Are some of us simply meant to be alone?

[Waenhir]

OMG, I didn't realize this was from 2003....

 

2003? hmmm I wonder if he has found someone by now.

[iwishiknew]

OMG, I didn't realize this was from 2003....

 

2003? hmmm I wonder if he has found someone by now.

 

I also wonder if he found someone yet. GregB, any updates on your status? Are you married now? Just like your original post, I'm 31 and I never had a date or a gf yet. Worst of all I never had my first kiss yet. I can't believe I'm my 30's getting old and still nothing.

[LightbulbSun]

I also wonder if he found someone yet. GregB, any updates on your status? Are you married now? Just like your original post, I'm 31 and I never had a date or a gf yet. Worst of all I never had my first kiss yet. I can't believe I'm my 30's getting old and still nothing.

 

I'm 4 years behind you, brother. It sucks, but that's life. And I don't think things are impossible for you, or me. We're just starting later than others, but we will start.

[luckyman]

If you tell yourself you will be then you will becasue your not even giving yourself a chance. Be positive. I know it can be frustrating but your setting up your self for failure by thinking that way.

[mad rabbits]

My problem is, I just simply don't try enough.

 

I have so much to offer and I'm quite an attractive young man, but I just don't put myself in the position to meet a lot of young women. That perhaps may or may not come back to haunt me someday, but as of right now I'm comfortable with where I stand.

 

For some reason, lately, I just haven't had much of a desire to meet or get too close to anybody. Whenever it feels that way, I admit, I do get kinda nervous sometimes. Well... it's just that nothing good has ever come from it for me whenever I did put the effort into pursuing someone. And I'm not talking about rejection per se, but just the whole situation in general. Nothing good has ever transpired when I've made that faith leap. I look back on all the relationships I've had and all the women I've ever met. I can't honestly say that there was ever "one" truly good experience where something bad didn't happen that severed ties, a relationship or left a dent into a friendship I once had with one.

 

Now, whenever I was single or focused my attention elsewhere - I never ran into too many problems. But whenever I became interested in someone or began a new relationship that's when things would begin to turn upside down for me and it seemed the rest of my world would come crashing with it. And if anything, the negativity that came from those bad experiences would dampen my spirits, which would ultimately result in me wanting to break away and be free from it. And whenever I did get away from it, I felt so relieved and that's when things started to look up for me again.

 

Meeting new women has never really been a problem for me, I'm capable and can offer plenty, but it's just this inner fear that something bad is going to happen and that somewhere along the road things are not going to work out between us. It's the fear of the unexpected and that I don't know if I can really trust you. It's obviously an insecurity issue of mine that I just don't know how to deal with. So it's much easier for me to not deal with it and just focus on other areas of my life because I haven't quite found the best approach to handle that kind of problem of mine.

 

I could have written this.

[somethngwrng]

I'm with MD. At 44, I am not very confident that I will ever find love. But like MD says, I figure I can live the rest of my life without it. I think you can get used to anything.

 

I don't know about that. We always see and meet people we'd want to be with. Sometimes it's even waved in front of our faces, almost like a tease... and later "lose" it. This creates a sense of sadness, something missing in our lives, that never really leaves.

 

I can mold my life in any way I want, but I can't create a mold that has someone else in it. So I'm constantly left thinking that I want that person in my life. I'm not even sure who, but I'm heartbroken without her. I know that no matter what I do, I'll always be thinking about "her" too

[iwishiknew]

I'm 4 years behind you, brother. It sucks, but that's life. And I don't think things are impossible for you, or me. We're just starting later than others, but we will start.

 

I hope it will start soon!! I'm getting older and tired of having this long long drought on me.

[Panther_Dude]

I believe that some people, no matter how hard they try, are meant to be alone forever in their life. Rather I'm one of them I dunno...

[iwishiknew]

I have been trying hard since I was a teenager and still nothing today. It is not always easy for everyone. Maybe I was born to be single?

[BriarRose]

WishIknew and PantherDude, I hear ya....

I agree it's not so easy for all of us. I don't think anyone is 'meant' to be single, but it sure is harder for some than for others .

 

I know people who literally have never been without a bf/gf for more than a year or two in their whole lives, and they are in their 40's and 50's.

 

I can't imagine that - I am usually alone. It would be nice, though (assuming the relationship was a good one).

[LightbulbSun]

I think some people are da*n lucky, and were born with a lucky streak. Me, I've never had that. I have "luck" in other things, but love I certainly don't.

 

Maybe God meant for me to suffer like this? I surely don't understand why, but there's a lot of things in life I don't understand.

[iwishiknew]

LightbulbSun, just like you I never had any luck in love or a gf yet. Have you ever had a gf?

[BriarRose]

Lightbulb, I do agree with you some people really are lucky in love . But that doesn't mean it's hopeless for others - just harder, that's all.

[Raize]

I don't believe in any kind of pre-ordained fate or destiny whatever you want to call it, where anything is "meant" to happen. One day the sun will fuse out and burn this rock we call Earth to a lifeless cinder, but even though it is basically guaranteed (unless something else destroys Earth before then) it doesn't mean it is "meant" to happen, it is just the probable conclusion.

 

I am 27 and the luckiest I have ever been is a couple of mutual crushes that never eventuated. Even though I realise more and more that I will probably never experience any degree of relationship ever, I don't believe it's because I am "meant" be alone. It ain't written in the stars, it just simply won't happen. I Hate to sound like I am giving up, just being realistic!

[BriarRose]

I am 27 and the luckiest I have ever been is a couple of mutual crushes that never eventuated. Even though I realise more and more that I will probably never experience any degree of relationship ever, I don't believe it's because I am "meant" be alone. It ain't written in the stars, it just simply won't happen. I Hate to sound like I am giving up, just being realistic!

..

I don't think giving up on love at 27 is "realistic". You can't know for sure. I admit, it doesn't happen for every person, but I believe it happens for most people.

[dr_styles]

Not having a first love by 27 is ... worrying.

I'll admit that I am still a little surprised at how bad things are. I mean there's "harder", but then there's just ridiculous-unbelievable.

[iwishiknew]

Not having a first love by 27 is ... worrying.

I'll admit that I am still a little surprised at how bad things are. I mean there's "harder", but then there's just ridiculous-unbelievable.

 

 

I'm 31 and have not had any first love for me, I'm getting very worried now that I might not never experience it :sad: It seems like a disease to me.

[Comrade]

I realize that to many in this thread this post will seem... petty. But, I use this site to vent, so here it goes.

 

I wonder if it's possible to have one good relationship but never have another.

 

Reading the stories here of people in their 30's and 40's who have not been in a relationship has helped me put my feelings in perspective. However, I still can not erase my current worries. I'm 21, I got in a pretty awesome relationship from age 18-20, and I've been single for 6 months since that relationship. It was my only real relationship.

 

So looking back at that, I'm doing better than some. However, I still can't escape the feeling that I won't be lucky enough to get a relationship like that again. I mean, I didn't have to work at all for that relationship. She did all of the pursuing (and I have now learned the hard way that it's very rare for a woman to do that). Sure, I invited her to hang out with me, but I didn't make a move for the longest time. And then one night she just texted me and said "So when are you going to stop being a gentleman and make a move?" After that we hooked up, and all was good. But now... Now I don't think I'll be so lucky as to have that happen again, to just have a compatible girl fall right into my lap.

 

I've been on some dates in the past 6 months, but they have all failed. I either made rookie mistakes, realized that we were not compatible, or realized that she was not interested in me. Dating really sucks, and I'm losing my will to continue trying to get dates. I'm considering becoming more passive in the dating realm, and just focusing on other stuff that makes me happy. Maybe my luck will return, and someone will just appear... haha. One can hope, at least?

[UGA Bulldawg]

I'm in the same boat as you, Comrade. I had an awesome relationship end about four months ago. I didn't have to do anything; she liked me for who I was. I didn't have to impress her or anything.

 

The difference is that I haven't gone on a single date or even had anyone show a hint of interest in me. I feel like I've hit my relationship quota for good.

[ChrisTT]

I'm 4 years behind you, brother. It sucks, but that's life. And I don't think things are impossible for you, or me. We're just starting later than others, but we will start.

 

I turned 27 and was totally freaked out because I was still a virgin (male), and I knew this would would be a major turn off to pretty much all girls. It's fine if you're a female and a virgin at 27, but girls probably find it strange if you're a male (at least this is what I hear).

 

Anyway, I'm still a virgin but I've made some progress doing other things with a few girls (I'm still 27). I'm not nearly as stressed about it as I used to be. Also, just by physically looking at you a girl will not be able to tell if you're completely inexperienced. She can potentially pick up on this from your behavior though after she has been around you for a while.

 

Something that has been helping me out tremendously...I pretty much just fake having experience now. I imagine myself as someone that has had several past relationships with quality women. But more than anything, I now actually believe that I'm a quality individual. I started seeing a really great girl a few weeks ago...so far so good. It is possible it won't work out, but I'm not stressed about that at all, because I know everything will be fine with or without this girl...plenty of fish in the sea.

 

Stay positive, when you're negative it pushes everyone away.

[somethngwrng]

..

I don't think giving up on love at 27 is "realistic". You can't know for sure. I admit, it doesn't happen for every person, but I believe it happens for most people.

 

I'm 25, turning 26 in May. I have plenty of contact with girls, being friends with a lot of them, had numerous mutual crushes and even a few sexual encounters.

 

However, nothing has ever really gotten off the ground. I've been rejected more times than I can count. The last time I got rejected was about 24 hours ago... lol ("I don't want to go out with you, because I don't want you to think there's a possibility there can be anything between us"). The longest I've ever managed to keep a girl interested in me was about 2 months, and she was only 16 years old (therefore impressionable) - I was 20, had a good job, a car, etc. She ended up thinking I was pathetic.

 

Fast-forward 5 years, I've only had 1 sober sexual encounter since then (which did happen rather recently - 2 or 3 months ago). To be honest, I think the only reason she even slept with me in the first place, is that she had some warped view of who I was, or what I looked like. I met her twice, through a mutual friend, and we barely spoke. She messaged me on facebook a couple of times, gave me her number. We then text messaged/called for 6 weeks while she was on holiday and she slept with me the first night she got back. The very next day I heard those d*mning words "Do you think we could just be friends?". There are only 2 reasonable explanations I can come up with for what happened - she either thought I was completely horrible in that sack (which I warned her I would probably be, and she said she didn't care), or she did not like the way I looked (we spent 6 weeks talking on the phone for hours each night, she must have had a reasonable idea of my personality/hobbies/lifestyle/etc). What surprised me, was how loving she was for the time she was at my house. Oh well, I guess anyone can do that - prostitutes do it for $100 an hour.

 

I don't think giving up on love at this age is unrealistic. There are a good 10+ years in there post-puberty, and past behavior is the best indication of future behavior. I'd actually put money on the fact that I'll still be posting here in 10 years, going "dang, I'm 35 and I've never had a real relationship".

 

That'd be money I'd be very willing to lose.

[tinman19672000]

I was 25 before i touched a woman and that was not much, i am now 43 and never has a date...ever..I only kissed a womman the outher week and i had not kissed a woman for over 20 years before that....has for sex..forget it.

 

I live a lone and my father died when i was young and my mother died three years ago and i have been out of work for years, i ave be robbed twice.

 

I saw one woman some mouth's ago and she told me she wanted to date me,and loved me then only to tell me some time latter that she was joking with me and whent beck to her x and give me to fingers too me.

 

How about getting up in the morring to that and i have no money for heating, so i have to sit in the shops in town.

 

I am a kind guy and all that....what did i do for this??

[stu1973]

I don't think anyone is "meant" to be alone, but for some people, they struggle and it's harder than for other people. I've never been able to understand how some people can just go from relationship to relationship, just fall into them

 

I am 33 and I am pretty sure that I am destined to be alone for the rest of my life. The only girl for me left 2.5 months ago and I don't think I will find any better. It dosen't feel good knowing this.

 

I couldn't agree more, I just don't get how some people go from relationship to relationship. I mean do these people just keep finding chemistry, or do they just go with people to be in a relationship.

 

And on your second point. I got dumped 10 days ago by the one I feel was meant for me. I'm 36 and I've never felt a connection/chemistry/ so much in common with anyone in almost 20 years of dating. Will I have to wait another 20 years? It was my first proper relationship, it lasted less than 3 months

[stu1973]

Not having a first love by 27 is ... worrying.

I'll admit that I am still a little surprised at how bad things are. I mean there's "harder", but then there's just ridiculous-unbelievable.

 

I've just been left by my first love at 36, how's that!

[BriarRose]

I don't get it, either. Some people are literally never single. Or they are single for maybe a few weeks. It has to be more than fear of being alone or "settling" - I mean, how do they even find so many people they even want to be with? I rarely even meet someone I am interested in going out with.