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Thread: Very Angry at Fiance for making plans with a woman colleague !!

  1. #11
    Silver Member Loralora's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    For me this guy would be gone. He can be a “ladies man “ some place else. My husband was Capt Save A Hoe when young . No physical cheating but letting himself get talked into other women’s BS. I laid it on the line. Them or me . Get out. Make your choice this second.
    This is excatly what I told him today. Them or me and got out of his car.

    But unfortunately it isn't the first time I'm saying it

  2. #12
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    You shouldn't be blamed for being "jealous". This is on him. He shouldn't be hiding texts, deleting/re-writing, hiding his phone, all to make plans with this other woman, hiding it from you.

    To call you "jealous" is to victim blame, and that's just wrong.

    This wasn't him asking a nurse about a patient, or a hospital issue. This was him & a nurse making plans to meet up for coffee. A nurse who has admittedly had a crush on him, and a coffee meet that he was hiding from you.

    This is who he is. You decide if you want to live a life of looking over your shoulder. I ended a relationship like this last year, so I get it. The constant discomfort of wondering what the texts are about, who they are, and the guy making you seem like you're just jealous, crazy, or whatever word you want to use.

  3. #13
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    You have to mean it. My husband called his dad and his dad called me a bytch and told him to come home. He went to his parent’s home for 2 days and came home. No more crap since. And that was 19 years ago.
    Originally Posted by Loralora
    This is excatly what I told him today. Them or me and got out of his car.

    But unfortunately it isn't the first time I'm saying it

  4. #14
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    You have to mean it. My husband called his dad and his dad called me a bytch and told him to come home. He went to his parent’s home for 2 days and came home. No more crap since. And that was 19 years ago.
    I may be waiting my whole life for a woman to do exactly this to me, though I'd like to think I've reigned it in myself.

    Awesome story. Hijack over.

    OP, I like this approach in your situation.

    He's huffing and puffing right now, but if he has good sense he'll realize that cursory female attention isn't worth losing a marriage over. Or, if he doesn't realize that, he is not the man for you.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    And, yes, I realize that contradicts some of my earlier threads. But LHGirl talked some sense into me with her wise post.

  7. #16
    Silver Member Loralora's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    For me this guy would be gone. He can be a “ladies man “ some place else. My husband was Capt Save A Hoe when young . No physical cheating but letting himself get talked into other women’s BS. I laid it on the line. Them or me . Get out. Make your choice this second.
    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    You have to mean it. My husband called his dad and his dad called me a bytch and told him to come home. He went to his parent’s home for 2 days and came home. No more crap since. And that was 19 years ago.
    How exactly do I MEAN it in this case?

    What should I do for him to know that I mean it.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    And, yes, I realize that contradicts some of my earlier threads. But LHGirl talked some sense into me with her wise post.
    LOL, I wasn't trying to talk sense into you, Bluecastle, as I love your posts. I was just trying to make sure the OP knows that this cr*p is on him, not her. She can be jealous, and he can be a hiding, lying jerk. They are not mutually exclusive. But in this case, his indiscretions cannot be justified just because she also happens to have a jealous streak. Thing is, jealousy is often driven by an insecurity, and it sounds like her BF is providing her enough reason for insecurity/jealousy. Perhaps if he were completely open, and not the type to be available to this nurse's advances, her jealousy would magically disappear.


    Originally Posted by Loralora
    How exactly do I MEAN it in this case?

    What should I do for him to know thar I mean it.
    I know you directed this at Seraphim, but I'll answer as well: As Seraphim said in her instance, you say "it's all this nonsense with these other women, or me". Period. Today, this second. As in, delete/block this, and any other woman like this, forever, or I'm leaving you right this second.
    When I said this in my last relationship, he "yeah yeah'd" me, but it didn't stick. So I said goodbye.

  9. #18
    Silver Member Loralora's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    For me this guy would be gone. He can be a “ladies man “ some place else. My husband was Capt Save A Hoe when young . No physical cheating but letting himself get talked into other women’s BS. I laid it on the line. Them or me . Get out. Make your choice this second.
    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    You have to mean it. My husband called his dad and his dad called me a bytch and told him to come home. He went to his parent’s home for 2 days and came home. No more crap since. And that was 19 years ago.
    Originally Posted by LHGirl
    LOL, I wasn't trying to talk sense into you, Bluecastle, as I love your posts. I was just trying to make sure the OP knows that this cr*p is on him, not her. She can be jealous, and he can be a hiding, lying jerk. They are not mutually exclusive. But in this case, his indiscretions cannot be justified just because she also happens to have a jealous streak. Thing is, jealousy is often driven by an insecurity, and it sounds like her BF is providing her enough reason for insecurity/jealousy. Perhaps if he were completely open, and not the type to be available to this nurse's advances, her jealousy would magically disappear.




    I know you directed this at Seraphim, but I'll answer as well: As Seraphim said in her instance, you say "it's all this nonsense with these other women, or me". Period. Today, this second. As in, delete/block this, and any other woman like this, forever, or I'm leaving you right this second.
    When I said this in my last relationship, he "yeah yeah'd" me, but it didn't stick. So I said goodbye.
    I have said that too in the past it lasts a while then happens again. For some other nurses it worked. But do I have to tell him individualy for each one. Why can't one be an example for all !!

    Thank you yo everyone for your coments and help. I really appreciate it.

  10. #19
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Loralora
    How exactly do I MEAN it in this case?

    What should I do for him to know that I mean it.
    It means he is gone for good no second chances, do not pass go and collect $200. Goodbye. Done.

  11. #20
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    I may be waiting my whole life for a woman to do exactly this to me, though I'd like to think I've reigned it in myself.

    Awesome story. Hijack over.

    OP, I like this approach in your situation.

    He's huffing and puffing right now, but if he has good sense he'll realize that cursory female attention isn't worth losing a marriage over. Or, if he doesn't realize that, he is not the man for you.
    My husband had more than a marriage to lose too. He was going to lose daily access to his son. He chose me and his son. However, he NEVER told his parents HE was the problem not me. He let them assume I was and they hated me anyway. So it was easy for him.

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