seagate1556

Haha, good one. From what I've seen on this forum, I believe I might be a tad bit older than most of you. I'm light years away from high school. In any case, I realize that my problem really has more to do with myself than anything else. For me, I think there's a link between getting dates, my personal/social life, and my career. Self-esteem doesn't make up for my dysfunctionality and shortcomings. I don't know what field you guys are in but I was previously an electrical engineer in lithography. I'm no longer an EE but the VPs ( and some of my immediate supervisors ) at my company were mostly liberal arts majors in college who knew how to make friends and get dates. These VPs were the same college students who were probably out playing frisbees while the 'nerds' like me had to stay indoors and keep working for that dream gpa to land a decent job or grad school. In my exp, the 'nerds' were the employees, not the bosses. From then on, I finally understood why my grade school teachers emphasized class participation and why I kept being teased and bullied for being the 'quiet' one. While working at this company, all my co-workers routinely ignored me and my only socializing events were with my supervisors, to whom I was supposed to report my work to. Almost every day, I could hear my peers passing by and talking about their spouse, kids, cars, cell phones, or basketball, none of which were relevant to me. I never ate at the company's cafeteria and I was never invited to office parties. I was like a disembodied form of man who promptly came to work by 8 and left exactly at 6 in the evening, where my entire time was literally spent in front of my computer and lab space. I had perfect attendance but I don't think anyone would have known or cared if I died one day and didn't show up for work. As for the work I was doing, I didn't mind doing it but this wasn't my idea of being an engineer. I also didn't fit in with the company and I wasn't going to get anywhere like this. I was also sick of technology and wanted to try out something radically different. I then entered dental school, which was the weirdest thing ever. I am in my 3rd yr ( $225k in debt so far and still counting ) as we speak and I feel like I'm running around in circles again. Like in my past life, I have nothing in common and nothing to talk about with my classmates. Most faculty and students are so close to each other as to having each other's phone numbers. People don't understand why I'm always doing my labwork alone and why I appear so "quiet, neurotic, obnoxious, stuck up, and unapproachable." An oral surgeon once told me that he had never seen my kind before and said I'll never make it if I don't act like a 'man.' Not all was lost, as I had some geriatric patients say that they like me because I seem to be "thorough, nice, and honest" and that is what they want in a dentist. But then again, kids are afraid of me. Adolescents and adults seem indifferent about me. And my modest feelings were crushed when recently a 35 yr old male patient told me that he wished had a female dental student treating him. During an operative procedure, he kept turning his head around whenever a good looking female dental student was in vicinity. This dealt a big blow to me and I ended up feeling depressed up until yesterday. I didn't realize that I typed so much. Anyways, do you think my career, social, and school lives are a reflection of why I can't get dates? Are there anyone here in similar shoes? Any feedback?

Not to come as abrupt and defiant, BUT, it is really true that some of us have nothing to like about ourselves. I do admit that some of us can come off as being unique in that it is our faults that sometimes define who we are but this has nothing to do with desirability. In the earnest sense, humans are not born equal and the outcome of genetics clearly show that. Humans don't grow up equal either. Whoever said that all humans are equally worthwhile was saying it only out of compassion and humanistic beliefs. Now, this I'm not too sure about. I'm not judgemental but I have seen even the most pitiful people go walking around naturally in happy-go-lucky moods. I guess self-esteem has more to do with how much you love life, but not necessarily for who you are.

Ever feel like you don't really deserve anyone? Yeah, sometimes it's a lack of self-esteem or confidence that makes us feel as if we don't deserve anyone special. Unfortunately, however, there really is a small portion of people ( namely myself ) who fall within the bottom 1% of the bell curve. ( like if it isn't bad enough that we have to resort to this forum ) High self esteem or confidence won't cover up the shortcomings that people like myself have. I don't have the attractive physiques or personality that make me desirable for anyone. I'm socially dysfunctional and never had the experience of being in a relationship. All of these are pure facts. Aspects such as high self-esteem and confidence are just a personal delusion and a lie. If you're not desirable, it is only natural for your self esteem to come down with it because everything happens for a reason. As I'm getting older, I realized that most women do not date guys with relatively little experience in relationships. A lack of relationships is red flag that underlines your inability to attract people, be it your social skills or looks. In fact, women want a "social-proof" relationship and they get this by weeding out guys with little experience. But it hardly works the other way around and it's interesting how women with little experience in relationships aren't really turned by guys. Guys of all ages are after the same type of women. A lot of guys on this forum seem to vent whenever girls tend to turn them down or embarrass them. Leaving the emotions aside, you really can't blame women for their rationale. Women are not obligated to return anyone's love and certainly have a right to choose guys out of a selection. Furthermore, some even probably had bad experiences with guys and thus they are right in whatever decisions they make. It's difficult to have any self esteem if you don't have desirable traits and that's fully understandable. But forms of low self-esteem ( which you can't do anything about if you really have no reason to feel otherwise. But then again, you're only lying to yourself if you do have a high self-esteem ) make women highly manipulative. It's hard to believe but there were a couple women that expressed interest in me before. They were all unavailable to me, as they were already taken, but these were women confident in their personality and appearance. Yet, they tried expressing direct interest in me, as they were lured by my lack of self-esteem. Women enjoy the thrills of exploiting a guy's vulnerability and making him eventually long for what he could never have. Unlike some of you posters here, I have to say that it is really possible to not be worthy of anyone. Some things aren't meant to be and biology/nature do not favor everyone. As oxymoronic as it may be, a low self-esteem would do a better job in making a guy attractive, as a doormat and a cheap trophy to bolster a woman's ego. Anyways, are there any others here who feel the same way?