Are some of us simply meant to be alone?

[Thornbirds18]

Love will only happen and last if you meet the right person at the right time in the right place. If one is missing the bond isn't complete. It's somewhat determinist view but it's so true in our life. There are tons of people who are excellent, great, but single. I and many of my gal friends are like that and I've been asking the same question over and over again. I tend to fall into the friend zone with guys and I don't know why. Some guys fall into my friend zone and I know why. They simply not fit my criteria of attraction but they're nice and the chemistry doesn't go further beyond friends or brother/sister view.

 

Maybe you're too nice to them, maybe you lay your card on the table too soon, maybe you're too anxious, maybe you're not mysterious and you give everybody a feeling of comfort, maybe you're too available, or maybe it's all about them. My point is: absence makes the heart fonder and don't make yourself too available, at the same time use your charm to be affectionate to them. Don't overdo it though. It's like cooking-patience and the right technique will create excellent dishes.

 

We all learn about our mistakes and become better and I don't believe in pure deteminism, a.k.a, some people are meant to be alone.

[LightbulbSun]

I don't think anyone is "meant" to be alone, but for some people, they struggle and it's harder than for other people. I've never been able to understand how some people can just go from relationship to relationship, just fall into them, when I would be shocked if I went on a single date.

[BriarRose]

I don't think anyone is "meant" to be alone, but for some people, they struggle and it's harder than for other people. I've never been able to understand how some people can just go from relationship to relationship, just fall into them, when I would be shocked if I went on a single date.

..

I feel the same way. It's so odd how they are just never alone - and it's not like they are even stellar people. Just average people who just happen to always have someone special in their life. People tell me I have much to offer, yet I am usually alone .

 

Guess it's just plain, old fashioned luck sometimes.

[Kinetics]

I begin to really wonder that this is indeed true for some people.

 

We're all human and we have our own flaws, but despite these flaws, people somehow find a bond with someone. I'm also with flaws, and it seems no one is willing to accept me as a person with flaws.

 

I've seen friends who have some very obvious flaws and even they find someone! It's that person's flaw and yet they still manage to find someone because they are willing to accept the person's flaws.

 

I'm not trying to compared who had more or less flaws, I'm trying to say we all have it but we should always find someone in the end. I don't seem to find anyone though...

[saltandvinegar]

I wonder what happned to the OP because this thread has been going for SIX years

[BriarRose]

I begin to really wonder that this is indeed true for some people.

 

We're all human and we have our own flaws, but despite these flaws, people somehow find a bond with someone. I'm also with flaws, and it seems no one is willing to accept me as a person with flaws.

 

I've seen friends who have some very obvious flaws and even they find someone! It's that person's flaw and yet they still manage to find someone because they are willing to accept the person's flaws.

I'm not trying to compared who had more or less flaws, I'm trying to say we all have it but we should always find someone in the end. I don't seem to find anyone though...

...

So true...and more than just flaws. I see people take their bf/gf for granted, openly flirt with other people, cheat, lie, etc...and STILL their partners love them. I have always been faithful, kind, etc., yet the relationship dies quickly or I get friendzoned. Being without someone is the norm for me.

[notsogood]

I wonder what happned to the OP because this thread has been going for SIX years

 

Haha good question. He probably got married and has 2.5 kids right now.

[notsogood]

...

So true...and more than just flaws. I see people take their bf/gf for granted, openly flirt with other people, cheat, lie, etc...and STILL their partners love them. I have always been faithful, kind, etc., yet the relationship dies quickly or I get friendzoned. Being without someone is the norm for me.

 

The answer to this is simple. Nice people finish last. For some reason the more you treat them like $#%# the more they like you. Granted not ALL the time but for the most part it is true.

[BriarRose]

The answer to this is simple. Nice people finish last. For some reason the more you treat them like $#%# the more they like you. Granted not ALL the time but for the most part it is true

..

Yeah, seems to hold true for both men and women. I'm glad I'm a nice person, but I do feel it's a curse in the relationship dept sometimes.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

The answer to this is simple. Nice people finish last. For some reason the more you treat them like $#%# the more they like you. Granted not ALL the time but for the most part it is true.

 

Yep..the crappy people find someone and treat their partners like crap while their partner laps it up...and the nice ones are alone because they are too "boring". Abuse, nastiness and selfishness is much more interesting to many people...presents an exciting challenge...after all, wasn't nasty JR Ewing more exciting to watch on Dallas than good guy Bobby Ewing..and wasn't super witch Alexis more exciting to watch than goody two shoes Krystle on Dynasty....isn't having your relationship mimic the dysfunctional relationships on Soap Opera's more exciting than a happy, content relationship!

[mad rabbits]

Yep..the crappy people find someone and treat their partners like crap while their partner laps it up...and the nice ones are alone because they are too "boring". Abuse, nastiness and selfishness is much more interesting to many people...presents an exciting challenge...after all, wasn't nasty JR Ewing more exciting to watch on Dallas than good guy Bobby Ewing..and wasn't super witch Alexis more exciting to watch than goody two shoes Krystle on Dynasty....isn't having your relationship mimic the dysfunctional relationships on Soap Opera's more exciting than a happy, content relationship!

 

I have noticed this too, but I think there might be a different explanation for it, rather than just that people find drama exciting....people who are self-involved and self-absorbed are less concerned about their effect on others...hence they tend to put themselves forward with a lot more confidence. They have an attitude that they know they can get what they want, and sure enough they do. It's "having game."

 

Nicer people have less "game" and hence less success in dating.

[BriarRose]

I have noticed this too, but I think there might be a different explanation for it, rather than just that people find drama exciting....people who are self-involved and self-absorbed are less concerned about their effect on others...hence they tend to put themselves forward with a lot more confidence. They have an attitude that they know they can get what they want, and sure enough they do. It's "having game."

 

Nicer people have less "game" and hence less success in dating.

..

I agree with this. It's not the drama, so much as the lack of "hunger" in selfish people. They simply don't care.

[LightbulbSun]

I hope that someday I'll find a nice girl who's as fed up with all of that as I am. Maybe there needs to be a dating site for people who are halfway decent?

[dr_styles]

Aren't some of the girls on online dating supposed to fit that category?

 

On a bit of side note it hurts the ego a little bit to know that you could be a nice guy who ends up with the girl who just tired of having sex with all the bad boys. heh can't even take getting that granted either though on this track (non)record I've got.

[LightbulbSun]

Aren't some of the girls on online dating supposed to fit that category?

 

On a bit of side note it hurts the ego a little bit to know that you could be a nice guy who ends up with the girl who just tired of having sex with all the bad boys. heh can't even take getting that granted either though on this track (non)record I've got.

 

I thought so, but it seems like all the girls on online dating sites go after the player type, even if they specify in their profile that they 'don't want to play games anymore.' Yeah, right.

 

Okay, that came out bitter, but I am a bit bitter. It seems like people choose all the wrong people for them, and then they complain about it, all the while making the same mistakes. I've seen it happen with one of my friends: she's gotten into abusive relationship after abusive relationship, and then when a nice guy turns up, she turns him down. Seems like she wants the abuse.

 

I can also sympathize with the 'not wanting a girl to settle for me.' All my time growing up, I heard that girls wanted a nice guy, and that I should always treat women with respect and kindness. What happens when I do that? They lose interest. I don't want to change into an * * * * * * * , but I also don't want to wait until I'm 40 before I experience sex (without getting the help of a hooker.) Especially since my high sex drive is killing me right now.

 

I know this is generalizing, and I know that not all 20 year old women are attracted to bad guys, but again, where in the world are they? Hiding in libraries or at home?

[Ammy]

I personally have used online dating for some time and do not go for bad guys. I go for nice guys... but sometimes they do still turn out to be jerks. I have never rejected a guy for being too nice. I have only rejected guys that I am not attracted to / who have different values to me / who treat me like crap... Niceness is not a turn off to me or most of my friends.

 

Ammy

[JusticeLaw9]

My problem is, I just simply don't try enough.

 

I have so much to offer and I'm quite an attractive young man, but I just don't put myself in the position to meet a lot of young women. That perhaps may or may not come back to haunt me someday, but as of right now I'm comfortable with where I stand.

 

For some reason, lately, I just haven't had much of a desire to meet or get too close to anybody. Whenever it feels that way, I admit, I do get kinda nervous sometimes. Well... it's just that nothing good has ever come from it for me whenever I did put the effort into pursuing someone. And I'm not talking about rejection per se, but just the whole situation in general. Nothing good has ever transpired when I've made that faith leap. I look back on all the relationships I've had and all the women I've ever met. I can't honestly say that there was ever "one" truly good experience where something bad didn't happen that severed ties, a relationship or left a dent into a friendship I once had with one.

 

Now, whenever I was single or focused my attention elsewhere - I never ran into too many problems. But whenever I became interested in someone or began a new relationship that's when things would begin to turn upside down for me and it seemed the rest of my world would come crashing with it. And if anything, the negativity that came from those bad experiences would dampen my spirits, which would ultimately result in me wanting to break away and be free from it. And whenever I did get away from it, I felt so relieved and that's when things started to look up for me again.

 

Meeting new women has never really been a problem for me, I'm capable and can offer plenty, but it's just this inner fear that something bad is going to happen and that somewhere along the road things are not going to work out between us. It's the fear of the unexpected and that I don't know if I can really trust you. It's obviously an insecurity issue of mine that I just don't know how to deal with. So it's much easier for me to not deal with it and just focus on other areas of my life because I haven't quite found the best approach to handle that kind of problem of mine.

 

The ending result has left me a lot more economical with the people I decided to bring close to me, which is a good thing. But it's also a bad thing because it's keeping me from enjoying a young healthy social life that I'll never be able to get back as I go'on through the years. But I'm still a young man, so hopefully God will give me enough time to learn from my mistakes, get stronger and grow. I have a ton to offer to some lucky lady out there, but she'll never be able to reach me if I stay so hidden and withdrawn, which is what I've been doing.

[YakasJourney]

I don't think anyone is meant to be alone. Maybe we need to rationalize our loneliness by saying that, just to get us through the tough times, but no person is so flawed that they cannot be in a relationship. We all have families and friends, and hopefully people who care about us, even if we don't have a spouse. Were we "meant" to be separate from all of them too? Relationships are built into our wiring but not everyone is ready for it at the same time. You have to be okay with yourself before you can have a good relationships with someone else, which is thrown around all the time but this is one of the capital T truths.

[HighRoad]

bleh.

 

I sometimes think that I am meant to be alone. I haven't really dated alot of people, I am sort of like - if I meet someone nice then yes I would love to go out with them. But I don't do any dating things in particular. I am shy, too, I guess.

 

I am ok with friends or people I feel comfortable with, and can be outgoing. But I am shy with people I don't know or - I guess, don't like.

 

I have had some nice relationships (at least, I thought they were nice at the time) but they never really moved into anything like marriage. So, I have just been working on being the best me I can be and being ok with me and the life I have. I guess, I believe that God or whomever, is the one who's really in charge of all this stuff. *Sigh* I hope He is listening ....

[HighRoad]

but no person is so flawed that they cannot be in a relationship.

 

 

I guess, this is my hidden fear - ack!

 

But then I do have lovely friends and love my family and seem to be able to meet and keep friends easily. I do get lonely for 'the one' but I try and trust that God (or whomever) is the one directing things. I really am not in charge of divine timing.

[HighRoad]

Ok, and another thing !

 

I see some pretty funk-tastically weird couples and I think - how the he-double el did they get together? and they seem really happy! Or, I know lesbians who have gotten married. How is it that a lesbian can find a man to marry and I cannot? Like I said - bleh.

[Blue Shark]

I am 33 and I am pretty sure that I am destined to be alone for the rest of my life. The only girl for me left 2.5 months ago and I don't think I will find any better. It dosen't feel good knowing this.

[Kinetics]

I don't think anyone is meant to be alone. Maybe we need to rationalize our loneliness by saying that, just to get us through the tough times, but no person is so flawed that they cannot be in a relationship. We all have families and friends, and hopefully people who care about us, even if we don't have a spouse. Were we "meant" to be separate from all of them too? Relationships are built into our wiring but not everyone is ready for it at the same time. You have to be okay with yourself before you can have a good relationships with someone else, which is thrown around all the time but this is one of the capital T truths.

 

That's the thing though...your family loves you by default because they are your family. Generally speaking of course. It's like when a guy commits murder and the mother would never admit that his boy could do such a thing.

 

With friends, they like you to a certain extent, but there are boundaries. Especially when with the opposite sex. Unless a clear line has been drawn, there tends to be a boundary. I'd have many girl friends who are comfortable going to have lunch or watch a movie with me, but that's the limit. And I will admit, some of them I would have loved to be in a relationship but bad timing and luck just prevented that from happening (i.e. they're taken, they said no).

 

I do appreciate that there is some level of love and care exists between my families and friends, but I want something beyond this. Call me greedy, needy or whatever, but when everyone else in your life is getting a special gift and I'm here left alone, you can't help wonder... maybe I'm supposed to be happy with what I (don't) have?

[guitargirl1607308056]

I'm really curious as to how the OP made out on this. He hasn't been back for 6 years.

[RLW]

i firmly believe the answer to your question is yes.