...... PS you DONT need to or want to know what he's doing for valentines..... trust us on that one.....

I think you already know the answer. perhaps its too early for rendezvous... The conversation may start out light and care-free then wham... perhaps some of your emotions may spring up.. before you know it youre re-hashing and reopening newly healed wounds...... based on suggestions mailing it and saying I got really busy.. and didnt want to hang on to it may be the best bet.... she may also think youre using it as leverage to force a meeting.... what i after coffee she says " better get going my boyfriend is waiting" .....dude you'd feel like crap for a good while after that...

whats helped me and I'm not into and orgainzed religion.. is before bed I would say a mini prayer for her.. that she have a wondeful life and all her dreams come true... even if you dont mean it.... sounds silly till you try it but try it everynight for one week... what will happen is you will rise above your resentment and end up almost feeling sorry for her....

Thanks guys.. think I need to burn a cd to play tonight... What are these voices outside love’s open door Make us throw off our contentment And beg for something more? I’m learning to live without you now But I miss you sometimes The more I know, the less I understand All the things I thought I knew, I’m learning again I’ve been tryin’ to get down To the heart of the matter But my will gets weak And my thoughts seem to scatter But I think it’s about forgiveness Forgiveness Even if, even if you don’t love me anymore ~Don Henley~

hello, been doing pretty good folowing all the directions...my healing seems to be going on track... I do not want my ex back because to me she ruined our chances by being with someone else when we were broke up for a week... Im only 14 days old in recovery and for some reason today i felt a sense of forgiveness.. almost like I guess she did what she did based on her own view and mentality .. perhaps not out of spite.. along with this feeling of forgiveness came a thoughts of missing her.... is this normal? I'm not going to act on it ... but now I find myself checking my missed calsl on my phone again.... should I block out these feeling of lovey-dovey or should I try to feel them....

Dont feel bad for being human....I understand why you did what you did... I think emotionaly she may have moved on but you werent healed enough for the meeting.... she was aloof and nonchalante.... and you needed closure and questons answered....time to start working on yourself... I have been going to the bookstore (borders in my area) and just sitting and reading books on breakup to help me heal.. get selfish... and devote your time to healing..... and for sure NC.... maybe down the line you could be friends but for now In my opinion (which aint much) youre not ready.... take care dude.. youre in good company

I wouldnt go..... but i wouldn't be mean.... let me get tnhis mstraight break your heart tear it to pieces ... and um by the way can you set up my DSL? do what you want but you will be re-introduced to MR. heartache and he'll punch you in the stomach....

I support your decision.. good luck.. we know how you feel...

ask a friend to go to a live comedy show with you or get a group of folks to go.... whens the last time you laughed your * * * * * off?

that was deep... thx I can remember about 6 years ago i experinced a breakup.... to get closure I went to the lake by my house and on a picnic table and with a candle I wrote our entire story from the first "hello would you like to dance?" to her last words to me "I dont want to be mean but I have to go.... click...." then I cried then I burned it.....

IF YOU LOVE SOMETHING ..LET IT GO... IF SHE COMES BACK SHE' YOURS IF SHE DOSNT SHE NEVER WAS.... STRICT NC think about this..if she came back because of carefully well thought out manipulation.. you'd always wonder if she would have come back on her own...

dude that suxs .... I totally feel for you... From what youre saying and from us outsiders she wasn't a keeper she was a user.... she had much un-addressed baggage from this guy.. she never really let go... she used you for convience ... chicks like that will usually get what they have coming... no doubt her and her ex will fizzle and she'll come sniffin around.. but you'll be over her. welcome to the world of healing youre in good company.. Someday I'm gonna run accross your mind Don't worry, I'll be fine I'm gonna be alright While you're sleeping with your pride Wishing I could hold you tight I'll be over you And on with my life ~Keith Urban

thats a tough one.. ont the one hand you dont want to seem like a jerk by being short with her and aloof.. but on the otherhand you dont want to bring back old feelings and go back to square one...if you know for fact you will not reconcile.. i would just be consistent all the time... distant but not super cold.. if the conversation looks like its going to get lenghty act like you just got a call on your cell and have to answer it and say we'll pick this up another time.....consistency is the key