gd_4_nothing

thank you to all for your advice, guidance and encouragement somtimes, life sux.. the whole world sux.. i want peace.. i want love.. i don't want money, but can i not? i will make the final decision, anytime from now. Goodbye~

my parents... i hope i have the courage to tell my parents... they may be shocked.. pray that they won't have heart attack or stroke... debts... if i die, my parents will be able to claim for my insurance, which should be enough to cover the debts... an unfilial and selfish child, an irresponsible bf, it wasn't supposed to end this way

my GF... she has helped me once when i was in a smaller debt situation.. i managed to pay her back then.. i also promised her i would never play the stockmarket and burn my fingers.. thus i hid from her whenever i buy/sell shares... fast forward -> how would she feel now? angry, upset, disappointed, sad, betrayed... she's a very thrifty gal and i'm a very foolish guy. why didn't i listen to her advice? and why did i lie to her since i love her so much? i had plans for our future.. i wanted to marry her before she gets away.. but i didn't have the monetary means.. so stockmarket was a faster option. will she trust me again? sure she will break off with me.. there're so many good and capable guys around. she's better off without me. if she leaves me, my breathing will stop

my biggest fear is that with my debts, i've no choice but to break up my relationship with my gf whom i've known for 8 years. she will definitely be angry, upset and disappointed with me. - with huge debts, i may commit suicide. -- with a broken heart from breaking up with someone i love so very much and deeply but had betrayed her trust, i will commit suicide.

sadly, i don't learnt from my mistakes. a look at how i accumulated my debts 1. initial losses were manageable 2. soon, i was withdrawing my credit line @12%p.a. to repay the losses 3. then, it was credit card cash advances @24%p.a. 4. and more cash advances to repay the min amt due, and rollover the balances i figured it would take me at least 10 yrs to repay the hundreds thousands dollars "worth" of debt. the interest is killing me. but that is if i'm able to hold on my job as my work performance is affected by all these stress. unfortunately, i'm hesistant in seeking to legal advice. i might go for my last punt and throw whatever little $$ i still have in my pockets and go for lottery although the chances are slim.. and let luck and fate (not faith) to decide my life. if i can't take my life, then let someone does it to me, or let something happens to me.

hi jackflash, i did read that some pple do become stronger after each setback.. but how can i be like them. i'm different. i've lost my self-confidence. how ironic... some yrs ago, i wanted to commit suicide because of my relationship with the same gf.. i love her the most. in fact, few yrs ago when i just started out in the working life, she was the one who helped me get out of an earlier debt situation. i promised her then that i would never land myself in debt again, and wil never "play" the stockmarket. how wrong i was. the sin of greed soon took over and the vicious cycle returned. i'm faced with this guilt for as long as i live. with this huge debt and the impossibility of marrying the one i love, life to me has become meaningless, and i drag my feet to office everyday. i've also been taking sleeping pills.. and wish i won't have to worry another day.

hi avman, thanks for replying, i'm not sure if the bankruptcy act is the same all over the world.. being bankrupt will let the whole country knows i'm one.. and it's disgraceful. why did i let myself land in this $h%t really afraid that my gf will break off our relationship.. if only i've listened to her and not let greed and foolishness overwhelmmed me. we were supposed to be married by now, if not for my lack of $$. i always like to keep things to myself... i don't know if i should even approach my parents... i don't dare to approach my gf... i don't know where and how to start. how i wish i can turn back the clock and never touch the market. i can only blame myself. everyday, everynight, in the office, at home, while eating, i think of different ways to end my life.. i feel so hopeless and alone. no one can save me. and i don't want to be saved.

i am contemplating taking my life, sooner rather than later i'm financially zero now and have huge piles of debts from credits and banks.. even though i'm employed, the salary is just not enough to cover even the interest alone and min repayment due. as time goes by, the debts keep growing and growing. finally,i don't have the means at all to repay this debts, even if given another 10 yrs or so... looking back, i really regretted the circumstances which led to where i am now. having some savings, and wanting to marry my girlfriend as early as possible, i dabbled into the stockmarket to buy shares, knowing the risk and what not. some months, i won.. but it took just one month of losses to wipe off all the gains and in negative territory... as this goes on and on for many months, in no time, i was heavily in debt.. back to reality... no one has known of my financial problems, not my parents, not my siblings, and not my gf whom i know i've by now completely betrayed her trust in me. i just do not know how to tell them this shocking news. very soon, the bank creditors will come knocking on my door.. and take away all my assets.. and i may also be made a bankrupt. i'm very afraid of losing my gf when she gets to know abt my playing in the stockmarket. i cannot live without her. i also know that i'll be selfish and irresponsible to leave my parents if i choose the suicide path. however i can't find an easier way out than to end my life first b4 anyone finds out abt it.. i couldn't face my parents, siblings and gf anymore. i have disappointed them all. i'm really a good for nothing