thegirlfriend

Thanx guys for your support and your honest opinions. It helps to see things from an outside perspective. I don't know why I let him treat me like this. Maybe I've been with him too long so I learned to swallow all his sh"t... Just found out that he was trying to cheat on me sometime in the beginning of our relationship. The girl didn't give in, but what if she had? I'm so sad I don't even have strength left to cry... I guess I should really know better by now... Maybe I do know better now...

I assure you, I did not make this up... To me all this seems normal after all the time I've spend with this guy. And yes, I did say nice things about him in the beginning of this thread, so then others "scolded" me for defending him... I wish I were just making it all up, but the truth is, I haven't even posted everything...

Yes, actually I know some. And guess what, they support themselves. He on the contrary lives at his parents, eats the food his parents buy, wears the clothing his parents buy, showers with the water his parents pay for, drives a car his parents pay the repairs for... Yes, exactly his plan. And guess what his plan was for me. I should be the one to bring home the bacon. I tried to explain that I cannot have a child and support the family at the same time. You know what he said? He said, "Why not. Look at these black girls. They pop out kids all the time and go dancing right afterwards..." Yes, and his thought was evil. He later admitted he PURPOSELY didn't do anything for my birthday because I forget why. Because I didn't mention "I love you" often enough in my e-mails or something like this... There were people basically begging him to work for them because he had the qualification they needed. But he said he doesn't feel like it... YES. As I was saying, he doesn't want to work... He didn't do anything all day long. Except for playing computer games or emailing me at work... Maybe your roommate treats his girlfriend like a lady to begin with? Takes her out for example? Doesn't yell at her when she doesn't feel like sex? Plus, it is not like we never had sex.... And most guys don't have a problem jerking off.... What????? Women who work hard have sex every day? Think again. I'd like to meet the wome you know LOL I apologized to him. Sincerely. Several times. He doesn't seem to hear it. He on the other hand is "totally unapologetic" as someone put it in this thread. He doesn't think there is something he did wrong. Can you believe that???? WHAT??????? Why should I support him???? Yes, I was the one paying 100% of the rent, the utility bills, the food most of the time we went out... He would pay for his computer stuff and SOMETIMES chip in to pay the groceries I think he has no clue what love is. I'm just convenient for him...

He just emailed me asking me to get together again. What should I do? I can't seem to do NC, I just can't. I always find myself calling him or emailing him... Doesn't everybody deserve a second chance?

When you first meet somebody you can hide your bad sides pretty well. I was suspicious, but he was so nice and cute and funny... But he already told me the next girl he goes out with he won't tell her that he doesn't want to work... I'm just curious for how long he can hide this fact...

He is funny and easy-going (the extent of which I only discovered later..) But he is nice and funny to be with. Plus, he is really slim, and I'm into slim guys. Later I found out he is anorexic.... I don't know, the chemistry was just right. We went sort of on a blind date (the university paired us up together for a project) and the next time I looked at my watch we had talked three hours... When we first started to have sex he was really affectionate and gentle and cute. He's a terrible kisser, but that just made us laugh

The thing is, I sometimes understand where he is coming from. He's had a rough childhood, and when he says "that's how we are in our family," then this is true. They ARE rude, don't apologize, ect. However, he doesn't seem to notice that there is something wrong with that. He acts like I'm the bitch when I complain about stuff like this. I wonder if he thinks that other girls will put up with that. I would want him to change, to became normal, cause when he's normal he is sooooo nice. But half of the time is isn't... But I cannot make a person change, can I?

I like this version: "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it is yours forever. If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to lose."

There is one thing you should keep in mind: He is not going to change. Never. Can you deal with being cheated and beaten for the rest of your life? If he ever comes close to your house again, call the police. He has no right to kiss you or touch you against your will. If he doesn't understand that, let the police explain it to him.

So, my bf and me broke up, but ever since we are talking about getting back together again. The thing is, I really have questions regarding his feelings for me. Let me tell you how everything began. I met him and he instantly took my breath away. We datet for a while and then got together. Already in the beginning he said weird things but I thought, well, who knows, everybody has his weird side. For example: He doesn't work. Doesn't want to work. Says he is too good to work. Says why should I work now and make little money when I can make so much more money when I'm older and pay back my loans... Because he doesn't work he doesn't like to spend money. We still went out a lot, but it was usually me who picked up the check... Because he doesn't have money he is sort of relaxed when it comes to cheating, stealing, sneaking, lying... And not only this, he defends it. He always says, "There is nothing wrong with lying and cheating." About one week into our relatinoship the topic of children was brought up. he said, "If you got pregnant I wouldn't pay. I know too many women who live off the child support." I tried to explain him that there is no way a single mother can go to work if she has a toddler to take care off, so he said, "Well, just give the kid to me, I'll take care off him." So I asked how he wants to make a living and take care of a baby, and he said, "You don't need a lot of money for kids, you can always feed them rice and potatos." I started to have my doubts... One week later and TWO WEEKS INTO OUR RELATIONSHIP one night he suddenly says, "Let me get you pregnant." Of course I said no, which really pissed him off. I told him how about building a relationship first and getting to know each other a little better, and he gets a job to support a family and then we talk about this again. He was pissed. Because of his non-working attitude I said, "I would want to see you working for a year first, before I have kids with you. I want to see that you can work." He was pissed as hell and I never saw the end of it. For my birthday he send me a one-line e-mail. No card, no little present, and be it a wrapped box of chocolate, nothing. His excuse was, "That's how we are in my family. We don't give gifts." A few ups and downs later I had to move because of my job, so he came with me and moved in with me. I am working, he is not, so before he moved in I said that I think it is fair if he did half of the housework. He said, he didn't see why he should help me. After all, if I was living alone I would have to do all the work alone, too... So he moved in, and this was the beginning of the end. I was working, he was idling, and in the evening I would come home, totally exhausted to find him well rested after two-hour naps. I would be the one who made dinner (him: "You cook so much better than me, I don't know how to cook"), and then I usually only had one wish: go to bed and sleep. But not with him. He had all day long to get himself horny, and in the evening he wanted sex. He didn't care if I was tired. He would yell at me until I spread my legs. No making love, just him cumming... This of course didn't make me want more sex... He would say, "I'm sorry, I'm just to horny." So i said, why don't you jerk off like all guys?" He said, "Because I don't want to jerk off. I'm on a non-jerking-off policy. I'm saving that sh*t for you..." After sex I would be crying, asking him why he gets like this. So he would say, "I get aggressive when I don't get my sex. I'm sorry, but my sex drive gets the better of me." He would always complain about me to everybody: his family, his friends... They probably think I'm a monster. He would tell them that I always get mad. Well, who wouldn't get mad when your boyfriend tells you, "Every real man has a mistress..." And since he chose not to make money he didn't want to spend money either. One night after a fight when I said it's about over, he said, "I want to make up for everything." I said, "Ok, prove it. Take me out. Take me out to my favorite noodle-restaurant, one noodle soup costs 5 bucks." And guess what he said. He looked at me and said, "Can't we go some place cheaper?" So I said, that's it. Our relationship is not worth 5 bucks. Go look for a girl who will put up with that. And only after that he suddenly came to his senses. Told me how much he loved me... Took me out for a real nice dinner two nights in a row... Gave me great sex... But he went back to his parents (he doesn't have a place of his own since he doesn't have the money to afford it because he doesn't want to work...). I cooked pancakes the last morning, gave him sex, took him to the airport, and he turned around and said, "I love you." I said, "ok, if you love me call me." He never called. Just sends me nasty hate-mails. Or no mails at all. Asks me o quit my job and come back to NY to be with him NOW (does he have any idea what a job means???). But funnily enough everytime we talk on the phone (I call, because I can't stand it any longer), we talk about getting back together. But it is always me who says I love you. He never says it back, he will just say, "How do you love me?" or, "So if you love me, when do you come back to NY?" We broke up like 4 weeks ago, and in that time he didn't send me not one nice mail. He didn't call me once, it's always me who calls. He never said I'm sorry. I apologized to him for the mistakes I made, but he just won't do it. He says, "That's how we are in my family, we don't apologize..." So I wonder: IS HE WORTH IT???????????

"she was quite pleased with herself." ... and that is an important part of sexual pleasure. Giving pleasure to your partner is just as important as being satisfied yourself. She must have been frustrated about never really giving it to you. Now she did, and I'm sure she felt almost as good as you when she did it. If she hadn't wanted to do it she wouldn't have done it, trust me. So just relax and don't feel guilty. The other thing is that talking is important when it comes to sex. You were not as relaxed as you should have been and you are still are thinking about it. "Is the very awkward conversation worth letting her know how I feel?" Definitely!!! A relationship is all about honesty and trust and it will be conversations like this that build up trust and deepen your relationship. Especially for girls it's the most important thing to let her know how you feel!!!

Hi redandblack, so sorry to hear about you. You deserve better. A guy who makes her a priority, makes her feel special... Wow, if I'd meet somebody like this I wouldn't let him go LOL. Keep it up, someday you will meet the girl who appreciates all this and gives you love in return But just remember to give yourself TIME now to heal. Don't go out into the dating war and try to forget her by picking up a lot of girls. It won't work and only hurt you and them. They say the average guy mourns 8 months, the average girl 16. So don't do anything spiteful now, just to hurt her in return. It wouldn't be fair on yourself and the other girls... I'm not saying you should live in celibacy for a year now, just give yourself time to heal...

Hi Shadows Light, so sorry to hear about you. No there is not much advice I can offer just wanted to let you know that I feel for you. Makes me be even more careful in my choice of who I marry and have kids with...

Dating and feelings and all that are things to get a relationship for life STARTED. There is a time to make choices and there is a time to stick it out. You cannot skip around for the rest of your life looking for the greener grass on the other side. You have a place in life. There are people who love you (your wife, who you PROMISED to love, your son, who definitely needs a stable home). You may have a crush on the other woman, you may have very strong feelings for her, yes, no problems. The thing is that you also have some responsibilities. You have a place in life, and you cannot just leave this place just because you feel like it... And true love... You mean true romance... True love is to form a family, to raise a child together, to build a life together, to stick it out together. Which is what you have done with your wife. You had a "puppy love" with the other woman, but with your wife you have something much deeper, much greater: you have a marriage. Don't risk all that because of a seemingly better life with a supposedly true love. How do you know things will work out with the other woman? Do you really want to destroy the lives of so many people just to find out that it didn't work out with the other woman? You say you love your wife. Be content with what you have.

yeah, good looking, but what is underneath? honestly, you come accross a bit conceited to me. me personally, if a guy is hitting on me and I get the impression that he's conceited then that's it. so you want a hot chick? think about that. women are more than a pretty surface. we are people as well, and don't want to be loved for our looks but for who we are. as long as you go for looks only, as long as you degrade girls to chicks, you'll not find the girl you really want (or, not be able to hold her down, like you admit)

it's not a tape, its on his computer hard drive...

I know this situation. My bf was like that in the beginning - he just couln't orgasm. The thing is, he has a lot of mental problems. Your bf might have them too. So, don't try to ignore the problem, because it is a problem and it will get worse, trust me. Approach it. Sex problems can ruin a relationship, especially with guys because he will feel like a looser sooner or later. The pressure of society for guys to be like studs is just too high. And will you be satisfied with having no sex for the rest of your life? So first thing you should try to find out: does he have mental problems? If so, try to help him. By being patient, listening to him, letting him feel that you are there for him. And maybe by encouraging him to seek professional help. It sounds embarrasing I know but admitting that one needs help is the first step towards healing, and a person who can't orgasm longterm (guys and girls alike) needs help.

Thank you so much for all your sympathy, that really helps Yeah, people might see what I would never want them to see but then again, they'll forget...

The thing is, this porn is as explicit as it gets. 50 % of it is my pu.... in close up... We didn't just tape us having sex, we made a PORN!!!! And the addresses he's got: it's not just friends, it's people I just know, ex-boyfriends, class mates, colleagues... This is serious!!!

btw: I'm 28, so no legal age problems here

I know he would be the jerk if he did it, but then all my friends would know what my pu... looks like. The porn is REALLY explicit. It would be soooo embarrassing for me.... And telling my friends not to open it... If a friend told me not to open an attachement I would still do it just because I'm curious.. I think most people would...

My bf and I sort of broke up after a fight, but apparently we still hav a lot of feelings for each other. At least I really love him in spite of everything he has done to me. So everytime we talk on the phone now we are sort of talking about getting back together. But just a minute ago he called and said that he could blackmail me. The thing is we did this porn together. And because of a stupid mistake he's got ALL the email addresses of ALL my friends. He threatened to send this porn to all my friends if I didn't get back together with him. HELP!!! What can I do??? I'm totally confused.... I really like him, but somebody who would do something like this...

Hi, can I join in? I am sort of in the same situation right now. I am going through hell but all day long I have to be smiling at the office when all I wanna do is curl up and cry... But I keep on telling myself this: If he treated me like this he is not good enough for me (which doesn't help much...) The other thing I keep on telling myself like a mantra is: it'll pass. This hurt will go away someday. It won't last forever. The pain will pass... And the one thing I have learned from past breakups: the pain really goes away... someday... Don't call him. You only hurt yourself. Because he obviously doesn't care much about you. Try to stick it out. You have done all you could do and more than most would do in this relationship ("I did everything for him"). More of the same won't help. You gave everything you had and he decided to throw it away. When the pain gets too intense then cry. Scream. Sob. Weep. Get drunk. Whatever. But DON'T CALL HIM. That would make you feel better for a while but it won't help. Letting go somebody you love is like trying to get off drugs: it hurts awfully but taking just a little of the drug to relieve the symptoms doesn't help at all...

Its probably too late because she had to decide today, but: if you love her, then SHOW her. She doesn't want PROOF, she wants to SEE. Charter an airplane and write a message in the sky, kidnap her and take her to a romantic picknik with champagne and caviar, have 100 red roses deliverd to her workplace, record a song and have the local radiostation broadcast it, whatever. Get creative. In the end, PROOF really only is something she can see and touch, right? If she wanted to leave you, she would have done so already. She wants to be with you but she is scared, and I can totally see why. SHOW her you want to be with her, and NOT JUST because you got the house and now you need somebody to pick the curtains. SHOW her you want to be with her, DO something she can SEE or TOUCH. All the best, I hope all works out for you