gratefulpain

im am actually a bit scared of her shes high strung, even when we dated she accused me of looking at other women etc. she would hit me all the time and flip out. aaanyway dont want to go there. The problem is we were both maiking shared payments on dryer and stove from sears. 2 days ago she said i dont need them but send money till its paid off. she thinks im seeing other women and now leaves messages that i want all my stuff bla bla. I calmly offered to get a trailer and drop off everything in one shot when she wasnt home... she later left message that thats ok her new bf and friends will come get it.. i dont think im ready for that... i think shes trying to rub my face in it. my plan is to put everything in my garage and let her come get it when im not home.... pain is the great motivator and shaper of character.... im not grateful for this pain but i have to believe i will be a better man because of it hence my name gratefulpain

It hasnt happened but my ex is the type that gets extremely jealous and would want to check up on me or try to stop by and need something I forgot to drop off. this is my second day of NC and didnt want to flip out if I got the late nite bang on the door..alot of my voicemails say "you better not be (explcetive) someone on the bed we bought together bla bla bla... note she got some new guy 2 days after we broke up. i cant bring myself to look at women yet... still in major pain.... any thughts ... if i dont answer the door she may go balistic..

Someone once asked me if someone gives me flowers what do I do with them? I said I dont know put them in a vase enjoy them. I believe that (higherpower) fill in what you like.....gave me flowers two years ago and i received them with the knowledge that they may not last but to enjoy them while theyre there. I am still in turmoil like yourself... i love her and dont even care that we may not have been the perfect match i just want her back in my arms sleeping peacefully... i cry when the feeling overwhelms me. much love 2 u 2

hello... I wish there was an emegency number to call when youre on your way to drop off belongings... Thats what I had to do today.. I swore NC but she needs her dresser etc.. and I didnt want her calling crabbin about her stuff... I shouldnt have but i stayed in my work clothes and put on some cologne. She went balistic asking if I was going on a date... said some mean things and bascially tried to get on the phone with her new guy as I was bringing her stuff in the house.... I stayed the course said hello to her mom dropped off everything... as I lumbered that big dresser on her porch I still heard her on the phone... so i left it on the porch and drove away... I figure hell let whatever the f^&* his name is to come over and help you with it.... Dont mean to ramble but jsut typing this helps me view myself out of context....so now its back to NC..... NC and having her stuff would have appeared childish. I love her still i wanted to hold her and cry and fall apart... No... I met her a Man I will remain a man... she cant see my ulcer anyway

Hi, Im in your boat right now. Today I drove over and dropped off her dresser tv stand basically alot of her stuff.... I didnt want to have a reason for her to call.... I dont have great advice but this forum has helped me. I try to reply to other folks posts if I have a hint of experience,,, helping somone else makes me feel good about myself... which is hard to come by...secondly I made soup or something resembling soup i took chicken spinach carots potatoes etc and made a huge pot... so when I dont feel like eating I just down a bunch of soup and it gets the job done so I can function.... sorry if I dont have girl advice but I will say a prayer tonight that you get through this really fast and meet a wonderful person. Oh almost forgot last night before trying to sleep I ran around the block a few times and was so exhausted... i slept better lol i smoke cya Quote: If there are no dogs in heaven, when I die I want to go where they went.

i know lulu.. i fear if i help her or she's over my house i will either get mad steam about her having relations with some fly by night two days after our 2 year relationship... or ill break down and cry.. or a bit of both... i just cant put myself through that.. this is my first day of NC and i dont want to take 3 steps back by having her over... plus the gut wrenching sound of her car driving away... she wants to be friends... I am soooo not ready for anything like that... im freakin hurt!!! you can keep your damn friendship offer!!! sorry i think i just vented

thank-you lulu.... i feel a sense of hope from this place... she wants me to help her do her taxes wednesday.... i was planning to clean the whole house make a wonderful dinner wear a nice outfit some cologne and hope she'd say ive been stupid i want you forever... but i suspect she will say thanks for helping me with my taxes by the way can you throw my dresser and bed in your truck and follow me home i'm gonna need it to hump my new boyfriend...... I am going to follow the NC and text msg her to let me know when she wont be home so I can put the stuff on her porch (nicely of course)

bummer... i would have rather been hit with a 2 x 4

i dont have any wrods of wisdom but i feel your pain if that helps... i will say a prayer tonight that you get through this fast......

Thank-you your reply helped me atlest for the moment.... I have moments of being ok then it seems to come flooding in... i try to say a silent prayer or i keep refreshing this screen and reading other posts... its all very raw right now.. i actually dont want anyone else i just want my girl back....i thought this would be easier than it is.... i feel like a pansie If there are no dogs in heaven,,, then when I die I want to go where they went. (author unknown)

hi, im sorry to hear about your recent inflation and deflation...that seems so unfair ...i have dealt with a woman that had that problem...but she would be clean for a awhile year or so then out of the blue be off and chasing the coke. I would ride around in my car and look for her in the seediest neighborhoods all night long... that was the worst experience in my adult life... I know that two addicts cant keep each other sober... he needs CA or NA and a spiritual approach to recovery (my experince only)... somehow the pain i feel relates to my self esteem or worthiness.. i feel like its in question....so i can relate to you you seem like a strong woman who was just dealt a blow when you werent ready..... god bless... i will pray for you tonight.... sorry im not much help i am in turmoil myself

i will cry some tears for your heartache along with mine. mine is still fresh she still had stuff over my house. I know when ai drop it off that the end.... this suxs

thankyou for writing.. im doing the NC for the first time today,, usually she text's me but i turned my phone off and i wantto turn it on and look for a message... my stomach hurts all i do is drink coffee, i want her to pull in the driveway and say il ove you im back.... im torturing myself.... sorry for rambling im afraid and i dont know why...

Hello everyone, Recently called it quits.. her choice after 2 years...i was distant for the last 6 months and not emotionaly there for her or physically. I felt controlled and trapped so i regressed. she decided to leave after a big fight and moved with her mom. we talked about the fight and she said she is dating so new guy. we have broken up before but always for just a day or 2. when she told me she was seeing someone else i was devestated and hurt. i kept playing scenarios in my head i bought her flowers i told her please dont do this... we cryed together and she said she loves me so much but perhaps she is not what i need and vice versa... i cant sleep cant eat ,,im at work for training so i cant call off work, im in torture... i want to cry, but im a man... i bargain with god to bring her back,,,sometimes i want to die.. sometimes i want to hurt her (not physically) for hurting me... i want to burn all the picutres and erase my mind of all memories...i hurt so bad and i dont know why..she called yesterday morning and said she loved and missed me.. so i was on cloud nine all day..i called her later and she said im going out with some friends... i was floored again... that means she dosent want to make it work since she going to keep seing this guy...please help me you guys are all i have....... my life sucks and i just want to crawl under a rock and waste away...im a screwup and dont deserve a girlfriend i guess