Andie
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Ok, a week later and he's coming over again.. calls my uncle at 8:00 this morning because he HAS to speak to him tonight, something really important.. ugh, if he wants to be apart, stay away from my home! Jesus this is hard..
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Today he calls my uncle's house and says he'll be over in a half hour.. my uncle wasn't even home, the ex said this to uncle's girlfriend on the phone.. so my uncle's home now and I left before the ex got there.. I can't see him, I'm not ready! I'm sure my uncle's girlfriend will tell me if he says anything about me.. oh man I don't know what to think of this! He KNOWS I f*cking LIVE there! He knows he hurt me, and on the one hand I'm like "Why the f*ck is he doing this to me? Hurting me like this? Just because it's over for him he thinks he can just call and pop by?" Then I think "Well, at least I have some kind of contact with him." Either way I'm so hurt.. he could just as easily meet my uncle at the damn BAR!! Help me God please..
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I spoke to the ex's mom last week.. I had sent her flowers for her birthday and she called to thank me.. we were never really close but she was very sincere and thankful for the thought.. it was a surprise because I thought she'd be thrilled I was gone.. guess I was wrong.. I have this habit of putting myself down and thinking no one likes me (yes, terrible self esteem).. I did NOT bring up the ex but she did, saying it was a shame that we broke up, how we were together for so long.. I said I just want him to be happy because I love him that much and maybe one day we can be friends.. she said he really wants that.. so I am confused (again!) because who wants to stay friends with their ex unless they really care about them? And she didn't have my number so I know she had to have asked him for it.. I have heard this 'friends (JUST friends)' thing from 3 people now.. I have continued to keep NC and haven't heard from him either.. I'm a little past 15 weeks of NC btw.. I know I'm not ready to see him as I could not be just friends.. So anyone have any advice/input on what this means? I know I'm only hearing this second hand, but it's come from his mother and my uncle and uncle's girlfriend, 3 people he's very close with.. does anyone think he really wants to actively pursue a friendship?
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What am I supposed to think of him wanting to be 'just friends, nothing more'? He isn't dating anyone, and doesn't want to.. and yet he was asking my uncle about me - how he heard about my trip to California, wanted to know how I was, wanted to know if I was working.. I mean here he was sitting in my home visiting my family for 2 hours.. they didn't talk about just me, they were catching up as he and my uncle were always very close.. but if he didn't care, why even ask about me? Help me please this is making me crazy!! We were together from the time he was 19 and I was 23.. he's now 32 and I'm 35 (36 in May).. and he's never had another girlfriend or lover.. I was his first everything..
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He wants to be just friends, nothing more.. my uncle said that and I don't know if those were the ex's exact words or not, but both my uncle and my uncle's girlfriend told me he wants to be friends and is not looking to be with anybody right now.. that f*cking stings like hell! I guess that's all I get.. God I love that a**hole so much..
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Wow.. 2 days ago he came over my house and told my uncle he misses me and wants to be friends with me.. (I live with my uncle - I'm downstairs, he's upstairs).. what am I supposed to think of this? I did not see him.. my uncle called and said he was bringing the ex home with him to see the puppies, so I went down the block to a friend's house.. my mom was home (she lives here too) and mentioned that I was at my friend's house, so the ex knew I was only 2 houses away but I wasn't bothering to come home to see him.. I am going to keep NC going as I am on day 90.. if he misses me so much he can call me.. oh yeah, he's not seeing the girl he left me for at Christmas.. he's not seeing anyone and said he's comfortable being alone right now and working on getting his life together..
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I see so many people asking about it.. I see people who have accomplished it.. but the ex has to want to come back.. my ex left me this past Christmas day after 12 years together.. said he met someone at work, wasn't in love with me anymore and wanted a fresh start.. 85 days later, I haven't heard from him.. I haven't contacted him either.. there's no plan that's gonna work for someone in my shoes.. he's gone and that's that.. am I right? I think so, and yet I still see these posts about how it CAN be done.. any advice for me?
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Do the 'dumpers' have rebound relationships too?
Andie replied to Andie's topic in Breaking Up Advice
That's why I wondered if this was a rebound for him.. he's been insecure his whole life (very DEEPLY insecure) and is just getting some self esteem now.. at age 32, I'm the only woman he's ever been with.. with his 'new look', it would seem he is definitely testing the waters of the female world, and I could imagine him hooking up with the first reasonable attractive woman who showed interest in him (he always said not much turned him off.. what that says about me I don't know ) -
Do the 'dumpers' have rebound relationships too?
Andie replied to Andie's topic in Breaking Up Advice
What does that mean? "not every rebound bounces back" -
I know the ones who are dumped (sorry, it's such a harsh word) easily get in to rebound relationships, but do the dumpers do the same thing? He started seeing someone before he broke it off with me, so I was wondering could this be a rebound for him? I'm confused as to how rebounds work for dumpers.. [link removed HERE to see my original post.. no point in writing the story again.. Thank you for any input..
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Hey lawandorder I think you did GREAT by refusing her the money! I do have a question though - at what point does someone make the move an say "let's work it out"?
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Newbie needs input - he transformed and left me..
Andie replied to Andie's topic in Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend Relationships
He WAS, but lost 120 pounds and fixed his teeth.. worked past the depression by improving his looks.. sorry you got confused.. -
It would be nice to show him, but despite those 12 years together, we don't hang out with the same people and I was not close with his family (we both had/have emotional baggage/problems) I've been in a BAD depression and he had said more than once he couldn't handle it, that I was too dependent on him.. but I got that way because he was so damn jealous I cut everybody off! To the point where I stopped going anywhere and the computer became my social life and he was jealous of that! WHAT THE HELL?!? Make up your mind, do you want me to go out and have a life or am I too dependent, JEEZ! Anyway, even if/when I do all this improving, how will I see him? Y'know to let him know I'm 'new and improved'? How will I know if he's with someone still? When he broke it off, it was very civil, loving even.. we hugged, we cried.. I acted very maturely (cried a lot, but no fighting or screaming or accusing.. very big of me considering he cheated on me, especially after YEARS of telling me that if I ever cheated on him he'd kill me and the guy I cheated with) Understand about his weight loss and fixing his teeth and that he's got some self esteem for the first time in his life at age 32, where as the rest of life he was treatly badly by peers and even his own father (told he was fat, ugly, gross for YEARS til I came along.. and even then it took a year before I would date him).. I know, why would I wanna be with someone so insecure and whatnot.. well, I wasn't with him for 12 years because it was all bad.. we had many MANY good times, just our own personal demons getting in the way.. like when I started running into a man around the neighborhood who had tried to rape me when I was 19 and was freaked out and started pushing my ex away when he wanted sex or simply to hug me, he took it as I thought he was ugly and didn't love him, but really I was just having trauma from seeing the would-be rapist (yes, my ex knew about it, but his insecurities made him too weak to help me.. he just saw it as me being like his peers and his father - thinking of him as fat and ugly.. meanwhile I was having near-rape flashbacks).. so now he's lost 120 pounds, fixed his rotted teeth and women have noticed, the self esteem kicked in for the first time at age 32.. I stuck by him through his suicidal depression, but now I'm having a serious depression and he "can't handle it".. *sigh*
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LOL! Yeah, not a good movie to watch while thinking of the ex.. And what about someone like me, lawandorder? He left me after 12 years together, told me he didn't love me anymore, had met another woman at work, wanted a fresh start.. it's been 8 weeks since he left and I haven't heard from him.. my mother has seen him twice and when they spoke of me he was very receptive to comments about me (both with words and body language) but then just politely said "I'm happy for her.".. I guess my only hope is to move on? I have not contacted him at all either.. I let him have what he wanted.. plus I'd rather not see him 'til I lose weight, get my emotions together, my finances, get my driver's license and a car, have some improvement to show him.. but there was another woman involved when we split.. what chance do I have?
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Newbie needs input - he transformed and left me..
Andie replied to Andie's topic in Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend Relationships
I have a job, I'm just on disability from it.. My real problem is that I am devastated over this break-up.. my ankle surgery will heal and is doing ok.. my broken heart is not doing well at ALL.. I would rather someone had died than be going through this..