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lonelyfish

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Everything posted by lonelyfish

  1. lonelyfish
    Dogg, I woudn't bother with this girl, but there are plenty of other girls out there with a lot less baggage. don't let this last one get you down.
  2. lonelyfish
    My advice - see if she calls you in the next few days. If she hasn't by Sunday night I would give her a call then and act like you had a very busy weekend. By the way when is her surgery?
  3. lonelyfish
    Well maybe you should just try to get back on friendly terms with her, then you at least can keep your options open for whatever may be in the future. I believe you create your own fate. Your actions determine your own future, you cant' sit around and wait for your soulmate to come knocking on your door.
  4. lonelyfish
    OCD, this is great news, I'm so happy for you. Yes, I think you need to start a new thread and we can help you out. Whenever an ex comes back you have to be very cautious of both your feelings. But in your case I think you have to be super cautious knowing the fact that your ex's surgery is coming up and the holidays. I'm sure she really cares for you, and you doing N/C made her miss you but she's probably feeling very emotional right now with everything going on. You need to proceed with caution and go very slow - we don't want to see you get hurt again.
  5. lonelyfish
    OCD, I totally understand your situation. I'm going to be a little blunt with you now - here's the thing. You said your ex was previously in a 9 year marriage prior to her meeting you. Same thing with my ex. I'm not sure what your background is but her breaking up with you had nothing do with you. You need to chalk it up to bad timing and that's why she seems so confused with you. In her eyes you probably appear to be everything that she could possibly want in a guy but as she recently ended a marriage she realized she can't rush into anything serious with you. The last thing you can do right now is to force her into a relationship with you. You will look so much better in her eyes if you keep your distance, appear to be over her, and just let her see that your having fun on your own. My suggestion is to just be friendly with her. I would send her that get well card. I know Superdave has told us all not to send the Xmas card, but you know what, I'm sending one to my ex and adding one of my funny lines to it that always makes him laugh. I'm sending it not because I'm expecting to get him back (because of N/C i've feeled I've healed though I still have my moments and now wondering if I did get him back would it be worth all the trouble again), because I would like to make a lightheated statement. I know he feels a little uncomfortable with what happened with us so whatever - I would like to just try to lighten the mood and open the doors for at least friendly contact in the future and believe anything is possible. But you have do whatever you feel is right for your situation.
  6. lonelyfish
    Hi 7Out, Boy, could I tell you about long distance relationships! Yes they are very hard but I think they can work out if both people really want it. I was involved in a long distance relationsip with my ex but on top of that he had a lot of baggage which made things worse. I understand how she contacting you could have stirred up some old feelings. LDR's can be frustrating so I totally know that you are worried about starting something again with your ex even though you may have feelings for her again. You don't want to risk it not working out again and resulting in you getting hurt. But if you have such strong feelings for her why not try to see if there's something there still? Take it very slow. That is what I would do if I was in your situation.
  7. lonelyfish
    I don't think it matters if you tell them that your going to N/C or not - like the Nike ad - JUST DO IT!!!!
  8. lonelyfish
    Yes - That is the perfect way to go!
  9. lonelyfish
    Your in a tough situation. She's obviously confused by what you told her. Here's the thing. You could either let her be for some time and do N/C and see if she contacts you again. Or you can take the risk and send an email/letter telling her your true feelings for her. If you do this, admit that you were wrong and made a mistake. Either way, do what you think feels most comfortable for you.
  10. lonelyfish
    My only guess with your ex is maybe she felt again after visiting with her that you didn't seem that into her again and it felt wrong. Then when you lied to her afterwards it only confirmed that. Some girls, like myself are only interested in guys that can be truly committed. We don't want to played in the chance of getting hurt. When was the last time you talked to her? Maybe you should just fess up and admit to her your true feelings for her. A past ex broke up with me once and then we got back together. After a few months I sensed something was wrong and he wouldn't give me a commitment and then I in turn broke up with him.
  11. lonelyfish
    Is the surgery serious? I'm curios what SuperDave will have to say regarding your other post that I just read. Maybe if you she has not called you again before her surgery you could at least send her a get well card afterwards.
  12. lonelyfish
    If this is true then she should be with you now! Go back and to N/C! She seems like she is playing games with you. Give her some more time to realize this new guy is not so hot.
  13. lonelyfish
    OCD - I think if you call her and let it all out you will just scare her away. If someone as confused as your ex was to hear what you wanted to tell them, they would run for the hills. You need to give her more time, be patient with her. I know you are hurting but you seem to be thinking of only your feelings at the moment. Do you want to take the risk in telling her your feelings and have her never talk to you again. I say wait for her to call you again. You know she will especially with Xmas coming up. She obviously still cares for you with her recent calls. I wish my ex was calling me. If I was in your situation I would just be on friendly terms with her, let her contact you. Answer he calls from now on but don't be her emotional crutch if you know what I mean. But at the same don't scare her away. Who won the race between the tortoise and the hare - the tortoise of course! Give it some time.
  14. lonelyfish
    Yes - I think you should have told her your true feelings!
  15. lonelyfish
    Sibling, that is a great way how to act and try to turn the situation around! I still miss my ex from time to time and that made me feel so much better and gave me better perspective. The last time I talked to my ex he told me he got fired from his job. I gave him a lot of sympathy during the conversation, things haven't been going so well in his life. I remember after I got off the phone how bad I felt for him. Your post made me remember that conversation and how I felt like I was the one in control despite that fact that he dumped me! Thanks!
  16. lonelyfish
    I totally agree with you. Now that I'm older, I think I have a better idea of what I'm looking for in a guy. There has to be chemistry, attraction, and that click that you get when you are together and your relationship seems effortless. I had that with my ex and I know he felt that way with me for he constantly reminded me how good we were together. His family even noticed that with us and he was just getting out of a 10 year marriage. Which was part of the reason why he broke things off, he was getting very confused about his current situation in life, starting a new job, kids and not to mention it was a long distance relationship. I felt I never had enough of a chance with the relationship to see where it could have gone had I lived closer to him or had I met him six months after his divorce. I know I should just move on but yeah I do often find myself thinking "what if". What gives me satisfaction is knowing he's going to have a hard time finding someone as great as me and will always make the comparison.
  17. lonelyfish
    Juha, I feel for you. How long has your ex been dating the new guy? As my ex is going through a divorce (he married his first love), he has no idea how hard it is to date these days. I'm an attractive, single professional with a lot of things going for me. I don't have a hard time dating but its finding that connection with someone that is the most difficult. I had a great connection with my ex and we had so much fun together. His relatives even told him how better off he was since he had met me and they were so surprised to hear that he broke up with me. More power to my ex if he thinks he can easilly find that connection with someone again especially considering that he has a lot issues that he had to deal with his ex-wife, kids and finding a new job. A woman would have to be very understanding to want to date him. I'm trying to move on but it's so hard. I believe in what Bams had to say that your ex will find their way back to you if its truly meant to be.
  18. lonelyfish
    I think you definitely made progress with your ex. Progress meaning you've backed off given her the time and space for her to rethink her relationship with you. But you can't and shouldn't put a time frame on when and if she decides to come back to you. She also knows you still care for her, you would have to do something terribly bad to her for her to think otherwise. It will only be a matter of time before she tries to contact you again. Is it a good idea for you to ask her not to not have a friendship? - doesn't seem like you have a friendship now so why would you even bring that up. Let her contact you again and see what she wants and yes, I agree with the others about giving her time. Also on the flip side, maybe your ex right now is comparing you to all the other guys she may be meeting. Maybe your her bar that's set pretty high and more power to you if in due time she comes to that realization. Every person compares anyone new that they meet to their ex.
  19. lonelyfish
    OCD - You are so strong and amazing and doing a great job! You are Superdave's poster child for this post! I know you obviously still miss your ex but feel good that you have not done anything to mess up not getting your ex back! That's great you are dating other girls. You never know, maybe you could end up meeting someone that makes you feel even better than when you were with your ex. Hard to imagine now but it could happen. You are doing everything to move on and feel better about yourself while at the same time giving your ex time to herself and reflect life without you. Keep on keeping on!
  20. lonelyfish
    Gabodi - YES! You would appear to be NEEDY if you contact her and she will think you are acting NEEDY if you do. She NEEDS her space so give it her! Be strong. It is very hard, after my break up of 2 months and N/C of 1 month I still have my moments of wanting to contact my ex but the best things is to stick to N/C. Let her be the one to make a move.
  21. lonelyfish
    Bams I'm very inspired by your situation. I'm glad to hear that things are working out for you! I really believe that finding a connection with someone is very difficult and when you do you don't even have to try to make a relationship work - it's effortless. I had that with my ex and like you we both had other difficulties in life that I believe we had to attend to. I would like to believe down the road that if he's my soul mate he'll come back and realize what he gave up. Best of luck to you and hope you keep posting so we can read your progress!
  22. lonelyfish
    The worst thing you can do is think of your ex with someone else! I sometimes do that myself but why worry when you don't know for sure. Plus, your ex seems to be dealing with some other personal problems in her head as to why she can't be with you now. If she's that confused I don't think she would easilly fall for anyone else anytime soon. They would have to be someone she thinks is amazing and she can connect with. I think finding a connection with someone is very rare and she's probably realizing that now after you have done N/C. I think she's been calling you for emotional support for she feels so comfortable with you. That's a good thing but I know you need to hear more than that from her. Maybe you need to talk to her and lay down the line. Don't by all means give her an ultimatum. Maybe pick up one of her next calls to her and just curiously ask her what all the calls are about - say sorry but you've been really busy and don't have much time to just chat. Keep it short and stern NOT sweet and make sure you end the call. You need to let her know that you are fine living your life without her. Maybe she thinks you are ignoring her call because she thinks your still hurt about the relationship and can't bear to talk to her?? I think at a point you have to talk to ex if you do want them back but you have to be strong and make it seem that you don't care.
  23. lonelyfish
    I liked this quote that I recently saw, Good one in regards to keeping N/C! "If I were asked to give what I consider the single most useful bit of advice for all humanity, it would be this: Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life, and when it comes, hold your head high. Look it squarely in the eye, and say, 'I will be bigger than you. You cannot defeat me." -Ann Landers
  24. lonelyfish
    I agree stick to N/C. If you spill your heart out to your ex. your only going to look like a fool even though you have the best intentions especially since shes with someone new. It will only confuse your ex more and maybe even give her more reason to believe she should be with her new guy. Re-read your own advice but I know it sinks in more when you here it from someone else. This new relationship that she has with this new guy could quickly disolve. But you obviously know the reason behind N/C is to take care of yourself and move on. But you never know, I'm so much better off now that I found these posts but I admit I do have a glimmer of hope every now and then that like you my ex will realize what he had once now that its gone. Hang in there!
  25. lonelyfish
    Yep, I would do nothing. You said too much in your recent texts to her, a card would only add more "salt" to your wounded heart. Go back to N/C.
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