alrightie_ms

I think those who've had break ups before at some point will go through the phase of not knowing what to do.. So, you're not really that alone there hurt&confused. I think most people here would understand.. But, here she has already been honest enough by telling you that she doesn't feel for you that same way anymore. And I don't think it's fair to tell you what to do or not to do cause I think at the end of the day, most of us will do exactly as what we think we need and want to do, its our prerogative as only we truly know what's happening. So, I will just tell you hypothetically and hope it could help a bit. If I were the girl, just had a break up, then knew somebody, thought I did feel something but.... Then, decided to tell that someone that I didn't feel the same way as I used to, then what I mean would just be THAT. And ever heard of someone on a rebound? Take comfort in the fact that rather than leading you on and later does it, at least she took the effort of telling you the truth. If you really really like her and think that something can actually happen then just be a real friend for now. That's all you need to do. Ooopsie! So much of not wanting to tell you what to do, I just did THAT somehow. Sorry! Take care

Now...this is so so sweeeeeeet..

Hmmm...so...reasons a and b can actually lead to FEAR OF COMMITTMENT. Of course c is not as it is actually "fear" of that particular person. Thanks!

Hey...you know I know this one guy, he's cute, he's smart, he's got some cute charms - of course he didn't believe that he has them. But there was this one time he said to me that he was afraid to ask a girl out cause of afraid to hear the word "NO" so he ended up always waiting for the girls to make the first moves. Tell you the truth...some girls don't really like that no matter how much she is interested in the guy. Don't know why I am telling you this but somehow from the way you wrote i think you've got quite a lot in you to be proud of, which of course is waiting to be discovered by someone. There's nothing wrong in hoping for the best to happen, but just expect the "unexpected" too ok(more like a buffer you know). Anyway. Good luck!

Thanks LP! You got a point there though somehow i think no one can actually know what's the "right" approach until you try it out and see the result. And in some cases, you will get to see only their shoe prints at the mere mention of the slightest, slightest idea or hint of this. Don't you think?

" Nope! I honestly don't feel the same way...but i hope it is OK for you that we have agreed to disagree somehow. I am not being manipulative here, am I right, by your standard that is. Take care and best of luck in your life SG!

Registered...think of it this way. The best people will bring out the best in you and i think you can finish the rest of this sentence also on your own. What's important, you like her and she seems to have given you the green light. Just take it from there and make your move. See, if anything else clicks and if she is really bringing out the best in you. Fun, funny and witty all of a sudden. People react differently to different people and it doesn't make you any less than who you really are. Good luck!

Can there ever be a man out there who is REALLY REALLY REALLY afraid of or not wanting a commitment that he will end a long and comfortable encounter with a girl simply because of the fear that he might fall in love for real?

Hi sweetsmile, you practically are describing the situation that I am in at this moment. Just somehow can't get THAT one out of my mind despite telling and rationalising with myself on things that have happened between us. I have dated others and even had brief relationship with others just for the sake of not wanting to be a fool, yet when he came back into the picture, all of those will be gone. Oh well! just thought to say that nope! you're not the only one feeling what you are feeling now. There seems to be that "something" somehow somewhere along the line with this ONE particular affair. Just that I can't really put my finger to what that "something" is...until now. Maybe it's the hope that we seem to be holding on to until now?

If the chemistry is there and you really like him, then i would say show some efforts of really getting to know each other before deciding on anything. If he truly is for you, he'll wait. And if after trying still you can't picture yourself marrying him, then i think you know what to do girl. You know some people might think that spending some real time together before marriage is not really that important. It does.

Yes..you are very right in saying.. "If you want to know what is going on only he can tell you." It's been 3 years. I had given up many times, both of us did. Both did try to let go for the best, as what we had always put it. But..there seems to be something that kept us getting back together again and we did talk about this..and we both were stumped as of to why. Anyhow, not this time. I am fixed on my decision. It's been too long for sure and I have got to upkeep some sense of dignity here right. Thanks for your input. Appreciate it.

It's OK cooper. Sometimes we do need reassurance from people to keep telling us that we are doing the right thing. Though I always believe that anyhow, at the end of the day..it's us actually who have to decide whether what we are doing are right or not. If not then make them right. Mistakes do happen..

Cooper..mine told me that he would like us to be friends cause he couldn't be as deep as I was feeling towards him. I guess in a way similar to what you are feeling now. The package is there, yet may I know what is it that make you hold back from trying in the first place? If distance is the only reason, personally speaking to me that is not a good reason at all or merely a reason you are using to justify your action. What is it that you are really scared off actually cooper..? You know she loves and cares for you dearly, she's beautiful and amazing. Maybe what you are experiencing now is just the feeling of missing her cause she is used to be around you before. That is why..just give yourself sometime to sort your own feelings out. Feel what you really want to feel and then, decide Cooper and stick to it this time around. Just don't give false hopes by replying anything or saying anything to her for now.

So Cooperstown..we share the same case here, guess in your case you are the guy and I am the girl. Just recently had something similar to yours. Me trying to make it work and him..scared I guess for some inexplicable reasons. Maybe, you are the same as him(the he in my story) wanting yet..not sure that's what it should be for the best. My advice is that you stick to what you have already told her and allow yourself to try and see for a while whether you can really live without her. If you can't then you got some bodyto chase and convince (If not too late by that time! Anyhow, everything is a risk...decision and effort is what matters somehow. Good luck!

Welcome to dealing with a "confused people" world I guess silkysmooth! Somehow, have been in the same situation as you are for the past 3 years. I wanted out, been pushing for out by stressing on commitment, just to see where he might stand. And I got my answer, though still a VERY "confused" answer/action from him. You have to set your priority straight silkysmooth when dealing with these kind of people. If not, take it from my experience, your life will be on a roller coaster ride! Not the fun one though.

OK, I am actually not totally feeling bad. Just had a ..."i can't get as deep as you are and I cannot commit to a relationship" note about few days back from my 3 year love affair. Both of us did try to let go before, many times yet we got back together and dragged this matter again and again. I wanted a relationship where as he felt that he was too busy to commit to one. He travels every month and only get to see me twice or three times a month. Nope! no secret wives stashed somewhere in case some of you were wondering...secret lovers/gfs...most probably Somehow, 2 weeks before he decided on this "break-up" again, he made our r'ship known to his closest friend. In a way marking his territory. Took me off guard a bit there as I am almost giving up on my hope. I thought he was finally prepared to take what we had to the next level. Even asked me about my family and culture acceptance etc. We are actually not of the same race and religion by the way. Then, he swung to an 180 degree from his previous act the day after that serious stunt by him. Got me confused there...one moment very hot and next day complete coldness from him! I wasn't even the first to bring up the matter of committment this time around anyway which made me feel even more confused. Few days back, as I "pushed" him a bit by expressing my love and care for him (maybe my fault but don't think so as this has taken almost 3 years) the suddenly wham! bam!..the "special" note arrived. Told him i did expect that to happen though didn't think that i might make me this sad. But, I'll be fine...am feeling fine already actually. Life goes on..right. It's all about making decision, decision, and more decision. And I have decided to be friends, just as he wishes for in his note. But, why and how come he is not acting like a friend with me? Didn't reply my note or even say anything to me. Complete silence. Not that I have said romantic/clingy words that he might have dreaded to hear, my notes were strictly friendship notes. Should I just let him go and forget about the friendship that he himself has offered to have with me? I know I will for sure if he doesn't take the effort of keeping to it. Just that you know...when you truly care for someone, you just don't want to become strangers. And I am in that stage and I thought he was also in that stage.. Guys..what could possibly be wrong here? What did he actually want? p/s I still care and I guess that's why I am still taking the effort of trying to understand his actions. Thanks all..