single30

If you think you won't do it again. Don't tell. Don't do it again.

I fell in love with another man when my husband was not available to me. I understand the sparks that fly, the complete connection with someone else, someone who seems to understand you. But I also think that you should see what your husband has to offer you. Your alleginece should be with him. I waited to long, and am now in the process of getting a divorce. If this man loves you, he will wait until you figure yourself out. You need to take soem time for yourself. Good luck.

hm... thank you everyone. We do not have any children, and he has told his family about the news (the one reason i take him seriously, he does not tell them anything). I was kind of thinking the same thing, I dont' know that he is 100% on this, I tink he family is partly behind it, but hey, I don't know for sure. Just seems odd to me.

Oh boy, you and I have a lot in common... Except for that I am the female and my husband worked all of the time... We have been together for 10 years... married three, separated 16 months, and are getting a divorce. I always had to do things on my own... we grew apart... he wouldn't hear that I wasn't happy. IN my case though, I ended up having an affiar with someone who was very close to me. I thought he was the best thing that ever happened to me, but I think that I was just lonely, desperate... and wanting to fill a void. I miss my husband... he always claimed that we could work through it, and we tried... but just two months ago he announced that he wants a divorce. ugh. I too said that I would not file, and am waiting on him. I honestly thought I was gonig to die, first time in my life. But this is what I have done, hard at first, and then it gets easier. 1) Make lots of plans....! Its summer, get together with friends, go for walks, hit the beach, even if only by yourself. 2) I stopped talking to him on the phone. One of the best things I could have done. Felt impossible at first... but easier with each passing week. 3) I dont' see him anymore. We get along very well. We had a HUGE cummunication problem in our marriage, so spending time together, acting as if nothing is wrong comes eaily for us. The being friends thing just wasn't working out for us. It made me miss him more, made me think of the next time I could get together with him etc. DONT' SEE HER! 4) Keep contact very limited. You never know, the "turning of the tables" might be just what she needs. If she thinks that you are going to leave, she might change her mind. I think you should make one last ditch effort to tell her how you feel, but also tell her that you accept her decision and that this is the last time you are going to try. She is young and probably wants to start over. Good luck.

that is not long enough to know someone... if you are not feeling that badly about it. Let it go and move on... whilwind romances are built on passion/sex and that dwindles.

yeah, I dont' know what he is doing. He is the nicest guy to walk to the face of the earth... so yeah, maybe he doesn't want to be the bad guy. He wants to be friends, our contact is mostly email these days, as I told him that I need to not see him for now. He is very kind and loving... I guess I just always assumed that he would take some action. This has been going on for so long now. Needless to say, I just emailed and asked him to please get the ball rolling so that I can move on. I do not believe that he is seeing anyone else.

I just posted... my last comment... I didn't mean not to be there for your friend... all I meant was that, don't let this consume you, you have your own life too. Good luck.

What I have to say is this. First and foremost the woman is married. Her allegience should lay with her husband. If this friend is a true friend and really loves her, then they will back off and do the honorable thing. If in a few months through marriage couseling, spending time with one another and such, she still feels the same way, then perhaps a divorce is indeed the best answer and she can start dating at that time. I cheated on my husband when I wasnt' happy, and let me tell you, that when you have a good friend to make you feel better, to put you into a state of a natrual love high, to forget about you life, its not real. I still love my friend very much, but I miss my husband, things could have been worked out and now its too late. He is filing for a divorce. The husband may still want her back now, but that is b/c he is upset and desperate, he may not feel the same way for long, so if she wants to give this is a try... now is the time. Not later. Your friend needs to stop sleeping with the other man, accept responsibility and grow up. I wish soemone had told me that back then. Hind sight is 20/20. As for yourself, you sound really involved, maybe you need to take a step back and let your friend deal with this for herself.

I should have mentioned that part. He has it. He makes plenty of money... and since he left me is living at home with his parents at no cost to him.

My husband said he wants a divorce, but it has been two months since he told me and he still has not filed. I told him that if he wanted the divorce, that he can go ahead and do it. What the hell?

Has anyone had a no fault divorce in MA? Any idea how long it takes? He hasn't even filed yet, and I want to know how long this is going to take!

You sound like a wonderful wife. You probably need to get to know eachother again! That is a looooong time apart. Guys that age do like a lot of sex, maybe you could think of some things he could do that would make you more interested? Like maybe take you on dates, do things that are romantic, re kindle the spark!

Hi Everyone. My husband and I are getting a divorce. I wanted to try to work things out, but hurt him badly and he would like to move on. After a few awful weeks during which I comtemplated driving off of the road, I have come through to the other side. I am no longer hanging on to hope, I am embracing the future and look forward to my new life. Scared, but hopeful. I think that perhaps one of the reasons I am feeling so much better is that I have not seen him since the fourth of July. We chat casually on email (he insists that he wants to be friends), but I realized that I was the one doing all of the initiating and called him on it. I just asked him straight out, would he prefer no contact. He said no. He wants to be friends. I guess what I'm looking for is some feedback from others who have gone through or are going throug a divorce. How do you proceed in terms of contact? We do not have any children. Have been married three years, together for 10. We are ending things amicably. I want him to be in my life, but am not sure what is appropriate. I want to be able to move on. Please advise. Thanks all.

I have not read it. But I'm very curious about what kind of things that it says. If you get a copy, please let me know! Are you trying to stop an impending divorce? I know how you feel. Good luck.

I just wanted to add one piece, My husband and I are filing for divorce... we went to couples therapy for closure... what the therapist said to us in a nutshell, was that it was too bad that we had each done our own individual counseling, because studies show that the couples who go together during marriage problems, are much more likely to make it, then those who seek their own couseling. If however it really seems as though your wife is pulling away, I would seriously consider going on your own, because you need someone to talk to, who can help you through this. It is going to be hard if she wants to give up. Perhaps you should try doing some of the things that your wife has been doign? Get in shape, buy some new attractive clothes... get her attention a little bit? Good luck.

If you dont' go as a couple, trying going for yourself...

I understand what it feels like to think you are in love with someone else. And you very well may be. But, you are married. And if you love and care for your husband at all, do not act on anything until you have told him. I am 30 years old, have been with my husband since 20. We hit a very rough spot and things weren't looking good, I leaned on a friend and we fell in love. Long story short, my husband and I are in the process of getting a divorce. It is serious. He is hurt and shaken and there is nothing I can do to take it back. Being that you have children, I think that you need to handle this with even more care. You are going to have a relatoinship with this man for the rest of your life. You are still so young, so that is going to be a long time. You are at a crossroad, the actions you take will have consequences. Stop talking to your ex, and get into therpay with your husband. See where it goes from there. Good luck. I know that those butterflies and that feeling of being wanted are hard to give up, but do it for your children.

Its me. After goign through a few weeks of feeling like I was going to drive myself off of the road, I think I have come through the other side...to acceptance. I'm giving up the fight, and we are communicating much better as a result. I know that life is going to bring new and exciting things. But its scary to start over again. I'm 30 years old. Have been in a relationship for a decade, and was in another one prior to that for about four years. I dont' know how to date, not sure if I'm up for it. Obviously, I'm not going to jump into it now, but I have a question for people. Did you date during your divorce? My "husband" said I'm free to see whomever I want. Weird. Thanks all.

Just wanted to say that its over. It has been decided. Thanks everyone.

I'm not trying to place blame, but rather am trying to let you know where I was coming from at that time. You are correct that this is about me, but it is also about my husband. As I have said before, I have been with him for almost 11 years, and never cheated before, its not like I have some problem running around. There were major problems in my marriage, problems that I attempted to address, and failed. Shoot me for being human. He KNEW I was unhappy, he KNEW I spent all of my time with someone else, I PLEADED with him to get a new job. You say that actions speak louder than words? Well his LACK of actions spoke to me. I'm not excusng what I did, but It goes both ways.

Kip and others.. Thank you so much for all of your advice. You really took the time to talk to me there and I appreiciate it. I am remorseful. I feel badly about everything that happened... but man, he was never home, never around, I made a new friends, and spent ALL of my time with him... and my husband knew it! It went on like this for months before anything even happened with myself and the other man. Meanwhile, I would tell my husband that I wasn't happy, that something felt wrong. He is Mr. Non communicator...Loving, kind, generous, but not able to deal with things. I wish to god he had acted like he cared, or maybe said something to me. He could have prevented the whole thing if he just acted like he cared somewhere along the way you know? Now, the truth is, he was working all of the time, so that doesn't make him a bad person. He was just doing the best that he could. But he also complained about his job and talked about getting a new one for about three years! This is a very smart, educated guy, opporunities were limitless...(before 9-11) I dont' know. Yeah, Okay the sex. He was into it. Very. It was when we talked about it a week later that he said "it is probably not the best thing for us." He is so freaking nice it is nauseating, I wish he would get some balls and act one way or another. As I mentoined, we are speninding time together Sunday. I'm starting to feel like I just want to give up. Maybe I should.

Back off a little bit. Give her some space... and maybe she will miss you. Persistance can backfire.

Don't give up. Turn to a friend. Find the good things in life. It is precious, it is a gift. Don't lose sight of that. We can't feel happiness if we don't have soemthing to compare it to. Life has its lows.

I agree that the no contact idea is a good one. She obviously has feelings for you... but needs to go out and have some fun! Being in such a serious relationship at such a young age can have a huge impact on people. She needs a taste of freedom. I think you should get busy, spend time with your friends....even when you dont' want to. "Act as if", until you feel like yourself again. Things could pick up with you two again, but if they don't, you need to have a life of your own. Concentrate on that for now. Maybe make some changes in your life that you have been wanting to make for a while? She is bound to notice. Good luck. I feel your pain. Breaking up can hurt as badly as when someone dies. My heart goes out to you. I can assure you however, as a female, calling, begging, gifts...etc. IT DOESN'T WORK! Never will. You need to be someone that is attractive to her, not pathetic. Don't mean to sound harsh, but be srtong, not somone she can stomp all over.

I hope so. He is adamant that he wants the divorce. But in therapy he said that on a scale of 1-10, he is a 7 in terms of being sure of his decision to divorce. He has channeled all of his energy into work. He is such a "nice" guy, soemtimes I think he is doing all of this out of respect for me. But that the trust I broke is not fix-able. We shall see. I feel like every time I see him, I am making the effort. Should I back off do you think?