MattW

I'm not exactly sure why I've started doing this, maybe I'm just bored or something, I really don't have a friggin' clue, but lately, I've started writing a sort of "biography" of myself. I've basically just been writing about all kinds of crap from my life. My early years, experiences in school, family life, etc. It seems odd, to me, for me to be doing this, because most people that write about their life are doing so because they've contributed to the world in some way, and so people would want to read about them. I'm just some nobody, yanno? Chances are, I'll never be famous, I'll never have my "biography" published, and no one would ever want to read about me. But still, I'm kinda... enjoying writing it. o_O

Hah, back when I was a kid, I was in love with this one girl I went to school with for, like, seven years. I often flip-flop on calling what I felt for her "love", or just not putting any label on it, because I don't know what it was. I know it was a good feeling, and I know that's the only time in my life I've ever felt that feeling, but with "love" being so hard to specifically define, I can't tell if that's what that was, or not. Anyway, I was too shy to ever really talk to her about it; she kinda sorta had an idea I had a little crush on her towards the end, but she had to transfer schools, and I let her slip away. Interestingly enough, I managed to get back in contact with this girl a few months ago, and ever since, I've found my old feelings for her resurfacing. Problem is, she's got a boyfriend, and seems very happy with him, and I don't know what's going to happen with them; for all I know, they'll be together for the rest of their lives. It makes me really unhappy to know that I can't be with her, and may very well never get to have a chance with her. I wish I hadn't have even found her online in the first place... Hell, sometimes I wonder if I'd be happier now if I'd never met her, period. Anyway, I've never had a girlfriend, or dated, had sex, even got any kind of attention (other than platonic friendship) from girls. I've always had a very shy nature, and I hate that about myself, but I just can't seem to break out of that shell (and stay out of it). But the thing is, I've always WANTED to date, and have a girlfriend, very badly. I've always been very lonely, especially because, during high school, I fell in with a bad crowd that just made me miserable for nearly three years. It really would've been nice to have a girlfriend at that time, just to have something good going in my life, some one to take comfort in, ya know? Been a year since I graduated high school, but I haven't really met anyone new... I finally broke away from that terrible group of people I was associated with in high school, but now I have no "friends". I recently found out that there was this one girl I went to high school with that had a crush on me, but she was shy (kinda like me, heh...), so she never let on. I kinda wish she would've, though, because she was nice, and I definitely would've dated her. I tried looking her up, recently, and there's a chance I may be able to get in contact with her, but I don't know if it'd really be worth it or not. Lately I've been playing around with some online dating sites. I mainly focus on OKCupid, now. I've had a couple of girls on there tell me that I sound like a pretty cool guy after reading my profile, and earlier today I got a message from a girl who mentioned that she thinks I'm "really hot", so I've been in pretty good spirits today, because I've NEVER EVER had a girl compliment me like that before. ^_^ So, that made me kinda happy. I plan on starting college in the fall, and I'm hoping I'll meet lots of new people, and be able to finally find some one to date. But, I suppose that depends on how well I can "fix" myself. I HAVE to figure out how to stop being so shy, and so nervous around new people, those two things are really killing me. I don't know, but I just wish I could find some one... I fear that I'm getting so desperate, that soon, I'll literally settle for anything; then, I'd end up with a girl who'll cheat on me, and mentally/ emotionally abuse me, all while I look the other way.

My mom and dad were fairly normal; I DID have an older half-sister (from my mom's previous marriage) that was always picking fights with my mom, but she didn't turn her attention to me until much later. I think the reason I became very introverted is because of my peers. I've always been a lot shorter than most people all through grade school, high school, even now; so, I got picked on and talked down to (no pun inteded) A LOT. I think that's what ultimately made me "shy". Though, something worth noting is that I'm much less shy around girls than I am around guys. In high school, there were quite a few girls I was friendly with and was able to be myself around, but with the guys, I was always pretty reserved, because they had to take their shots at me and make me feel like crap. But, being that I'm straight, I suppose it bodes well for me that I'm comfortable around girls; only thing to worry about is a lack of real "guy friends".

This sounds weird coming from a guy, but lemme explain why length doesn't ACTUALLY matter. From what I've heard by numerous "sources", most of a woman's nerve endings are closer to the front; they don't have very many (if any?) nerve endings toward the back, so really, a longer penis doesn't really do much. If you want to be concerned about anything, be more concerned about girth (which really shouldn't be much of an issue for most guys) and overall technique.

Wow, I hadn't realized this was an old topic until you pointed it out, hehe. Anyway, it's nice to see that us "nice guys" have a chance, here. Right now, the girl I'm interested in (it's pretty complicated; if you're interested in reading about it, look for my topic on the Finding Love and Soulmate board) seems to be going out with this guy that's the "bad boy" type, whereas, I'm likely to be the "nice guy" friend. I just hope that if I ever get the chance to let her know how I feel, she'll take the same kind of chance with me as you did, Hunny.