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LightbulbSun last won the day on November 6 2009

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About LightbulbSun

  • Birthday 10/31/1982

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  1. You're right. And I read an article on this, which kind of helped (and has supported what the female posters, including what TiredofVampires and bulletproof, has written): link removed The article suggested that I lighten up, don't put ANY woman up on a pedestal and just talk to them as a normal person, and involve myself in activities that will engage me with women who also share the same hobbies. As has been said to me over, and over, and over again. I finally get it. I won't go into more detail, but my community is very artistic. I am very artistic. Therefore, I could be using community activities to share, and explore, my artistic talent/side. It's been anxiety and fear holding me back, but as everyone else has stated, I need to "just do it", even if I have a panic attack. I've never died from a panic attack, and it's not going to kill me to be a little nervous. It's raining today, and we're expecting a snowstorm, so it's probably not the best time to start contacting the community theatres, coffee shops, etc. But just sitting my butt down during a live gig at a coffeehouse by some performer, and talking to the people around me, will get me closer to forming a social network. And a social network will lead me to making friends, and meeting girls. I will start taking advantage of where I live, instead of just living here. It's the difference between living, and just existing. I have nobody but myself to blame for my own problems/issues. I'd also like to say that I read the article after I posted that post. But it really resonated with me. Just because I look a certain way, doesn't mean I can't get the girl of my dreams...or be open to letting someone into my life.
  2. I didn't have the chance to reply to you in email, Florida, but I will repeat here what I was going to say: I'd be open to dating my female friends, except that they're married. The reason why I called them "soulmates" is because that's what they are. You don't have to be even sexually attracted to the person to be a soulmate (for example, my best friend Matt is a soulmate, since we have exactly the same personality, and share all the same music tastes and etc. But I'm not attracted to him, so I wouldn't consider him a "soulmate", etc.) I am kind of afraid of being open to my friends that I want them to set me up with a girl. As far as they're concerned, I'm either gay or asexual - and since I don't go after guys, they assume I'm asexual. I don't disillusion them from this premise. My female friends have known that, at some point, I was straight, because I would hit on them...but since I stopped doing it, they let it drop. I just come off as a very non-sexual, non-threatening person who is timid and shy. All of that working together makes me not appealing to girls. I can complain all I want about it, but until I change the basics of that (or come accross an outgoing woman who is sexually aggressive and makes all the moves towards me), I'm not going to change. I AM NOT sexually aggressive at all, and in this day and age, you have to be, otherwise the girl will choose some other guy.
  3. Yes, he is definitely a game player. This sounds like something right out of those PUA books. I'd block him, and forget him.
  4. dr_styles is right. I'm putting way too much pressure on myself. I mean, it's just a date! It's not like I'm going to marry the person (maybe, but who knows?) Same with my virginity. I'm actually going to declare myself a 'proud celibate', until I meet the right girl. There's nothing wrong with being a virgin at any age, and for me, I had a very good reason for it (social anxiety.) I shouldn't let anxiety over being one still affect how I interact with women; that's like putting the cart before the horse. I think I'm going to put dating on the backburner for now. Keep my eyes open, and ask out girls that I'm interested in, but don't really stress about it. My problem is that I'm making something incredibly simple into something incredibly difficult, and probably making my situation (and attractiveness) worse in the process. I will continue to post here, and learn from people, and offer advice. But as far as the resentment, and the loneliness...I need to put all that stuff behind me. A broken man only attracts broken individuals, and as someone else said in a former thread, I used to look happy. I need to get back to that happy state of mind.
  5. Oh my god! A girl that viewed my profile 2 years ago just viewed my profile recently. She's 2 years older, but still so pretty...and her profile interests match mine perfectly. I'm going to write her. I have no idea what to say, but I really *do* want to talk to this girl. (Oh, and I hadn't logged into my POF profile for 6 months. All the recent girls that have viewed my profile since I changed my pic and profile on there are CUTE! Unless they're fake profiles, I'm definitely getting pretty girls interested.)
  6. Yeah, I suppose I should just go on a date with one of these girls. Give it a chance. Next time I get interest back, I'll run with it.
  7. That's what I meant. Extremely overweight and unattractive girls. I know that sounds mean, but I can't be physically intimate with someone if I'm not attracted to them. They don't have to be a beauty queen, but they also can't be on the other end of the curve, either.
  8. I suppose it's the same with me. Women I find physically unattractive messaging me. I read/delete. I don't pretend it's just as hard for women, but I don't want to date someone I find repulsive. She'd at least have to be cute. But someone will find those women attractive as they are, so it's better if I don't contact them, anyways.
  9. Yeah, I suppose. And I've already mentioned that I find more average girls (like 5's) attractive as well, and sometimes even more than the 10's. Regardless, I'm going to quit rating girls, and start talking to them. Maybe I'll meet someone who's extremely good looking, maybe she'll be average, who knows? Only God knows what's in store, and I just need to have faith and go along for the ride.
  10. I suppose I have to work from that. I grew up thinking of 'love at first sight' and 'instant attraction.' I suppose that works in the movies, but not in real life.
  11. Fudgie, Well, the girl I had a crush on, who I was getting the negative vibes from, is average looking. She is no stunner - but at the beginning, when things were "cool" between us, I was highly attracted to her personality. Now...I don't know what to do. I'm actually skipping yoga class today, because I don't have a clean pair of gym shorts (stupid reason, I know, but no working washing machine/dryer here, and I don't have time to run out to the laundromat.) But even if I went, I'm pretty sure her reaction would be the same. She hates me for some reason, maybe because of what jenny said, maybe not. All I know is that she hates me, and I don't want to be around someone with that much negative energy. Granted, I haven't been in the best of moods lately, but that's how I feel. Negativity breeds negativity. I never said I would date just for looks. In fact, if a girl is a stunner and her personality is crap, I wouldn't even want to be around her (how many times have I said this before?) And if she's more average looking, but has a fun personality, I'd want to be around her. However, I'm not going to date someone I find unattractive, because A.) it's not fair to me or the girl, and B.) she deserves to find someone who does find her attractive. I am no Brad Pitt, but some good looking girls have found me attractive in the past. And I'm sure they will again. Isn't it better to hold out for that, rather than give in and settle for someone I don't want, just to not be alone? I can understand the practice dating aspect of it, but that also makes me hesitant, because I don't think it's fair to the girl. If she develops feelings for me, and I'm just using her as a "practice date", isn't that hurtful to her?
  12. Oh, and Florida, Incel Support is an okay site, sort of. That wasn't the site I was talking about in the OP. Although I have gotten fed up with the site in the OP. One of the admins just sent me a link to an article via pm, and I was highly offended. There are some decent people on that site, but they just elected one of the most unreasonable posters to an admin position, which is like handling it over to an extremist. It's just a hopeless situation over there. People try to talk you out of having hope. I don't like that, so I'm through going over there (in fact, I'll use a bit of tech savvy, and "block" that site from even opening in my browser, so I'm not even tempted.)
  13. Yeah, I suppose I should just go out there and date. Regardless of whether I find her attractive or not. Turnoffs: If she smelled bad/bad hygiene, if she was morbidly obese, etc. But I suppose I'm not going to date the girls I want, so I might as well aim lower.
  14. Guys are very visual. It's not just me - it's all guys. If I dated someone who I wasn't attracted to physically, that would be like turning off my masculinity.
  15. No, I'm not suggesting that. But I'd like to make new friends, because I'd like to have someone to go have a beer with on Saturday night, instead of staying in, like I always do. I think being a homebody is the worst thing for a guy. However, when all your friends are busy with their kids or spouses, and don't have time for social stuff anymore, how can you not be a homebody? It's like, what came first: the chicken or the egg? Did the social isolation come first, or did the social anxiety come first? I'd like to have a wide social circle, so that if I "do" want to go out, I can have someone to call. Right now, I don't have that. And, by some chance, I met the love of my life tomorrow, she wouldn't want to fill that void. I mean, who would? You get it, that's exactly what I'm driving at. Thank you! I think I just need to focus on making friends right now. And that doesn't involve trying to force people, who already have a social circle and don't need more friends, to be my friend. It's clear that that's where I went wrong with that one girl. I shouldn't be frustrated over that, because it's a life experience that I've learned from, but the key is to not doing it again. People don't want to be friends with desperate or needy people. I suppose the key is to not needing friends, but wanting them - therefore, when they show up, I won't put out the needy vibes that I have been. jooj, I think you're misinterpreting what I do. I don't just aim for the "hotties." I also give the more average looking girls a chance. And sometimes a more average girl can be really cute, or beautiful, as well! I got into a debate with Cognitive Canine on this, where we both determined that I was aiming for what she considered 'average', and considered those girls hot...so I aim for the more average girls, anyways. However, I think it's counterproductive to try to date someone I'm not attracted to physically in any way. If there's no physical attraction, we're just going to be friends. Period.
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