lawandorder

First, its been a good bit since i posted on this. I am one that helped folks with getting an ex back and so on. But i am now in need of help. I have been in a relation ship with this lady for about 2 years. I went through a hard divorce and then she walked in my life. Now I have known her for, well, 18 years. And she was one that i was around alot for years. So to my point. She has 2 boys. both i have known since birth. one is 17 and turned 17 this week. the other is 12. and they are hers. now I have 2 girls about the same ages as her boys. i dont have custody and so i see them every other weekend. Now my history. my girls both never get in trouble and make staight A's. Now her two boys. the 12 year old has him asthma real real bad and we go to the hospital alot. I even kicked the smoking habit of 23 years for him. now his dad was a friend of mine. got on the meth. now he comes to see his boy ever year or so for a few minutes. so i guess i am like his dad in a way. he makes great grades now and is doing better. Now my issue. the 17 year old. He is in a shell. wont ask his dad that he see's every other weekend for nothing. he does pay child support. but wont do anything for this kid. I have tried to help in school. natural thing since i come from a 4 generation teacher family. But he is a jr. in high school and in special ed. he is on a 4th grade level. NO drugs. but this kid is real to him self. after 2 years we just dont talk. it takes all i have to get him to take a shower each nite. No job. he is suppose to pick up the kitchen daily. not much to it. 2 or 3 minutes. wont do it half the time. he still has no drivers licence. cant pass the test. even after $500 at a driving academy. He has gone off and got his first girl friend. he is in 11th grade and she is in 7th. bad news for a 17 year old to date a 14 year old. he faild 2 classes last 6 weeks and then it made him fail for the semister. he was grounded. but he gets to go or do what he wants. to the show with his cousin. now his aunt takes them and picks them up. this kid wont get mad over not getting an extra cookie but never really talks about driving. he has a truck in the driveway and wont even have anything to do with it. i am at a loss. i dont want him to live here when he hits 18. i mean this kid just gets on my nerves so bad. now i cant talk to his mom or we would fight. i am sure of it. He wrote a letter to himself. lol but it was 10 reasons i hate my mom. she grounds me. that he cant stand and hates me. and just plain dumb things. he stated he hates me because i dont buy him an xbox 360. that my kids and his brother got ipods for making good grades and he didnt get one. i can go on and on. but i need help on what to do. how do i get through to this kid. i talk about his future and how ill pay for college if he will try. he tells everyone he is going to be a pro dirt bike racer. and he rides a dirt bike in the yard at his dads. but that is what he tells his friends and teachers and so on. he wont consider a job. but he wants wants wants. its strange. please advice on this. I love my girl friend and we are suppose to marry in a few months. but what do i do???

Well i need some advise on the breaking up thing. Here we go with it and i hope someone can give me some insight. I have posted on here many of times how to get someone back and so forth. And i started a divorce in jan 2005. i met a great lady i have known for about 12 years. and we hit it off. well my divroce was suppose to be final in April of 05. didnt happen. to this day i am still fighting to get it done. nothing left to fight over but i cant get a signed divorce. now the lady that tells me she loves me. how her kids love me. how she wants to spend the rest of our life together flips out. Today i went to court to for motion to enforce the divorce. well my ex was a no show and her lawyer called for mediation. So its put off another month. and when i told my girl frined that lives with me this she flipped out. she now tells me that she cant live with me. That its not what she wants in the choice to leave but its what she has to do. Her family loves me. but i never mention a problem to them. so thats not an option. but she has just flipped. So this afternoon i avoid her. but she lets me know she will have to live with me for awhile till she can afford a place of her own and get on her feet. i dont want her kids on the street so i said ok but it will be a room mate thing. So i get on with my day to day work and got pretty tied up with a few big clients and time got away from me and i avoided her for hours. then she calls wanting to know my plans for the nite. i told her ill go eat and then when i get home i plan on running for about an hour and then get some things done for work and go to bed. she wants to know why im running and worried about myself. and starts acting funny. my advice thing comes in here. i love her yes. but i have been dealing with a long divorce. a ex that wants back. and i dont want that at all. she is worse than satin. I have been through hell. now i want peace. i want a simple life and calm well being. i dont need the crap. so do i just avoid her and not talk alot and hope she moves on. or blow up. or what. i love her but i dont need her. i dont have any hurt in my heart of breaking up. so thats not an issue. I can be will enough alone. i do love her though and care for her. but she claims she cant deal with me not being divoreced and is wigged out. what should i do???

ya know, if everyone reads each post and each issue. in a strange way its all close to the same. now events are different. but as we all know deep down we want the ex back. other wise we would move on and not bother with this. the question we all need to look at is simple. what to do next and how to do it. NC is just part of it. and then like dave has said. Do nothing about getting them back or about any part of the ex. but what should we all do with ourselves and what really matters?? what is the thing that we just dont do for ourselves?? take the steps to find out and then to do it and we all would be home free. any takers on what to do???

LOL. well put dave. but there is alot you left out of it. more detail. for example: how to do the NC rule. How to get over it. how to move on. how to have the mind set. what works. also if they didnt leave you for someone else how to then win them back if need be. but most important is how to get over this. I mean when you cant eat, sleep or think. what to do. step by step instructions helps so much. People get through things of this nature. But there is the hard way and the less hard. none of its easy. But what to do. thats the key point and the winning answer is not always slapping people in the face. But you have hit the nail on the head on what you did post. great post.

reading down all this and this one just caught my eye. there is a way of getting your ex back. well, depends on if you did something wrong and just how wrong. But about 90% of the time you can get the ex back. In the mean time you can advace yourself like never before. But to do it you cant use mind games and tricks. it will just blow up again if it did work. but comeone. There is a way and it may not happen overnite. but it will happen. i posted long time ago on this and got my private message box filled up. and then responding to as many as i could and staying in contact i think 8 out of 10 did get back with the ex. anyway. enough. my point was you can do this and it does work. and from the first post at the top. I agree.

I have a few questions. Are you wanting the divorce and move on?? Are you wanting to work things out?? are you wanting her back and to really have a good relationship?? Its hard to give advice and how to proceed with out knowing exactly what your ultimate goals may be.

hmmmmmmmmm.... Ok, just a few words of advice after reading this thread a bunch. the people you know or know you are going to be hard to change whay you are in their eyes. No matter how much you change or what you change. But the new people you meet can have a different out look on their view on you. I hear so many times that you are too good for that. Dont listen to them. Let it go they dont know what they are missing. Well, it is the same thing that people say money does not make one happy. Well, thats becasue they are broke and dont have any. My point is this. You say you work 7 days aweek alot. Fine. You dont have a after hour life. Great. So be it. You have not had a G/F since 1999. cool. Now anyone can say all this is fine and you are great as a person. That looks are only skin deep. Well, the skin deep is what people see. Sounds bad from what I have said here. But its the truth. Now you have made a big step in changing since you are on here. You have people on here that care. They are all here to help becasue most of them are here because they have had issues in their life. here is some thoughts on changing your life. First thing is to take time for yourself. Now you say you dont have an after work life. Great. you got time. First take out a tape measure and some string. Measure your arms, waist, chest, legs and so forth. write them down and put the date. Take pictures of yourself. Use a mirror to help if you dont have anyone else to take them. then write down what your goals are. think of the body you want. Get on a diet that fits your weight and goals. Then eat right and spend your after hour time at the gym or if you can buy your wieghts and so forth for the home. And get on a work out plan and stick to it. If you need help on diet and work out try a book called body for life. then go to the hair dresser and get a hair cut to help you. buy a few new things to wear. Now dont go spend alot of money if you are going to get on a good diet and work out plan since your size will change. Focus on these things. Then if you do go to church then get more active if possible. God wont just change you but he can and will guide you. If you dont go to church and dont have a desire then disreguard the last statment. But if you dont like what you see in the mirrow then change it. Only you can do that. Change it. it may take 3 or 6 months to really see some effect but it will work. this will help so much with your view on yourself. but it wont happen in hours or days. it takes time but you can change yourself and then change the way people view you. but you have to set your goals and work to reach them. this is just my views and thoughts and it seems to always work Peace

I started a divorce in Jan 05 and it was suppose to be the same as done in April of 05. But we still lack some legal crap and its been a year for the final to be signed. But that is the leagal side. But as far as pain. It will hit home. It can due alot of damage if you let it. There are two forms of Divorce. first is the legal side of it. Second is the emotional side. The pain can get pretty bad at times. Really dont know why but it does. Its like when you have a death in the family and you get really down about it. But sometimes it can be worse since the person is still around and you can see them and hear of what they are doing and so forth. But you have to depend on your friends and family and lean on them and use them to keep you busy. Keep you from thinking so much. Focus on you and no one else. But use this forum to talk to people as well. there is always someone on here with the same feelings that is going through it or has been through it. Advice here is worth its weight in gold if you really listen to what all is being said. Wish you luck my frined.

Hello freeindeed.. Well, just an update. I had to let the hammer down. My way or the high way. You all are right. Letting it just go seems to make it alot worse. If she wants to let the oldest son drive and give him a car (her car in her name) and let her kids makes F's in school and say nothing and not make them mind and just do for them every way possible. Then park my Lexus. He can drive her car and she can walk. Wants to live in my house for free and with her kids but not respect me or my home then she can move. I just laid it all out. In my home I own it and my way is the only way. If they dont like what they see here no one is making them stay. If she wants to reward bad grades and not doing anything around the house then great. But i take away from her if she doesnt take away from them. It worked. I just got fed up and let it out. it really worked thanks for you all letting me vent

I started dating a lady a few months ago. My exwife and her were best friend and her ex husband and myself were best friends. LOL we are all still good friends. Now i was the best man at their wedding and my exwife was the matron of honor. LOL ok that was 15 years ago and about 10 years since they divorced. Anyway.... We went out and one thing led to another. We dated for a few months and I stayed at her duplex some. Now I went through a divorce months before we went out. Yes I have been married 2 times. I had a home built a little over a year ago and I have room for her and her 2 sons. 5 bedrooms and 4 baths. She moved in. I was alone and thought it would do me good. I let her drive my Lexus SUV or my corvette at times. She pays no bills. Nothing. Not at all. Now she buys most of the food in the house. Thats all. Now the issues. She has to know all my personal business. Insurance, income and so forth. My divorce has been drawn out bad. My ex is with another man and is expecting a baby in a few months. But we still have minor issues to finish in our divorce. But I agreed to leave her cell phone on till the end of the divorce but I didnt know it would take this long. It costs me $9.00 a month. Now my girlfriend wont get off of this. Now me and my ex dont talk. But my girlfirend just wont let up. Issue number 2. One of her sons will turn 16 in a few weeks. He is failing in school. But she wont let me do much on that. He comes home and sleeps and plays video games and watches tv. Never goes out. Not many friends. He is not bad though. He is to himself and seems like a ok kid. No drugs and never has drank one drop of a beer. Strange to say that. Now the 12 year old is a ok kid. But he wont take a bath unless forced. He fails. they do fight all the time. But now when it comes to the 16 year old gets what ever he wants. the 12 year old gets very little. She is giving the 12 year old her car. 2002 grand prix gt. but she has to get him the tires and wheels and stereo he wants or he wont drive it. Money coming from her income tax refund. I asked if I got anything. she told me I had my own pay checks. Now i have never got a refund from our pals the IRS. But she just does anything the oldest wants. Now the next issue. I asked if the oldest was going to get a little job after school. I worked when I was 14 during the summers and after school. No i did wear shoes to walk to school in the snow. Im only 35 but I had to make good grades and I learned the value of education and the dollar. But she tells me if he works he will let his grades go down even more. So she is going to give him alot of her pay check for gas, insurance and spending money. This kid does not know the difference in a flat head and phillips head screw driver. now the real big one on me: I told her i was going to get the boys up early saturday and they can go with me to the back of property and cut some fire wood. Then I will take them down to the lake to go fish for a bit. Instead of saying ok. She asked me what my daughter was going to do. I dont even have my daughter this weekend. And my daughter makes staight A's. She has no choice on that. She always works when at my house. But she doesnt want her sons having to do any yard work. they will not turn out a light. they will leave and not lock the doors. They will drink a coke outside and just throw down the can. But she gets mad if i speak on almost anything. Then she is in a bad mood most of the time now. She will bring up my ex wife and then get mad. I hear that I did more for my ex wife all the time. Always comparing things. Has to make sure no matter what her kids get more than my daughter. Now I dont have to pay child support for my child but I do. I take care care of her every way possible. but i have give her mom money to go do more for her so my girlfriend wont find out. But she gets mad over anything. I am so lost. I do care for her but what should I do. Tonight, questioned me about the cell phone. And asked when I am getting her one. I told her we have been over this. As soon as the divorce I can add another phone to my account for her. Then she got mad and went to bed. Now she bought her 16 year old his own cell phone for christmas. I guess I am about to tell her she can spend $5000 on her son but she might want to save some for her a new place to live. She tells me i am the same as their step dad when it comes to doing for them but not in any other respect. sorry to be so long but this is living hell.

Ya know, very few people do something when down like pilot. Get a hobby??? NC??? Change jobs??? and my big question is why??? I went through a real bad break one year ago. I was married though. My wife filed for divorce on Jan 7th and moved out that day. I went through H*ll for 2 long months. I loved her with all my heart. One month after we split she went out with some guy that was a low life. But 7 months before we split I bought a brand new 5 bedroom 4 bath home. Bought her a new car 4 months before we split. Gave her the world and no im not rich I work my butt off. Then she went to the low life side and then I got things right in my heart and mind. My dad told me before he left this * * * *ty world a few things that meant so much. one of them is that a women is like a black snake. You can do anything you want and its wrong. something seems like a great idea and back fires. So why not use logic and do nothing about the relationship. Yes, do nothing. And get yourself right. Get a new career if possible and if not then do all you can to take your current carrer to the highest you can. Get on a diet if and work out. Get your body the way you have always wanted it. We all have wanted to want more out of our bodies. Walk, run or lift weights. This helps alot with the mind set. diet will also help alot. Focus on yourself. Get yourself the way you always wanted. And NC to a point. If it is face to face at work or what ever keep it simple. No serious talk on nothing. give her what she wants. Keeps from having a fight. Now everybody wants what they cant have. One reason you want her back so bad is because you cant have her. So reverse this mind set. She fell for you once before and she will again. but no body wants someone that is down, depressed and sad. No one wants someone that has let themselves go or their house or car or what ever. Make yourself wanted. If you are like I was you didnt want to eat, always wanted to sleep and your mind was a million miles from where it should be. But exercise and diet helps. You can take alot out on a weight bar. I promise. Then dont stare at the walls. get out. go to wal mart and get health foods. Sounds stupid but gets you out fo the house. Work on the yard or the house or something. make yourself and your surroundings better and better. But put it in your head that you are going to make her want you back by the progress you make. Then last thing is to take a chance and date others. No harm in a nice dinner or a movie with another girl. Not saying sex. Just the company of someone. But dont lead on anyone. Even in the Bible Jesus enjoyed the company of women. And it was not for sex. Simple fact is this. If you improve yourself in all aspects and focus on the improvements then you have less focus on her. Then when she sees you are not chasing her and there are others interested in you then she will stop running and chase you. A black snake is a king snake. I live in east texas. And we have alot of them. If you chase one they will run and run. Now when you stop chasing the snake and turn your back then look out. That black snake will chase you and chase you. And that is how humans are alot of the time. I did this to my ex. I worked out 5 days a week. My house was 9 months old and I changed some of the colors in different rooms. I focused on changing the yard. I cleared out 5 acres and made my yard alot bigger. I focused on my career more than ever. And then I dated a few others and found one I really liked. Then my ex wanted to come home and to this day she still calls 10 plus times a week wanting us back together. And I am happy with the new girl. But the beauty of it is that I am in the best shape of my life and i am 35 years old. I am so far ahead in my career to a year ago and if i wanted my ex back I could have her. But she got knocked up in August of this year and I just dont need a child and one that is not mine. But get focused and write your plan down and work that plan. IMO this works but I am sorry for the long posting. Sorry

i agree with 100% and been there and done it all. But there are a few steps left out IMO. You have to have a plan and work your plan. How to make progress? How to get life in order? IMO and from experience is simple but very hard. But you have to take focus off the ex. and focus on yourself. For example: Focus on your career what ever it may be or school or so on. Try harder to excell more than you ever thought possible. Take pride in yourself. from your diet to working out or walking each day. focus on all aspects of your body. Let me ask a question. How many ex's come back to someone depressed, down, broke and gaining weight and desperate. Hmmm, none? so better ever aspect of yourself. But I agree so much on the lists on what not to do. So well stated. Every action has a reaction. But no action has no reaction. So the points from superdave go hand in hand. Dont chase the ex. People want what they cant have. Period. So work the system and see the out come. Write down your daily goals, weekly goals and monthly. Then write down how you are going to get there. and then work it daily. Sorry I got started on this and took up so much time. But great post superdave

sorry I have been away on the post. Been on vacation for a bit. Had to have some time away and I mean away from my ex. so me and the new girl went Las Vegas. Had a good time and really helped clear the mind

is bright eyes still out there???

brighteyes, great job. Few things to change though. ON the progress. great. Keep it up. But dont tell him. Its like telling him you have changed. So instead, let word get back to him with out you telling him. Keep going with the progress and be around people that can let the word get back. When you talk to him act happy and on cloud nine. but dont let him know why. If he does ask what you are happy about tell him you are just in a good mood and looking forward to some plans you and frineds have or what ever. One thing you may want to consider now is dating others. Or going out with friends where guys are involved. Im not saying sex. But if its been 2 months the date others. Enjoy yourself. And alot of times you wil find someone that you are happier with. Now dont hurt someone else though. Dont use someone for this purpose. Be upfront that you have been in a long relationship and you would love to go out but dont want to miss lead anyone. Honesty is good. but if he finds out you went out with someone else he is going to get mad. But he will get over that. 2 months and he dumped you. His problem. The he will realize that others are interested in you and this will really get him. If he has you wrapped then he can do anything and you will be there to fall back on. but if he feels other men are after you he will get of his but and do something. Worst case is that you find someone else you woulud much rather be with. But dont ever stop the focus on you. I started my plan in Jan 2005 and to this day I have not stopped. 2 1/2 hours a day working out. I love eating right and so forth. I love the results. It will change your life in itself.

So you are saying NC for months is a better bet. No plan what so ever. If you win them back it wont last??? Working on yourself and so forth is a joke???? HMMMMM I guess I asked for it this type of thing in my first post on this thread. If you go months with no contact you will heal and get over the other person. But if you want to stay on their mind you have to have some sort of contact. Wont last??? The post is on how to win them back not keep them for your entire life. Most people learn from their mistakes and avoid them in the future. They remember the pain of losing the mate. You stop chasing and if they want to move on they will do so. I have never seen a ex leave and want to leave a happy and none fighting mate unless they moved on with someone else. But most of the time if they have moved on like that it wont last. Most of the time it is a rebound. You should give advice on what not to do when you win them back. Give the advice on what you did to run them off that many times. Thats a trip. the main focus that we have to remember is to really focus on ourselves. Body and mind. by the end, no matter the outcome you are way ahead of the game.

I agree with all here. I can only say that the fist step in getting better is not dealing with it. As long as its been you need to step back and look in the mirror. If you had a son and he was going through this and he came to you for help what would you tell him??? I know from my past that it hurts and can drive you crazy. You look everywhere for someone to tell you what you want to hear and until you get better or hear it you wont get better. But if you hear it you wont get better either. I think I just rattled a bit. I feel you need to take care of yourself. School, career what ever. Take care of your body and get it the way you want. And date others. You dont even have to tell her. But fill the void. Never hurts to be in good company with a lady. When you want to talk to her come on here and talk to us. It will go along way in helping you and keep you away from contacting her. It helped most of us on here.

Well, I won my ex back. Problem was the new girl ended up winning me. There were so many positives with her. My ex begged me for 6 weeks (while we were back together) not to go through with the divorce. I made up an excuse and did it anyway. Then she got mad a few days after and moved out. Well, I packed her up. Then the new girl is my girl now. She has lived with me for 3 months now. My ex dated another guy for a month and then tried like heck to get me back and she tried for a few weeks and then started dating another guy and she still calls me. I am nice and polite but thats it. I still love her but my feelings are so weak for her now its not funny. I still work out daily and have kept my daily plan going. Feel better now than I have in so many years. Who knows who I will end up with but for now I am pleased. Now, on the fact of being generic. Watch Dr. Phill and all that stuff. They give advice of what logic tells you. Let me ask a question. If you get your poop in a group. You get your career on track. You get your life on track You get your body the way you want it. How can this not help someone. I am not a religious freak. But I even got back in chruch and now I go on Wednesday nights and on Sundays and take part. Once you get on a positive roll you just keep going in the right directions. Now alot of people may end up like me. Finding somone else that just sweeps them off their feet and dont want to go back. But my plan is not 100% but it has had a 99% rate of success. I did have one friend that is not doing well. LOL But when you do find someone else and you have been doing the plan most dont have bad feelings. Its not looking for the greener grass. its moving on and wanting too. Each case is different. True. But that is why differnet cases take different types of adise for it to work. There is no one manual to success. But alot of times with some help it works.

BLACK SNAKE I cant spend alot of time in one nite giving all details but I can do this in steps. Pretty simple and it works. BLACK SNAKE: Well, ya see where I come from its called a king snake. Texas if ya wonder. Its a good snake. It kills the bad snakes and cannot not hurt humans. Now the black snake will run from you. I mean it will just run as long as you chase it. Then when you stop chasing and turn your back, buddy here it comes full speed. This is human nature as well. I dont care the deal unless it is drugs or abuse. Then you go above me on how to work the plan. This plan works but is not good when used to just get someone back and you really dont care. Here is a little histroy about me. And I did this plan and it worked. My ex and I fought for a few months. Married for 3 years. She never worked and I gave her the world. Houses, cars and so forth. Problem she was 21 and I was 32. Anyway. She filled for divorce in Jan of this year. I lived in hell for 7 weeks. Then I put a plan into action and she took it hook line and sinker. 1st. Focus on yourself. Work on your career or school. Work on your weight. work out and get the body you have always wanted. Focus on you. Put forth the effort. No matter what stick to a diet and work out plan. If you dont have the coin to get equipment or cant hit the gym then walk, run and push ups and sit ups and so forth. But this will help the mind and the body. Diet is very important. Most of us either dont eat when down or over eat. Eat right and drink water and alot of it. And get your rest as well. You will feel beter about yourself and it will help your mind as well. For the record I went from 236 pounds down to 183 in 6 weeks. My waist dropped 4 sizes and my chest and arms grew like crazy. 2nd. NC but contact is needed. Whatttt??? ok, you want to go a few days and leave them alone. Then make up an excuse for a little contact. then go 2 extra days longer than the time before and then a little contact. Then go 3 days longer and so forth. Do not go over 10 days. Dont expect them to just fall over you. 3rd. Act happy. If you are not happy, they you better fake it. YOur world is perfect. you are happy and things are going great. Make them think you are doing well and you are happy. If its word of mouth getting back to them that your happy or what ever. Just make them think you are happy and care free. But dont go over board. 4th. No serious talks. Keep it short and sweet. Keep it happy talk. Good mood and happy talk. Do not argue. Just agree. Even if they say they want a divorce. just agree and give them what they want. Dont argure. Remembrer when you argure you are fighting with them to tell them that they are wrong and you are right. So dont argue. 5th. No "I love you" or I have changed. Prove it. Dont speak of it. You cannot change them but you can change you. when you change then people around you will change as well. 6th. Be careful not to hurt someone else. But go out and have fun. Try to have fun. Date others. But be careful. They cannot say much since they left you. but do not lead on the person you date if you intend on getting back with the ex. But dating others is very good. If the other one thinks someone is interested in you then they will soon chase since they will think you are not after them. But even if the ex never knows it will help you. Sounds crazy but it will help you alot. Now there are alot of things in between. But this is the start and the basic. But remember this. When the time comes to get back do not do it all at once. Take a few weeks of gentle getting back together. Not all at once. Remember, getting yourself in line is step one. It is the hardest but the most important. When focused on your career or school and you over all looks and diet and so forth is alot of work and will keep your mind off everything. Or should I say help. Remember that time heals alot and when you get back on mental track you will also be on a physical up swing. It works. Also think of this. People want what they cant have. So do not make yourself like a little puppy just waiting. Play hard to get. Even if they dont seem like they want you it will bring them closer if they feel you may and I say may be moving on. If you agree or not please give some feed back or questions

Thanks Brando. Here is alittle update. My ex called me after 5 days. She was calling to see if I was going to make some of her monthly payments. I told her that it was not my place and I need to focus on my daughter more and do for her and her new bf should take care of her. She then let me know that a friend that we both see all the time was sorta of a go between. She got him to tell me things like she was done, and she had found the true love of her life just so it would get to me and upset me. then I laid it all out on the line. She asked about going to Cobo San Lucas in July. I told ther that if we went and spent 6 nights together that the odds are we would come back and be together. That we may even get remarried while there. then we will come back and it will be great for a few months. Then for no real reason we would repeat history as we have before. Split up and do it again. I asked her if it was worth the chance on the man of her dreams not taking her back if we didnt work out. I told her that if he is this good to her and does the little things for her is it really worth the chance. Then I told her that it just is not worth me taking the chance on ending my new relationship. we can be friends. She asked what that means. I just said if we ever see each other we can wave a hand and contiune life. She didnt cuss me out this time. but I could tell this is not really what she wanted to hear. I did this since the new gf has moved in. but there is a catch to this. The new girl is a girl I have been around for 20 years. she is best friends with wy first wife. Now me and my first wife have a daughter but we are best friends as well. Its great. So my daughter has been around the new girl all her life. She has spent alot of weekends for years with my new gf since she was best friends with my first wife and all that. She does things for me that are small and mean so much. After reading your post brando it got me thinking. and I have made some changes. I got back in the gym again. I got back on my high protein diet. I also got focused even more on my career and my income. I have decided to give my new girl a real chance to make it work. I have decided to give myself one year to get where I need to be on a income level and to go beyond what I ever wanted in the fact of getting into shape. I just really am having issues with the NC and getting the ex out of my mind and heart. I loved her more than life and it is just real hard at times. I know that my ex has not changed her ways and she will always play the games but I just cant get away from it. I miss her so dang much. I wish I could get past this and I would be fine.

Thanks Brando. today has been strange. my ex told me Tuesday (last day of contact) that she was going to Dallas for a school on how to get into real estate. She didnt graduate high school. She never learned to study or anything. She couldnt pass the GED test or anything. But then I saw her in town today and she never went to Dallas. She lied. I found out she is spending her money on pain pills. She told me Tuesday she need help with rent, truck payment, all her utilities and so forth. She wanted money for tires for her truck and other things for it. Came out to be aournd $3000. Now this truck was mine. 2002 F250 super duty disel super crew. Its lifted way up in the air and the tires are around $400 each. LOL Now the guy she is with has no teeth and all he does is drink. He makes very little money and has nothing. No one can understand why she hangs out with him. She tells everyone she is happy and having a blast. But then she talks to everyone about how she didnt have her fair chance with me and I didnt give her a real chance at all. When I take her calls she wants something and goes off into she didnt have a chance to make it work with me and keeps on about it. Then she gets mad and tells me she is happy now. I told her Tuesday to let the new guy pay her way in life. That she is his now and I have moved on. Then she goes off on me and hangs up. LOL strange deal. I know she still has feelings for me since she states she loves me but she is happy now. So I moved on. Last night we went to the casino in Shreveport and went down the Boardwalk with the new girl and spent the night. Had a blast. I could type for a week on the great things of the new girl. From sex to how she treats my little girl. But I still think of my ex alot. I still miss her. How do I get her out of my head so I can be in my new relationship whole hearted. And will my ex ever just leave me alone?? Brando.. I have given 100's of people advice and got many thanks back but I can never solve my own problems. What is your insight??

I know I should use my head and block out my heart but it is so dang hard. Everytime I feel like I may have a chance to move on and getr over it, she will call. Then I am back into the trap of thinking. Now I know I shouldnt pick up but I just cant help that. I have not spoke to her now for 2 days. I have to go out of town with the new girl tomorrow and wont be back till Sunday so that will keep me with the NC. But thats only 5 days. I just really would like to win my ex back and right now i cant see the light.

Well, I do have feelings for my new girlfriend. She has treated me better than I can ever remember. She is one heck of a women. But my heart just kicks me in the but. We saw my ex tonight on the road. She looked at us and looked off real fast. I know tomorrow I will get a call and go off on me. She gets so jealous over every aspect of me dating anyone. She tells me I could help her if I was not out with other women. She is all into what I can help her with. but when I tell her to get the new boy to do it she gets mad and goes off. She tells me all the time that women are after money and thats it and she was the only one that is real. Then tells me that I didnt give her a fair chance the last time to work things out and its to late now. Then the next day she will repeat herself on that. And nag me real bad. I just feel if she wanted it to be over she would leave me alone and go on with life. but I feel you all are right. that if the new guy could give her what I can she would move on and never call me. It is hard since my heart is all into her and I dont want it that way.

Well, here we go. Me and my ex had issues for about 4 months. Not real major but issues. Then on Jan 7th she left. She hated me. She called me alot and cussed me out alot. One time she would be nice and then 4 times she hated me. Then after a month she started dating someone else. Now we were together for 4 1/2 years. Then she heard I was dating others and a little time passed and she wanted to come home. We made it for 6 weeks. We finished our divorce becasue I wanted to complete it since we had gone that far. then she blew up 3 days after the divorce and moved out again. Now here is the kicker to my problems. I had built us a new home. 4000 sq feet for just us with 4 bed rooms and 3 baths. She is only 24 and never had anything like this. We have 3 new cars and a new truck. Even a corvette. she had it made. But she claimed that she knows I was not cheating but my heart is with someone else I had dated when we were separated. She got mad since I would not change my email nor my cell number. I did not reassure her at all. I know I was at fault. Now, I got the house and all the cars in the divorce and she got a truck which she has to pay on. Great for me. But I miss her and do want her back. I do love her. Well, she started dating a guy that is very much on the ugly side. Im not saying I am a 10. But he makes very very little money and bums off her. But he is really nice to her. I went back to the girl I dated before. Now my ex has seen her driving her vette. she raised h$%% over that. but I dont care if her guy drives my old truck. She tells me all the time I didnt give her a fair chance to make our relationship work. and she brings up our relationship daily. She dwells on that and dwells on my new girl friend. I just gets the best of her. She tries to make me jealous and I just let it go and never let her know it bothers me. Then the real kicker. she wants me to take her to Cobo San Lucas in July. She is broke and cant pay for about $1600 of bills this month and I will not help her on that. She needs about $2000 for new tires. (the truck is like a small version of a monster truck). I told her to get her new boy to buy them. She is broke and lets me know it and hates me since I am not. She is upset over someone else may take her place with me. She gets so mad she will yell and cuss and hang up. My question is this. If she wants to really work it out. Why play games. If she was done with us then why call me. Why worry about anything with us. Why bring up our issues and how they could have been solved. then say she hates me and never wants to speak again. then call the next day for money and then start in on me about other women then flip to I had a chance to fix our relationship then flip again on what went wrong. Everyone claims it is a game. They tell me she wants back together but she is just playing a game. Now I have a cute good girl I am with. One that takes good care of me and works for what she has and still comes home and cleans and cooks and just loves to be with me no matter what. But my heart is with my ex and it sucks bad. Please help me out on what my ex is thinking and what move to make.

I have been through a little of this. or alot of this. Read books??? Time to heal??? so easy to say and not what one feels. I feel your pain. Let me ask a few questions here. Do you want to be with someone that is down in the dumps all the time??? Do you want to go to a pitty party?? Y no you dont. Time to heal is so open. Look at it this way. Get involved in a gym or nothing else get you some dumb bells. Start working out and running or walking. Get on a diet. Get yourself in the best shape of your life. Get your career on top of the world. Get your body and your looks second to none. Work on yourself. Now this wont just get things off your mind but will get you to have great pride. Just do it. Next: I agree with some posts on dating. Go out with others. The company of going out will ease alot of pain. Have fun doing it. At first you will think of the ex but that will go away fast. Now when the ex see's you looking better and doing better and dating. Man oh man. Get a stick ready. Now one thing i found out during all this. I fell in love with someone else and my wife wanted to come home and I let her. I am now fixing to finish the divorce with her and go to the one I love. But 2 weeks of eating right and working out and sleeping good at night helped me alot and then dating on top of that. I had my life back. Just try it.