Are some of us simply meant to be alone?

[Thx]

As a women you seem a little high up on yourself for "not having any problems getting women" I think you need to just let someone in. Seems like you haven't yet. Or you have not yet put another 1st.

 

Did you notice this thread was set in 2003? lol

 

The OP hasn't been here since then either.

 

Lol, I didn't know until a few hours ago.

 

(He does seem a bit smug though I agree. )

 

Thx

[MikeS]

The plot thickens. It gets even better. Not only does she gets her ass kicked by him. She has to take care of the kids, pay all the bills, and do everything on her own! While * * * * * * * goes out blows all his money on beer, liquor, and women. Yes, he has been caught two times cheating on her, and has gotten two dwi convictions. Plus, the last time he and I met up face to face. He was scared of me. Cause I knew what he has done to her. Another thing, would you want your husband to tell your daughter on her birthday, after she received a motorized barbie car, "Oh, we can go out cruising for chicks." He even did that in front of everyone. Oh, his brother was picked up about a year or so for using and trying to sell drugs.

 

Then a few months ago. She and a friend of mine spoke on the phone. She tells my friend that she has dreams of me but is afraid to leave the bastard cause of the kids involved.

 

I wish I knew what I should do about it?

[Thx]

Mike, I feel your pain, but the best thing you can "do" for everyone concerned is to not "do" anything. That's been my experience anyway, FWIW.

 

He is likely to take the "hey Mr., get out of my family business!" posture. Chances are you will not find any prospect for reasonable discussion from him.

 

But more important, he might take it out on her.

 

I would just try and be there for your friend you know, as opposed to doing something. I just don't think there is anything you can do guy.

 

Thx

[MikeS]

Mike, I feel your pain, but the best thing you can "do" for everyone concerned is to not "do" anything. That's been my experience anyway, FWIW.

 

He is likely to take the "hey Mr., get out of my family business!" posture. Chances are you will not find any prospect for reasonable discussion from him.

 

But more important, he might take it out on her.

 

I would just try and be there for your friend you know, as opposed to doing something. I just don't think there is anything you can do guy.

 

Thx

 

I understand but if he does try to take her life. I will not sit still and let him. Sorry, but neither you or anyone would stop me from going after him. I would not rest till he was punished!

 

Howver, I'm not going to sit back and let my life slip away. I will go on and do what I feel like doing and if she comes to me. I will in no means cast her out. Plus, if that bastard tries to to start * * * * with me. I have been through a police academy. Plus, he is being watched very closely by the US Marshals.

[Anyway]

He is an abusive pasty faced punk. Abusive people are not normal.

 

The mystery here is why she takes the abuse.

 

H

 

link removed

[CrazyKing]

What I can tell is that you won't get anybody as soon as you don't think what you have is already enough...

[flaze]

Greg, I think you have to change your attitude. I think you're ending up being friends with everyone because you yourself don't show enough romantic interest. Until you really fall for someone, nothing's going to change unless you find a woman as hell-bent on marriage as you are, who is equally not so bothered about 'true love' etc. As for HOW you can fall in love, well God knows. I'm 23 an have never been in love

[vacation]

Greg buddy, I'm going to keep it simple. Flaze hit it right on the button.

You're not showing enough sexual interest yourself.

 

Start touching her and look at her with conviction.

 

 

Create a sexual vibe with each other. When she's talking, instead of looking at her mouth look in her eyes. Hold it and smile Look her up and down and smile. Picture what she looks like naked if it helps so you lose the serious face and start relaxing a bit

 

When you go to touch her you want to escalate the level of contact. Find excuses to touch her and make her feel comfortable. People (not just women) actually feel more comfortable through touch. The simple act of "touching" is comforting and shows affection like no way other.

 

For example,

 

When you're explaining something put your hand on her shoulder for a second and let go.
If there is a homeless guy walking grab her arm and bring her closer to you.
Play thumb wars with her.
hold her hand when you're crossing the street and let go
hold her hand because you want to
give her a full frontal hug and lift her up.
mess up her hair like she's your bratty sister.

 

If you notice above, the level of contact is slowly escalating. If you touched a girl's face/neck/hair as soon as you met her she would get freaked out. Likewise if you put your arm around her shoulder without ever touching her before it's just too soon and again, creepy. So start small and just do it without paying any attention to it and continue conversating like you normally are.

 

tell her how cute she looks in that dress. The compliments you give shouldn't be for the purpose of getting in her pants but because you appreciate this fine damsel that spent God knows how much time getting ready to try to impress you. Comment on it and let her know you noticed!

 

As long as you show interest in her she will reciprocate because truth is, she's decided to go out with you when she could've said no. So she's already interested in you...the question is, are you as interested in her?

[Grotty]

Well you have done better than me,I am 44 have never dated or had sex and women hate me,but they still enjoy winding me up sexually then complaining when I dare to look at what they are showing or find them attractive and they date the nastiest of men,so it is painfully obvious I am meant to be single,unloved and unwanted.

[dgl]

I just found this thread and I thought I'd just put my two cents out there. I realize that this is an old thread and the chances of anybody actually reading this are pretty slim, but what the heck.

 

I've been feeling a little bit down on my luck lately. I am almost finished with college and haven't had a relationship ever since the middle of my high school years. I haven't even casually dated anybody since then. For a while, I was afraid to open up to anybody new because I was hurt pretty badly from my last relationship. I was afraid of putting myself out there because I didn't want to be rejected. But I slowly started to open up to people and become more vulnerable. It actually was the most liberating feeling I had felt in a long time. I was well aware of the fact that putting yourself out there meant risking the chances of getting your heart stomped on or just pure disappointment. Well, it turns out that I did get rejected after trying to pursue somebody. I guess they just weren't as interested as I thought they were.

 

I want to continue to put myself out there and I know that it's baby steps every day, but sometimes I feel like I just want to give up. I think I am starting to feel undesirable. I mean, I see myself as a strong, independent, funny, intelligent, caring person. I have my flaws and sometimes I can be a little bit self-conscious, but I think that goes for almost everybody.

 

I want to let my guard down so badly because I think it went back up a little bit after I was rejected. I do think that I am a great person and I think that I should let people in, but I guess I'm still afraid. I'm only 20, but sometimes I wonder if anybody will ever find me attractive. I guess I'm just hoping that somebody who is patient and willing to get to know me surely but slowly will show up at my door. I think I'd like that.

 

I know that I have to stay positive, but I'm also very realistic and I know that some people go their entire lives without anybody. Sometimes I think that I'm one of those people, but most of the time I know that I am not one of those people. I know this is going to sound super UNrealistic and cheesy, but I feel like there's a part of me that will never be fulfilled until the right person comes along.

 

Don't get me wrong, I am content being alone and actually quite good at it, which can also sometimes be a problem. I am so great at being alone and have gotten so used to being alone that I'm not even sure how I would even be able to get into a relationship. I wouldn't know what to do. Anyway, I'm happy with myself. I don't need anybody per se. But I think I would like somebody.

 

I guess I'm just looking for advice. On how to open myself up to people. How to be vulnerable. If anybody is out there, that is.

[Raize]

I guess I'm just looking for advice. On how to open myself up to people. How to be vulnerable. If anybody is out there, that is.

 

I also got rejected and harshly at that. My self esteem already fragile, it was enough to shatter my confidence big time. I knew straight away that girl in particular was a no-goer and I had luckily just 'dodged a bullet' by her saying no, it was enough for me to never again make a move on a girl beyond just talking to her and waiting foolishly for the girl to make the move from any time then on. And look where it's got me today!

 

I also enjoy my own company. But only sometimes. I would happily sacrifice the single life for the company of a lovely lady to whom I truly matter. I have met plenty of women over the years who seemed nice enough or pretty enough, but I never bothered to get their numbers. Simply because every now and then that certain girl comes along where the feeling about her is just 'wow'. Unfortunately for me those 'wow' girls I didn't know what to do, well I did in theory but in those moments where I had my chance I just mentally froze and blew it, I never thought straight. And almost every time without fail, maybe it would take a few seconds, maybe a few months but every time at some point I would suddenly realise I blew it, I knew the exact moment I blew it and how.

 

Call me picky but all those nice enough, pretty enough girls whom I meet in-between the occasional 'wow' girl just don't give me any motivation to want to get their number as the last thing I want to do is lead a woman on if my feelings for her are only half-hearted. I know I haven't really given advice here but just letting you know there are others here who are sailing the same boat as you.

 

So I share a similar situation to yourself, except you have one up on me - You've had a relationship in the past, so you already know it is possible for a girl to want to be with you, now it's just a matter of meeting the next miss right and seizing that oppurtunity.

[Slimpee]

Don't get me wrong, I am content being alone and actually quite good at it, which can also sometimes be a problem. I am so great at being alone and have gotten so used to being alone that I'm not even sure how I would even be able to get into a relationship. I wouldn't know what to do. Anyway, I'm happy with myself. I don't need anybody per se. But I think I would like somebody.

 

I guess I'm just looking for advice. On how to open myself up to people. How to be vulnerable. If anybody is out there, that is.

 

You're not the only one, homie...i'm in the same boat. I'm fiercely independent and afraid of commitment. Hopefully we all figure it out...

[dgl]

Wow, thank you both so much for the responses. I didn't expect anybody to respond, especially not this quick, but I really appreciate it.

 

It does help to know that there are others who are in similar predicaments as I am in. Sometimes I just feel like giving up on this whole 'finding somebody who you are compatible with' fiasco. But at other times, I can still feel that tiny bit of hope lingering around somewhere.

 

I really hope that those who want that special partner find each other.

 

Raize, I get where you are coming from about that one person or persons who 'wow' you. They kind of set the bar pretty high for other contenders. And it's difficult to get them out of your mind once you know that it is possible for somebody that special to enter your life. It's hard to settle for anything less.

 

In the wise words of Slimpee, hopefully we all figure it out.

[vacation]

I usually don't respond to posts anymore because I don't have the time but this one kept notifying my email so I'll respond.

 

"both of you guys need to grow a pair and start approaching some women."

 

Not every girl is going to like you, not every girl is going to respond positively to you. And that's called life. Just like not everybody is going to want to be your friend. Once you accept that you won't care about "rejection" and will soon become indifferent to the lonely chumps that do nothing but complain about how miserable their life is and how they deserve better.

 

Nothing in life is ever given on a silver platter, you gotta go out and work for it.

[cocoon2012]

i think we should know that there is a big difference between intimate relation vs friendship!...intimate relation is about love, diversity, differences, falling for each other, growth and evolution and takes lots of courage and faith.. but friendship is about similarity, security, fear and living our comfort zone and is boring and addictive.....for many of us and cultures unfortunetly intimate relations degrades towards friendship and once this is happening relation is becoming addictive and the life joy starts ceasing...therefore some of us find it easeir to stay wonderful and joyful with our own selves rather than living an addective life with a partner...does it make sense!...

[dgl]

I really like what you said about how intimate relations are about love, diversity, differences, falling for each other, growth and evolution and that it takes a lot of courage and faith..

 

What you said has inspired me to really put myself out there. I know that I risk the chance of getting hurt, but I also know that there's a chance for me to find something good, like a partner. I want that growth and I want to feel that fall. I do love growing with myself and I think I've found great independence being by myself all of this time, but I'm ready to begin to grow with someone else now and start a whole new chapter of my life with someone else.

 

It was difficult for me at first because I am a female and I was beginning to feel undesirable.. and I mean, I'm sure it's similar for males, but it was beginning to really take a toll on my hopes of finding someone who would appreciate me for me. For a while I was ready to give up. I thought I had peaked in high school, but every now and then someone comes along and says something really inspiring, but more than that, something that really stays with me and something that allows me to become vulnerable again. So thank you. I'm terrified, but I don't care. Time to be open myself up again.

[cocoon2012]

I like the level of your self awareness....for us as human being the process of growth and unfolding (as we consciously open ourselves to social interactions) is a process of transformation and becoming.....we are human being and not human doing....it is not what we do that attracts but it is what(or who) we are that attracts.....so living with who we are and being consciously involved in our process of growth and becoming is the real source of our inner joy and happiness...it is called existential joy...and it is different that daily interactive happiness!....It is about living our fears and following the security of social norms which are usually trans-active..VS living the courage of our faith and inner truth which is transformative and keeps us attached to our creative power...you are too young and i am very proud of your level of consciousness....

[somebunnyluvsu]

.."Be careful what you wish for.. cause you just might get it all.. and then some you dont want." I wished for World Peace once.. we came real close didnt we! ; )

[victorianrose]

I think my ex is one of those people, as long as he is solely into video games and anime he is never going to find a real girl And I like video games and anime, but not 24/7 and he only wants me to like the type of games and anime they he likes. So its harsh but true yeh

[cocoon2012]

.."Be careful what you wish for.. cause you just might get it all.. and then some you dont want." I wished for World Peace once.. we came real close didnt we! ; )

 

clarify yourself!...lol...how do you plan to create a peaceful world...lol ..

[SaturnRain]

In my case im 25 gay guy , im a nice guy , i just think it's not by physical appearance that we can't find someone , because i've seen so many unattractive people that have met the love of their lives and i think wow if there's a chance for them why not for me? I consider myself not bad looking of course im not a model or something but nobody is perfect. I've met many guys and everytime i really wanna be with a guy that i like he is not attracted to me the same way i am , the funny thing is as some other member mentioned earlier in this thread , the people that i don't wanna be with are the ones that wants to be with me and are attracted to me in any way. I've tried to be with someone i don't like but that doesn't make me happy. So what i think it could be is eaither bad luck in love , and yes i believe some people are not meant to be alone but finding a partner seems like almost impossible , no matter what you do. But i still have hope and i will keep looking for that person that i like both physically and emotionally.

[shoeghost]

I'm 32 and in the same boat as a woman. I've met hundreds of men, and know exactly who I click with, but the ones I like always choose someone else over me, and the ones I can't stand who are teeming with red flags pursue me like a free iPhone on launch day. I've tried to figure out why, I've tried just "relaxing," I've tried focusing on myself...still always the same pattern. Still single.

I'm usually rejected by the nice guys for one of the following reasons: too tall, too educated, makes too much money, has too much student loan debt (long term relationship rejection on this one, of course), too feminine/not into sports. I can't change any of these things - aside from quitting my job and forcing myself to be less girly. I don't want to change who I am, but I've come to realize that most men simply don't like me - except for a select few who view women as toys to play with, and not as people.

I think some people are simply more digestible than others. I'm an ENTJ female, which I'm told is rare. The average guy will not like me for me. They will either like me for my appearance only (those are the jerks), or they will dislike my personality/who I am. It will take someone extraordinary, who isn't threatened by what I've accomplished nor by my interests. It's hard to find.

I've decided to stay alone because it's better than unhappily dating people I like who dislike me or people who like me who I dislike. I found only one guy I loved who loved me back, but he passed away from depression. It's going to be tough to find another for me personally. Most guys I would even consider are either taken or flat out not interested, so I feel your pain! Keep doing things you love, and hope that someone you like appreciates you as well! Good luck!

[faraday]

You should make a new thread This thread is over 4 years old. Hopefully Greg has meet someone by now