My ex just text me for the first time in 2 months?! What do I do?

Okay so if you're familiar with my previous posts, you know all the stuff I've been through with this guy. My most recent post actually talking about how I was doing a lot better and felt like I was finally getting over him. If you aren't familiar, basically I dated this guy for a year, we broke up 2 months ago and it ended good at first but then when we attempted to stay friends he basically ignored me and we got in a fight, and then continued to ignore each other for 2 months (not counting a message I sent to him letting him know I was unfriending him not out of spite, but because I needed to do it for myself to which he never replied to). He was a very big part of my life, my best friend, and the only person I really had so when he left it was really hard on me. It's also my first break up too so that doesn't help.

Anyway, he's been watching my snapchat stories for weeks (which never happens) and I just got a message from him literally like 10 minutes ago and he basically said 'hey how are you doing? you probably don't want to talk to me but I just wanted to check up on you." For so long, I've wanted to hear from him but now that it's actually happen I'm just feeling upset and scared he's going to hurt me again and ruin my progress. I'd really like to speak to him and see how he's doing and I don't want to be immature and ignore him but at the same time I don't know if that's best. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!! (by the way I'm not expecting ANYTHING from this, I don't think he's coming back to say he made a mistake and wants to get back together, even if he did I don't want to be back with him after realizing how unhappy we were but I just don't know how to respond...it's been so long since we've talked in a civil manner.)

Be careful not to go down that rabbit hole again. It will just push you backwards and you are doing so well with your progress. You will just feel heartbroken all over again if you open the lines of communication. I would ignore and block him from everything. You need to heal and it won't help talking to him.

Lisa

So sorry you are going through such a difficult breakup. It can be hard in the early stages when you are adjusting to the space the other person left in your life and the hole left in your heart. The usual tendency is to sort of linger near the person. Sometimes that looks like friendship, sometimes it may feel like getting back together is an option, and sometimes it looks like drifting apart. But it's really just a mass of dysfunction from which the only sure escape is no contact.

It would be a shame to lose all the progress you've made during the past 2 months. I'd recommend not responding to his text and blocking his number so you don't have to keep dealing with this confusion.

I know how this feels. My ex who ghosted me about three months ago is actually calling me....not texting me like he mostly did in the past. I have been speaking with him without malice, because the real strong emotions that I once felt for him, has mostly been evaporated. I am now speaking with someone new.

It is a surreal feeling when they finally contact you. You look at your phone and those words in a text just stir up a myriad of feelings. Your entire past flashes in front of you. Your heart beats fast and then there is the fear. The fear of them hurting you again and having to experience another go around of those painful feelings.

After the shock has worn off, I say take some time before you respond and be brief with your response. Since your attachment to him has decreased you will find that you can see him for who he really is. Just a man...and not the God that we perceived them to be.

It is a surreal feeling when they finally contact you. You look at your phone and those words in a text just stir up a myriad of feelings. Your entire past flashes in front of you. Your heart beat fast and then there is the fear. The fear of them hurting you again and having to experience another go around of those painful feelings.

Yeah, that is exactly what it felt like when I saw his name pop up on my screen! Thanks for the advice.

I spent too many months entertaining these breadcrumbs from my ex. Just "checking up" is inexcusable and a set back. Make it clear if he's not interested in an honest discussion about reconciliation then leave you alone.

So textbook. My money would be on you responding and him not replying, then you would feel further hurt. Don't give him the satisfaction of knowing he can still affect you. Instead, continue with your progress in terms of moving forward in your life.

block him and dont answer. no contact is the best tool for healing.

I wouldn't respond, OP. You're still vulnerable following the end of this relationship and working towards healing. Contacting him will set you back. I expect that if you were to reply, a certain amount of anxiety may set in where you're wondering if and when he'll reply and what he'll say. Don't open old wounds. Allow yourself to heal. And don't worry about feeling like you're ignoring his message by not responding. You have to put yourself first here. Continue with the healing process. Don't respond.

It's always 2 months. Maybe it's time when they start missing the relationship.

If you respond,he'll most likely ghost you,and then get back at you in another 2 months.

Just ignore him and in few weeks the curiosity will stop.

Block him, then he cannot toy with you.

Many replies suggest what might happen if you reconnect. The fact is, none of us knows. The one thing we DO know is what you say in your original post. You are liking the way you are pursuing your path and you are concerned contact might take you off your path.

Simple. Block. Keep around you only people who support you, improve you, propel you.

He doesn't. Therefore, no reason to engage.

Yep, very textbook. Especially the 2 month mark.

If you respond, he's going to ignore you. Your anxiety will be very high if you respond.

Block him and keep going. You will really be able to move forward if you block him because you'll know that you'll never hear from him again.

Block and ignore.

Going no contact and blocking someone after a breakup is not immature it's self respect and a way to heal and move on. He may think enough time has passed that you may want to be friends or hookup now and then. Do you plan on responding?

he basically said 'hey how are you doing? you probably don't want to talk to me but I just wanted to check up on you." I don't want to be immature and ignore him

Well, I didn't respond but now he's text me again apologizing for how we ended things and he said it hurts him that we ended on such confusing terms and that he doesn't want to be a c*nt about it. He then says he hopes I'm doing okay and that he'd still be here if I ever needed anything.

Um what?! I have the feeling he's just doing this so he can get peace of mind because he knows how bad he hurt me.

Well, I didn't respond but now he's text me again apologizing for how we ended things and he said it hurts him that we ended on such confusing terms and that he doesn't want to be a c*nt about it. He then says he hopes I'm doing okay and that he'd still be here if I ever needed anything.

 

Um what?! I have the feeling he's just doing this so he can get peace of mind because he knows how bad he hurt me.

He's spooling out, hoping to hook you into being receptive. Because if you are kind to him, then he will stop feeling bad about hurting you.

Basically, he's saying

I hurt you. Be nice to me now, so I don't have to hold myself accountable for being a jerk before.

Turning you into a polite acquaintance gives him an easy out, so he doesn't have to feel like he screwed up. So he won't have such hard lessons to learn.

Let him find peace some other way. He does not need to use you for his path to acceptance and peace. You didn't use him for that. He doesn't need to use you.

Yeah he wants you to help him get over his guilt. Do not respond. Let him twist in the wind and suffer the consequences of his choice: life without you in it. Out means out. He doesn't get to be friends with you now. That's a CONSEQUENCE.

I just looked at your other threads on this guy. He has horrific insecurity issues of the "I just know you're gonna" and he did that to you throughout the the whole relationship. In fact all I see from your posts is him blathering on about what a terrible boyfriend he was and then dumping you out of nowhere in a self-fulfilling prophecy of his own doing.

Two months in I'd say some other girl shut him down and/or dumped him or rejected him and now he's trying to get back in touch, so you can sooth his insecurities again like you did all through your relationship.

Wasn't it exhausting being with an emotional vampire who cried constantly for you to make him feel better about himself, sob, sob, when it was and is actually his job to do that, not yours or anyone else's?

Do you really need this insecure man child back in your life to run it on you again and again? You do know that kind of insecurity is usually a bit of a ruse or they are shunning responsibility for their own lives and expect a partner to magically take it all away and when that doesn't happen they are off to the next person they perceive will live their life for them, right?

Do you really want to sign up for that again?

He'll let you back in until he does the same thing again.

Judging from the number of posts you've made about him, he hurt you pretty badly.

Do you want to give him another opportunity to hurt you?

And why was it OK for him to hurt you, but it's not OK for you to block him? Why should you always be the one who gets hurt?

Well, I didn't respond but now he's text me again apologizing for how we ended things and he said it hurts him that we ended on such confusing terms and that he doesn't want to be a c*nt about it.

I would have shut him down right there when he came out with that line. Not to sound harsh, but what do you see in this clown?

I would have shut him down right there when he came out with that line. Not to sound harsh, but what do you see in this clown?

No response is the best shut down there is. Any response validates his voice. Silently, if you've been able to remain quiet, good for you. If not, forgive yourself and go quiet asap. Take control over who and what is in your mind.

Thank you guys so much, I appreciate all the advice!