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Thread: Decipher his words - I don't understand behaviour of men

  1. #1
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    Decipher his words - I don't understand behaviour of men

    I met an old friend this summer, who has been flirting with me for many years, and obviously trying to get into my pants that entire time.
    This summer he managed. We met randomly on the beach, and spent every hour of every day together for five consecutive days before I flew home. He introduced me to his friends, he cuddled the hell out of me, he opened doors, he held my hand, my waist, my face. It was a beautiful little romance with amazing sex. He made me dinner, breakfast in bed, he wanted me to stay longer, but I had to go. He transfers money to my account for me to buy him a plane ticket in the future.
    I leave, and hardly hear from him. He tells me he's going to a festival, and is offline for 5days. The week we've now been apart I was sick with fever for four days, then I had a bad car accident.. Anyway, he calls me as soon as he got reception again, and asks how I am. Then proceeds to tell me of his future travel plans. Which at no point included visiting me, nor did he ask if I wanted to go to any of these places with him. Then just ended the conversation with that we'd talk later.
    So, that was that? After all those years of flirting, he finally got what he wanted, and that's it?
    How can men pretend to be interested and treat a girl so well?
    And then us girls are left as question marks wondering what the it all meant.
    How can it be that only I am left intrigued and wanting to explore this more, why does it feel so one sided?
    And if I do want him to invite me somewhere or come see me, how do I manage this without seeming overly interested and without giving away my power in this power struggle game? I hate games, but obviously have to play.. Or do I just freakin leave it? Let it be what it was, 5nice days, and just let go?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I think it's a good idea to cool your heels. It was a nice time. Enjoy it for what it was. He's away (busy with other things) anyway and he obviously likes the chase. If I were you I'd enjoy a good movie matinee and put something out on the bbq for later tonight, have some ice cream or cheesecake and invite some friends over. Think about him later.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member indea08's Avatar
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    Did you at any point ask him if he was interested in something more long term? Did you ever tell him you wanted more than just 5 days together? Do you even know for sure what you want out of this?

    If you left all of this unspoken, I donít really know what to tell you. Your behavior is as ambiguous as his.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    You had a fling. Neither of you have done anything wrong. His behavior's pretty straight forward. Plenty of women have the cognitive capacity to grasp it. The behavior I'd find confusing is having sex expecting something to develop from a guy who's for years admittedly been "obviously trying to get into your pants" and who's far enough away to require a trip to see.

    It sounds like you should avoid having sex with men you aren't seriously dating.

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  6. #5
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    You're right. He briefly tried to say something once in the beginning, however I didn't let him finish, and told him that "right now I am here". This was the first night. (I just got out of a toxic 3 year relationship..) and I don't want to get back into one at the moment, though I really want to explore this connection further. And I know from previous conversations and what he has expressed throughout the years that he is a believer of "love without attachment".. So yeah. Guess like the previous person to comment, I should fire up the bbq and forget about it..

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    He hasn't done anything wrong.. I just want more.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    You are assuming that the flirting for years meant emotions attached with it. It didn't. It meant trying to get you into bed.

    He wanted something casual and it wasn't a deep meaningful thing like you assumed it was going to be.

    It was a fling and he was nice to you at the time. But it was never going to be long term or anything serious.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    But I like how you said connection though. Connecting means being open to connecting on different levels. Are you open to connecting as fwb or a casual relationship? That's entirely up to you.

    It's a good opportunity to clarify what you're looking for in terms of companionship/relationship. Don't feel obligated to be anything other than what you really are. You deserve more if that's what you want.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Yes, next time around (with a different man, not him) clarify right from the start what you are looking for. If you want a romance that will turn into love and long term, make sure the man you are dating wants that too.

    This man sounded like he was fairly honest all along, he wanted a good time but not a long time.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    It was your little fling.
    Actually it's probably for the best he doesn't keep it going. You both had some good times, and move on.
    You are in a vulnerable position right now, right after a bad break up. It's easier for you to attach to anyone who is kind or sweet you, but just note that and don't get stuck in it. It's better for you to be free yourself to figure out where your head is at post 3 year toxic relationship rather than get too caught up in distractions from it.

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