Are some of us simply meant to be alone?

[BriarRose]

I agree with every word of this.

[bulletproof]

Sure- needy, insecure people will find someone. The bottom line is, like attracts like. They will find someone with a similar weakness and embark on an unhealthy relationship. It might last twenty years, but that doesn't mean it's good. I also never said someone has to be the poster person for being sure of themselves. Nobody is perfect and that isn't what's being expressed here. What is being expressed is the benefit of taking one's life into his/her own hands and not blaming externals like luck or fate. Being in the right place at the right time takes work- work to find passions that bring you in line with those you'd like to date. Feeling like a victim of fate is pretty futile. It doesn't get you what you want.

 

Has this way of thinking helped you get what you want?

[bruinsy81]

If it's any consolation many people work,come home ,watch tv ,rinse and repeat.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Being in the right place at the right time takes work- work to find passions that bring you in line with those you'd like to date. Feeling like a victim of fate is pretty futile. It doesn't get you what you want.

 

Has this way of thinking helped you get what you want?[/

 

Which came first, the chicken or the egg? You can argue that it was mindset that resulted in failure...but equally so it could be failure which resulted in the taking a good long look at life and people and how things happen and realizing that people don't always get what they want no matter how hard they try and what kind of hopeful, positive mindset they have. Actually, I have looked, I have joined, I have pursued interests, I have hoped, I have let things happen, in short, in my 46 years I have done every single contradictory thing that people spew out that should "guarantee success"...looking, not looking, caring, not caring, positive attitude, getting out there, taking initiative etc etc etc etc. The only strategy I have not tried and refuse to try is dressing up in short skirts, plunging necklines, acting like a simpering fool, batting my eyelashes and touching my hair and giving sidelong glances to men. In fact, this strategy does seem to work for many women and it was even described in Margaret Mitchell's book, Gone with the Wind which I am currently re-reading..that's how Scarlett O'Hara enticed her many beaus. So, I guess I haven't tried everything there is to try....but I draw the line at that otherwise I might end up wanting to wear huge hoop skirts and stays and lace the stays so tight to make my waistline more enticing to attract men!

[JusticeLaw9]

I'm with Crazyaboutdogs on this one.

[MikeS]

I just like to say that I'm 37, going to be 38 in a few weeks. That I've heard every line out of the girls' book of rejection. I'm soo sick of it! I've never had a date in my whole life. Women have all treated me like * * * * . To now, maybe that I'm possibly meant to be single and alone.

 

I grew up with a girl that ended up marrying a total sob! He has abused her badly, cheated on her 2 times, has lied to her, and is a highly jealous * * * * * * * . His brother is in prison for doing drugs. Yet, she she stays with the bastard! I still can not get away from it. Since my parents and her parents are still close friends. I know that I love and would do anything and everything for her but I can not live like this anymore.

 

What I do agree and see with the other OP. That as men get older and never had a gf. Are looked upon differently, like they are to be shunned, and/or avoided.

 

I'm just thankful that I have a dog that loves me unconditionally and is a companion to keep me company. Cause there are many times that my dog has brightened my day; when the loneliness would set in.

 

I just like to add that whomever came up with this line, that there is always someone out there for everyone is full of * * * * ! Cause after being used for money, transportation, and or to find someone else through me. After it would be done. I would be back on my own.

[mnsnowman]

Not everyone can be that Football Star QB. You can practice and train all you want and it's not going to help. You're either born with the talent or you are not bornwith the talent. Same rule applies to dating and marriage. Not everyone is going to get married. Facts of life. I'd love to somehow find out the percentage of how many people get married. I'd say it's less then 30%.

 

from Marty Friedman site.

 

Not sure how accurate these figures are:

 

Percentage of people who have been married before age 55: A whopping 95% of the people.

 

Percentage of people currently married: 59%.

 

Percentage of population that never been marry: 24%. This is interesting because it does not correlate with the 95% of the people who get married by age 55. And we do not know what percentages of these have taken the vow of celebacy in a religious organization (priests, brothers, nuns, etc).

 

Percentage of people who live together before they tie the knot. 70%.

 

The divorce rate is astronomical right now in the US. Last time I heard it was about 67%. The downside of divorces go beyond just the emotional issues of the couple though, it affects the kids not just because of the divorce but it can create more problems in their life.

 

Children from divorce or seperation are more likely to commit suicide, 63% of the suicides had this background.

90% of the runaways come from divorced or seperated parents.

85% of the children with behavior problems come from divorceed or seperated families.

71% of the HS drop outs are from families who parents divorced or seperated.

50% of the teen pregancy are from families who parents divorced or seperated.

I suspect people from these families are also more likely to use or experiment with drugs and liquor.

 

The children may end up feeling abondanded by their parents, which then carries forward in their life. They have difficulty with relationships and are more likely to divorce or separate themselves.

 

Just some info for you.

[mnsnowman]

About 24% of the population lives alone - this includes priests, brothers, nuns, people who are retired, etc.

 

Almost 95% of the population actually get married before they reach 55.

 

I'm 46 right now, my time is running out. If this does not happen soon, I will be considered one of the very few who never got married or ever had a serious long term relationship.

 

Can I win a prize for this?

[newwave]

Percentage of people who have been married before age 55: A whopping 95% of the people.

 

 

 

Percentage of population that never been marry: 24%. This is interesting because it does not correlate with the 95% of the people who get married by age 55. And we do not know what percentages of these have taken the vow of celebacy in a religious organization (priests, brothers, nuns, etc.

 

Actually, the stats are somewhat msileading because the 24% includes people that are under 55 and not married. So the numbers can be off. I've heard stats recently that state the likelihood of getting married by certain ages and, that the largest group of marrying for the first time that has grown is early 40's. I found that interesting but not surprised. It used to be if you weren't married by certain times you likely never would (I think at one point women hadn't married by 30 only had a 5% chance, strange now).

[MD Geist]

You know, the pity party you're constantly throwing yourself is not attractive to women. If you act self-loathing, women will pick up on that and find that unattractive. If you act confident and relaxed, women will pick up on THAT and find that attractive. If you've tried it, you haven't tried hard enough.

 

 

I act confident around women, its a shame I actually lead more people to success than I do for myself.

 

Not all of us where meant to find love including myself, we where just meant to go through life without ever feeling that.

[MD Geist]

Correct... as I was writing my post, similar thoughts rushed through my mind. Well, why aren't you living your life the way you want it today? Who has stopped you?

That might very well be the reason why I'm single. You are right. If I can't live my life the way I want it now, when will I do it? after marriage...? ya... right... keep on dreaming

 

I'm living my life the way I want to, I might not have the wealth like I want to but I'm happy with how things are going.

 

I've come to conclusion I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life, It doesn't bother me, lonleyness doesn't seem to get to me like it does with many, I can live with that fact because I don't know ANY different.

 

But that still won't stop me from enjoying life, i do not understand why people are sad and depressed, I'm going to continue living my life and doing the things I love doing.

[Thx]

We have two similar threads up today about being destined to be alone.

 

After 50 years of being alone, I still don't think anyone is "destined" to being alone.

 

But, let's just suppose you are... Is this the end of life, are we going to curl up and die?

 

There are just about as many advantages to being alone as being with someone.

 

On the few occasions I feel alone or left out, I just look back at some of the "happy" couples I have known.

 

What a mess. She had to call the cops when he took a bite out of her leg. She threw all of his suits into the dumpster, I wondered why we had the best dressed hobos in town. "But I LOVE YOU!" he slobbered into the phone "Won't you come bail me out? I didn't mean it! This time it will be different!"

 

 

 

(Say, do you know how many guys in long-term relationships have told me they are envious of my lifestyle? How they never get any time to themselves, how they can't see any of their old friends. How their life is not their own anymore?)

 

How getting into this relationship was the greatest mistake they ever made and now they are stuck and at age 32 life is over?

 

I'm not knocking relationships, but from what I've seen many times you are lucky to break even.

 

Thx

[Hermes]

LOL Thx. You've made my evening. LOL

 

She had to call the cops when he took a bite out of her leg. She threw all of his suits

into the dumpster, I wondered why we had the best dressed hobos in town. "But I LOVE YOU!" he slobbered into the phone "Won't you come bail me out? I didn't mean it! This time it will be different!"

 

A woman here broke every single bottle of expensive and old wine the husband had in the cellar of his house. She also cut into ribbons all his designer and very expensive suits, and ties. All of them. And, and, she threw lots of acid on his fancy cars. LOL.

 

H

[Thx]

LOL Thx. You've made my evening. LOL

 

She had to call the cops when he took a bite out of her leg. She threw all of his suits

 

A woman here broke every single bottle of expensive and old wine the husband had in the cellar of his house. She also cut into ribbons all his designer and very expensive suits, and ties. All of them. And, and, she threw lots of acid on his fancy cars. LOL.

 

H

 

 

 

The "bite out of the leg" story is true Hermes. (Hey, I couldn't make up something like that. )

 

One time I was at a guy's house...

 

"Wow dude, you got a nice house, cool car and a pretty wife..."

 

"Yeah, and do you know what it costs to keep her "pretty"? $50 a week to the hair salon. $50 every-other week to the nail salon. And look at this... *pulls down giant box from top of closet* Makeup... a whole box full! This one wasn't the right color... can't you just look at it in the store and see it isn't the right color...? This one was the right color, but it is soooo last year. This one is current, but too many people are wearing it..."

 

"Well, it might be all that, but I bet it's nice snuggling up at night to a nice lady who takes care of herself..."

 

"I wouldn't know Thx... I've been sleeping on the couch for the last six years..."

 

 

 

I bet I have a couple hundred stories like that, maybe I'll set a thread.

 

Thx

[Hermes]

Let's write a book, Thx. Some of the stories I could tell you, and some of the people I have known. Life is extraordinary!

 

Pity you are not nearer, we could sit up all night, a bottle of good wine between us and exchange tales.

 

H

[Thx]

Let's write a book, Thx. Some of the stories I could tell you, and some of the people I have known. Life is extraordinary!

 

Pity you are not nearer, we could sit up all night, a bottle of good wine between us and exchange tales.

 

H

 

Well, there's always the PMer.

 

I have a bottle of $6 Aussie merlot and a clean jelly jar.

 

How about we take the best of it and put it into a "Love stories (from hell)" thread?

 

Now let's see, what forum would it be put in?

 

Thx

[Hermes]

LMAO Thx.

 

I have a bottle of $6 Aussie merlot and a clean jelly jar

 

Only the BEST here Thx. Cut glass and the French stuff.

 

H

[MikeS]

I just like to say that he nailed it! There are advantages to being single. You get to do whatever you want, when you want. There is no one nagging at you to do this and that. There is no wondering if she/he is being true to me. Granted, it gets to be lonely at times but its better than going through hell in a relationship every day.

[Thx]

I just like to say that he nailed it! There are advantages to being single. You get to do whatever you want, when you want. There is no one nagging at you to do this and that. There is no wondering if she/he is being true to me. Granted, it gets to be lonely at times but its better than going through hell in a relationship every day.

 

Thanks Mike, you were talking about a girl you know who was "standing by her man", even though he's a pig...

 

I once knew a young couple like that.

 

He was one of the rudest people I have ever met, puts her down in private and around others, twists her arm and beats her.

 

She works as a "dance hostess" downtown, he is a struggling "artist" and is waiting until he gets a big record deal.

 

And this guy is no "macho man", there is no "bad boy" infatuation here. He is a pasty-faced punk.

 

And this girl is one of the most attractive I have ever seen, just gorgeous.

 

*sigh* I should have "taken her away from all that".

 

Thx

[MikeS]

Thanks Mike, you were talking about a girl you know who was "standing by her man", even though he's a pig...

 

I once knew a young couple like that.

 

He was one of the rudest people I have ever met, puts her down in private and around others, twists her arm and beats her.

 

She works as a "dance hostess" downtown, he is a struggling "artist" and is waiting until he gets a big record deal.

 

And this guy is no "macho man", there is no "bad boy" infatuation here. He is a pasty-faced punk.

 

And this girl is one of the most attractive I have ever seen, just gorgeous.

 

*sigh* I should have "taken her away from all that".

 

Thx

 

She and I grew up together. Her and my parents are still close friends. They all still get together but I have to stay away. It hurts besides the fact that I have feelings for her. I just hope she wakes up and realizes what an ass the guy that she married really is. Cause not only did he beat her badly, he also did not want for her to have NO friends, could not even see her own parents and sister. The last I heard, she is afraid of him but she told a friend of mine that she still thinks and dreams about me and wants to know how I am doing. Yet, she told my friend to not say anything to me about her. Thankfully my friend told me everything.

[galaxy71]

The people you mention have a choice to be in a relationship or not be in a relationship. Lonely people don't have a choice at all.

[Thx]

The people you mention have a choice to be in a relationship or not be in a relationship. Lonely people don't have a choice at all.

 

My point with those examples, is those people would have been better off alone.

 

Sometimes a relationship is not what it appears on the surface.

 

Look at how many people here have been through multiple relationships, each that ended badly. Given the choice do you think they would have rather spent the time alone? (If they could have seen beforehand how these would turn out?)

 

Sure, they do have a choice. Some might need a messy divorce with kids involved.

 

And remember, everyone was alone before they found someone.

 

Thx

[Hermes]

He is a pasty-faced punk

 

He is an abusive pasty faced punk. Abusive people are not normal.

 

The mystery here is why she takes the abuse.

 

H

[littleBudgie]

As a women you seem a little high up on yourself for "not having any problems getting women" I think you need to just let someone in. Seems like you haven't yet. Or you have not yet put another 1st.

[Thx]

He is an abusive pasty faced punk. Abusive people are not normal.

 

The mystery here is why she takes the abuse.

 

H

 

I have to wonder how long she put up with him, I lost touch with them years ago.

 

She supported him fully financially with her money from the dance hostess job.

 

Even when he was on his best behaviour he was crude and you would have to wonder what she saw in him at all.

 

I didn't really know her background wel enough to guess why a girl would tolerate this.

 

All the battered women who stand by their man.

 

Maybe these people are that deathly afraid of being alone or have some kind of mental condition. It sure seems common.

 

Men stand by their abusive mate too, but you don't see it as often and would probably never guess.

 

Thx