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Thread: Best Friend is 26 (F) seeing 54 (M)

  1. #11
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Eh, Iím less concerned about the age gap and more that he sounds like an overall jerk.
    Exactly.

    He sounds like a liar, a cheater, a control freak. What kind of man sleeps with a girl he knew since she was a child? That is sick.

    I think your friend has serious issues as well to even consider this man. The whole thing is wrong and the one person who will end up losing badly over it, is your friend.

  2. #12
    Silver Member Jellybean9's Avatar
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    I wouldn't say I was a bad friend. I did not know for one minute when she said she went on a date with him the sort of man he was.

    Her first date with him was a secret until she told me. I tried to create a safe place in our friendship for her to talk about it.

    I only encouraged dating him instead of sleeping with her ex. I encouraged her to enjoy single life but she refused to do that. Suggested online dating and she hates the idea of that. So when I suggested to date him. Never thought it would lead to this.

    You are so right. The fact he knew her when she was running around in pigtails and is with her now disturbs me. It was sharing that fact with my ex was the reason he couldn't sit and have dinner with him. Glad I'm not the only one grossed out by that.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Let's be honest here, it's a really messed up situation. She is essentially sleeping with her father and he is bordering on being a pedophile.
    What in the heck can she see in him?
    It sounds more like a parent/child dynamic the way he controls her and tells her what to do, maybe that's what turns him on. It's sick.
    And why would any 20 something want grandpa along for the ride if you're going to the clubs or even to the movies? Ewww.

    There is nothing you can do about it now. It is her choice, but I sincerely do wonder what on earth she is thinking.
    I know what he is thinking, he is happy to be able to control someone he see's as a little girl and can use and abuse her as he pleases.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member shellyf62's Avatar
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    I wonder what would happen if her Father found out that they were dating?

    Can you let it slip at a family gathering?

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    There are times that I hope my friends will tell me the very thing I don't want to hear.
    This may be one of those times.

    Friends can often see things that we aren't willing to recognize.

    I don't know how strong your friendship is, but I know my friends and I can give it to each other straight and I also know it comes from a good place, no matter how much I don't like hearing it.

  7. #16
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    If they hide their relationship from dad -- that's proof positive that this is not a good relationship and she knows it deep down. If she wants to date grown men, then at the very least, she needs to act like an adult and be honest about things. Its kind of ironic how she said dad wasn't a present dad because he was 25 years older than mom or wasn't the "best" dad and now she is dating someone older than daddy. I would either distance myself from her and set a boundary or i would be upfront "it is puzzling to me that you say your dad wasn't a good dad because he is so old and then you want a man who is your dad's age...your kids if you had kids with him would have an even older dad than you had". or "don't you want to date someone you can tell your dad about?

    to me, this guy is slimey because if he wasn't - he would NOT date her or refuse her advances because dad is his good friend or he would have asked dad if he could ask her out

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Jellybean9
    She suggested we go on a double date with my then boyfriend. I just couldn't do it. I would be too embarrassed to sit with her bf and my then bf. Which is terrible as she is my best friend and I shouldn't let the age gap get to me.
    Why shouldn't you? He clearly lets it get to him, and he's opting into this relationship with 54 years of life experience. It's not like he doesn't know that there's a difference between 26 year olds and 54 year olds. It's like buying a Volkswagon and then getting upset that you own a German car.

    Originally Posted by Jellybean9
    We stayed in and watched some films which he insulated as they were juvenile. We are only in our 20's. He has a judgement on everything that I like that he feels is "young" as we were playing video games and felt we was being childish.
    What a hypocrite!

    I don't know her and I don't know him. But reading what you wrote, they both seem desperate and foolish. She doesn't want to repeat her parents' marriage--yet she is. He thinks 26 year olds are juvenile--yet he's with one. You may lose your friend no matter what you do, through no fault of your own.

    Less is probably more when it comes to criticism in this case. I don't think you're wrong to feel the way that you do. But I do think that in her current state of mind she is probably unable to appreciate the logic of your argument. I'm not saying to hide your feelings. I just think you have to pick your places and go lightly. Be as much of a friend as possible, and walk away when you need to.

  9. #18
    Silver Member Jellybean9's Avatar
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    Thank you to everyone who has replied.

    You have all made me feel better for the situation. As I felt guilty finding it bizzare.

    I pride myself on not judging people and their life choices but this has been a hard one to accept.

    I know some people like to take advice from people. I know I appreciated it when I was blind in an emotionally abusive relationship. But not everyone is so forthcoming with advice.

    She is stubborn like I said I suggested she enjoys single life. Then she went on and started dating this old man.

    So even if I say anything to her. She will hold it against our friendship and peg me as the bitter friend.

    It's a tough one.

    She has invited me for dinner this week. So I think I'll mention how I don't mind coming if he isn't there as he makes me uncomfortable. Then if she wants to know why I'll explain briefly.

  10. #19
    Silver Member Jellybean9's Avatar
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    Also with regards to her Dad. He would be furious.

    He is very old fashioned. He was annoyed that his Son's daughter decided to keep a child from a one night stand and be a single parent.

    If he knew his daughter was seeing his "friend". God knows what he would do.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    This could be a friendship you just outgrow.
    There were some friends from childhood who we just naturally went our different ways in our 20s.
    Different values, different things we cared about in life.

    The last time I ran into one of those friends whose dramatics I just couldn't take anymore, she had three kids, three different dads, no dad in the picture and she hadn't worked since her first pregnancy.

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