steph_M_J

i appreciate everyone's comments on my situation. it means a lot to me for people to take time and respond to me. i do still love my husband very much, but he is hurt and i think he needs time to deal with that without me there smothering him. we are taking a 6 month break...and then we are gonna re-evaluate our relatinship. he is starting rotations at the end of the month and it is gonna be a lot of work for him and i don't want him worrying about fixing us right now. i just got a great job and i want to work there for a while and save some money and prove to him that i don't love him because of his family's money or security. and that i can make it without him, that i don't need him but rather want him

Hi. I am going through kind of the same thing myself. Except I have a child involved. My husband is at the point that he doesn't care what I do. He just wants to move on one way or another. I know that he will never trust me again and he will always resent me, he has told me and everyone in our family this. I wish I could help,but I need advice too. Just tell her to be strong. And which ever way she decides..maybe it will be a mistake and then maybe it won't...that's just how life is...and if it is a mistake, oh well....ya know. Happiness comes from within. (that is what everyone keeps telling me)

Well, I am sorry this is so long...i just have a lot to say I guess...... My husband and I have been together since I was 16; pregnant when I was 19; and married 4 months into my pregnancy. He is in medical school and I am a massage therapist. Throughout our relationship he has always been very withdrawn from me. Unemotional, unaffectionate, just dead. I thought that maybe since I was pregnant he would change..ya know..well he didn't. Then I though maybe when we get married he will change..well nope. Well, maybe when he sees me give birth to our daughter...still nothing. Now, I am not saying I have been a perfect wife..in fact I have lied and manipulated him a few times, and hurt him badly. I guess I felt that negative attention was still attention. Well, about 1 year ago I started to try and lose weight because I was in massage therapy school and changing my life. I lost like 60 pounds in 5 months and felt great about my body. Then in April of this year I got my first real job in 3 years and then graduated from school in June. Around about May of this year things changed badly. I started to develop feelings for this guy I met at school. We became friends and really good friends and then one thing led to another. I have known him for a year and spent more time with him than I was with my husband. My "friend" is the complete opposite of my husband..infact he is a lot like me. We like the same things, believe in the same things, feel the same way about things...he is an amazing man..beautiful in so many ways. I have fallen in love with him. I told my husband. And it about killed him. He left nad went home to our home town 11 hours away with our daughter to think about things. When he came back I thought I wanted to work things out, but it just didn't happen. My husband magically changed into this affectionate, emotional person that I had always wanted and always begged him to be...and for some reason I couldn't open up to him and accept his love. Was it real? He said it was. So, in order to save my marriage I left the city to get away froom the other man, and went home for 1 month. I quit my job and left everything I knew. And things haven't changed. I am now back in th city and have been for 2 weeks or so. My husband is moving to TX on Aug. 19 and wants to know if I am going. I told him no, that I thought we need to separate. I have a friend who has rented this nice house for me, her, and my daughter. I will have to get a job quick!! The thing is I have never been on my own ever! His mom and dad take care of us financially. so anytime we ever needed money all we had to do is call them. So, I will totally lose that. And it scares the crap out of me. I am worried that I will regret this decision. Either way I go I will always wonder about the other. Would I have been happier?? All I know is that I am in love with my friend and he is in love with me. And when I am with him I never think of my husband, but when I am with my husband I always think of my friend. I know that if I didn't chose to be with my friend it would truly kill him. He is the kind of man every girl dreams of & it is not a front, it is reall how how he is. He wants to be with me. And my husband told me the only reason he is willing to work it out with me is because of our daughter. He says that if she were not in the picture he would have left me a long time ago. He told me that I am not what he wants but that Kennedi deserves to have 2 parents in her life. He says he still loves me, but how can I be with someone who really border line hates me, and doesn't want me for me. Any advice would mean so much to me. I am desperate...time is running out.

I had a kidney infection from not eating and hydrating myself properly...so that is what that is all about. About this other man, believe me when I tell you him and my husband are like night and day! The other man is not a home-wrecker...I mean this isn't like either one of us..I know this situation puts him in a bad light, but he is really an awesome man, he just loves me so much..I mean I could never begin to describe in words how we feel about each other. I want a life with him, but I am scared..I mean my husband is going to be a doctor and he will be able to get anyone he wants..I know that...but I mean he just doesn't get me at all..and doesn't really care to. I feel like there is just so much resentment between us that even if we really do try it won't work. All I do is think of this other man..he is the one I have always wanted...sometimes I guess I feel like my husband deserves a woman who can love him for him and not for the lind of life she could have with him...I don't know what to do.

OK...I could go on for hours about my situation..but I will make it as short as possible...I started dating my now husband when I was 16 I am now 24 we got pregnant 3 years into our relationship, got married and have been married now for 4 years...together for a total of 7 years. We have a 3 year old daughter together. He is in his 3rd year of medical school and comes from an amazing family who I love and am very close to. But, my husband and I are so wrong for each other..i have always followed him in his career and never had a life of my own. I was a housewife for 3 years until I decided to go to massage therapy school..doing that was huge because I had always quit everything because I was so scared to fail..but I did it and while in school I lost like 40 pounds and was looking and feeling better than ever. Now...I have to tell you that my husband for the entire length of our relationship has never made me feel loved, always pushed me to the side and was never affectionate, never romantic, never said i love you..nothing..just cold in that department. I was the one keeping the realtionship alive so to speak and well.....while in school I met someone. He is amazing. We became friends and were so for like 9 months until we finally shared our feelings with one another. He had liked me since practically starting school, but I was married, so he never said anything....until I started to want to leave my husband because I couldn't take it anymore of feeling neglected....and really I was the one that made the first move...I am so in love with this other man,,he is everything I have ever wanted in my entire life..we have been seeing each other for 4 months now, my husband knows about it and has been completely destroyed by all of this. Once he found out how serious I was about leaving he completely changed into this emotional creature who loved me more than life and I really couldn't accept it. Now, my husband and his family and mine have made me come back to our homeotwn where all oa our family and friends live to try and get my head straight. I can see myself happy with them both..it will be more of a struggle to be with the other man because of the financial insecurity there and with having to go through a divorce and custody and everything. My husband is tired of all of this and I don't blame him I am too...I have lost more weight I am peeing blood and can't eat..I am so stressed out. I only have like a couple of days to make a final decision that will change the rest of my life. I still love my husband, but I love the other man too and I honestly feel like he is my soulmate..what do I do..please help.