Queen_Midas

Ok all you guys who don't like to be too emotional.. why is that?! There's this guy.. and I've spoken about him before, he's quite shy.. and anyway he divulged that someone close to him recently died, he's devastated by it but won't ever show that he is.. except that he excluded himself from social activities and just doesn't talk much when we're out in a group, looks down, has low self-esteem etc.. I jsust don't know what to do.. I ask him if he's ok but he just says, i'm tired.. This guy is the same guy who never replied when I asked him for a drink.. but this is one reason why he didn't reply, cos he was going through a rough time..?? Anyway regardless of whether he likes me or not in that way, we are kinda friends and I just wanna know how a guy like him ticks so I can know how to relate to him better? Thanks, QM.

Ok so u guys mostly know about my whole incident with my crush.. I've gone on and on about it for ages! But just to recap. this guy i liked gave me mixed signals, i finally asked him for a drink, he never replied properly, i sent him a msg saying i guess we're not friends, he got angry, I said I was just joking..since then we haven;t had any contact, he's avoided me for 8 weeks..by not going to volunteering which we used to both attend frequently.. and not emailing etc. The other volunteers (one older guy, and a girl who i think also likes him) want to go for dinner after volunteering this week. I don't know whther I should go.. I don't want him to think I'm going just to see him.. and because I'm so shy i don't talk that much to the others so it might aseem that way? I am kinda over this guy, I am just more embarrassed about hte situation, also curious to see how he reacts to me..but I'm stressed about having to sit opposite him and have dinner.. because I am totally shy at th best of times. Do you think t'll look like I;m desperate if i go? What should I do? Thanks peeps!

Hey! Well my advice would be to just leave it to him now. You've done ur bit and if he's truly interested he'll make an effort. Just be nice when u see him and wait and see.. Good luck! QM.

Hey! Ok well side-effects do usually subside with time.. so I'd say give it a few weeks.. but yes talk to your doctor. Also certain meds are not good for some people..so don't give up on meds altogether because of a bad experience, there may be abetter one out there for you! Good luck, qm.

I couldn't agree more with lkbillings - I have just been in the same situation.. and my new years resolution is to never go after boys who don't pursue me first... of course this doesn't mean you don't try at all, but b a bit flirty, show them you could like them, but don't go out on a limb and ask them out, that's their job - I also had a skim of that book "He's Jusrt Not that into you" and that's wat it said.. so let's see if it's true.. If he likes you, he'll make the effort, otherwise he's just not worth it! Don't try and formulate excuses for him, cos everytime you do it just makes u hold onto hope which may not be viable.. But i don't mean close the door on him completely, just leave it a little ajar.. not wide open! Amrit. ps. You could CASUALLY go into the store, but by no means show him u care anymore.. just be natural like u would b with any acquaintance.

Oooh I'm sorry hun.. I can totally relate to how ur feeling now. Sometimes when we have a crush on someone we're kinda blinded by our liking of them. We see them through rose-coloured glasses, and we see them the way our ideal person is..unfortunately they rarely match up to that.. and cos we've been thinking so much about them, we just kinda on some level think they should be doing the same about us. On the other hand, she might not have recognised the info in ur profile as being you.. either way she has been rude, by not returning calls, etc. I say give it up, be nice when u see her but don't give her any more chances, if she cares she'll initiate something, if not then it's her loss. No more calls/emails etc! I know it's hard but you're better off for it! Good luck and take care! QM ps. how did u find psych? I'm a psych major!

I think you might be in danger of scaring her off if you ask her again. My advice would be to ask her out in a group of common friends if you wanna be friends with her.. otherwise she might get a bit freaked out with u asking her out when she already has a boyfriend..?? QM

Hey, I think if he has your details, leave it in his hands now. Even if your phone number doesn't work, he can email you? You have put yourself out there, he knows you like him and wanna be friends, so it's up to him now. But u could go back in if he hasn;t responded in a few weeks (but don't make it seem like you've jusrt gone to see him), smile and be friendly and see if he initiates anything. If not, then I say leave it.. you've done ur bit! Good luck! QM 8)

Ok one of my closest friends and I have become even closer this past months because we've been going through some relationship issues (basically with arrogant guys who have caused us grief) and we've really bonded and i think become best friends - or so we both say. So I ask her what she's doing for new years - we're 22 and have grown out of the family get togethers.. and she said she had no plans, but did not say, lets do something, as I would habve thought was the natural response. So I texted her and asked her if she wanted to do something, and asked if she'd come to a party with me.. She said she hadn't made anby plans, but wants to make them at the last minute.. a) she's still waiting on this guy to organise something, it's his last chance to redeem himself - fair enough,i don't mind if she does something with him..but even so, if he DOES by some miracle do this, then will she just hang out with his friends, why can't i come too??? Anyway that aside, she says otherwise she usually hangs out with these other friends of hers (they're two-faced and gossip about her behind her back..but she is ignorant to that and sucks up to them).. and she adds at the end, I can come too if I want..but it's so casual, it's like an afterthought. If she doesn't have any plans, why not come with me? We're supposed to be best friends?! Am I making too big a deal outta this? I've been really upset about the whole guy situation reently and I really need to go out and have some fun..but I cant do that alone on NYs, and so it's really disappointing. Thanks for the advice, QM.

Hey hun, It sounds to me like ur being a bit paranoid.. I'm sure not many people would do that.. it's your perception. Even if I don't like a guy I wouldn't do that unless he was a sleazebag.. QM

Hey guys, Thanks for your replies. I actaully really appreciate your honest replies, because reading that has confirmed something I didn't want to believe before.. I feel embarrassed by it and a bit hurt now, but I guess I have to feel this way to move on.. I just can't believe I've been such a fool.. If yuo knew me in person, you'd see I am not a pathetic mess usually. I am one of the biggest feminists I know, and I always tell people to not get so worried about what a guy thinks..and look what i've done. When the group goes for drinks, I'm not going to go.. i'm not going to let him have anymore indication that I like him, because quite frankly right now i don't like him anymore, he is a conceited fool.. and i'm starting to really loathe him! yay! Thanks again, and pls stop me before i ever do smething like this again! Merry Xmas! QM.

Ok so I'm getting over this but I just want opinions to finalise things. Why would a guy not reply to a message saying Merry Xmas.. he usual;ly replies within a day but since the whole incident (where I asked him for a drink, he didn't respond, I got annoyed and said it was a sjoke, he said he wasn't offended..) he hasn't resopnded at all. I sent the email to the group of 5 volunteers..the others all replied promptly! Why? Is he trying to avoid me cos he's embarrassed? Guys input esp. needed now! Merry Xmas! QM.

To me it sounds like he's just making this all up, to act as if he never liked u cos he's a bit embarrassed.. This is something I considered doing in reaction to my current crush not giving me any reply when I asked him out.. then again I can't judge everyone by my book..but I think that's what he's up to.. If you like him maybe ask him for a drink, as friends. QM.

oh my gosh, we share more than a bday and a similar background hun, we share the same taste in guys?1 LOL! The guy I have a crush on is exactly the same.. (u've probably already read in my previous billion posts!!lol).. he walks me to the station at night after we volunteer..goes out of his way, for my safety (i think?!)..and one day he says when i offer him chocolate, is that all ur having to eat tonite? And I was like what? (at the time my neurotic mind was saying, does e think i have an eating disorder??lol)..but now I'm wondering, was he hinting at something more? I think ur guy likes u if he makes the effort to call u at all..wish my guy would. Maybe bite the bullet and ask him (to his face) if he'd like to go for a drink, or something little..not too much pressure that way!! Good luck, QM.

Hiya! I can understand ur situation... I also bit the bullet and asked out the guy I liked (I am so shy but got sick of waiting around..).. he responded by asking me "were you volunteering tonight?" eventhough I'd already said I wasn't..when i replied he never replied again. It's hard when u get a kinda inbetween answer - because it still keeps u guessing. There is a chance that she's not interested, but I also agree with the rpevious poster, xmas time is VERY busy.. suggest meeting for coffee/drink next week if she still hasnt got back to you, or if a convenient moment arises in thenext week! Good luck! QM.

That's what I do with most men. I am terribly shy around men, I'm fine with the girls but awful with the guys. I am 20 times worse around guys I like..however if I like them enough I'll at least offer a smile.. Also if I think a guy is arrogant (even if i like him) then I'll make an extra effort to ignore him so as not to boost his ego anymore.. QM.

Hiya hun, I've just been thru the same situation..except we never got to the dating part..he seemed like such a sweet, caring guy and he was smart and to top it off the most good looking guy I'd ever met... but he's now shown thru his disregard of my friendship that he is not a nice person and is the arrogant guy my friends all thought he'd turn out to be. I guess we can only learn from our misjudgements.. and also not all good looking guys are gonna b that bad?? Also someone becomes more attractive as u get to know them, so maybe in the future if u meet someone nice who might not be up there in the looks dept give him a chance.. My advice probably sucks right now tho cos I am in a state about my arrogant crush.. QM.

Hey Bobster! Well I don't look into anyone's eyes very often cos I'm too shy, and i'm more likely to avoid eye contact if I do like you..so I wouldn't take the flirting advice too seriously.. even my sis who is not shy doesn't look someone in the eye if she likes them.. QM.

Well I am not that sure I wanna be friends with him anymore anyway.. his behaviour has hardly been much better than mine..I gave him many chances adn was really responsive and kind, this is the only time I've done something wrong..yet he has a) not bothered replying to my messages and b) been rude when I call him on it.. So at the end of the day I don't feel too guilty..

what details? I'm happy to give more if u can offer me advice!! So desperate to resolve this!

Hiya hun, I have to agree.. what he is doing is not right. He is basically saying, let me try things with this girl, if they don't work then i'll come bck to you..that's soooo wrong.. If i were u i'd try to move on and someday soon another great guy who deserves u will come along. Until then it will be hard, but time will heal it. Also I think u should cut ur ties with him, really he's not worth it.. Don't let him come to the dance. Hope u feel better soon! QM

Ok so I have posted this in reply to one of my other posts but this is what I did.. The guy I had a crush on didnt reply when I asked him for a drink last week..I waited a week and then I sent the following message: Hi ____, is not replying a typical response? I thought we were friends, but I guess not. Have a good xmas and new year. He replied with a rreally angry tone, he was annoyed that I sai that, and he said he was reall busy at work and that he always replies to my messages.. it was quite a harsh message. So I immediately regretted sending it, cos I have to see this guy aagin in the not too distant future and i felt uncomfortable.. Then I spoke to my best friend and she jokingly said, u should just send him a message back saying - duh I was just kidding.. and then we considered it more and I thought about it and it was the only way I coul save face..but it also meant making him look like a fool. (which quite frankly sounded quite good, the mood i was in yesterdy)...but now I feel a bit mean.. so i sent him another message today saying sorry but still maitaining that the whole incident was a joke..he hasn't replied to either of my last 2 messages... Am I the queen of mean? I feel really bad.. QM ps. keep in mind he was pretty mean by not replying

I totally hear ya! I would have rather had a no too! I've made a bit of a mess of my situation.. I sent him a message saying: Is not responding a typical response from you? I thought we were friends but I guess not. Have a happy xmas and new year. Then he replied angrily and said he always answered my messages and he's been soooo busy etc.. it had a really angry tone about it and I immediately regretted having sent the message cos things would be totally uncomfortable.. SO I met with mybest friend and I was totally distraught about it all..and we came up with the idea to tell him it was just a joke..so he looks like the fool.. and I did that, felt really happy about it, but today I'm feeling guilty.. so i sent him another message apologising, but still maintaining that i was joking and didn't mean to offend him..no reply... I know I should not care because his behaviour has been rude throughout but i do care.. Have a been a mean girl? QM.

I am ready to throw more than rocks at this particular "gentleman".. and he thinks he's so chivalrous and socially conscious..argh what a loser! I wish if someone was just an arrogant pig that they always acted that way and didn't pretend they weren;t....I'm not bitter am I? LOL! tHANKS, qm.

Ok, some of you have probably heard my endless droning on and on about this guy and his weird way of interacting..but please give me some answers cos I am sick of my own analyses! Why would a guy not reply when a girl asks him out (via text message?)..why not just say NO?! QM.