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Thread: Irrational hate of husband golfing

  1. #1

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    Irrational hate of husband golfing

    I get irrationally upset with my husband when we go to visit my family and he leaves and goes golfing with my brother. I don't know why, I'm annoyed because he's spending money or because he's 'having fun with out me'. I also get annoyed with the amount of drinking he does when we're there, it cost money and it's unhealthy ( he doesn't have a drinking problem). I'm sick of being annoyed with him for these things. I spend money on coffee and he never comments, he encourages me to go do things without him with my friends. I just want to not care and not be bothered by it all but it still annoys me. I don't understand why it annoys me, if it's money or him spending time without me. I wish I understood why it bothers me. I just want to be the 'cool wife' that doesn't care because he's genuinely great and doesn't deserve the grief and they're such stupid things to be upset about.

  2. #2
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    People need a life outside of each other. Do you have friends?

  3. #3
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    Originally Posted by Mrsb123
    I get irrationally upset with my husband when we go to visit my family and he leaves and goes golfing with my brother. I don't know why, I'm annoyed because he's spending money or because he's 'having fun with out me'. I also get annoyed with the amount of drinking he does when we're there, it cost money and it's unhealthy ( he doesn't have a drinking problem). I'm sick of being annoyed with him for these things. I spend money on coffee and he never comments, he encourages me to go do things without him with my friends. I just want to not care and not be bothered by it all but it still annoys me. I don't understand why it annoys me, if it's money or him spending time without me. I wish I understood why it bothers me. I just want to be the 'cool wife' that doesn't care because he's genuinely great and doesn't deserve the grief and they're such stupid things to be upset about.
    Are these the only incidence where you get annoyed by him? Do you feel the same annoyance when he spends money on something he likes without going out? Or if he's going out without you but not spending money?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Mrsb123
    I wish I understood why it bothers me. I just want to be the 'cool wife' that doesn't care because he's genuinely great and doesn't deserve the grief and they're such stupid things to be upset about.
    Honestly, I don't know what environment you were raised around or are used to, but it kinda says something to me that you'd consider simply letting your husband experience enjoyment outside your company as being "the cool wife." Not saying it'll completely solve the problem, but maybe less thinking that it's exceptional for a wife not to get annoyed by their spouse enjoying themselves and more it being simply the norm for any healthy marriage.

    You've made every rationalization for just that, so it's really just about making it stick. Or if there's some other context that matters?

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  6. #5
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    I think if you were busy doing things on your own or with friends it would be mostly off your radar.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    If you don't know why something bothers, you should probably start there.

    You're not being honest with yourself. You're jealous our have fomo or think its not fair. Why do you have to feel anything about it?

    Do you not want him to go? Di you feel threatened in sime way? Ir like you are beibg judged by what your husband does? should he sick by your side while visiting family?

    And the whole cool wife thing? What do you mean by that? cool by whose standard?

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    What's your idea of having fun? Maybe visiting your family is not your idea of fun at all but you're forcing yourself to appear like it's something enjoyable to you.

    What makes you laugh and what makes you excited? Is it possible you've neglected those questions for awhile?

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    All you can do is talk to a doctor and therapist about the ahedonia. Feeling this cheap and tight is not good

  10. #9
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Do you feel like you are "stuck" with your family and he's gone off to have fun playing golf? I know I would resent being left behind and definitely "stuck" with family while my husband has gone golfing. Maybe it's not him, it's you!

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Perhaps you can reach a compromise with your husband. Have him spend time with your brother as long as it's not excessively long and same with reducing his drinking time.

    I'm a wife, too and I would resent my husband spending too much time and money with my brother and liquor when we should enjoy time together and with other family members as a whole. This would annoy me, too.

    I'm a cool wife and a cool wife has every right not to be cool when time away from each other is excessive especially during holidays or vacations.

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