Are some of us simply meant to be alone?

[Zerohero]

You know, the pity party you're constantly throwing yourself is not attractive to women. If you act self-loathing, women will pick up on that and find that unattractive. If you act confident and relaxed, women will pick up on THAT and find that attractive. If you've tried it, you haven't tried hard enough.

 

No offense, but this comment is bullcrap.

 

This website is made for people to express their feelings. I seriously doubt he walks around telling every female about what he just posted. And clearly he has stated that he obviously had tried multiple times, which would require a decent level of confidence considering his situation.

 

 

 

As far as the original OP goes. Yes some of us just wont find anyone. I think people here just have developed this illusion that everything will be fine, and ok, and that there is someone special for everyone LOL.

[BriarRose]

No offense, but this comment is bullcrap.

 

This website is made for people to express their feelings. I seriously doubt he walks around telling every female about what he just posted. And clearly he has stated that he obviously had tried multiple times, which would require a decent level of confidence considering his situation.

 

 

 

As far as the original OP goes. Yes some of us just wont find anyone. I think people here just have developed this illusion that everything will be fine, and ok, and that there is someone special for everyone LOL.

I agree. Just because he has not experienced such things does not mean he has not tried or that he walks around advertising the fact. Meeting people is very hard. Meeting someone you feel that chemistry and compatibility with is even harder. Doesn't mean someone is having a pity party just because they have not experienced it yet.

[pinecone]

I don't think we're 'meant' to be anything. Some people find love, some don't, some find love and lose it, sometimes two people fall in love, live for years happily, then something awful happens like sickness, or infidelity. There is no rhyme and reason. Finding someone does not mean that you will live happily forever more, and likewise being alone does not have to mean that you live an empty, half lived life. The only thing that would make living alone an empty existence is if you make it so. There are many great loves in friends and family, celebrate them all.

 

Now, if only I could take my own advice.

[sjgot1]

I've experience being along much more than being in a relationship.

 

Comparing the two, being in a relationship is a step up while being single feels like part of me is missing. For me this is enough to suggest that I am meant to be in a relationship.

 

For people who believe in God, there's often the sense that everything is God's will and that if one doesn't find a partner, that this means that God wants him/ her to be alone.

 

I see this view as a cop out. Today, there are many impediments to finding true love such as work committments, lack of trust, social cliques, illness, etc. Being shy can also make it harder.

 

I've experienced all of these obstacles. Though this doesnt' mean that I was meant to be alone. It doesn't meant that my life is part of some mysical plan.

 

It just means that life is challenging and that I need to sieze opportunities within work or social situations, even if this means taking a risk.

 

Simon G

[G-Snap]

My oldest cousin, who is 50, and who never had much luck with women or dating, is getting married in two weeks in Jamaica to the love of his life - a girl he met about a year ago at a company function.

 

No one is MEANT to be alone. It is just more difficult and takes a bit longer for some....but it can happen to you, and it doesnt have to take until you are 50 either.

[bruinsy81]

I agree with the above post.No one is meant to be alone but if one continues the same type of behaviour/patterns one might find themselves perpetually alone.I don't think it's a question of lowering one's standards.Most people are realistic about what they are capable of attracting at least on the physical level .

[Blue Streak]

if one continues the same type of behaviour/patterns one might find themselves perpetually alone.

 

Correct. We define ourselves with every move we make. That is how life works. I am a perfect lonely reflection of the above truth. It ultimately comes down to perception.

[BriarRose]

Correct. We define ourselves with every move we make. That is how life works. I am a perfect lonely reflection of the above truth. It ultimately comes down to perception.

A lot of times it's just luck and fate - being at the right place at the right time.

[newwave]

A lot of times it's just luck and fate - being at the right place at the right time.

 

Also realizing that the person is the one. Sometimes people bypass others because they are scared or many reasons. Later on they realize that person was the one but sometimes it's too late. I am scared I'll fall into that area (the guy I like wanted me years ago but I was acared then, now he's scared).

[JusticeLaw9]

Fear is what usually causes people to be alone. The fear of failure, the fear of something bad happening; fear of being hurt, getting your heart broken, the fear of investing into someone and having them spit in your face or tell you that it's nothing in so many words. Nobody wants to go through all of that at anytime.

 

Lord knows I have my baggage, my fears and insecurities eat me alive sometime as I dwell on some of my flaws & mistakes that I've made in relationships before. But I never let that keep me down. And even when I do get down some days, I always know when to get back up on my feet and keep it moving.

[BriarRose]

Fear is what usually causes people to be alone. The fear of failure, the fear of something bad happening; fear of being hurt, getting your heart broken, the fear of investing into someone and having them spit in your face or tell you that it's nothing in so many words. Nobody wants to go through all of that at anytime.

 

Lord knows I have my baggage, my fears and insecurities eat me alive sometime as I dwell on some of my flaws & mistakes that I've made in relationships before. But I never let that keep me down. And even when I do get down some days, I always know when to get back up on my feet and keep it moving.

I think fear causes some people to be alone. I've been alone most of my adult life and I don't fear love or intimacy at all - probably the reverse - I want it too much!

 

So fear or it's polar cousin - overeagerness - can sabotage finding love.

[bulletproof]

I think fear causes some people to be alone. I've been alone most of my adult life and I don't fear love or intimacy at all - probably the reverse - I want it too much!

 

So fear or it's polar cousin - overeagerness - can sabotage finding love.

 

The fear isn't always conscious. You may think that you want intimacy, but there is likely still something holding you back.

 

Also, the longer you believe that luck and fate play a big part in all this, the longer you will be alone. Luck and fate have very little to do with it. You have admitted that you are not living the life you want to live; until you do you will probably not meet a kindred spirit.

[BriarRose]

The fear isn't always conscious. You may think that you want intimacy, but there is likely still something holding you back.

 

Also, the longer you believe that luck and fate play a big part in all this, the longer you will be alone. Luck and fate have very little to do with it. You have admitted that you are not living the life you want to live; until you do you will probably not meet a kindred spirit.

Lots of people don't live perfect lives. Lots of people just go to work every day and do the best they can. They still find someone.

 

I do believe luck and fate play a huge role.

[LightbulbSun]

I disagree with the fact that luck and fate don't play a hand in relationships. Why is it someone who's bipolar or schizophrenic...or in the worst case scenerio, a complete psycho...can find relationships, and me (a normal, kind guy who's getting A's in college) can't find one girl to date?

 

Is it because I don't drink? Don't do drugs? Although there are men who don't drink and don't do drugs that are happily in relationships. What did I do to deserve a life of loneliness?

 

It seems like the people who are most deserving of love don't get it, and the people who are least deserving of love usually get it.

[bulletproof]

I disagree with the fact that luck and fate don't play a hand in relationships. Why is it someone who's bipolar or schizophrenic...or in the worst case scenerio, a complete psycho...can find relationships, and me (a normal, kind guy who's getting A's in college) can't find one girl to date?

 

You have to look at the variables. Are these people dating anyone you yourself would even want to date? And perhaps the "psycho" people you're talking about are just going about their lives and like who they are anyway, without the hyperfocus on finding someone. Honestly, the one thing I've seen over and over is that those people who are in relationships often are there because they think themselves worthy of it. They don't expect any other outcome, and that's how it turns out.

[BriarRose]

I have a friend who is NEVER without a bf. And I mean literally, not even for a week. But honestly, I don't think I would have dated any of them. And at 44, she still has not found the right guy.

 

I'd rather wait for the right one than just date to fill a void, as she is clearly doing.

[G-Snap]

I have a friend who is NEVER without a bf. And I mean literally, not even for a week. But honestly, I don't think I would have dated any of them. And at 44, she still has not found the right guy.

 

I'd rather wait for the right one than just date to fill a void, as she is clearly doing.

 

Ha, how can she find the right guy when she doesn't seem to be very good at shopping? LOL

 

I guess her mindset is thinking that if she goes thru enough men she'll eventually find him, but that is so flawed because unless she takes some time for self reflection and work on herself, she will keep attracting mirror reflections of herSELF, i.e. who she is currently. When this happens it is more about the person attracting the wrong men, then the men themselves.

 

And you know, honestly, some women gripe about they can never find the 'right' man despite dating a lot of them, and not all of these said women are much of a catch themselves. I know women who think because they are female and have female body parts that they are entitled to a prince when they are nowhere near a princess themselves. One of my friends griped about how all the guys she dated were alcoholic losers who didn't work.

I'm thinking, Dearie, you also drink like a fish and can't hold a job, why would a non drinking guy with a job want to date you!!!

[dr_styles]

When people quote things like "99% of people get married" (that's not true but for the sake of the post ...), then possibly welcome to the 1%

[LightbulbSun]

When people quote things like "99% of people get married" (that's not true but for the sake of the post ...), then possibly welcome to the 1%

 

That statistic is wrong. I read a statistic that's more real, 25% of the world's population have never been married, and 16% have never had sex in their entire lives. Yes, I read this from an actual study.

 

That makes me feel a little bit better. I'm still in the minority, but at least I'm in a 16% percentage.

[newwave]

I think it's a way for God to punish some of us. That's why I am leaving the church.

[easier_said]

You can never be happy if you focus all your energy towards obsessing over something. You need to rid yourself of the need to find love or sex. You need to rid yourself of this craving for what may never be obtainable. No matter what it is.

[BriarRose]

You can never be happy if you focus all your energy towards obsessing over something. You need to rid yourself of the need to find love or sex. You need to rid yourself of this craving for what may never be obtainable. No matter what it is.

I agree. I just don't know how we are to do that when it's everywhere and we feel so alone.

[easier_said]

I agree. I just don't know how we are to do that when it's everywhere and we feel so alone.

 

Study the teachings of Buddhism and meditate.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

You have to look at the variables. Are these people dating anyone you yourself would even want to date? And perhaps the "psycho" people you're talking about are just going about their lives and like who they are anyway, without the hyperfocus on finding someone. Honestly, the one thing I've seen over and over is that those people who are in relationships often are there because they think themselves worthy of it. They don't expect any other outcome, and that's how it turns out.

 

I have seen so many people who DON'T think they are worthy of a relationship and yet find someone who loves them to pieces....and many people who DO think they are worthy can't find anyone who agrees. Not everyone who can't find someone has something wrong with them that causes them to be alone...and not everyone who finds someone is the poster person for being sure of themselves and loving themselves. I have seen people who obsess about finding someone not end up finding someone and some who obsess do indeed find someone. I have seen people who just went about their business and never found and some who went about their business and did find. Luck and being at the right place at the right time to meet someone who matches you is very much a part of why some are successful and some aren't. Personality and mindset often have very little to do with it as you see people of all personalities and mindsets find or not find someone.

[pcmodemtcg]

I can only speak for myself, but I would say that I fall into that category. I have had exactly 1 girlfriend which lasted a week in high school. Many years later I saw her on the street, living the life of a crazy bag lady, essentially.

 

That was it. 3 other dates in my life, none where I kissed the girl or saw them after. All were perfectly boring.

 

Now, I can barely look at other people in the eye. I am fat, ugly, and I have many scars and afflictions. I am also raltively poor and all my dreams have been crushed and stomped on by others (and myself).

 

Now, the only life I can live it seems is to go to work, come home, watch TV, rinse and repeat.

 

I have come to terms with this somewhat. Through my experiences and genetic makeup, it is probably best that I do stay alone the remainder of my life. I would not want any child to inherit any of my genes or life experiences, better that this horrid bloodline of mine dies with me. I wish there was any way t change this, but I must be realistic. At 38, there really is little that I can hope to change anymore. I am defeated.