jackflash

To all those people who saw me through some rough times last year, I want to say thank you - Your advice and comments certainly do help. Well some positive news - My and I got engaged last week, and are now planning our lives together. Wedding looks like sometime next next year around July. I will still be looking in on this site, as there is tons of advice that can be used to strengthen a relationship each day. Good luck to us all on our quest for love. Thank you all again. "I know that you are not perfect and nor can I claim to be either, but please believe me, when I say that I want to be by your side, to hold your hand, to treasure you in the morning and in the noon-tide, to be next to you, to be held close to your heart now and for the rest of my living years, to comfort you, dry your tears and calm your most frightening fears, to fight your battles and show no shame to scream my love for you out loud all over the land."

Well Venturer, I know how you feel. I have just had the same confrontation with the lady of my dreams. My story is as follows. Both of us had bad previous relationships, and both have kids. Started out amazing sex, like never before. Then she had a breast reduction, which took 6 weeks to get over. Then she had period problems. Now - no sex. When I asked her she tells me that she has gone off the pill, and is scared of falling pregnant at this stage of our relationship. We know we will end up spending the rest of our lives together, and we love each other to bits. She tells me this all the time, as well as she eventually wants another baby with me, but it must be done right as the timing now is bad. We have both only been divorced 9 months. Also mine fell pregnant with her little boy from first time sex with her ex-husband. I think this might scare her. She is so worried about doing this relationship the right way. So I just give her the time. In your case, if she is worth it, take a break. If the realtionship means so much, you will. My question below might elicit a few responses from ladies in the forum. I have a question for others to respond to - Do woman know what a knock it is to a mans pride, to be rejected? Have other ladies felt this way after the initial euphoria dies down in the relationship? Its difficult for us guys to understand when going from sharing making wonderful love to nothing at all (well almost nothing). Do you think they need some healing time.

Hi Frizzle, You know in any relationship, and especially the strong and lasting ones, their has to be friendship as the core to anything else. ITs not good just being good lovers, or socially etc. If the 2 of you connected, let her go and see if she comes back. You have to realise that to love someone completely, you have to let them grow and move on. I would say, gve her the space she needs, but DONT stop beng her friend. BUT BUT BUT, dont let her use you. If she comes back crying again, lt her do so on your terms (nicely though). Next time you need to define the boundaries of this relationship. She has done so now by just being friends. Trust me, by just being her friend, and supporting her, and being happy for her, she will see the real you and fall in love with you if its meant to be. In the mean time, go out with friends, date a bitand let her know you are moving on in the mean time. Dont fret over her. You have your whole life and their are plenty of people who will love you as you are. Good Luck.

I dont think you are being too sensitive. You obviously are totally smitten by her, but I agree with the rest of the forum. Give her the space she wants. You will be much more desiable to her if you are strong, confident and dont look dependant on her. Go out with your friends and have fun, however difficult. Just dont end up looking liek a jerk. Also been through this "I need space" story. They never seem to be able to put a time on it. Always expect you to wait ndefinitely. Time for you to decide will be when you are done waiting and need to move on. Take the time to get to know yourself better.

Ever showered with a rain-coat on????? Well a condom feels the same.

Hi Mccarty. Sorry to hear about your loss. As you can see I have been feeling the same. I think the difference is that we have openly said we are both in-love with each other. My G/F admitted last night that she still has issues from her previous marriage, and hence her being distant. she is feeling scared because everything we have is so perfect, and I think she is waiting for the bomb to drop. She was also feeling scared around my asking relationship questions, and that I was perhaps about to pop the question so to speak. Last night we had a good one on one and I told her that if we are where we are now in 2 years time, and she is happy with that, then so will I. I have given her all the time she needs and told her I love her unconditionally. I just have to believe in her and trust that time will make her see that she is my world and my dream come true. I know I am hers, but I also want her to heal before we can think of a life together. I can't commit and give myself when she is not ready. BUT I will also not wait forever. I have to look after myself as well, but hey, thats a long way from even being thought of. Keep your chin up mate, and visit here often as I do when the "Bad Days" hit you. It does hurt sometimes, but this forum is brilliant.

Thank you all so much. You make it sound so simple. You are right. I am feeling insecure. I think its because of the magic we have, and the way we spoil each other - candle lit baths, rose petals, leaving little notes, writing poetry, romantic dinners, walks, going away for weekends. etc. It feels like I am so complete because of her. Oh we are 39 (me) and she is 32. Perhaps I feel like this because I have always felt comfortable with marriage, and although I know she is right, it feels so lonely not being together. I suppose rushing didnt help in the past. I am going to take your advise, and let her take the pace. Still spoil her and continue as normal, but let time take its course. Thank you guys and gals. Its so nice to get outside opinions. Have a great weekend.

I work with my girlfriend. We both are recently divorced (last 5 months). We were and are very good friends and we have both decided that we have a long term relationship, and have discussed marriage, a future. We fell totally in love with each other and know we complete each other. She is the ONE I have looked for all my life. She has a little boy and I have 2 girls. We were both going thru really rough marriages. We were basically best friends, and both felt a mutual attraction with each other. We have been friends for roughly a year. We have discussed our goals and expectations from a relationship and are totally in tune with each other. We share the same values etc. When our kids are with our ex's we go away for magical weekends, horse riding etc. She has told me that I am everything she has always looked for in a man, and she loves me like no other. I feel exactly the same. I have reached a stage where I hate being apart from her, and even visiting her and leaving or going home after a weekend away together is hurting me no end. Our sexual life is awesome to say the least. Its the most intense, physical and emotional thing I have ever experienced. Our children love both of us and everyone gets along so wonderfully. We dont sleep over while we have our children, but luckily have every second weekend "off" together with no kids. NOW THE DILEMA I told her 2 months ago that I am battling to handle this seperation and she changed the whole pace of the relationship. She said her previous 2 relationships were a pattern and how she had never really been "dated" and then courted, and I suppose done things the right way. All I wanted to do is communicate my feelings and take a relationship check every now and then about where we are going. She maintains she basically moved in with the others after a few months and it did not work out. She wants to do it right this time. I am trying to do this but I feel so depressed, and insecure all the time. After this discussion, if I try talk about our future or my feelings about any of this, she has told me she feels pressurised, and I must "live" the moments and stop thinking of the future. Everything will fall into place. We still have the most amazing times together. I need advise on how to give her the space she is obviously needing. I feel I am now invading her time with her little boy even if I pop around for coffee during the week and am trying to stop doing that as well. Now to end off this long post. Is it natural to feel like a relationship is ending because a decision has been taken to slow it down? Why do I feel like I am walking on glass all the time? Am I being obsessive about her and if so how do I change? I really would like various opinions on this, because I will try anything to not lose her.

It definitely does it for me, but I am totally in love with my GF. It can even be the way she strokes my hair or touches me.

There is a wonderful site called link removed. They have wonderful ideas. Good Luck

Sounds like you want to have it all. Which is not a bad thing. You are only 14. Take your time and you dont have to make a committment at your age to anyone. Have fun, but make it clear to both guys you like them both for different reasons, and take it from there. Trust me at 39 I know all about it, and you should just enjoy the moments. You cant regain your youth when you are older. So Dont committ to either, but get to know them both better. Have fun.

My Dilema is as follows. My girlfriend and I are going away for a weekend to a luxury guest house. I am taking my 2 girls 10 and 8 and she is taking her 2.5 year old boy. We have a difference of opinion on sleeping arrangements. Although sensitive to the girls perceptions of our relationship and wanting them to be happy first, my g/f believes that the kids should have a say in who sleeps where. She lives alone and I have moved back to my parents since I got divorced. These are the only opportunities to be together, and to have sex. We have not had sex for 3 weeks now and this would be an opportunity as the kids would be in one room and us in another. My kids love her to bits and hers me. We do have every second weekend together as the kids go to our ex-spouses. We have been dating now for 6 months, and both believe we have a scure relationship, otherwise we would not have got involved with each others kids. I dont believe this, and need some advice or guidelines. Do the kids have the say, or am I being selfish? I think they need to understand we are committed to this relationship or will it confuse them.

1. Pay 2. Before. (Dont make her feel pressured with after dinner) 3. Movies, ASK HER ABOUT HER FAMILY, LIFE (DONT TALK ABOUT YOURSELF UNLESS SHE ASKS) 4. Depends where you going (Smart Casul will work) 5. Look at her and Listen. Show genuine interest in her conversation and the rest will follow. 6. Leave the massgae on the first date. 7. Dont pressure her once again. Hold her hand during the date. Open her door, take out her chair. When you drop her off, ask her if you not sure. Also compliment her on the date, and thank her. 8. Call the next day to thank her as well, and if it went really well, send her flowers to thank her. (I TAKE IT YOU BOTH FANCY EACH OTHER)

Dont despair. I really think you should attend councelling or herapy of some sort. I am not "finger pointing", but that will give you the support you really seem to be wanting. As I said before. here is no easy way out. You can learn from this and move forward, or take the easy way out. If this is meant to be with your G/F then take the chance. You cant have a reltionship and hide this problem. You might feel like a disappointment, but time will heal. You need to accept it will take time, and will power not to make the same mistakes. DONT hurt people along the way. Your life is worth more than $100,000 - $200,000. Also you have a job. Make arrangements to pay it off. So what if it takes 10 years. Make a plan and stick to it.

Thank you all for your positive comments. This was my first attempt at writing poetry, and the inspiration is the love of my life. (who loved it) Perhaps I'll try some more in the near future.