RinTinTin

Married 8 years; 2 Children ages 3, 5. Very light drinkers. No hitting or yelling at each other. No real deep conversation at all. Wife has been slowly falling out of love with me and has been admittedly faking feelings of intimacy for me for 2 years. Physical relationship has never been a problem - Mental connection is what we are missing. We haven't given each other any together (couple) time since the arrival of our first daughter. Also, my wife is a very poor communicator. She feels that I am too controlling and there is some truth there; I am critical and tend to overthink everything. I can be negative too often but I always to try to act in the best interests of the family. She works nights (large hotel manager) 3-11pm and most often gets home at 12:30 or 1:00am. I work days and am always home with the girls when I am not working. Pretty typical so far huh? She has dieted and lost 40+ pounds. She has become a Vegan (Full vegetarian) and works out alot. She has begun taking online classes to get her bachelors degree, and she has been buying very attractive clothes and is looking better than ever. I am proud of her and have repeatedly told her so. All of her actions are geared towards her. Her feelings came out a month ago while I was being playful one night with a copy of Mens Health comparing her thoughts to a magazine poll. Since then she wants us sleeping in separate beds with no physical contact of any kind except a peck when she leaves for work. We started reading Dr. Phil Relationship Rescue and I really respect his mehods and think he knows his stuff. I was optimistic about working things out by using this book together but she quit reading because she says it was hitting too close to home and her feelings are too far gone for the book to help. She had one session with a councelor this week and she says she will let this (hopefully) specialist figure it out. I hope this person is qualified to help us. My wife admits to the following: She has thoughts of cheating but insists she hasn't. If another man shows interest in her, she may not resist his advances. She pictures us divorced. She wants to make this work only because it is best for the girls. She is not sure that she can (or even wants to) love me the way I expect us to - mentally and physically through communication and closeness. She admits that she is only interested in her needs right now and that is what feels right to her. She is very tired of me asking her about infidelity and the consequences it would have on our family but she WILL NOT promise me that she won't allow it to happen while we are together. The thought is eating me but is out of my control. All she wants is space - alot of it! I feel the more space I give her, the further we will drift apart and the greater the chances of cheating. I have never considered her the cheating type until recently. She seems fine with this situation which has me all knotted up inside. My thoughts are totaly consumed with feelings of how did this happen, infidelity, lonliness, divorce, child custody. It is affecting me at work and my ability to keep a positive attitude around others. I want to see a lawyer to protect the girls and I (I cannot live without them - they are everything to me - especially now) should the seemingly inevitable happen. Nothing positive about resolution or loving acts of kindness come from her (Loving acts were never really something she did anyway) but I am actually asking her for something positive or hopeful which is pushing her away. She says she can't continue to make up feelings for me that aren't there. I will do anything (legal) to give us a long happy family life together but that turns her off. She is the only one I want. Wow I've laid alot out and sure I've missed some important facts but I've got to go - The girls are awake and I value time w/them more than ever. Any advice or good (easy reading) books? I'm feeling very lonley and insecure right now (I hate admitting that). Any good books on divorce might be helpful too. I should be educated on the possibility. Many thanks-