confusedashell

Well thanks for the replies. Its pretty much what i had in mind. When she dropped that one me it was the night before she left to visit her mother in their summer place. So we havent had the chance to talk this out yet. Shes called me about 8 or nine times since then and we touched on it but i didnt want to drag it all up on the phone. But i need to talk about this. One serious talk. Let her know that I love her, want to be with her and work this all out because I dont think there isnt anything that cant be worked out. I want to let her know what I think should change and want to know what she thinks should change. In so many ways she can act like a teenage girl. That when the sparks are gone from a marriage then thats it. Its done. She doesnt realise that that IS what happens in a marriage unless you work at it. I have wondered several times if I even loved her at all, if I even wanted to spend another month with her. But after a shirt while realised that the stress and worry we were under was just making me think my marriage and her was the problem of everything. Stress can do so many things to a relationship. I know she feels that I dont love her, or at least I havent SHOWED her and she's right. She said I take her for granted. Well I dont, I just have had a depression thats been making me more withdrawn into myself but that all this with her woke me up fast as to what is important and what is not. She tells me still that I'm the love of her life. very recently we were both telling eachother we were CERTIAN that THIS marriage is it, that we found our "soulmates". Hell she is even telling me that once she gets this living alone thing out of the way she wants to get back together. That is NOT ok with me. Im here now. I cant wait around forever and in the event she might find someone else. She says she's worried if she finds another man attractive. She always said she only saw me. I told her its perfectly natural to see who is attractive or not, but it what your thinking and you interest level thats important. I have to do this I think. If that doesnt work, well then..I cant do anymore. But I think she is making a big mistake with this. She is throwing our family and us away on a whim. because of things that are temporary and just have gotten a lot bigger that we should have let them. I'll let you all know what happens on sunday night.

I have already posted my story below here if you're not framiliar with it. But i talked to a friend today who split up from his long term girlfriend awhile ago and told him what was going on. He told me that until those divorce papers are signed or I have left the country to go home I should keep fighting for this or else I'll always regret it. In some ways I just dont want to *that* person who just begs and pleds for them to come back because you just turn them off you, but I I cant just sit back while my family falls apart either. Ive spoken to her like six or seven time sin the last two days (she called me) and just small talk, but i still let her know in some way that I love her and want to work this out. I have almost fully accepted that this is probably over, at least for the foreseeable future. And I should move on. But i think that once I leave the country it will be hard to keep it at that "level". I know that all came about due to things that are so easily fixable. Thats what kills me. But she doesnt seem interested to fix them. I had thought about when she gets back on sunday to just go out and take a walk alone to clear my head before we talk. but leave some flowers and a handmade card there for her. Just something small to let her see Im not taking her for granted, I do love her, I do want to be with her and that I'm not taking her words now lightly at all. I just dont know though if I end up making her give this another try and if her heart isnt in it, this will just end in failure anyway, thatit'll just drag everything out. I made a suggestion to her that we stay together but I move back to the Uk for a few months. When we meet up we just "date" as bf and gf, nothing to do with the daily life crap that gets in the way of us being a couple. I dont know what she thinks about ti... anyone have some advice?? anyone been there before??

mate, Im in more or less the same position, although me and my wife are not totally up yet, shes just messed up in her head it seems. I wont bother getting into it. I'm pretty sure it's all gone up in smoke. Like you, I tried everything and I think for some time more I dont think that I couldnt stop trying, after all its your family! No one wants their family to be broken up. But like you we also have a four year old son. Makes matters worse is we are from different countires and I just want to get back to the UK now. This is going to be tough. But I think at some point mate, you gotta just let her fend for herself. I dont think its being mean to not want to have contact with her. You obviously love that woman and it hurts that she doesnt have those feelings back for you. You cant treat her as just another friend, she has been and will probably always be something a lot more to you. You did the right thing, helped her out when you finished so she could get on her feet, but you dont owe her anything like that. SHE wanted out so let her deal with it. Of course she is the mother of your child so you will always have to have contact with her but let her know that there are boundaries. If she needs financial help to take care of your son thats one thing but she has gotta start paying her own bills. You she help you in that way had the situation been reversed!? Men are suckers for the women the love. Women are far colder i think, at least in my experience. Men are ruled by their hearts when they are in love, women are ruled by the minds when they are in love. They still manage to think logically and about themselves. My wife has told me she doesnt love me anymore and doesnt wnat this relationship. She just wants to live a relationshop free life for awhile. While saying that she says I'm the love of her life and in the future we'll probably get back together. But I still try to get her back. Logically its absolutly stupid. She doesnt want this - end of story. But I cant help trying to fix out family. She says I took her for granted, I shouted at her too much. Yeah I maybe did because I wasnt feeling good, I had some mild depression, she couldnt understand that or just didnt want to. So in the end she just gave up. Men in love, truly dont do that. They do everything for the woman. Stay strong mate. If its meant to be she'll come back sooner or later, if its not..well then theres someone else that is for you. She's obviously old enough to make her own life for herself. You aint married anymore so you dont need to take care of her like that.

well I still love her. I was the one who was trying to fix this. But she is the one who says she doesnt love me anymore. And if I'm being honest I'm not even sure that is true. She doesnt know what she wants. But I'm out of there. She has pushed me away and hasn't been interested to fix anything. So bye bye. I aint anyones doormat anymore. heres my story if you're interested link removed

I think thats good advice! I didnt think of it like that. I really do not want to get together with anyone else now. A relationship is the last thing on my mind. But just talking could indeed be helpful. at least so I can see a life beyond my wife. Thanks for the words! All very much appreciated!

Thanks for the advice and words of enouragement! A class is a great idea! I didnt think about that. I was pretty good at photography at university, would love to get back into that as some kind of hobby! Great idea! Thanks a lot!! Hehe, well getting looks from the ladies is of course a nice thing. I dont think I want to get involved with anyone for at least a year or two, just want to concenrate on ME and my son. I've pretty much being in and out of girlfriends since I was 12 years old..dont know why its been that much but I always seemed to have some girl I was seeing, mostly nothing serious. I think the next time is just for me to focus on somethings like my band (have a band with a few cds out), starting my gym and swimming things, driving (thats a BIG one), staying away from the smokes and of course spending as much time with my son as I possibly can.

Its only been a few days since my wife told me she didnt love me anymore and wanted to end it all. Well, actually, its been a roller coaster of a women who has mentally regressed to the level of a teenager and doesnt know what she wants. I've been desperatly sad for the last three days but I just pulled myself up today and told myself to move on. Im not even interested if she wants to get back together later when shes got the living alone thing out of her system. But I started to make some plans already for when I get back to the UK. I sorted out that my old job is there for me when I get back! My younger (yup! younger!) brother is going to teach me how to drive once and for all. Gave up smoking only today...tough but something I needed to do for awhile now, feeling good about it! Eat better..thats a main plan! And finally do something thats totally NOT me but start to go to a gym and also swim. Not interested to be some He Man but just to get myself a healthier body. I've always been a crisps, beer and video game guy, but I feel now I need to change EVERYTHING in my life. Well prehaps not everything, but a lot of personal habits and try to stay busy and active. Im just looking forward to doing more things with my son and fixing up part of my life thats been on hold for the last four years! what have the rest of you done to help you move on??

mate, that hurts! Truly! I try to put myself in the same position as you. since Im splitting up with my wife now and she has some idea that eventually we'll get back together. Her words. I dont really care anymore. And well I hope this helps you out in some way. I dont know how you feel about her. But I think thats the key. Weigh up how much you love this woman. do you want to spend your life with her? if this just another girlfriend? Would you be fine with it ending? But yeah most importantly, how much do you want to be with her? I think once you answer those questions honestly to yourself you'll have your answer. I dont think I could go on with the relationship. I'd find it hard to move past to be honest, especially if you havent done anything. Im a true believer in if they do it once and get away with it, they'll do it again. She obviously wanted you two to get back together after you split, so why do that? hasnt she heard of vibrators? Or could have just given you a call maybe? Of course her side (and thinking about this in my situation - my wifes side) she'll say "we were not even together". Fair enough. But it all depends on you. If you can move past it then great. If not, then dont torture yourself or her! Hope that helps mate! Best of Luck!

It all depends on how she handles this thing with our son. Thats what this all hangs on and thats how I will judge her. I truly want BOTH of us to have DAILY access to our son, regardless of what happens with us. That we both are able to have that access to him. Because we're from different countries then this will be tough. I made a suggestion that I think is good. That we take a year to sort out her moving her studies to the UK. Me and my son can move there right away and in the meantime she concenrates on her studies and has our son at least 35-40% of the time this year. I really think its best that he has SOME kind of base and grounding. That in that year she AND me try everything to make it happen to help her move to the UK. I'll fix it from that end and she works on it from here and in a year we both live in the UK, close enough to eachother and thats all settled. In the meantime I said I could continue to look for a decent job up here and if I found one, I'd come back and live. But shes worried she wont make it alone in the UK. I told her I'd help her because this is about our son. She knows it would be VERY difficult for me to even find a decent job here. When we lived in the UK before she had very good jobs and got them easily. She knows that the WORST that could happen to her there is a job in a call centre. The worst that can happen me is unemployment and poverty. I told her that I made some big sacrifices for her, this relationship and her studies so that I think the least she can do is make sure that my relationship to my son does not get badly affected. She is back on sunday, but has to work early monday morning. So she will come back after work and stay the night and we will talk about what to do with him. To be honest, Im not even thinking about if we will get back or not. If she does want us to get back later then SHE will have to do a lot to convince me that she is sincere and mature enough for it. She wants to be on her own. Thats what this is all about. I dont know how she feels about me, she says she doesnt love me but I really dont think thats the case. Its this teenage need to live by herself has taken over everything else. Hell who knows, I've probably found someone else by then. Thanks for the words mate! all this support helps a lot!

well just an update if anyone is interested..I need to vent it all anyway. She called me this morning from the summer place and we talked. Then she asked if she could call me later tonight to give me the address to the place so I could post up some clothes for our son who will stay there an extra ten days with his grandmother. So then she calls me in the middle of dinner and I say call me back later on, I have to eat now. Short and too the point. So she calls me back and just starts to chat. Then i said, so whats the address? and she goes.."ehh, I dont have it here... and changes the subject. I told her that I love her and Im not trying to be mean but that any contact we have from now on should be minimal and JUST about our son. She said she understood how I felt. So then she chatted for another few minutes about our son and then says "ok well I put on the sauna now so Im having a bath and a sauna and then off to bed" and I said again.."whats the address for that place so I can sedn the stuff tomorrow so he has it by monday" and she said she didnt have it there but asked when Id be home tomorrow so she could call me then and give it. Now, maybe Im paranoid. But shes been up there two days and called me FIVE times. Why cant see just leave it alone? If shes not into this, not in love with me, why bother? She KNOWS I cannot be just her "friend". After I told her that I loved her and just wanted min contact I said "i aint gonna bother chasing this anymore...if its meant to be then we'll get back together..if not then, thats that" and you know..she says "theres a big chance that we will be back together"... now I'm just starting to get really p*issed off.

Mate, I dont get them at all. And if I'm being honest I really cant see anything. Yes we had problems. We both worked a hell of a lot. I worked a lot so she could study and not have to think too much about the money side. So that caused problems. But they were nothing that couldnt be fixed with just us spending a little time together. She talked about not being in a relationship since the day I met her. I knew that someday she would want that, some time on her own, despite her pleading her love for me and our relationship. But i actually thought she'd just grown out of it lately. But yeah a month ago she said she wanted it and I told her its fine with me but practically we cant do it because we couldnt aford another apartment. I suggested she go and live with her mother for a few weeks or something. She was prety tired from working, studying and taking care of our son while I was either working or sleeping. So I understood her. I wanted to help her out. Yeah, I know what you mean mate. I really dont want to speak to her unless its absolutly necessary. she has been away for two days now and called me four times. not for any real reason. just to chat as if nothing had happened. in a lot of ways I dont think she knows what she wants. You dont stop to love someone that fast and she even says now that I'm the love of her life, so what the hell is she doing in that case? But you're right. She'll probably call again tonight or tomorrow and I'm going to tell her that its best that we have as little contact as possible. I guess its hard to do because I really do want my family back together and to be with her again so I guess I risk pushing her away or making her think I'm not interested in her like that anymore, I dont know. But i think its that or nothing. We've always been a little..ehh i guess "lovey" with eachother..telling eachother how much we loved eachother, missed eachother when we're not around..how wed always be together, dreaming about the future together. it was always like that. so in some ways I think she likes that..i dunno. but its gotta stop now. Honestly, I started to laugh a few mins ago because this all seems so unreal. All the stories people on here talk about lack of sex, affection and all that for months in advance. we had nothing like that. I dont know. The only think I know is Im moving back to the UK and she is going to have to stay here in sweden. I want her to move back so that is the easiest thing for us with our son. Thats what I need to talk with her about, what we will do about him.

I know what you're saying and you're of course totally right. The problem is Im finding it almost impossible to accept that its over. I mean only a few weeks ago when I went off for the weekend she was sending me mails saying how much she missed me and couldnt wait for me to come home. Last week before all this she was telling me to stop being at the computer and come and cuddle with her and watch Tv with her...It just all happened SO fast. and the break was so CLEAN CUT. There really wasnt a period were it all felt werid. We had a few problems that were completely stress related to our everyday lives, that were totally fixable. and I am finding it so hard to accept that she just doesnt want this relationshop anymore and gave me the old "love you but not IN love with you" as the excuse. that she is not at all interested to stay together and fix things. had this all been cold and strange for a few months then i could accept that things were just going downhill fast the last while, but when it just didnt go like that, I feel angry and fustrated that she is acting like this!

Thanks for that! I really wish I could have no contact with her, but we have a four year old son together so we have to be around eachother a lot and have a lot of contact. If it wasnt for our son then this would be a hell of a lot easier to just not have any contact with her. She has called me three times since yesterday. I dont know. I accept that she doesnt love me anymore for whatever reason and she doesnt want this relationship anymore. Of course it tears me up to hear that the woman I loved and married, the woman I planned to spend my life with doesnt want that with me anymore. I just wish she had known this longer than a couple of weeks, so I could have seen this coming in some sense. Not have had the idea that all was fine. I guess I'll always love her, I dont think that will ever go away or can be helped. Its going to be hard to talk to her as just another girl and not my wife. Im not sure how thats going to work. We've never been anything but together really. No, there isnt someone else. I believe her. She would tell me. i know it. But thinking that in the future, sooner or later, there will be is so hard for me to deal with right now. The thought of that I dont think will ever hurt less with time. because i think her and me were meant to be. And I know that until recently she felt like that too! She told me a thousand times in the last few months that. oh well, i guess there is no logic or science behind love and emotions so I accept that she cant explain why she doesnt love me anymore, she just doesnt. Someone said once that the hardest thing, the most hurtful thing in the world mustbe when you love someone so much and they dont feel anything like that back for you. There is so much truth in that. I feel like I'm at an all time low now. trying not to let her see that, but I'm really down.

well she called again..three times in one day. I really needed to know where I stand so I can start to plan so i asked right out if there was any point in me continuing to fight for this and she said no. I asked if she was certain this wasnt anything else and she said yes. i asked if there was someone else and she said no and there thats the furthest thing from her mind. i asked why she said i was the love of her life and she said because i am. i asked why she said that if she wanted a relationship in the future it would be with me and she said thats what she wanted. dont know whats in the future though. asked if there was some reason that all this happened and she said no, she just doesnt feel like that for me anymore. no reason really. and thats that. it's over. not a fight. no trying to fix anything. she doesnt love me anymore and wants to be on her own. she doesnt want this relationship anymore. she doesnt want a divorce. theres no rush with that she said.

I dont know whats going on in her head to be honest. She if off at her summer place for a break now with our son, like I said, something that was planned a few months ago so nothing to do with all this. And she called me twice yesterday. Just talking pretty normally like nothing has happened. When I ask if she had told her mother that this was over she said no. How can you sit there in a place with no TV, just you and her, eat dinner and five horus later not have mentioned that your marriage is over? Makes just zero sense to me. Then she starts to tell me that I'm the love of her life. I got a little irritated with that and said she shouldnt say things to either lead me on or to keep a door opened for herself or to try and make me feel better and she swore on our sons life thats not why she said it, that its totally true. Then she ends the conversation with "I Love you". Granted, I said it first..dont ask me why...but she said it back. Says shes been thinking about me up there since she came..I dont know. none of this makes any sense. I told her I know this is over, i just want to talk about what to do with our son and for me to get out of there and move on.I told her I hope you are happy and this is what you want. I hope that sooner or later you find someone else and be happy there too. You know what she says then: "I dont want to even think about a relationship for a long time, idont want that..and when I do want it, I want it to be with you"...I'm like what the F*CK!? You just told me you dont love in in "that way" anymore and you're not interested in being together with me...she says thats how she feels, that we go so well together...I dont have a clue what to do. I read so many breakup and divorce stories the last few days, talked to a few mates who've ended things with their girlfriends and none of it paralells our story. There was no decrease in sex, we were always up until and including the day we said that really affectionate towards eachother, we said I love you or miss you too each at almost any given oppturnity. We werent sneaking around on eachother, we made plans for the future, there was NO warning signs. Everything seems to have come from some werid paranoia that I didnt love her or want to be with her anymore. I dont know whats happening. Thats the worst part. Not knowing where I stand. She says she doesnt love me like that anymore, but in the next breath that I'm the love of her life!?! that we go so well together?? that later she wants us to get back together once she has had th chance to live a life relationship free? Anyone I've spoken to about this who knows us is in complete shock at it. They dont know what to think... Im going out of my mind here...

women confuse you? man, tell me about it. I know what you're going through in some sense. The worst part if the dangeling in the wind thing. Im at that stage with my wife now. I dont know where I am. She tells me she doesnt love me anymore in one breath and in the next that I'm the love of her life. She wants to live alone and when she wants to get together witrh someone again that someone is me. ends a phone call with "i love you" says good night with "i love you". and on and on..million more examples. In the end mate, as hard as this is to swallow, i think you gotta leave it. If she wants to be together with you, she'll come. if not..well then she wasnt the one for you. I have a feeling though she will want to be with you. from what you wrote thats the way it seems. that she just needs the space to think things through. maybe the best is to just walk away...dont even bring the subject up but dont ever treat her like "just a friend". Hope it works out man! Good luck!

well I found someone who when we got together, I thought or actually I KNEW that I wanted her and her alone forever. I had NO interest in looking elsewhere. She was perfect. She told me the same. I thought I was set. We married, had a child and had a good relationship. six years later we're done. in the space of a week she decided that she didnt love me anymore. yikes.

Thanks for the words and advice. It does help! Im really on a rollercoaster ride of emotions now. One min I'm ok and the next I just break down. I dont know whats going on. I dont understand any of this. She says there is no one else and that she doesnt want a relationship for a long time. just to be alone. so how can you stop loving someone that you up to two weeks ago were promiseing youd always be together with?? shes an honest person, she'd rather say nothing than say a lie so i think she meant it. I dont know. I feel cheated as hell too. All this, what we have done in the last five years has been COMPLETELY about her. Her studies. She wanted them soooo badly and I did everything to make it happen in the best way possible. I worked so much at bad jobs and not seeing any future for me personally and it made me depressed sometimes..at least sad and angry...but is that a reason to stop loving someone? isnt that the time you stand by them, the times when you should be there the most? when the other person is down and in greatest need of your help and love! But not with her. this caused her to stopping loving me I guess. I dont know what to do now. and when it comes to out son, I know I'll get burned again. he'll end up here with her and I'll maybe see him a few months of the year until he starts to get old enough to realise he wants to spend time with his friends. I just lost in everyway possible. She gained from all this. Im a mix of anger, sadness, regret, confusion, disbelief...all at once. I cant see anything to be happy about.

you said it man

its gotta be the worst feeling in the world to love someone so deeply and not have them feel the same way. I know what you're going through man. I just found out my six year marriage and seven year relationship was over. no warning signs or anything like that. just poof! gone. trying to focus on other things. Had I not had a son with her this would be a lot easier but this is the love of my life and well, she's ALWAYS going to be around in some shape or form

yeah mate, I know whats got to be done. I really try to move past it as much as I can already by planning to move home (im not from sweden), getting my old job back and those type of things. But its not easy. I do still love her and will always do. My love for her was and is almost unconditional. No matter how bad things got, no matter how much she blamed me for all the wrong things in her life, I still loved her and wanted to be with her. The more I think about it, she probably never really loved me. I trily think that if you truly love someone then that doesnt just die. Its always there. I think that hurts the most. That throughout our life, the last six odd years, throughout all our planning for the future (even recently), throughout everything, she probably never really loved me as much as she said she did. Evereything I did was to give her the life she wanted so much. I left a great job that I liked a lot and paid well so she could move back and do her studies. I worked my a.ss off in two horrible jobs day and night without sleep, losing friends..all because of her. I truly didnt mind too much. It was hard but I always figured that this is whats best, that her and me would always be together anyway. That no matter what problems we had, we could work through it all. Thats the painful part. I started to get my things in order today. She has gone to visit her mother for a few days. She lives far away and this was planned for awhile. like a little hoiday. I had to work so I didnt go. But ow that shes gone away I need to focus on the future. I'm starting to pack some smaller things, even though I will still probably live here another few weeks. The other hard thing is not knowing where to go from here. Having had that relationship for the last six years and having us plan for our lives together, I dont know what the hell I'm going to do now. The plan was to stay here in sweden until she finished and then move back, so I didnt make any real plans for the next four years. Now thats all gone. In fact, I regret not being more..selfish in someways. Not planning for my own life. That was totally stupid of me. I put so much faith in her and our relationship. I really didnt think this would end anytime soon. If at all! Its all a mess. The worst part is that i would like to have absolutly no contact with her for sometime, but we have a four year old son together. So that means we will always HAVE to be in eachothers faces. if we want it or not. Id like for tyhings to be good between us for his sake, but I cant just see her as a friend and I cant stand there watching her "move on". Its not going to be easy at all. Thanks for the words!

Hello again! I posted this topic first link removed and now..well this is the update. I really hoped Id never be typing something like this again. Well my wife has pretty much ended all this now. We went through a few days where she actually agreed with me about everything and things were looking up. We held eachother, kissed, talked about the future of what we'd do, planned to spend more time on eachother and taking care of our relationship. She told me she loved me so many times. We did things together..just simple things like go for dinner and all that. Well then she went off to work one day and came back and said she didnt want us to continue. That she doesnt want a relationship and wants to be alone. When I told her that I loved her and wanted to give her that time alone (she has been going on about living alone for awhile since the day I met her) so that we can move on she said we should figure it out so we could do that and get back together after. Then at night before she left to visit her mother I just asked straight out: Is there any point in you thinking about this? because she said she really needed to think. I todl her just to tell me, not to spare my feelings or anything, just say it straight. And she did: she doesnt feel enough for me "like that" anymore. She loves me and cares for me but she doesnt love me like "that". She doesnt want to be together with me anymore. It was honestly like a bomb just went off. I was in complete shock! Up to two weeks ago she was telling me she loved me more than anything, that we were going to spend our lives together and then this!? It just doesnt make any sense! When I read all the posts on this forum and think about how it was personally with previous girlfriends that I ended with, it was a long drawn out process where its impossible to talk about the future, impossible to tell them you love them. Hard to hold them or kiss them and having sex with a really difficult thing to do. But that was never the case with us. She told me only a few days ago how much she loves me to hold her and kiss her. she still calls me by our "petnames". We had a lot of sex! She even did things like kiss my fingertips that she only did when we were first going out and so in love. She had "that look" on her face! I'm so lost now. I really have this horrible feeling of saddness and almost dread in the pit of my stomach! I mean until so recently we were still planning our lives together! and now its all gone up in smoke? I really pleaded with her that we should try this! That all marriages go through times when it all feels hopefless and doomed but she doesnt want to try. She keeps saying that things would fall back to the way they were! and I'd ask her to have some faith in me, trust me and I can show her that we can fix this but she says that shes not interested! That if she stayed with me now it would be because of our son and because she doesnt want to let me down. I dont know what to think. I think all marriages can have times when it feels like the love is lost and there is no point to it. Its no surprise considering all the stress and worry and the time we spent at our jobs but that she doesnt want to fix it!? That she is not interested! That hurts so much. Really kills me that she just ended this without a fight! The thought of us not being together hurts! the idea that she will eventually get together with someone else hurts. She still insists that we go really well together! Nothing makes any sense! I think if it was more..if things made more sense then this would be easier to deal with. If she had been cold as ice with the love side for a few months. If she wasnt telling me she loved me. Wasnt holding me or kissing me. Wasnt having sex with me much. If she didnt say those things that make me think there is still hope and she does love me. Sometimes I dont even think she really knows what she feels! But she is the kind of person that makes a decision and sticks to it no matter what, so I have to accept that this is over, for good. A part of me is still in denial. That eventually when she gets this living alone thing out of her system she'll see how good things were with us and see how much she loved me. That when all the daily life problems are gone she'll realise she wants to be together with me. But I know in my logical brain this isnt going to happen. I just need to accept that. and to accept that once she gets that out of her system she'll move on and find another man to be with. That thought almost makes me want to die. The thought of the love of my life with another man! The mother of my child! My wife! Shes not even interested to sort out a divorce. She says we just do that sometime later. That we dont need to sort that out right away. Even though its just to sign a paper, leave it to the court house with about 30euros and thats that. I dont know what to do. Feels like everything I've done and planned for, the life we made and even recently planned for is all gone. I dont know where to turn or what to do. I'm finding it REAL difficult to drop this and accept that my marriage is over and our family is broken up. In fact, I cant deal with it. I cant accept it. She hasnt told anyone we're done. I guess she tells her mother tonight. She just acts like nothing really. That hurts too. I just dont know what to do. Anyone have some advice!?

wrong place

Thanks for the words. it really felt like you knew the situation first hand so it was great to hear from you. well, we did speak about it all now..through it all there was a lot of hugs, holding, kissing and sex a few times...she said a few hurtful things at one point where i really thought that was that and I dont know if I even want this to work out, but the more we talked we realised that we BOTH want the same things out fo this relationship and that all the time we were neglecting our relatinship, we put priority on our son and on work whuich is wrong. Of cousre our son is our lives but we need to make ourselves happy in order from him to be happy. He really notices when things arent going good and really tries to make us feel good so it really breaks my heart when he has to do that. We just talked about everything, very openly and honestly. and we're going to give this a try again, a real try and making sure that we take some time out for ourselves every now and again, away from the home, family and all that..just a time where we can be together, laugh, talk and NOT talking about family hah..probably easier said that done but thats what we're going to do. We just never had much good communication for the last two or so years, both of us exhausted from working, stressed from work and worry and trying to look after an almost hyperactive child who doesnt sit still for a split second frm when he wakes up to when he falls asleep. I guess we are just trying to prioritize things, we need to take care of us and take the time out for ourselves and that seems to be the main problem. When I asked her again about the comment that she had no feelings left for me she told me that because things had ben so bad for so long that she thinks shes just taken 1000 steps backwards. But considering the way she talks to me, touches me, kisses me, looks at me..there IS love there. I really think you were right about what you said above. in fact, so did she Who knows, this could all be doomed to failure in the end but we aint going down without a fight! Thanks for the words and help!

Hello all its my first post and mainly ebcause I really dont know what to do about this. Im married to this woman for the last five years and we have a four year old son together too. From the very beginning we had a VERY passionate (emotional aswell as otherwise) relationship. we were VERY close, got on great..everything was perfect. I really realised when I met her that I hadnt truly been in love with anyone else before. And from what she said and how she acted I think I can say the same for her. The problem is that we are from different countries so I eventualy moved to her country so she cold finish her studies and so on. We talked about it and we both knew that it was going to be tough with me having to learn a new language and start from the ground up. And of course when I came here I ended up having part time jobs, two at a time and basically working my a** off on it. She didnt bring in too much money to the household, just a study loan, but I didnt mind that so much, she took care of all the household stuff because I was either working or sleeping and she did eventually start to work two or three nights a week too. but after sometime I started to get very tired and irritatable. I started to worry about the future too, that things didnt seem to move forward (not in the relationship but otherwise). I guess Im naturally someone who worries but i think most people would be a little nervous. Anyway, this of course led to arguments, about stupid litle things and I said things when I was angry that I didnt mean. but fast forwarding to the last month we almost broke up. she told me she loved me but couldnt deal with teh way I was. I told her that I didnt even liek the way i was and I was just so fustrated with the situation and taking it out on her and that I was sorry. all was fine. then two nights ago she just says: "i dont have those kinds of feelings for you anymore". I was truly shocked! I mean up until the day before she was telling me and acting like she was in love with me and then she just said it like that! I got more worried about it because we were NOT arguing, and she said it in such a calm manner. we spoke about it all for the night and she said it a few more times. But what kills me is that she says shes still attracted to me, she loves to spend time with me, likes when I hug her and kiss her, she hates that I call her by her name (we have "petnames" as most couples)..and een wants me to lie with her when we watch TV. Eeven after I told her that this shouldnt happen. I dont know what to do. things ahvent been great for us the last year or two..we're both in our mid 20s and exhausted by life from work and worry..I suggested to her that all that whole situation is just clouding her mind and judgement ebcause I had before thought I had no feelings left for her too, but I did. but she says that that is probably not it, that she just doesnt love me in THAT way. and tonight, one night after all this, she went out with her friends...I cant understand that..we're ending our marriage and she goes out to drink. she consistantly says that she needs to live alone...i dont think it has anything to do with wanting other people, she is an honest person and she would have said it to me but i dunno I just dont know what to do..I really dont. I dont feel like "talking her into" staying with me, ebcause if she truly doesnt have those kinds of feelings left for me, then we shouldnt be together. But I love her so much, I love our family, I really cant imagine my day without her. her smell, touch..just seeing her and talking to her. sometimes I dont even think she knows me. she says the strangest things like thinking if I take our son home to visit my parents that I wont let her have him back. She says I dont love her or even like her. that I dont listen to her or even want to speak with her. ok things havent been paradise for the last two years but I love her more than anything and I would never ever everdo anything to harm my son or his relationship with his mother, no matter what happened. some advice would be great..I really dont know if i should just let it all go and try to move on or try to fix things in some way. If she really doesnt love me anymore or if its just the fact that things have been so much that we havent had anytime to ourselves, havent done anything as a couple and things have just gotten boring