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emptyeffort

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  1. @~seraphim~ onlyfans.com is a site where primarily women will sell sexual photos/videos of themselves. The biggest difference to porn is that you are paying a specific girl to be able to watch her content rather than watching porn on a website or paying for a premium membership on a pornsite. while i do agree it is kinda weird, its not like men do not have preferences even in porn and may watch a certain girl/couple more often than others on a run of the mill website. ultimately it is about how you feel about it and if you feel badly about it talk to your bf.
  2. had the same thing happen to me basically. She was muslim, i am not. we both knew from the beginning it wasnt gonna fly with her parents, since although her dad didnt marry someone of his own country and religion, she had to.. we dated anyway because feelings = irrational.. after 6 months, 2 weeks after summer break (which was 6 weeks) she broke up. being with her family in her country took a huge toll on her and she couldnt keep lying to them. us dating was completely secret. non of our friends or her parents knew.. idk how it was for your BF, but for my ex it was basically, choosing her family and losing me or choosing me and losing her family. its a choice against all odds.
  3. welp, i got my bloodtest results today. turns out my thyroid dysfunction is not even a problem anymore but i got way too high bloodsugar. got meds for both tho. (she said it would make it a little easier to lose weight, so she still gave me thyroid meds) she said if i lose 10-15kg id probably already be fine. she still sent me to get checked out at the diabetologist, and she will check me again in 2 weeks.
  4. ye, treating my condition will not make my life magically amazing but i think and hope it will improve my VERY negative view on life etc and help me be more active. i used to be different and not such a procrastinating slob. nowadays i get overwhelmed unnaturally quickly and doing the easiest stuff "now" is incredibly hard for me. even just making a stupid phone call ill be like: "ye ill do that tmrw". and ill still be looking for another job. but i feel like i can bear it a little better atm, than when i opened the thread.
  5. as said before we now have to work on holidays, too. today was one and we went there FULL TEAM, because they wanted it like that. for 23 fcking calls. 23 fcking calls.. i didnt even get a call lol, partically because i did chat half of the time but there i got 1 customer.. on the one hand its great because we get paid double for doing nothing and watching netflix (watched a whole season final space and some rick and morty), on the other id much rather have the free day to be honest but that is probably because i do not "need" more money and i live a very down low life with not a bunch of idk how to put it. basically i live like i dont have a single cent (day to day) although ive been working for a couple of months. that made it possible for me to upgrade my PC, which has been my hobby of over 10 years now only after the 2nd month considerably. been thinking if i should just treat myself a little more, in the sense of just spending a little more cash here and there to sweaten my day, to have some positive points in the day or something, but honestly i wouldnt even know what to get or do. not gonna start a drug addiction like nicotine, i dont really drink at all, if i spent it on delicious food id gain even more weight. will get a contract for my phone so i actually have internet when not at home etc. "im not someone to whine fast and i have lots of patience but i feel like this job is costing me my sanity. i feel like ill eventually get into a downward spiral developing some kind of mental issues." while still hating it, having had 2 days after the post and talking to people on here, i think the main issue lies with my condition and im now on the way to get it treated asap. will try to eat more nutritious and get the meds i need.
  6. i made my appointment to get checked today. ill be going there next week, get my blood checked and i hope nothing else serious adds to my stupid condition.. starting whenever i did my first thread about "the job" it has always been the same job. in my december post i was talking about this job. but then i wasnt working for them and only had the version of the corporation that was sold to me. when i started working the flaws became very obvious very quick. we have many different hardware products, most of you probably even own some of them but theres one category which i openly said have no knowledge about and they said: thats no problem we will train you. 4 months later, i still havent gotten that training, when i asked my colleagues they laughed ironically and i will never get it. 4 months later when customers call about that certain kind of product i cannot help them almost at all. its not my problem honestly and im not paid enough to actually care, but its still annoying thats true for most of our team btw. in january i was promised id get off for holidays, now they changed it that i do. So the first holiday that i actually had (friday before easter) i had to work. we went to work for 50 fcking calls.. its a joke. tomorrow, another holiday here, ill have to work again. its less about getting these off but more about the honesty or the lack thereof. its not that i hate the job because of calling alone which might have been what my post seemed like. its many different things that are incredible to me and that are asked of us which all culminate together. all my other colleagues (whove worked there far longer than me, think the same, but they seem to have a higher tolerance. as ive found out of the course of reading and participating in the comments of my thread some actually helped me feel better, guide in the right direction and let me see where a big part of my problems lie. its most likely less about the job but my condition.
  7. in a sense this describes it kinda well. i would never hurt/kill myself but for years ive been living in this state of: "my lives going to be sh*tty anyway, im never gonna accomplish anything (mainly just having a job i love doing while being able to provide for a family) and find a suitable significant other (which i very much miss, since my last break up a couple of years ago) i just wish i wouldnt wake up the next day". i guess im hoping it all just ends magically before the real consequences catch up to me. being with her showed me how lonely i actually was before that (was my only gf because somehow i never fell in love with girls that fell in love with me and i didnt have exactly much self esteem, what an irony) and how lonely i am now. i was very clingy and codependent because of that. welp i get the sense maybe the the job isnt the part that solely makes my life feel like a waste but also these other underlying issues that i banished from my brain. it just all culminates and the job was the newest addition to an already bleak life.
  8. youre absolutely right. i cant even get myself to do stuff that i usually enjoy, imagine stuff i dont enjoy. at work i usually only drink water and actually really little food for being there 9 hours of my day and not much sugar. but i could eat "better food". apart from looking for a new job ill tackle the thyroid issue and the food first. maybe after having worked on both of those i feel more energetic, less passive and less sh*tty.
  9. youre exactly on the money, again. Ye, ill get this thyroid stuff out of the way asap. ill just go to the doc tmrw ask to do it immediately or give me an appointment right there.
  10. no i havent set up an appointment yet. i hate going to the doc generally and when i finally had the nerve to call them and make an appointment they told me to go onto some fcking website and make an appointment there...... just was about to do it now, turns out i cannot even choose to have my blood taken as an option.. generally thats something they do very early because youre not supposed to have eaten anything. idk i guess ill call another doc tmrw... im happy this also got me to remember about my thyroid issue as an actual issue and factor. i had totally forgotten about how it probably influenced my life and how i look on things for years of not treating it. maybe having it treated will help me cope with everything in general. i just feel so ty..
  11. i wouldnt say im highly anxious but im very focused on the negative. im never optimistic about anything.
  12. its less a way out of the job market and more me feeling totally overwhelmed with this job and how i detest it. there is indeed information that i didnt share. but it is not to important to the situation at hand but more how i got into this situation. long story short: parents broke up, im living with my mom to support her because she cannot move (high costs) or pay the rent on her own and my little brother. the pay is similar to a part time job i think. i could live with that money and my mom would support me (in the sense that wed be living together for those years). she does however not approve of the idea of me quitting and getting a part time job. also yes, i would say youre right in saying that im lethargic. i have a strong thyroid dysfunction that i should take medication for, which also potentially affects my brain. i may have depression as a result of that, but not in the sense of "oh my life has been so bad" kind of way but in a "the chemicals in the brain arent as they should be" way. i was not on healthcare for almost 2 years, i got it now that im working again and i need to do a bloodtest and see what kind of meds i need for the condition. im not saying this because i wanted to excuse my behaviour. just extra info because i had to deal with that stuff a few years ago. also im not here to have people just say yes to my rants. i asked for opinions and advice. sharing like this helps me a lot to cope with stuff because i dont feel like i can open to anyone about it irl actually TALKING about it. i just cant do it. i would totally have my mom, shed listen "happily" etc but im just not the type who can do that. i am currently 26.
  13. im not too sure yet tbh. for stuff id actually love to do my grades back in school were too bad. i made many mistakes in my life, my laziness brought me here and now im here to whine about it. at this point id try to go in a direction of an office job with minimal customer contact. i dont have big dreams or anything. working infront of a computer doing my thing would be all id want. basically what im doing now but without having to deal with all these people. i could, yes. i dont want to get into the whole situation and what brought me to this point in the last 7 months. but i could theoretically live off of that part time. im thinking part time because its hard to get something fulltime with my current qualifications. im too unfit for any job that requires lots of manual labor, which is very visible to say the least. so even if i tried noone would hire me for a job on your feet for most of the day. as mentioned before i have to change my mindset on this, i just dont know how to do it. how do i go from: "i hate this" to "its not that bad" to "i dont mind this" is the question for me. i will be looking for a new job, its just hard to find anything. being badly qualified and morbidly obese is not an easy combination. Latter means i cannot do many types of jobs physically but also that people probably dont want to put me into positions where im seen by customers and the like. idk if you happen to have ideas for jobs that dont ask for high qualifications, just throw them my way. im mostly trying to find jobs that i can actually look for.
  14. apart from the ones you already named i cannot really think of much more. i dont have to work weekends (yet) and the job in all is not very "hard". idk. maybe youre right about this. i just feel like running away. i think because there is another easier way its hard for me to stay on this path. talking about sanity and losing my mind was more of a down the road thing. im constantly thinking about work, how i dont wanna go, how i despise it etc. every day after work i feel like sh*t, im almost always in a bad mood. im at work and i think about how i hate it there and i wanna go home, i get home and all i think about is how i hate work and i dont wanna go the next day. ive become so passive in the few hours that i have after a work day, i dont really do anything anymore.. just sit there browse the web wanting to just get entertained. i dont even game anymore, which used to be what i liked doing most. im just constantly drained.. its not the working itself that gets me. ive learned that it gets boring af to be unemployed and being able to do what you want the whole day. looking at what other people or even my parents had to deal with most of their life, this job is really chill and not bad. but for some reason... i gotta admit that i also have an of a colleague sitting near me which makes it a lot worse. the way it works here (apart from when doing university) its not just classes. you kinda start at a job, you go there 3 times a week and 2 times you go to some kind of "school",you get paid miserably. you learn while doing the job and some extra stuff on the side. usually it takes 3 years to finish something like that. but afterwards you can actually get real jobs.
  15. heyo, ive made a thread about this before. as a short introduction so you dont have to read the other wall of text. im a textbook loser who now HAD TO get a job. I started as a call center tech support agent in january. i was really psyched at first that for the first time i got my ass up and actually made some money but that changed pretty fast. i cannot really put my finger on why exactly but i just HATE the job. Its not a very hard job or anything but i just hate it. having to phone with all those customers and having to listen to their problems and trying to find solutions. I dont know why but i just cannot stand all this customer contact maybe. i knew beforehand that this kind of job is not really up my alley because im not one to talk to strangers easily etc but i didnt imagine itd be this bad for me. Company doesnt seem as awesome as i thought at first. just every day i dread to go to to work, i come home and i cannot think of anything else but me not wanting to go to that place the next day. the only good thing is that i dont have to sell sh*t on the phone.. ive now been thinking to just leave and look for a part time job until i can get a spot to learn a real profession in september and wanted to gather some thoughts about it from people here. i could have a part time job and make more money by tutoring kids in school (of all ages). im not someone to whine fast and i have lots of patience but i feel like this job is costing me my sanity. i feel like ill eventually get into a downward spiral developing some kind of mental issues.
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