Are some of us simply meant to be alone?

[MD Geist]

Good to hear that you are making progress in areas of life that are important to you.

Thanks for the encouragement but sorry its not working for me these days.

 

 

id have you . Be more receptive, be more open to those around you, like I tell all my female friends look within your circle because what your looking for might be closer than you think. I wish that same rule applies to us men if we do the same then our repuation is on the line. that would put us in a position where we'd have to succeed or else the world spreds like wildfire.

 

Its happened for 3 girls i know and they are happy now that they are married.

 

With women its not so bad, I have known women who were single most of their lives and someone came alone, with men its much worst I don't know anyone who had a first successful relationship late in life who is a male.

 

I have given up on hope for me, the conception of be confident does not work when you have no experience at all. I have not given up on you women though.

[LAYAAN]

MD Geist, 23 for a male is toooo early to give up hope. You are so young. You should not worry for at least 10-15 more years. Then if you start to worry, I can understand. This is the time for you to enjoy. Date different girls. Have fun. Why bother thinking about marriage at this age? You are too young for that. Just enjoy the process.

[Timbone]

And tinu, I would say it's certainly not too late for you either!

 

I go back and forth between that way you are feeling, and what I posted earlier. It's tough right now. Trust me, I know. I feel like it's never in the cards for me again. But if I keep trying, then that can't possibly be true. I'm too damn adorable for that!

[BriarRose]

MD, why do you keep saying it's easier for women? I can assure you, it's not. In fact, I find men move on faster and meet new partners more easily after a breakup than women do (just based on my personal experience).

 

And there is the age factor. I can tell you that a man in his 40's - 50's is going to find it much easier than a single woman of the same age group. Maybe in your 20's it's reversed. I don't know.

[MD Geist]

MD, why do you keep saying it's easier for women? I can assure you, it's not. In fact, I find men move on faster and meet new partners more easily after a breakup than women do (just based on my personal experience).

 

And there is the age factor. I can tell you that a man in his 40's - 50's is going to find it much easier than a single woman of the same age group. Maybe in your 20's it's reversed. I don't know.

 

I understand based on your previous experience it might seem like that but what about those who have never had a boyfriend or a girlfriend?.

 

Women seem to pickup on dating, intmacy, partnership and such as if they have learned it for years where as for men if they tried it would be a disaster for them, they are awful in bed, they are an awful partner ext...ext... A 40 year old virgin female has it much better than a 40 year old virgin male does.

 

If the woman is still a virgin at a later age then thats is wonderful she waited for the right one to come along, if a guy has never had a girlfriend people are going to think there is something wrong with him and people should avoid him. Automaticly we get labled as being Tainted or damaged goods.

 

MD Geist, 23 for a male is toooo early to give up hope. You are so young. You should not worry for at least 10-15 more years. Then if you start to worry, I can understand. This is the time for you to enjoy. Date different girls. Have fun. Why bother thinking about marriage at this age? You are too young for that. Just enjoy the process.

 

Even at my age its hopeless.

 

Most women my age already have kids or are even being divorced!, then they talk about how many guys they have been with and its just discouraging to here about that they have been with like 5-6 people and they are only like 19 and yet I haven't even put my foot in the door yet.

 

Trying to set up dates is even more difficult no matter how perfect your phone calls or texting is like they always are "Busy" or some excuse to not go out, it has been that way then I try and ask them out and the flood of excuses start.

 

Since my early teens I have been trying and I have got the same results everytime, maybe thats just fate for me, I was not meant to have a SO. I feel like I can't be successful with a woman the older I get and the more inexperienced I'am opposed to how experienced most women are at 23 years of age. I'm setting myself up to be taken advantage of, if a woman only knew what I had and no experience I have to read signals like I'm fresh fish to the wrong person.

 

But at least I can say I have the rest of my life together unlike most people my age, I have goals, dreams, and a plan to get there as well as working towards them on a day to day basis, not many people my age take the time to do these things. They just wanna go out and party all day.

 

 

I don't think you should give up either. Your a woman, you will attract. I think the problem is like all the men who see are intimated to come up and talk to you, I don't know But I can tell you that at least someone is checking you out or atleast is or was interested in you at some point, I wish I could say the same for me. I don't know if a woman has ever been interested in me for me rather than what I have.

[dr_styles]

MD Geist, 23 for a male is toooo early to give up hope. You are so young. You should not worry for at least 10-15 more years.

 

If you can't even get a date by your 20's (like post Uni, in work) let alone a string of dates then I doubt anything will change in 10 years or 20 years.

 

In fact, I find men move on faster and meet new partners more easily after a breakup than women do (just based on my personal experience).

 

That's based on the assumption that the person has trouble committing or moving on. For people who have never had a relationship that obviously isn't the problem in the first place. This is a good distinction of how women have it easier, initially at least. The majority theme of women is meeting the "right" man; for guys it's meeting "a" woman.

 

A 40 year old virgin female has it much better than a 40 year old virgin male does.

 

Just adding that all you have to do is look at how people perceive the 40-year old virgin ... yep, not good.

[Bartok]

This is the time for you to enjoy. Date different girls. Have fun. Why bother thinking about marriage at this age? You are too young for that. Just enjoy the process.

Some guys are my age and can't even enjoy the process. That's where a ton of these threads come from - guys who have NO experience, and are in a hole that they can't seem to climb out of. If you're in that boat during your mid-20's, you certainly have reason to be concerned.

 

I'm in that boat, and I'd love to get out of it, but I stopped caring about it a year or two ago. I'll live, despite the world treating me like a freak.

[Celestialagape54]

I don't know if I can answer this question for sure but from what I have seen I don't think anyone is meant to be alone.

 

We all make choices that lead us to where we are. I have known a lot of people who willingly chose to be alone because they don't want to have to deal with the "drama" of being in a relationship.

 

I have also know people who have chosen to be alone because they care more about their careers and traveling.

 

These people I have known are all perfectly happy and they have never been married, of course they have had relationships before but they don't let them consume their lives.

 

For the rest of us I guess we are just floating around until we can find someone who will love us for who we are...

[LAYAAN]

Even at my age its hopeless. If you try looking for girls that are pursuing higher education, say pre med, pre pharmacy girls, who finish college and then go on to study at medical school, pharmacy school you would have much better chance. I think so because I study in a university and I see women around me all the time that are in late 20s and have no bf or anyone. They just go to school, come home, do their homework. Not party animals, not wild, seem nice girls. Go to Christian universities. You may have a better luck.

 

Most women my age already have kids or are even being divorced!, then they talk about how many guys they have been with and its just discouraging to here about that they have been with like 5-6 people and they are only like 19 and yet I haven't even put my foot in the door yet. Yes, this is discouraging. but I want you to know that what you currently see is not all thats out there. There is another pool of women that might be available and you can tap into it.

 

Trying to set up dates is even more difficult no matter how perfect your phone calls or texting is like they always are "Busy" or some excuse to not go out, it has been that way then I try and ask them out and the flood of excuses start. Yes, this is rough. Have you tried getting a date through family contacts, friends, etc? That normally goes much better I would guess. The girl or boy if not interested can't play games. They have to be honest or the friend can ask them questions, right?

 

But at least I can say I have the rest of my life together unlike most people my age, I have goals, dreams, and a plan to get there as well as working towards them on a day to day basis, not many people my age take the time to do these things. They just wanna go out and party all day. right... see... thats good... just live your life man... you will get a girl! I believe that no man ever goes without a woman. The opposite is true mostly. I've seen women being alone but not men. They find someone.

 

I don't think you should give up either. Your a woman, you will attract. I think the problem is like all the men who see are intimated to come up and talk to you, I don't know But I can tell you that at least someone is checking you out or atleast is or was interested in you at some point, I wish I could say the same for me. I don't know if a woman has ever been interested in me for me rather than what I have. I don't know if what you say is true or not, but thanks for the encouraging words!

[LAYAAN]

Some guys are my age and can't even enjoy the process. That's where a ton of these threads come from - guys who have NO experience, and are in a hole that they can't seem to climb out of. If you're in that boat during your mid-20's, you certainly have reason to be concerned.

 

I'm in that boat, and I'd love to get out of it, but I stopped caring about it a year or two ago. I'll live, despite the world treating me like a freak.

I have a question to the OP and to you and all the men in similar situation. How does a girl find out if a man has no experience until (I'm guessing) she sleeps with him? I've gone out on dates with American men (I mostly meet Indian men through arranged marriage process where they have most of the power to choose). Some looked comfortable, some were nervous and sweating. I could notice the difference but I never threw it in their face. I never mentioned it to anyone (except here) either. He can be a good man and have no experience, right? and as long as I'm not sleeping with him, why should I care how much experience he has? Even if he does have experience of dating, sleeping, whatever, every girl is a new person, probably new personality as well, right?

[Raiden]

I don't think anyone is "meant" be alone; that is, prohibited by one's own destiny from finding a partner. By the same logic, I don't think any given two people are "meant to be together". Both of these philosophies are unrealistic extremities on opposing ends of the spectrum.

 

Some of us have more difficulty than others in meeting people/dating/forming a relationship. Some people have bad luck in the lottery draw, others bag the jackpot. Why this happens in the seemingly unfair and haphazard manner that it does is the realm of academia, not day-to-day practicality (after years of absorbing as much material as I can, I still find myself cursing the unjustness of it all and asking myself what must be so wrong with me that I am deemed fit to remain single- but this is my own issue that belongs in it's own thread/discussion).

 

We only have the ability to operate within the parameters of our capabilities. We are likely to fail at what lies outside of our power. But make happen what can be made to happen.

[Bartok]

How does a girl find out if a man has no experience until (I'm guessing) she sleeps with him?

Why would you think I was only talking about sexual experience?

 

I've never been in a relationship, but my lack of sexual experience is - to be quite honest - the least of my worries.

[MD Geist]

I have a question to the OP and to you and all the men in similar situation. How does a girl find out if a man has no experience until (I'm guessing) she sleeps with him?

 

For some reason women can pick up on this much easer than men, I women have clearly pointed out to me (Especially while in they are in there wolf pack of friends) that I'm inexperienced and where right. I can tell you how many times women just knew I had never had a girlfriend or even kissed a woman before just by taking a guess.

 

My closest female friend knew right away that I was self couous about something and did not know exactly but figured out it wasn't my weight but it was my inexperience around women.

 

They just know. I donno if I'm making it obovous though.

[skyblue1]

I know how you feel inside. You need to not focus on it so much i'd say. I'm going back to studying which is a good thing because i won't think about being alone or finding love. Your time will come just do things that you enjoy and try and live life. I feel like you but what can we do if we can't find someone to share our lifes with? Focus your attention on other stuff thats going on in your life. Good luckk x

[MD Geist]

If you try looking for girls that are pursuing higher education, say pre med, pre pharmacy girls, who finish college and then go on to study at medical school, pharmacy school you would have much better chance. I think so because I study in a university and I see women around me all the time that are in late 20s and have no bf or anyone. They just go to school, come home, do their homework. Not party animals, not wild, seem nice girls. Go to Christian universities. You may have a better luck.

 

Considering that the crowd I hang with is all christian and yes I know many christian girls in fact I have many of them on my facebook account right now just as you discribed who are single.

 

But can some slacker like me stand a chance?.

 

Yes, this is discouraging. but I want you to know that what you currently see is not all thats out there. There is another pool of women that might be available and you can tap into it.

 

I wish I could find that other pool of women.

 

Yes, this is rough. Have you tried getting a date through family contacts, friends, etc? That normally goes much better I would guess. The girl or boy if not interested can't play games. They have to be honest or the friend can ask them questions, right?

 

I have never tried this before. Id be kind of shy asking my family or friends to set me up on a date actually.

 

right... see... thats good... just live your life man... you will get a girl! I believe that no man ever goes without a woman. The opposite is true mostly. I've seen women being alone but not men. They find someone.

 

Not true, I have never met a woman who has never absoutely had no success with the opposite sex at all. I'm talking about never had dates, being rejected and such. Men I have read about more men being in there 35'+ and still never kissed anyone. Till I find an attractive girl who's in her mid to late 30's who has never had a boyfriend and has had nothing but rejections like I can't believe it. Its impossible.

 

However we are both wrong because there's plenty of men and women out there who are alone.

 

I don't know if what you say is true or not, but thanks for the encouraging words!

 

I think all women even the ones who don't think they are attractive even have men checking them out at some point.

 

The bottom line is Women are sexy creatures. Thats the way they where designed to be. NVM! You have helped me out a bit here!.

[MattW]

*shrug* I dunno... I'm in the "never had a girlfriend" boat (heck, never even so much as flirted with a girl), and I know I'm "still young", but to be honest, I don't see my situation changing much in the next few years. With me, it's not about always getting rejected; I have a hard time finding girls I want to pursue, to begin with. Which is weird, considering I'm in college and working part time, etc. I should be meeting girls I have interest in, and yet I'm... not. Again, I don't see my life changing much, and unless I have some big special romantic moment like it happens in the movies (which is extremely unlikely in and of itself), I just can't see it happening for me in the next 5-10 years, if not longer.

[peebo]

I don't know about life having meaning or anything deep like that, but it is true that many people are alone their entire lives.

[Tarheelfan26]

There is an old adage that some people say might get one a significant other. That is to quit actively looking and when you least expect it Mr/Ms. Right comes along out of nowhere into your life. I can honestly say that I have been trying hard the last couple of years to find a stable, compatible significant other but alas I have had no success.

 

So now I am resigned to give that adage a chance and in the meantime just play it cool. I think that deep down no one likes to be alone but unfortunately it is a reality for many of us. I have always felt that when I do find my soulmate that I will have so much genuine love to give her.

[Ammy]

I feel like I might be one of those people too... I'm nearly 27, and the longest I have dated someone is 5 dates... I have realised that the type of person I want NEVER wants me for longer than a few weeks.. and the only people who I can manage to keep wanting to see me don't interest me enough to even pass the time (and even they aren't that into me, I'm just a convenience date).

 

I don't know what is wrong with me. If I did, I'd either change it or accept what was wrong and get over it. I have no idea what gets in my way.

 

I just hope that there will be people out there for us lonelies...

 

Ammy

[JusticeLaw9]

Being single and being alone are two different things.

 

You can be single and still have people you date occasionally or hangout with. But to be alone is to say you have none of the above, nor do you have any friends. There's nothing wrong with being single. There are millions and millions of wonderful single people out in the world; nothing wrong with them at all, but just prefer a peace of mind and/or there own space.

 

Speaking for myself, I'm single, but if I really wanted I know how to make moves and get up with some ladies if I wanted to. But I don't do it, because that's not what I want right now. I'm only interested in looking into something that has potential to go a long way. So I'm not interested in any other inquiries.

 

I guess everybody has their own reasons for why they are single. But nobody should ever have to be alone...

[mad rabbits]

If you mean some of us won't find a lifetime companion, then yes, it stands to reason.

 

But your question implies the issue of "destiny" as in, it is some people's destiny to be alone. Not so sure, but I do think that a person's life experiences can add up in a way that they stop seeking love and just accept it. That's where people end up single.

 

I am going against the grain here of "there's someone for everyone", I don't think there is. There are a whole range of circumstances that prevent people finding that.

 

Anyone who is decent inside, and can be themselves though, can find companion/s - not necessarily "the one"

 

Besides which at the end of the day, we are born alone and die alone

[mellow]

there's no 'the one', it's just compatibility and effort enough to sustain things in the long run, and how much you like each other.

 

I prefer being single most of the time, but when someone comes up and we click, why not. But usually after a break up and all the drama passes, I'd feel better and strong again alone. It's not a destiny though, it's a choice and circumstances. (kinda)

[Devchonka]

You remind me of a guy friend I used to have...except he wasn't good looking. GREAT PERSONALITY but the reason we never dated is because he never...how do i put this? His idea of us getting together was to become my close friend and slowly try for hand holding, he was self conscious and not the pursuer. You have pursue the girl. If you WANT the girl than show it. The guy I ended up being with a very wonderful man and sounds like you.

 

When we met through friends we first just joked around and teased each other, when we became more aquianted he pursued me, he told me later that he refused to be friends with me. If we went anywhere he treated it like a date. Physically playful helps. Friendship was always there, some people you just click with and know you'll be friends with....but you should never work on making your friendship stronger before you ask the girl out. Then it's awkward. Women appreciate men who know what they want and go for it. Just like in the bedroom

 

If she says no then she says no, but she would have said no after months of being friends as well. Just from the beginning say hey you seem like a great girl lets go out and do something together.

 

GOOD LUCK!

 

PS. You're not very old you're only 30 don't despair

[cat_lady]

That sounds exactly like my boyfriend too! I didn't even like him in the beginning and tried to friendzone him, and his ability to avoid every friendzoning hoop I threw him was really... attractive at the end. Physical presence helps a lot. I agree that she is totally correct - that you should become close friends AFTER you start dating not before. And never ever befriend somebody in the hopes of getting them to like you.

[skyblue1]

I feel like I might be one of those people too... I'm nearly 27, and the longest I have dated someone is 5 dates... I have realised that the type of person I want NEVER wants me for longer than a few weeks.. and the only people who I can manage to keep wanting to see me don't interest me enough to even pass the time (and even they aren't that into me, I'm just a convenience date).

 

I don't know what is wrong with me. If I did, I'd either change it or accept what was wrong and get over it. I have no idea what gets in my way.

 

I just hope that there will be people out there for us lonelies...

 

Ammy

 

Ammy there is nothing wrong with you honey it's just luck that's all. I hate being alone but there isn't much we can do about it. I reckon we are not meant to be alone. Someone will come sooner or later YOu are beautiful Ammy, men are just blind to see what a amazing person you are.