Comrade

Don't worry lotus, you will find someone. Just put yourself out there, and stay open minded. Your new special someone is out there, waiting for you. Your ex sounds like someone who was extremely cruel to you. Mine was the same. At least now you know that you have to put him behind you. There is no going back. You can do it lotus! You are not alone.

Dear blank, Even though your actions on Sunday were completely inexcusable and juvenile, I'm glad you committed them. Because it was only after you did those things that I realized something: you have changed. I don't know what caused it, but after we broke up you suddenly turned into a manipulating, immature, selfish, and insecure person. Now that I've realized this, I no longer want anything to do with the new you. Don't ever contact me again. Stay out of my life. Comrade

Damn Lavender, that must really hurt. Listen, you need to either block him on facebook or just delete it. I deleted my facebook when my ex and I broke up, and I'm really glad that I did. If you didn't have facebook, you would probably be feeling much better today. Having a facebook may be holding you back in your healing process.

Day 1 Damn it, NC was broken today. I was at this stupid fire safety meeting that I was forced to attend, and she showed up. She had to attend one too, but did she really have to go to the one at my hall? There are going to be several other such meetings in the future at other halls. I don't know if she showed up to deliberately see me or not, but it pisses me off. I specifically told her that I didn't want to associate with her anymore because it hurts so much. Does she really want to hurt me? I myself didn't break NC, so do I have to start the challenge over again? If I do have to start it over again for this reason, I don't think I'll ever complete it. I'm bound to run into her at least once a month. I'm so angry right now. It's times like this that I hate her for what she's done.

Day 15 So it's been two weeks. Every day I'm thinking less about her and more about meeting someone new. I can't wait to go ballroom dancing this Wednesday, I hope to meet someone new there.

Day 13 I've been missing her a lot this morning. Life is so cruel sometimes, but I don't know if I would prefer it any other way. That was kind of the moral of A Brave New World: The setting is a dystopia where unending happiness is the ultimate goal. The people take drugs, have wild orgies, and are bred to be content with their role in society. The point the author was trying to make, I believe, is that without strong, forceful emotion, sorrow included, life is hollow. I came to the same realization one night after crying for hours. After I finished crying, I felt so alive. I have never felt more alive than I did at that moment.

Day 12 I just miss her so much. Why did you do this to me? Why did you date someone so soon? Why did you crush my soul? Why did you end the relationship? I still love you. Why do I, after all you dd?Q??

Day 13 So today I felt terrible from when I woke up until the late evening. I went on a long walk with a few of my friends, and we talked about the breakup. I hadn't really talked to them much about it all before. It felt really good to get it all out. It was really good to hear their views on the subject. They have been friends with her for about as long as her and I dated (I introduced them, but I had only known them for a few days when I did). They are still friends with her. Because of a lot of things that happened to her in her childhood, my ex is really insecure (she told me about everything while we were dating, and I even noticed this happen a lot during the time). She got in a relationship with someone a month after we broke up, and things moved fast, too fast (at one point before I told her I was going NC, she told me that she thought things might be going too fast with her and her new boyfriend). My friends think that this is probably because of her insecurity: she is afraid to be alone and single. A while back they told her that she was making a bad decision to date someone so soon, and to let it move so fast. She slightly annoyed at them about this. She came over for dinner two days ago, and she met up with them. They said that she just seemed so... dismal, lifeless, without any positive emotion. When we were dating, she was so full of life, so bubbly, chatty, teasing my friends (she used to call my friend "pete pete," much to his constirnation They said that they noticed that she changed so much after the breakup (I noticed this too actually, but I thought she only acted that way around me!), and they think that this is because the new guy she is with is not making her happy, she's just dating him so that she won't feel lonely. They tried to have a conversation with her, but she would only respond with short answers, and never speak unless spoken to. Then she left about 10 minutes after she came over. My friends believe that one day, probably a good amount of time into the future, she will realize that she moved too fast with this new guy. They think that she will come back to me. I told them that I'm open to reconciliation if she is. I agree with what my friends are thinking, mostly. I really don't think that she will ever come back, but there's still a little part of me that's hoping that she will. I am resolved to continue with NC.

Day 12 Well, I'm feeling pretty good today. My ex coming over to my hall for dinner last night may be the cause of my good mood. I keep thinking that she wanted to see me, and that's why she came over. And behind all of this is the thought that she misses me. Either way, I think NC is allowing me to have a fresh outlook on the relationship. I'm beginning to move past the emotionally traumatic phase of the after-breakup period. I'm noticing more things that I was unhappy with in the relationship. I'm starting to enjoy being single. But I still miss her extremely some times, and I feel lonely often. I'm still open to reconciliation if she is.

Day 11 This morning I was really depressed about the whole situation, I missed her desperately. I had some bad dreams about her last night. By about 11:00am I started to feel much better, and I had a more positive outlook on how things were going. Right now I'm still feeling good. I'm committed to at least a month of NC at this point, though I will probably shoot for 3 before I'm ready to be friends with her again. It could be longer, though. I will see how I'm feeling by the end of this. Oh wow. I caught a glimpse of my ex today, it was the first time I've seen her in two weeks. She didn't see me, and I was on my way out, so nothing happened besides seeing her. I saw her about an hour ago, and my heart is still racing. I think I dodged a bullet on this one.

Day 10 On Friday, Aug 28, I called her and told her that I wanted NC. Before that, we had been friends since she broke up with me in July. I decided to do NC because she got a new boy friend a few weeks ago (or at least that's when I found out about it), and it was really painful to talk to her because I kept thinking about it. I think that she wanted to remain friends. Oh well, I'm doing this for myself. If she wanted to reconcile, I would be open to it, but right now that does not look likely at all. Today I'm missing her moderately. I'm going to distract myself by working on homework all day, I'm really far behind.