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About Raize

  • Birthday 11/16/1982

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  1. I've spent so long in the past wondering "Why can't I find love", or "How do I find love". I think that I've always known deep down that the real answer is that I've never felt truly comfortable letting love happen for whatever circumstance or insecurity or doubt, which is something that I've been gradually learning to be more honest with myself about with time. Even for those of us who do feel willing and ready to let love happen in their life with the 'right person' when they come along, there's still so much to be said for enjoying life (or at least phases of life) flying solo!
  2. I've always told myself that I'd rather stay single than find myself feeling stuck in an unfulfilling relationship (Though I still wouldn't necessarily object to finding myself in a fulfilling one!)
  3. It's the perfect opportunity to focus on yourself, your independence and whatever your goals & interests are :-)
  4. Good question. In a nutshell, I suppose that I'm referring to the complexities that stem from mutual expectations, disappointments , compromises etc. Of course, this is stuff which applies to many relationships in our lives, including the non-romantic ones. I suspect that I fall into the fearful-avoidant personality type, which I never really knew was a thing until recently. I used to think that I was 'love-shy', but really only some of the criteria of 'love-shyness' I can relate to, and the majority of it I can't relate to at all. When I look at the fearful-avoidant criteria however, I feel that I'm ticking nearly all the boxes.
  5. Some time ago, I basically decided that (being the flawed individual that I am), as much as I feel like I would like a special someone in my life, in reality I prefer solitude over the complexities of relationships in the real world. I've had relationship prospects over the years, and nothing ever came of any of those situations - Despite those instances when there was a mutual interest. With time, I have come to the increasing realisation that it was my own subconscious effort to self-sabotage any romantic prospects all along. Nowadays, I no longer attempt to look for a relationship, as I know that it was only ever a half-arsed attempt driven mostly by my biological instinct to want to get hitched, have children etc. Am I okay with this? Yes and no. Overall, I'm dealing with flying solo much better than beforehand, when I was being less honest with myself.
  6. I've always had similar inner setbacks with dating. It's led to me being in my mid thirties and still with not a single girlfriend in the past, present or foreseeable future. I've always struggled with motivation to improve both myself as a man and my efforts to put myself out there. Even the prospect of dying a perpetually lonely man hasn't sprung me into action to sorting my sh*t out. I wish that I could give you some advice but I'm probably the last person that you ought to get advice from... Except to present you as an example of someone you don't want to end up as - Living your entire young adulthood (and most likely beyond) without even a single girlfriend. My only advice is that if you don't want to end up living a life without any meaningful relationship with a woman, it will be a lot easier and better for you if you can resolve whatever is holding you back now while you're still relatively young!
  7. Bonito reminds me a lot of my little dog, the older one that I lost in June. I smiled when you mentioned the part about him barking at elephants on the TV screen. My dog loved his toy elephant collection and used to bark for them when I'd hold them out of his reach just to tease him, before I'd finally throw or drop the elephant. Then he'd grab the toy by its trunk and whip it around like a crocodile catching its dinner. He was small and fluffy just like your dog, I would joke "which one is the toy?" :-)
  8. I lost my two dogs both this year, one in February, one in June. The second one was expected as he was old and had a terminal heart condition. The first one was a surprise loss, she had been diagnosed with an immune system illness in November last year. Right up until her last couple of very ill days I honestly believed that I would still have her for at least a couple of years to come since she was on medication. It's been over 6 and 2 months respectively and I still think about and miss them every day. I have cats but the house still feels a whole lot emptier and lonelier coming back home to from work every day. I am not actively looking for another dog yet, but if a nice pup needing a home 'found' me right now I would happily make my home its home also. If you are considering taking this dog then perhaps you ought to get this dog :-) Keep photos around of your dearly departed other pup and any videos of it within easy reach, to help keep its memory alive. Perhaps some day soon I too will find such a new furry friend or it may find me!
  9. I think that of those who are forever single, the following categories can apply. A) Unable to date due to life circumstances B) Desiring a relationship, able to date but unwilling to due to life circumstances / frame of mind C) Actively seeking a date / relationship, or gone on dates yet has consistently had no luck getting to the 'next step'. D) Uninterested in dating (i.e. Asexual) yet perhaps there is social or family pressure to do so. IMO the first step for anyone who is figuring out how to resolve such conundrum is to appreciate which of the above is most applicable to themselves. As for me, I'm firmly in Camp B. However, for all I know I could just as likely find myself in Camp C if I actually put myself out there! I used to post here on ENA semi-regularly years ago - Whether it was about one unrequited infatuation or another. I stopped, when I finally learned that all the online advice in the world can't help. Unless I want to truly put the great advice I had received at ENA into action, which as it turned out I didn't. The loneliness is still there nonetheless, and here I am years later posting once again! Hopefully to help someone else gain some perspective on their romantic (or lack thereof) lives if not my own as well.
  10. Sounds like you're in a similar conundrum to me, except replace the winter solstice with summer, and the weed with tea & iced coffees. I'm in no position to give you dating advice given my track record, but sometimes it's good to speak to someone in similar situations on how they deal with it. Not that I want to dwell on the negatives, but I find it difficult to talk to my own friends about this, as they've all had a wealth of relationship experience.
  11. Kudos to your friend for taking a chance and ending up with someone who he's happy with. I think people who are suited for relationships end up in one, sooner or later. It's just how it is.
  12. From my experience, all the negative feelings of being alone are by far at their worst whenever it was at a time involving unrequited love towards someone. In the recent few years, I've not met anyone who has made me feel anything special towards them. I occasionally meet women through my line of work who I find attractive, but never take anything further than friendly conversation. My strategy to deal with staying single and not feeling too sh*tty about it has been to just 'ignore' the dating world, and keeping myself occupied with the things I enjoy doing. Luckily being single long-term is evidently a lot easier when being the 'lone wolf' type who enjoys solitude much of the time, as I do. Admittedly, much of the sad feelings of being alone have bubbled back to the surface recently when two good friends on two separate occasions have told me I should be dating, am (in their words) a 'good looking guy' and deserve a decent woman in my life. That, coupled with turning 35 recently, have put me back in a situation of assessing my life and where I'd like it to go. Short answer: I have no idea, except to say wherever I feel content as I can be, I suppose. One thing I can say for absolute certain is - I'd much rather stay single than end up in an unhappy, emotionally taxing relationship!
  13. I don't believe in fate or destiny, but some people do just end up alone. I think perpetually single people can fall within any one of 3 categories at any given time : a)Those who are asexual b)Those that try and 'put themself out there' but for whatever reason have not succeeded in getting dates or any kind of interaction with someone beyond a date c)Those who desire romantic / sexual relationships and often feel lonely, but don't take any action on it for any of multiple reasons I'm mostly in camp 'c' but have been 'b' on a few occasions in my life (it's been a while). Many times I wish I was 'a', because it would make things a lot easier!
  14. I totally agree with you on this one man. I have massively cut back on how often I visit ENA and make threads regarding my love life woes. I cannot emphasize enough how great people's advice to me has been for the few years I have been on ENA, but I found that my solution was to go online looking for help way more than was necessary instead of focusing on the situation in reality. I used to write diary entries a lot, every time my lovelorness feels especially tough to deal with. Now, I just 'suck it up' and deal with the now instead of running away from life and writing about it. Has my love life changed for the better for it? No and I'm not sure it ever will, but for me dwelling over it in diaries and forums is only good to a point, but too much and it makes everything worse not better. Mainly because it makes me overanalyse and procrastinate things the more I think/write about them. And on that note that's all from me!
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