DanielleLA

A question for you guys: Let's say you are 28 and you break up with your girlfriend of 2 years because you feel it isn't going anywhere. 6 months later you meet a very cool girl who you get along great with. You start dating her. You guys always have a great time, an awesome connection, and the sex is mind blowing. After 4 months the question about your status casually comes up and you tell her that you're not ready for a new committment, that you're not totally over your ex even though you don't love her anymore, and that you want to be 100% sure next time you make a serious committment. She totally understands and gives you space but she likes you a lot so after a while she realizes she can't go on dating you since you are holding back too much emotionally. You tell her that if you were ready for something new it would be with her and that you hope she'll be single when you're ready but that you know you can't expect her to wait for you. You both have feelings for each other but you decide to start dating other people. You see her again 2 months later and she has a new boyfriend. You two become good friends who can talk about anything. Now 5 months have passed since you stopped going out. Then yesterday you decide to catch up over a drink. Things between you are great as always. You ask her if she is still with her boyfriend and she says she broke up with him because she felt he wasn't right for her. You tell her that you've been on a few dates but nothing serious. You start talking about the time you were together and both of you feel that there is still so much there. You admit to each other that you both haven't been able to find anyone yet who comes close to what you guys had. Things get hot (no alcohol involved though) and deeply looking into each others eyes relights the fire and you both know that you want each other so much. The attraction and mental connection is unbelievable. You both want it so you leave your drinks, go to the car, drive to your place, make out like crazy on the way there, get there, and have the best sex EVER. It's like out of this world. It's also really sweet after it with a lot of kissing and cuddling. Later that night you drive her home and both of you are really happy about what just happened. However, there is no talk about how things are going to be now (casual dating? friendship?) or how you both want them to be. So guys, I am that girl. I still like him a lot and if there was anything I could do to get together with him, I would do it. I know they say love shouldn't be hard and things should just fall into place. True in a way but life isn't a Hollywood movie and I believe that if you only sit back and wait for good things to come to you, chances are you'll never get what you want. I don't believe in the concept of "The One" but from all the guys I ever met in my life there is no one who comes so perfectly close to it like he does. Especially after those last few months I realized that. Would it be good to show him that I still care about him or should I keep this to myself? I don't know if he knows that I still want to be his girlfriend. Can you guys relate to his story? Is there a way to his heart? Thanks so much, guys!

Well, this is a little long, I know. Sorry. I met a guy on link removed 3 weeks ago. He emailed me a lot, was very sweet and we met a week later. Our first date was great and we both thought that we had great chemistry. We slept together on our second date and we both said that we are dating. I trusted him and I thought he liked me but I was a little suspicious because he still logged on to several different dating sites every day. When I mentioned it jokingly he said that he just does it when he gets an email from there to his regular account. He said that he isn't actively looking because he already found the best girl on there. On our last date on Friday he told me that he had missed me and that he likes me. We had a great time and he asked me to spend the night because he likes waking up next to me. We had a great night and a great next day. Well, when I got home I saw that he was online again. We had just slept together again and I had just left an hour ago. It really hurt me and I thought now I just have to know. So I signed up on Match, created a fake profile without a picture and emailed him an innocent little "Hey, how is it going?" He emailed right back. I told him that I have to ask him right away if he is currently single and completely unattached since I've heard some bad stories. I asked him to be honest and even if he is seeing someone it's ok and we can still chat. His reply was that he is "very much single". He said that he's been out on 1 date with someone a week ago (lie), that the date wasn't great and that he just isn't feeling the chemistry ( * * *?). I emailed him back and told him about a story that I heard about a guy who just had sex with the girl he was dating and went right back on match after she left. His reply was that he agrees that this was bad on that guy's part but that he doesn't compare to him (!!) and that she doesn't have to worry. He said it was just one date and he didn't have sex. (!!) I was shocked. I stopped by at his place that same evening to dump him. I told him that I can't do this because I can't trust him. He was totally hurt and shocked. He said that we had such a great time and that he thought we are dating and everything was going great. I didn't say what I did because I wanted to hear what he had to say first. I only said that my intuition tells me that he is looking around for other girls. He said that he has never given me any reason not to trust him, that he was always available when I called and wanted to see him or when I just stopped by. He also said that it's Saturday night and he is home (I was on my way to a party and just stopped by to dump him) and if he wanted to meet girls he would be out there. He also said that he tried but can't take his profile off match (yeah, sure) and that his membership expires in May anyway. And that he trusts me too when I go out without him all the time. He said that lack of trust is a big issue and that he thinks if I don't trust him now I never will. He told me again about how he has been cheated on and hurt in the past and that he wouldn't do that himself. He said that if we are still together in a while from now we will have a committed relationship since he is into committments and not casual things (it's true, he always had long-term relationships and has even been married, but his ex-gfs and even his wife cheated on him). He said he would fight for me but he thinks if I don't trust him there isn't really anything he can do. He looked me straight in the eye and said all those things and I don't know why but I thought I'll give him another chance. Before I left we said that our status hasn't changed and that we'll just take it one step at a time and that we would talk on the phone the next day (he made me promise to call him). The next day he sent an email to this girl (me) saying that she doesn't have to worry anymore because he and that girl he was on that date with decided that they were in a different place and now they won't be seeing each other anymore. He asked her if she was still interested and said that he hopes to hear from hear soon. * * *?! So I thought that's it. I called him, he didn't pick up, I didn't leave a message and he didn't call me back although he knew it was me and we had said that we would talk on the phone. So I sent him an email again from that fake girls email account on match and this time I revealed that it's me. I reminded him of the things he told that girl and how he lied about me. I called him a liar a bunch of times and made it clear how disgusted I am. The email sounded very final and didn't ask for a response. Well, and now I'm sitting here wondering if I did the right thing. I felt that he liked and me and I thought we had something special going on. Maybe he was just flirting around to get a little ego boost? He said a bunch of times that I'm out of his league (which is kind of true, haha) and that he was so lucky that he met me and I don't think he was really looking for someone better than me. But then again chances are high that this wasn't the only time since he is on a few sites and he emailed back to that girl (me) right away and pretended to be single and all that without even having seen a pic of her. Should I have been more tolerant since it's only been 3 weeks of dating? We never said that we were exclusive. He just said that he isn't actively looking for someone else, that he likes me, that I'm fun and that he can't wait to see me again and I believed him. Should I have sat down and talk to him about what I found out and given him a chance to explain and apologize? I mean it would have been ok for me if he had told me that he wants to keep looking and wants to keep his options open. We could have continued to date casually and I just would have stopped sleeping with him. But he lied to me about it and he lied to that other girl (me) about me to get her interested. However, it was me who provoked it. And he probably only told that girl that it was completely over now with me because he was hurt that I don't trust him because before I told him that I don't trust him everything was perfectly ok between us (except that he had emailed that girl). Did I ruin a potentially good thing? What should I do? Please help me, I feel like I can't think straight right now.