Are some of us simply meant to be alone?

[bulletproof]

I don't get it, either. Some people are literally never single. Or they are single for maybe a few weeks. It has to be more than fear of being alone or "settling" - I mean, how do they even find so many people they even want to be with? I rarely even meet someone I am interested in going out with.

 

They probably have a good social network so they meet more people, and lots of interests that put them in the right places to meet someone similar. It's just a numbers game.

[Johnathan]

They probably have a good social network so they meet more people, and lots of interests that put them in the right places to meet someone similar. It's just a numbers game.

 

bingo. And if you're female it helps if you look like Paris Hilton

[petite]

You know what? I really don't have a clue. I use to think "there is someone for everyone", but seriously I see so many people alone it makes me think. Without jumping the gun I'm sure there are people who choose to be single/alone but I think there are more that are alone and NOT by choice.

 

I'm 5 months away from my 30th birthday and I NEVER thought I'd feel this way. I feel I might never find the person who will be there forever. I have been wrong in the past, I felt sure I was going to be with him & all the nine yards and then it's over and everything changes.

 

Before him I actually didn't concentrate on age I was happy with my age, I still can't say I am unhappy with my age, but I do realize I'm getting older. My plans or should I say "our" plans no longer exist and I have to rearrange a lot and try to possibly accept that I wont ever give myself to anyone as much. It's scary to think I might never find someone I want to share my life with...

[tinman19672000]

Greg, I am 44 and in the same boat. Maybe we are too nice, too giving? Seems to me a lot of women who aren't particularly good to their bf's have the bf's. And I am sure you see it with a lot of men and their gf's.

 

 

What u say is so right, i live in the u.k and u can be too nice to a woman, see thay like the bad boy's and all that. The nice guy...forget it, they don't whant to know unless they want to use u in some way. They tell me things like your a nice guy ect and all that crap, i am 43 and been on my own for 43 years.

 

Iam tall and fit, so it is not down to that..just too nice...i sould talk to them like crap, ever been to a wedding and seen the fat guy with a nice woman....have a look at his new car and then u see why she is with him.

 

I have seen it, a guy hitting his gf and head butting her ect and then they kiss and go off...i will never understand woman..never, u are kind to them and care about them and would give u life for one if u loved her.

 

Then they would sick too finger's up to you and go and live with a arse hole.

[AmandaB]

I have to admit and im sorry to say but this thread is depressing.

[Genuine Duck]

I have to admit and im sorry to say but this thread is depressing.

 

How so? I find it invigorating.

 

I'm 19 years old, going on 20 in November. Never dated a girl. Got close to one recently who was interested but she was shipped off to campus for having low grades by her parents and she won't be back for a year so that's as good as dead.

 

Despite this, I don't feel sad or depressed. I'm trying to turn my life around, raise my grades, finally finish high school (failed my freshman classes since I moved to a new town and had no friends and developed a severe social phobia that I had to go to therapy for) and move on to community college. For my new years resolution I decided to bring down my weight. I've cut all fast food and pop, started exercising, and I'm almost down to 200 lbs from the 227 I peaked at in December of '09.

 

I always thought if I improved myself and lost weight I'd attract girls. Well, the more weight I lose the more I realize I'm just ugly, not intelligent, not impressive. This whole... "someone for everybody" spiel is nothing more than a band-aid for the emotionally wounded. I embrace the fact that I'm probably never going to have a girlfriend or a wife.

 

Maybe I'm just some sort of sadist but knowing I'm not good enough feels good in and of itself. There is no fate; our actions and experiences aren't guided by some divine being or principles. Life has no intrinsic meaning to me. Armed with this knowledge I can gain confidence and carve out my own path. I don't have a lot of family (dad is in a nursing home with complications with his MS so I'm flying solo at home for a while) but I have a few good friends and hope for the future.

 

That's good enough for me.

[msDazed_N_Confused]

The reason why some people are never single....low standards.

Well at least in comparison to me.

I know i have high standards, but they are not unrealistic. I could easily sum up about 25personality traits, that i would like a man to have.

But i am not willing to settle for anything less (surely, i could skip a couple when i meet someone) than what i think i deserve.

Selfish....perhaps, but i have accepted that it's the way i want it. I rather be single than with someone that annoys me, just so i can cuddle up at night.

[LAYAAN]

Many many times I have wondered if there is any man on this earth for me. Probably, I'm simply meant to be alone. I hope that I can find a purpose to live for if marriage is not in my cards.

Sometimes I wonder how life would be without marriage, all by myself, then I look at all those couples who are unhappy together. Not sure what I should ask God for anymore. But singlehood sucks. I just wish some angel or someone would come and tell me once for all that I"m not gonna find anyone. I'll seriously quit all my efforts, let go of all this worry and anxiety and live my life the way I want it.

[MD Geist]

live my life the way I want it.

 

That could be the reason why your still single because maybe your not living life the way you want. I'm sure what freedom means to you or how you wanna live your life but honestly you should be living your life the way you want.

 

Otherwise it leads to unhappyness.

 

Unhappyness is unattractive.

[LAYAAN]

Correct... as I was writing my post, similar thoughts rushed through my mind. Well, why aren't you living your life the way you want it today? Who has stopped you?

That might very well be the reason why I'm single. You are right. If I can't live my life the way I want it now, when will I do it? after marriage...? ya... right... keep on dreaming

[Aristo29]

Well man I feel you.

I'm really sorry to say this but its mostly your fault, for getting yourself into this situation. I say that because most people in the US are some selfish, they think of marriage and having kids as a big disappointment, and most see it as another BS that life offers. Most people think having kids, and family is giving up your freedom, you must live life drinking every night and having sex with everyone until you die alone... Maybe you don't think like this, but you don't take chances either, you keep meeting different woman, make excuses that you fail to connect, you must try hard and be yourself and you will connect with them.

 

But your not too old mate, go out there and find the woman you love, connect with her you know. Sometimes you have the looks, the body, the money but no love, nor family. Like for an example: My father is a very successful man because he loved his children so much that he pushed himself to take more risks and make more money, become a better man. Now he lives very good, and turned out to be a great, loving person.

 

Family is a huge wealth, you must find the right person to build a family with, and have kids see life in a way you never imagined, and let that life take you to sad, and great times. But in the end seeing your kids all grown up, and successful, seeing yourself as a father/grand father/ a legend, you will only be thankful, and never regretful or disappointed.

 

Don't play around with life too much, because regret is the worst sour pain, that will slowly eat up your heart. As for the right woman to be with, you will know when you will meet that woman.

 

Best of luck to you mate. I'm sure you will work things out!

[espo]

My problem is, I just simply don't try enough.

 

I have so much to offer and I'm quite an attractive young man, but I just don't put myself in the position to meet a lot of young women. That perhaps may or may not come back to haunt me someday, but as of right now I'm comfortable with where I stand.

 

For some reason, lately, I just haven't had much of a desire to meet or get too close to anybody. Whenever it feels that way, I admit, I do get kinda nervous sometimes. Well... it's just that nothing good has ever come from it for me whenever I did put the effort into pursuing someone. And I'm not talking about rejection per se, but just the whole situation in general. Nothing good has ever transpired when I've made that faith leap. I look back on all the relationships I've had and all the women I've ever met. I can't honestly say that there was ever "one" truly good experience where something bad didn't happen that severed ties, a relationship or left a dent into a friendship I once had with one.

 

Now, whenever I was single or focused my attention elsewhere - I never ran into too many problems. But whenever I became interested in someone or began a new relationship that's when things would begin to turn upside down for me and it seemed the rest of my world would come crashing with it. And if anything, the negativity that came from those bad experiences would dampen my spirits, which would ultimately result in me wanting to break away and be free from it. And whenever I did get away from it, I felt so relieved and that's when things started to look up for me again.

 

Meeting new women has never really been a problem for me, I'm capable and can offer plenty, but it's just this inner fear that something bad is going to happen and that somewhere along the road things are not going to work out between us. It's the fear of the unexpected and that I don't know if I can really trust you. It's obviously an insecurity issue of mine that I just don't know how to deal with. So it's much easier for me to not deal with it and just focus on other areas of my life because I haven't quite found the best approach to handle that kind of problem of mine.

 

I could have written this too! Sounds just like me! lol

[espo]

I don't get it, either. Some people are literally never single. Or they are single for maybe a few weeks. It has to be more than fear of being alone or "settling" - I mean, how do they even find so many people they even want to be with? I rarely even meet someone I am interested in going out with.

 

I know..... I don't get this myself! I have a close friend who jumps from relationship to relationship. He just broke up with one girl, (who he met a couple of weeks after a previous ex) and not even two weeks later, he's in a new relationship. For some people it is so easy!

[newwave]

Yes, some people are meant to be alone. It's not always fair, but it's the way things are. It seems like the people who really want to be with someone are alone and the abusive people have several people. If this one guy I like never becomes a super serious relationship, then I'll probably be alone and I'm fine with it.

[Bartok]

I know..... I don't get this myself! I have a close friend who jumps from relationship to relationship. He just broke up with one girl, (who he met a couple of weeks after a previous ex) and not even two weeks later, he's in a new relationship. For some people it is so easy!

I don't get it either, but quality over quantity, in my opinion.

[iwishiknew]

I know..... I don't get this myself! I have a close friend who jumps from relationship to relationship. He just broke up with one girl, (who he met a couple of weeks after a previous ex) and not even two weeks later, he's in a new relationship. For some people it is so easy!

 

I wish it was easy for me but it is not. It is very difficult.

[BriarRose]

Yes, some people are meant to be alone. It's not always fair, but it's the way things are. It seems like the people who really want to be with someone are alone and the abusive people have several people. If this one guy I like never becomes a super serious relationship, then I'll probably be alone and I'm fine with it.

It does seem this way. And if not abusive people, people who are cold or don't even care if they are in a relationship and/or people who take their partners for granted.

[Panther_Dude]

I believe some people are meant to be alone. I may very well be one of them.

[useyourki]

i like to believe our own actions dictate whether we end up alone or not... that, plus opportunity and preparedness...some might call that "luck" but saying we're "meant" to be alone is defeatist. i'm 28 and never been in a serious relationship. i can blame everyone around me for that, but in truth i know it's my fault, and i'm taking steps to fix it... step 1: go back to school... not only will i learn and get a degree, i'll make new connections and hopefully be in the right place at the right time. crossing my fingers and toes...no one wants to be alone, and i for one am tired of never being truly in love.

 

stay strong and good luck!

[iwishiknew]

I believe some people are meant to be alone. I may very well be one of them.

 

 

Same with me

[LightbulbSun]

I don't believe that I was meant to be alone, but I can't understand then where the girl of my dreams is.

[Green Mile]

Wow, old thread - I wonder if the OP ever found anyone...

 

Anyway I think this sometimes, I'm 25 and never had a proper girlfriend. I've kissed plenty of girls but the only thing close to a relationship I've had was for about 2/3 weeks when I was 21 with a married woman which fizzled out as quickly as it began.

 

I don't want to be alone, I want kids one day and a companion. I don't like the thought of being old and having no children to pass things down to or look after me. It terrifies me sometimes.

[iwishiknew]

Wow, old thread - I wonder if the OP ever found anyone...

 

Anyway I think this sometimes, I'm 25 and never had a proper girlfriend. I've kissed plenty of girls but the only thing close to a relationship I've had was for about 2/3 weeks when I was 21 with a married woman which fizzled out as quickly as it began.

 

I don't want to be alone, I want kids one day and a companion. I don't like the thought of being old and having no children to pass things down to or look after me. It terrifies me sometimes.

 

At least you have kissed a lot of girls and have experience in kissing. I never kissed a girl yet and I wish I had the experience.

[jengh]

At least you have kissed a lot of girls and have experience in kissing. I never kissed a girl yet and I wish I had the experience.

 

You know, the pity party you're constantly throwing yourself is not attractive to women. If you act self-loathing, women will pick up on that and find that unattractive. If you act confident and relaxed, women will pick up on THAT and find that attractive. If you've tried it, you haven't tried hard enough.

[Green Mile]

At least you have kissed a lot of girls and have experience in kissing. I never kissed a girl yet and I wish I had the experience.

That's a shame, but I think kissing a girl is quite easy especially if you go to a club or bar where everybody's had a drink and is more relaxed.

 

I'm not one to preach what I don't really practise well myself, but maybe you haven't tried hard enough to flirt and display a bit of confidence around a girl you like? I don't know if you drink but alcohol does help relax you.

 

I had my first proper kiss when I was 16 which is probably a little late compared to most people, I had hoped I'd lose my virginity soon after that but sadly not! I remember that night just realising that a girl at the party was trying to spend time with and was complimenting my appearance so after a few hours I just attempted to kiss her and hey presto! Since then I've found it a lot easier to judge if I stand a chance with a girl and just act on gut instinct whenever possible - I find I'm right more often than not!

 

Now if only I could repeat that when it comes to sex, maybe I'd start getting that regular too!?