angy864 Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 I need an advice... I met my ex 2years and a half ago, we come from different cultures and political views. He used to have a gun at his place and at soon as he told me I said I was NOT comfortable at all with dating a guy with guns. It does NOT make me feel safe, it makes me feel extremely UNSAFE. He respected that and took his gun to his parents house, after a while he said he sold it. That was one of the things I always appreciated and I always told him that. He never mentioned anything about having guns again. But we started to have different problems and he quickly showed his addictions, temper and insecurities. So, I broke up with him after dealing with significant amount of porn, steroids, pills, and an awful temper! and LIES! He was always very jealous (protecting as he says he is). I went through many ugly fights in which if he never punched me he did put his hands on me BUT hurt me by pushing me and grabbing me very hard. My son had witness some of his rages and he kicked us out of his house (one night I had to take my kid and go to a hotel).... so the last time he was going crazy scaring me and my kid. I got a place and left him. That was 6 months ago. During all these time he has been perusing me a lot! calling me from restricted, leaving me messages, showing up at my new place... etc. saying he was changing and will never hurt me again, that he wanted to prove me how much he loves me.... and while I was starting to feel that he might have another last chance, he now tells me he's got a new gun and that I needed to accept him the way he is. He says he wants to be "himself". I of course told him that he's always known how I feel about that and that if I didn't feel safe with him when he didn't have one, how is that he pretends me to feel ok with having a firearm? He now insists is only for "protection", that he has the "right to bear arms" and that he WILL NOT be ok without a gun. Basically, he is now choosing having a gun over being with me. He tells me that I am crazy since I am the only woman who doesn't want a guy with a gun and that is "willing to protect his family". I love him but it BREAKS ME he is now choosing something that I HATE and that makes me feel soooooo UNSAFE! But the thing is.... who will protect me from him? I am entitled to my believes too, That anybody in a moment of range if there is a gun around they will use it! or threat by using it! I LOVE THIS GUY! BUT I DON'T TRUST HIM FOR WHAT HE HAS DONE IN THE PAST TO ME! I the crazy one here??? Link to comment
Cherylyn Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 If you're uncomfortable and look upon armed men with disdain, listen to your gut instincts and intuition by dissolving the relationship. No, you're not crazy. If he continues to harass you and show up on your doorstep unannounced, next time, call the police and have law enforcement ensure that he stays away from you. Ghost, block and delete him, too. He's dangerous, hurts you physically, scares your son as he witnesses his rages not to mention the guy's sickness with porn, steroids, pills and raging tempers! He's a tinder box ready to blow! And, with a gun, there's no telling how wrong this scenario could turn! You don't want to end up on '1st 48.' (Homicide) There is no love whatsoever. Don't get it twisted. No trust = NO love. You are crazy for loving him but you're not crazy for wanting him to stay away from you and your child. He's scary! Link to comment
Skeptic76 Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 You’re crazy for still talking to him. Link to comment
j.man Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 I need an advice... I met my ex 2years and a half ago, we come from different cultures and political views. He used to have a gun at his place and at soon as he told me I said I was NOT comfortable at all with dating a guy with guns. It does NOT make me feel safe, it makes me feel extremely UNSAFE. He respected that and took his gun to his parents house, after a while he said he sold it. That was one of the things I always appreciated and I always told him that. He never mentioned anything about having guns again. But we started to have different problems and he quickly showed his addictions, temper and insecurities. So, I broke up with him after dealing with significant amount of porn, steroids, pills, and an awful temper! and LIES! He was always very jealous (protecting as he says he is). I went through many ugly fights in which if he never punched me he did put his hands on me BUT hurt me by pushing me and grabbing me very hard. My son had witness some of his rages and he kicked us out of his house (one night I had to take my kid and go to a hotel).... so the last time he was going crazy scaring me and my kid. I got a place and left him. That was 6 months ago. During all these time he has been perusing me a lot! calling me from restricted, leaving me messages, showing up at my new place... etc. saying he was changing and will never hurt me again, that he wanted to prove me how much he loves me.... and while I was starting to feel that he might have another last chance, he now tells me he's got a new gun and that I needed to accept him the way he is. He says he wants to be "himself". I of course told him that he's always known how I feel about that and that if I didn't feel safe with him when he didn't have one, how is that he pretends me to feel ok with having a firearm? He now insists is only for "protection", that he has the "right to bear arms" and that he WILL NOT be ok without a gun. Basically, he is now choosing having a gun over being with me. He tells me that I am crazy since I am the only woman who doesn't want a guy with a gun and that is "willing to protect his family". I love him but it BREAKS ME he is now choosing something that I HATE and that makes me feel soooooo UNSAFE! But the thing is.... who will protect me from him? I am entitled to my believes too, That anybody in a moment of range if there is a gun around they will use it! or threat by using it! I LOVE THIS GUY! BUT I DON'T TRUST HIM FOR WHAT HE HAS DONE IN THE PAST TO ME! I the crazy one here???Why on earth you're isolating the issue of firearms is well beyond me. I own firearms. My wife is trained to safely and responsibly handle, operate, and care for them as well. Just as our kids will be. You couldn't convince me to forego my responsibilities and rely on law enforcement to provide immediate protection for my person or my family, or for me to put faith in the next several decades turning out just peachy without need of one. That said, if you don't like guns or otherwise simply aren't comfortable with them, that's perfectly reasonable. Zero disrespect for folks who make that conscious decision for themselves. Just choose a partner who shares your values. Ideally one who doesn't juice, rage in front of your kids, punch you, lie to you, etc., etc. Honestly, and it's not even my position on gun ownership talking, if your real "but for" is that he owns a gun and not any single or combination of the dozen other gigantic red flags, you've seriously gotta stop dating. For your son's sake much moreso than yours. A man like this is destructive and dangerous with or without a gun, though especially with. Distance yourself sooner than later or you'll need a gun yourself whether you like it or not. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 Run.... FAR FAR FAR AWAY. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 It's a proven fact that if he physically harmed you once, he'll do it again. You can't fix him nor can you change him. With that said, please don't feel you're the exception to the rule, you're not. In any event and not to start a debate on guns, they're not at all welcome in my home. Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 I'd dump his gun toting ass so fast he wouldn't know what happened. I hate guns. Why are you having anything to do with this guy? He puts his hands on you, that's a big red flag right there. If he's done it once, he'll do it again. He is also a liar. Your child should never be exposed to such terrible abuse. You are damaging your child by being around this jerk. Get a restraining order ASAP. Enfirce it if he shows up at your house. Change your phone #, delete him from any social media. Surely you know this guy is a ticking time bomb. Link to comment
figureitout23 Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 Kinda thinking the gun is the least of your worries here. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 This is what you are focusing on! That is the least of your problems, unless he has one of his episodes and shoots you and your kid. Your ex sounds very dangerous and unstable, how can you consider exposing this lunatic to your child again? Do you want your child removed from your care, because you were exposing him to an abusive environment. Where is your good judgement. Be a better parent. He has not changed, and you must accept that he is incapable of having any relationship. . You need a restraining order and a new number. Call the police if he comes over. Stop engaging him. Link to comment
jul-els Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 Do you love him enough to allow him to shoot you? Because that's what he'll probably do. He has already displayed his willingness to do you physical harm. That's not love. Get away from him as far and as quickly as you can, permanently, before you get seriously physically hurt. Link to comment
Billie28 Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 You don’t trust him whether he has a gun or not!? And since he has displayed violence toward you , why do you care if he has a gun or not? My biggest question is why have you moved your kid into this , regardless of the gun?? If you choose to continue to see him , ask him to keep the gun! Your death and your kids death will be so much less painful and instant than being bludgeoned or stabbed. What are you going to do? A) Continue to see him and put your son in that situation with a gun B) Continue to see him and put your son in that situation without a gun (or at least that you know of) Or C) Leave a guy that exhibits violence and is volatile and remove your son from that situation. Regardless of gun or no gun. It’s entirely up to you and the risk that you are willing to take. Unfortunately your kid doesn’t get to choose. But have you asked him?? Link to comment
Keyman Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 He may have the right to bear guns, but you also have the right to not be involved with someone who bears guns. Who cares if you are the only woman who doesn't like her man to have a gun. That is bullying tactics. Walk away. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 Stop the inane political arguments. Being in an abusive relationship with someone who has firearms puts you and your son at an even higher risk for homicide. Get yourself and your son to safety. Why are you putting your child in harm's way for a man like this? How irresponsible and selfish. Get a restraining order. When a restraining order is issued, in most jurisdictions, the firearms are taken into police custody. Precisely because of the statistically higher risk of homicide when abuse and firearms are both present. My son had witness some of his rages and he kicked us out of his house (one night I had to take my kid and go to a hotel).... so the last time he was going crazy scaring me and my kid. he is now choosing having a gun over being with me. Link to comment
Tinydance Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 Kinda thinking the gun is the least of your worries here. That's exactly what I thought! The guy is both a physical and emotional abuser! And he's a stalker too because you broke up and he won't leave you alone! Do you want him to hurt your son too? I personally think you should file a restraining order against him. He sounds very unstable and dangerous. Regarding guns, I live in Australia and they're illegal here. So I must admit that I'm against them because we don't have them in our culture. I wouldn't feel comfortable with someone who owned a gun either. That's just how I feel personally. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 Educate yourself on domestic violence and what you are doing to your child: https://www.thehotline.org/resources/firearms-dv/ "When an abusive partner has access to firearms, statistics show that domestic violence is more likely to turn deadly. According to research published in the American Journal of Public Health, the presence of a gun in domestic violence situations increases the risk of homicide for women by 500 percent. More than half of women murdered with guns are killed by family members or intimate partners." Link to comment
angy864 Posted January 22, 2020 Author Share Posted January 22, 2020 Thank you for taking time reading me and your valuable advice. Link to comment
angy864 Posted January 22, 2020 Author Share Posted January 22, 2020 Thank you for your advice and time. I appreciate it. Link to comment
angy864 Posted January 22, 2020 Author Share Posted January 22, 2020 Thank you for your advice. I appreciate it. Link to comment
angy864 Posted January 22, 2020 Author Share Posted January 22, 2020 Thank you for your advice. I am heartbroken again but I NEED TO HEAR THE TRUTH I KNOW ALREADY FROM OTHER PEOPLE! It gives me strength! Thanks Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 Thank you for your advice. I am heartbroken again but I NEED TO HEAR THE TRUTH I KNOW ALREADY FROM OTHER PEOPLE! It gives me strength! Thanks Have you heard it enough times yet? I sure hope so. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 Screaming in all caps will not help you as much as getting yourself and your son away from danger.I LOVE THIS GUY! BUT I DON'T TRUST HIM FOR WHAT HE HAS DONE IN THE PAST TO ME! Link to comment
smackie9 Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 Stop thinking you could fix him....he's a $%^& show...now give your head a good shake, and proceed to block/delete him. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 When you are a single adult and you want to date abusers because you enjoy the drama and a good beating, that's your business. When you are a mother and have a child, you CANNOT engage in this kind of nonsense. Cold bucket of water here is this - what you describe is a pretty classic case where parental rights get stripped for having poor judgment and willfully and knowingly exposing your child to abuse and danger. IF for any reason your son were to be hurt, injured, or killed by some abusive psycho even by accident as in kid just happened to be in the way of a flying chair, YOU will be personally held liable and go to jail for a long long time. Wake up and grow up. If this is your judgment and your broken heart, then you shouldn't even think about dating until your son is grown up and out of the house. I don't even have the words to describe the psychological and emotional trauma you are inflicting on your son with this bs. Get your head screwed on straight and get your life and responsibilities in order. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 Protect your child and get a restraining order. This way he will have to surrender the firearms. This is not an NRA debate it's abusing your child by placing him in the line of fire "because you love" some creep. He now insists is only for "protection" Link to comment
angy864 Posted January 22, 2020 Author Share Posted January 22, 2020 Thank you! I already did and he is blocked! I don't use social media either. Thank you for your kind words. Link to comment
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