lonelyfish

Day two - gosh, didn't realize how hard it to keep looking at his Myspace! Not gonna do it though. "Everybody have their own reasons. I am not angry to nobody but just DON'T appreciate certain things. That is all" - my thoughts exactly. I'm just dumfounded by what this guy did, he obviously was not the one for me.

Count me in on this - this will be day one for me! Even though he's on the other coast I feel I need to do this as he now has a "girlfriend" but wants to keep me as a friend. I was supposed to fly out today to see him for my vacation but canceled since he told me about this new girl 4 days prior to me leaving!! I know he will try to contact me via email for he loves the things I write and say. I will not look at his Myspace account either!!! Great challenge!

Rabbitskin, Just wondering, if he's just a friend why are you so concerned about this guy? I have friends in town that sometimes drive me crazy. He may be really interested in you and either doesn't want to admit it or likes egging you on by treating you bad - just like little boys do to girls at the age of 7 and really like a girl! Guys can be really immature. I emailed my guy just the other day about him being so MIA of late. No big deal to me normally, but I'm heading out his way for the 2nd time next month. He should be kissing my but that I'm traveling on my dollar to see him! Of course I'd rather go that way for I live in New England and could use some West Coast sunshine! I do think you have to be upfront with guys if they are upsetting you if not they will just take advantage of the situation. But you can't constantly nag at them - they will just run away! Hope that helps some.

I'm having that issue. Wish we were just friends. I'm on the east coast and he's on the West coast. The times I spend with hime are great - like I have an instant boyfriend. He's very wishy washy long distance which I cant stand! One minute he emails me every day then I won't hear from him for a week. We are not in a committed realationship for we just met and hardly see each other but we have fun when we are together. It just seems like he's not putting in as much effort as I am.

Thanks everyone for your replies! I'll keep you updated on things!

So I met a guy in October while he was visiting here on business. We instantly hit it off except I live on the East Coast of the US and he lives on the West Coast. At first I thought we'd just be friends but I went out to see him for few days while I visiting another friend. We had the best time and he was the sweetest guy! I felt like I had an instant boyfriend for the days we were together. We email each other a lot but actually don't talk much on the phone. Since I'm in the east I go to bed sometimes before he even gets home from work. I really like this guy but I can't figure out if he's really open to having a LDR or just keeping in touch with me for the possibility of one? I've kept my feelings at bay somewhat for I don't want to scare him off. I believe he genuinely really likes me, but being so far apart obviously it's difficult for anyone to consider having a serious relationship. I'm trying to stay realistic. But I just don't want to waste my time with someone who ultimately is not thinking long term. I'm totally enjoying getting to know him and thinking about seeing him in March or April. I don't want to get hurt or waste my time if he's not open to the possibility of a long term relationship as well. How do I handle this guy? Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!

Sorry I haven't updated things in a while. I almost wish this guy was going through a mid-life crisis or something normal like that. But turns out my friend's husband has a lot of mental issues! I guess he has a problem with flirting with women to boost his self esteem per my friend. She saw an email last year he wrote to one of his own friend's wives - she in turn was flirting with him. Both couples had spent the weekend away with each other and my friend was uncomfortable with her husband's behavior. Bad enough they went to marriage counselor. I just found this out. What came out of the counseling session was the fact that he never got enough love from his mother. His father died and his mother spent most of her time taking care of his sister who had down syndrome. But come on, people have had worse childhoods than that and their adult lives turn out great and they are happy. Because of his low self esteem and depression he thinks he's ugly but likes to look at himself naked and enjoys being nude and stuff. Does this guy have some problems or what that he can't get enough love from his own wife that he seeks out the attention of other women including his wife's good friend! He continues to get counseling and is on anti-depressents. I have a feeling my friend will stick it out with them for the whole "in sickness and health" thing but at 40 can you really change??? I think she's stupid to stay with him when she'll never get the attention that she deserves or needs and will basically never be happy herself. But that's me - we are completely different people.

So all last night I couldn't sleep thinking about my friend and her husband's actions. It was eating away at my insides like maggots! I wanted to do the right thing. I'm not religious but I do pray to God in my own way. I even thought about going to talk to the University's Chaplain Monday morning. That night I prayed to God to tell me to do the right thing. But I knew in my gut what the right thing was. I had emailed my brother Sunday night and received his reply early a.m. He only confirmed what I knew I had to do. So I thought the best thing would be to go see her sister who works just up from my office. She got a divorce because of her ex-husband's infidelity so I knew she would be the best person to go to. I sat and waited until she came into her work. I told her and she said I did the right thing. She called her siter and said she had an emergency with her ex-husband and said to meet her at her house. I went with her and told my friend the story and she was in complete shock. She was not mad at me at all and said she felt terrible that I was put in this situation. She admitted they were having marital problems but were working through them. She also said she caught him flirting with one of his friend's wives last year via email. They went to counseling over that. I opened a can of worms for she didn't know about his instant messenger. She even said she checked his email for she didn't trust him. So I had her sign on to his messenger and there were about 40 random girls names!!!! It was so bad. Her parents even showed up for support. I left and they were going to have an intervention with her husband. My friend called him and told him he needed to come home to talk. She asked him about the messages he sent me. He played dumb. She said you know what you sent to my friend. He said he would come home soon. I leave and he calls me - I hung up on him. He left me a message saying, "I think I crossed the boundaries with that message over the weekend but I thought we were making a connection."!!!! What husband makes a connection with their wife's good friend that warrants a naked pic to be sent to them!!!! He is whacked!!

Again I wish I had a husband to beat him up but I am single! Maybe I was an easy target. But here's another thought. This guy and my friend will be signing the papers on a new house on Tuesday. Maybe he wants out of his marriage and out of the commitment of this house. Perhaps he thought he would do something like that for I would run and tell his wife ASAP then their marriage would be over and he wouldn't have the commitment to the new house. They still haven't sold the one that they live in now. So can you see the stress on this guy. Doesn't give him the right to do what he did to me! I don't think he's a child molestor. Also this guy has been married before but he blamed his ex-wife for the break up of that marriage. Maybe he wasn't telling the truth.

Thank you all so much for your advice! Yes this is a tough situation - I can't believe someone as innocent and moralistic as me was put in this situation! Well I'm single - if I had a boyfriend or husband I would have them beat this guy up! I think i was an easy target for him. He did this through an instant message first. Lately he has been IMing me. I felt awkard and always kept it short and said I had to go. Today - his IM icon was the naked pic of him! He also listed "at the shop" meaning he wasn't at home and was probably fishing for me or anyone else that is on his buddy list. So far most people have told me to wait it out and see if he contacts me again and just tell him to leave me alone. I'm sure I will be seeing him in the next few weeks at their house - how terrible.

I need some advice. I am single and my good friend's husband recently sent me a naked picture of himself to me! I am friend's with all my married friend's husbands, isn't that the norm? I think he might have fallen for me and fell out of love for his wife. But couldn't he have just asked me out rather than send me a naked pic of himself? Not that I would have gone - I have good morals and would never cheat on anyone' s husband let alone my good friends! I don't know what to do. If it was me I would want to know if my husband did that to one of my friends. But should I risk breaking up thier marriage for something stupid like that? Though maybe he does this to other women and not just me. Do I wait it out and have him make his own mistakes that will eventually present themselves to my friend? So torn - I just want "to do the right thing!"](*,)

Danielle, I have to be honest as I am myself a link removed subscriber and frequent user of it's services. I can totally relate to your situation. It is very hard to seriously date a guy knowing the fact that you can see the hour once he has logged on to the link removed website. When dating people from online sites I think you have to take a carefree attititdude in the beginning of your relationship. I do see the guys I have dated online still after several dates. This is new age. Couldn't you expect before the time of online dating sites that after a few dates with a guy that he was still looking around when he's at a bar, club, school, etc. for girls that may interest him. I think you jumped the gun too fast. As you I have done the fake profile as well. The guy seemed just simply interested in getting to know someone new that may have been more of a "Match" for him and that is all. I think the next time around you should just be patient. It takes a while to make a connection with a guy and for him to think you are the one. If you have any early doubts you'll just freak him out. Best of luck and I hope that helps you out.

I agree with Annie! Try to act cool. I'm with you on the whole online dating thing. To me it's like finding a needle in a haystack. I recently had a terrible experience. I met this guy from online and we seemed to really hit it off - so much in common. Had a totally great date. However the 2nd flopped and I still have no idea why?? He must of totally lost interest with something I said or did. I have never had a a 2nd date go so bad after such a good first date. I'm fairly attractive and he was somewhat of a nerd. I think I got suckered for the player in a nerd's clothing! Don't get too excited too soon is all I can say. Have fun, but keep your guard up. Best of luck!

Sorry, but i would just have to say (if i'm not single) that I was just busy and uninterested.

Thanks Monsier! Renaissance Woman - I went through a bad break up in the fall. I now look and back and think thank god that didn't work out! I think you need to get yourself back out there in order to move on. It really helps despite the harships of dating. Though, I know you have to be ready to date at your own time or else you could end up just hurting someone else in turn. Best of luck to you!

Thanks for your reply. Maybe this was just another learning experience. I never had anything like this happen to me. I had really good feelings in the beginning and thought he did as well. Such a bummer. Yes, I can't date more than one person at the same time either. Not that I'm picky but I know what I'm looking for. I find online dating just as difficult as finding a needle in a hay stack! I'm about the same age as you. How do you keep yourself staying postive when it comes to the craziness of dating?

Guess I'm just posting for a little pick me up and to let off some frustration. I met this guy on line who I had so much in common with. We had a great phone conversation and planned to meet for dinner. The first date when so great. We didn't want to say goodbye to each other. The thing was I was leaving on vacation for a week. We emailed/texted each other while I was away. I got back home and we made plans for a 2nd date. The 2nd date sucked. He was totally a different person. I think I set my hopes too and and now I'm totally bummed about it going so bad. I don't think it was me. I put all my efforts into trying to make him feel comfortable and at least have a good time, but he seemed to care less. I told him at the end of the night I knew something was up and he said he was confused. He said he needed to think things out??? Couldn't he have just been a little more forward with me and told me the truth. My friends seem to think he may be dating someone else. I sent him an email saying I'd like to see if there was something there still between us but I understand if he feels like it's just not there. He has yet to respond. So sad - I really had hight hopes for this guy, and I think that's why I'm so disappointed. Dating really sucks! Has anyone ever had this happen to them?

OK, so had three dates with this new guy I'm seeing. He seemed very sweet and sincere - we have a lot in common and great chemistry. We opened up that last date to each other that we were both not ready to jump into anything serious so just seeing where this goes for now. He called me last week to tell me he was thinking of me - isn't that kind of leaning towards him getting a little attached to me? Anyway, I suggested we hang out again soon and he said he had friend coming in out of town to play in a hockey tournament with him but that he would call me soon. He never called me after the weekend but leaves a small box of chocolates at more door on Valentines Day. It made me feel like I'm in the 3rd grade! Why didn't he call me after the weekend? I called and just left a message of thanks and for him to call me soon. He never called me back that night so where the hell was he on Valentines night??? Am I over thinking things, I'm just curious when he will we return my call and what excuse he has about where he was that night? Should I just play it cool with him or what?

Hi OCD, Glad to hear you are doing well! I too haven't spent as much time on this site lately but I do come back from time to time for support and to see how everyone else is doing. When I have more time I will probably post something in the Recovering from a Breakup forum. But yes, it does get better with time and I actually met a nice guy over the weekend that totally took my mind off my ex. Keep dating those girls, you never know what life has instore for you. I really believe that ex's come back after you have completely gotten them off your mind and by that time you might not want them back anyway. Things work out for reason, if it is truly meant to be with your ex she will eventually realize what she is missing. Keep making yourself your number one priority and everything else in life will fall into place. Best of luck!

Curlygirl, I know staying in the same town as your ex must be extremely difficult for you. But I don't think you should make that the determining factor in deciding to leave the town that you are in, especially since your job seems to be making you well off. I would at the very least try to find another job before you make that move. I don't live near my ex but I have been wanting to make a location change for myself for quite sometime now. All my friends are married with kids and I feel like I'm the only single person stuck in suburbia! I have a great job that pays well. As much as I want to give it all up and move to a new city, I'm patiently trying to be smart about it and I'm waiting for the right opportunity to come along before I make that move.

Curlygirl, Sometimes I think that my relationship with my ex was way too good to be true and maybe now after the split my ex feels like he has nothing to impress upon me so in that respect maybe I didn't really see him in his true light. I've only had one ex prior to him that acted indifferent and almost mean and looking back now I say good ridence for I eventually saw the bad side of him. So maybe we both got a chance to see the bad side of our ex's and it can give us more closure that it was never meant to be. I just never understand why after even good relationships end people tend to be cold, they could at the very least wish the other person well. Maybe that's too much to ask, and maybe I'm just too nice of a person in general and deserve someone that will totally see the goodness in my heart more so than my ex. Unless you do something bad to upset your ex or vice versa I just don't get where the ill will comes from?

Sticking to NC can be difficult but it is the best way to go no matter what the situation. It helps to protect yourself and makes you better to move on. I was wrong to think that my ex and I could do the friends thing, we always said no matter what we would remain friends but I was very niave to think that. After doing NC for two months we both exchanged Xmas cards. After the holidays I may have felt a little weak but I thought I was strong enough to make the call to see how he was doing. My ex was and is still going through a lot, I thought I was at the very least being sincere with my intentions. You know what, when I talked to him on the phone he was not the sweet, nice person that I remembered! He was almost rude - who the hell was that person??? We never fought or had any ill will towards each other when we were together. Though maybe to hear him in such a different tone was good for me because it makes me realize if he can treat me like that after having nothing but the best time when we were together then maybe I never really got to know him for who he really was.

Nope, not serious!

It seems like romance has maybe lost its way, I can't say how my e\x would feel but I know I would feel charmed getting any sort of Valentine from an ex as long as it was not a part of a diliberate plan, or continuation of a bad vibe that was not meant to be, what do you all think???

Very good point, we ex's don't always get that!