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Thread: Getting her to want me again

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    It's your own fault for losing love for your wife, because yes, it takes effort to remain a spark and work together on problems.

    And a person who crosses boundaries with someone taken? They don't want a serious relationship with you. They want the temporary excitement to spice up their life. That's why, when the idea of you being totally single was a possibility, she totally lost interest.

    Your lack of common sense is also missing, because you think a woman who flirts with a married man will be an ideal partner. With her lack of ethics, there's a high probability that if she did get with you, she would be flirting with other men because that's okay by her. She doesn't care about who she hurts.

    You've also made yourself look really bad at work. A married man being inappropriate with a younger co-worker.

    Your poor wife lacks self esteem, otherwise she would have started divorce proceedings by now. She doesn't deserve this treatment. Do what's best for her rather than yourself for once, and either pull out all the stops to fix the marriage or get a divorce so your wife can find a faithful partner who is crazy about her.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Get a divorce.

    What's wrong with you treating women this way? That's your wife..you don't go after other women when you are married.
    If you want to go after other women, get a divorce.

    And what's wrong with June behaving this way with a married man?

    Both of you have low morals.

    Yep, June is going to find you uber attractive when your broke behind is sitting in your 300 square foot unfurnished studio flat after your wife kicks you out and takes you to the cleaners for repeated cheating. Not to mention the allure of being a selfish cheater.
    Agree!! You'll end up with nothing and you know what? You deserve it the way you are behaving. Or better still...you do end up getting June and she cheats on you.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Unfortunately this reflects on your character... it will catch up to you. I think you're very aware you need to separate and file for divorce with your wife. Questioning June and instigating her at work for attention only tells me about how unhappy you are at home and you're looking for a distraction. It's as basic as putting food or water to one's mouth when hungry or thirsty. You're using June and again, it reflects on you and how weak and vulnerable you are at this time.

    If you have any other form of support other than a forum, I'd suggest you start becoming more engaged with it (your community, your church, your friends, your hobbies). You will need a lot of strength to separate and divorce from your wife and it doesn't look like you have it right now. You're trying to gain it from a romance but, as we all know, romances and relationships are often unreliable and unpredictable. Be a bit more sensible and start doing things the right away. Save a new romance for later when you're in a better place.

    June appears very naive or very mentally unstable/starved for attention. You might want to reevaluate those traits in a partner.

  4. #14
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    The only way you'll leave your wife is for June?

    So if June tells you to pound sand you'll stick with your poor second choice consolation prize wife??

    News flash, your WIFE should be the first choice, not the one you settle for because you can't get anyone else.

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  6. #15

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    Rose Mosse - You have put this better than I ever could. Thank you.

    I am not defending my actions and nothing physical has happened but everyone deserves love and to be loved. I haven't got that and I guess I am looking for June to fill that gap. I think they call in an emotional affair.

    I can hand-on-heart say that I have tried to make things right with my wife but there comes a point where things have to change. June was the catalyst for me realising how I truly felt about my wife. Sometimes you don't even realise the situation you are in...

    Is June right for me?? It would appear not from the responses in this forum however our one saving grace is that we are both in a similar situation and both decided not to take it to the next level. Some will argue that the level that we have taken it to is too much I am sure...

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by l123
    You have put this better than I ever could. Thank you.

    I am not defending my actions and nothing physical has happened but everyone deserves love and to be loved. I haven't got that and I guess I am looking for June to fill that gap. I think they call in an emotional affair.

    I can hand-on-heart say that I have tried to make things right with my wife but there comes a point where things have to change. June was the catalyst for me realising how I truly felt about my wife. Sometimes you don't even realise the situation you are in...

    Is June right for me?? It would appear not from the responses in this forum however our one saving grace is that we are both in a similar situation and both decided not to take it to the next level. Some will argue that the level that we have taken it to is too much I am sure...
    Yep, your wife for one.

    Now that you've determined you don't love your wife, what are you going to do about it?

    Trying to have an affair is one answer but it will end up in chaos and destruction. What other options are you considering?

  8. #17

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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    What other options are you considering?
    Getting a flat!

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by l123
    Getting a flat!
    And a divorce, I hope.

    I hope you're not "getting a flat" just so you can be available to June or other women. The right thing to do would be to sit down with your wife and tell her exactly how you're feeling about the marriage.

    I did it. After two years of trying to make my marriage work I finally realized we just didn't belong together. So I sat my husband down and let him know that I would be moving out and filing for divorce.

    BTW, I didn't just spring it on him. We'd had three talks before the final one where I told him I wasn't happy with the way our marriage was going. At first he said he'd do whatever it took to save it, but the next time we talked he said he wasn't going to try to make it work. So I really had no choice.

    Talk to your wife.

    Also, if you have kids you can't just boogie out the door. You have to take them into very important consideration.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    It's pretty obvious your coworkers don't like you, and had to warn her to stay away...and for good reason. I'm sure they talked some sense into her, and she made the decision to not associate with you anymore.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I think you know what to do. You also mentioned neither of you (your coworker and yourself) are going to pursue any relationship beyond the flirting in the office space. There is a universal rule that by disrespecting others, we disrespect ourselves. If you remain cordial and respectful to everyone involved it will come back to you.

    I don't suggest going beyond those flirtatious glances and jokes at work. You seem to suggest that she's in a similar situation and therefore she may also be married. Keep things lighthearted and professional especially in the work space and don't go beyond that. Stop instigating her so often if you find you don't have control over your thoughts and your emotions are out of control. If she's avoiding you, do not harass her or, worse, receive a warning or lose your job over it.

    I think you're actually in a lot of pain and you have nowhere to put it or you don't know how to work through your guilt in breaking up your marriage.

    I'd remain humble about it and don't flaunt your freedom even if you move out. Take things one day at a time. Keep your chin up and do things right.

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