I'm a prostitute except nobody respects or listens to my reasoning

[ats2782]

First I'm going to give the backstory on what happened:

So a few months ago I found myself in a scenario. At that time I was dead broke, I'm a student, and I'm living from paycheck to paycheck and due to circumstances I was late for rent one time which is $1000 where I live, plus a late fee, and if i didn't pay it by a certain time I would be evicted.

I met this guy who was a friend of my friends family. He had connections with welfare offices, financial aid etc and even helped me trying to get it started up. I went over to his house one time, not at ALL thinking about anything like what ended up happening. My genuine intentions were to sit down and get his advice and help etc. I also learned he was fairly wealthy.

So we get to talking and out of nowhere he asks me if i had ever thought about having sex for money. I really never had which I said. So he offered me some money for one sex act. I agreed because at this point I was in dire straights. But I was 100000% aware of what I signed up for and knew that what I was doing was morally wrong to most, and illegal. There was total consent on my behalf.

He kept offering more and more money but as the price rose so did the nature of what he wanted to do. This is important to note. Eventually he told me he would pay the full amount of my rent if I let him have unprotected sex with me. I thought about it and ultimately agreed. I knew there was a huge risk in not using a condom but for some reason part of me liked that. It ended up that he did finish in me, I didn't give him the okay necessarily but I did nothing at all to stop him or push him off when it was happening or anything like that. Not out of fear or anything like that, yes I was definitely shocked but in that moment this other side of me I didnt know existed took over and freely allowed it to happen. I'm not trying to write a porn story, this plays into the upset of being misunderstood.

So me and him make a deal that he will pay my bills if I have sex with him. The deal is I have sex with him for each bill. So once for rent, once for electric etc. Yes in theory I could just have sex with him once for all the bills. First, that is not what he wants to do and seeing as he's paying my bills I need to consider what he wants. Second, in all honesty, even though I'm not emotionally or romantically pursuing this man, I really started enjoying the concept itself, that I was selling myself at least 5 or 6 times a month for money. Internally I agreed to his deal because by doing it bill by bill it makes me more promiscuous, and I loved that I was being promiscuous for money. I am still actively in this situation with the same man.

Flash forward to about a month ago - he introduces me to a friend he has. The friend asks me outright if I'm prostituting myself, I tell him yes. He asks me how I felt about doing that with a second man, being himself. Again I agreed knowing what I was agreeing to. And then ANOTHER one of the men in thay circle eventually starts paying me for sex too. So as it stands I have 3 separate men paying me for sex. I don't need to do thay financially, having sex with the original guy itself is enough to support myself. I'm doing it because I enjoy it and enjoy knowing that I'm an actual prostitute, that I'm doing something most people judge and think is nasty.

So I told my closest friend about this and she is furious with me. She thinks I'm being taken advantage of, im being used, etc. Even after explaining to her several times that:

-I was well aware the first time I did it there was a risk he might finish inside me

-I agreed to every single sex act he purposed and was aware that each one would be more and more explicit

-I agreed to work for 2 more men knowing it means I'm going to have to have sex about 5 times a week with different men. Essentially I'm going to let them use me almost every day.

-And lastly those reasons are why I like doing it. I genuinely love doing it and find so much pleasure in KNOWING I'm a prostitute.

Now my best friend will not speak to me. Am I wrong? She refuses to see that this is a deliberate choice I've mad and won't listen.

 

 

 

[boltnrun]

Well, your friend has the right to decide that your lifestyle does not align with the people she chooses to be friends with.  

Whether or not it's "wrong" to be a prostitute?  That's your decision.

[lostandhurt]

Your friend has a right to her opinion just like you have a right to have sex with whomever you want.

 Not sure why you told your friend but her reaction sounds like one of concern for you as her friend.

 Your safety is not worth rent money so please at the very least require all of these men to wear a condom EVERY single time. 

 This isn't about who is right or wrong, this is about differing opinions and choices.  She has made hers in regards to the friendship so respect it.

 Lost

[Seraphim]

You have a right to do what you want as long as not hurting someone or illegal. She has a right to be friends or not friends as she sees fit . 

[itsallgrand]

She can understand it's a choice with consent and feel you are being used at the same time. Remember she doesn't have to agree to understand. She doesn't even need to respect your choice to understand. 

I'm unclear what you are upset about as you said part of what you like about it is that many don't approve. Should she be an exception? 

[Starlight925]

I would completely discontinue a friendship like this too, so I understand her.

She's made her feelings about it clear, and you've made yours clear.  

You are at an impasse, and as such, your friendship is over.

If this is what you choose, and you enjoy, then so be it, but you'll have to find new friends, because this one does not want to be your friend anymore.

Question:  Why do you "enjoy" knowing you're a prostitute?  Is it the attention the men give you?  The money?  Enjoying the physical sex?  Just curious.

[Capricorn3]

Your lifestyle choice is yours but that doesn't have to mean that your friends will approve.

Also, please don't be so irresponsible so as to allow men not to use condoms.  You put your health at risk, but what's even worse, is the risk of an unwanted pregnancy (and not even knowing who the father may be).

 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, ats2782 said:

 Now my best friend will not speak to me. Am I wrong? She refuses to see that this is a deliberate choice I've mad and won't listen.

You don't have to justify your lifestyle to anyone.  Your so-called friend doesn't have to agree with your lifestyle. It seems she was trying to be protective because of the inherent risks involved, but the choice is yours. 

[ShySoul]

Sex work has a stigma attached to it, rightly or wrongly. That goes for stripping, porn, being a prostitute, etc. Some people will only see it as black and white, and refuse to goes any reasons a person might have. They see it the way they want to see it. If she doesn't like your actions, that's her right. And she has every right to be concerned. There are plenty of horror stories on the subject and people have been taken advantage of. So if that's her belief she is entitled to it and not wrong.

Likewise, you're not necessarily wrong either. If this is a choice you have made of your own free will, that it is your choice. Both sides can have completly opposing viewpoints and neither be in the wrong.

The important thing here is your safety. Even if you find the risk exciting, it is still a risk. It only takes one time for that risk to turn into something that could be impacting you for the rest of your life. Besides the physical toll on you, there is a likely a mental and emotional one as well. You may be okay with this now, but how will you feel down the road? At a certain point the thril of something taboo tends to wear off, so are you going to be okay with having allowed men to "use me almost every day?" 

That's not to judge you or convince you to stop. What you do with your body is your choice. But please, be smart and be safe. Use protection. Insist on groundrules and know what you will and won't allow. Things have already escalated from where they started. Don't let them escalate into something you don't really want or won't be able to control.

[Kwothe28]

I am sorry to sound harsh, but what kind of a respect you expect? At least porn stars have legitimate sex, regular health check ups, pay taxes and all. You are just selling yourself to highest bider. No matter what they want to do with you including raw sex and creampies. You take money, dont pay taxes on it and ignore your overall health so you wouldnt do hard work.

You took an easy way out and turned to "Worlds oldest profession". Which is your choice. But dont expect others to be very understable regarding that choice.

[MissCanuck]

11 hours ago, ats2782 said:

Even after explaining to her several times

Stop explaining yourself, and start accepting that she doesn't have to approve of your choice. 

What you do with your body is up to you. You cannot make others accept it, though. She has the right to distance herself from you, just as you have the right to do as you wish with these men. 

It's a hot-button topic, so you have to be realistic that many will not share your view or be supportive of it. 

[Batya33]

I likely would have to end that friendship too if I were your friend and would try to do so without being confrontational.  I'd be concerned about who my friend was associating with and whether they'd know who  I was like through social media etc and I've been there in the past where friends who made dangerous choices then wanted my help/money/place to stay and I'm all in with my friends -and won't support this sort of high risk/illegal behavior (not sure if what you're doing is legal but often it also invovles illegal drugs, higher risk of drunk driving, etc and I wouldn't want to be part of your self-imposed train wreck - it's not like you heaven forbid are ill or became disabled.

I had a neighbor who was married with 3 young kids.  I liked her! We were friends for awhile. She cheated on her husband, he kicked her out, took their baby (other 2 were from a different father) and after awhile she became a homeless drug addict (her mom took in the other 2 kids, she lost custody).  One time I sent her a little money when we were still connected on FB but for the safety of my family I stayed away.  Did I "judge" her - you know - not really -I didn't get invested enough to judge - but common sense and common sense of safety -didn't want to be associated with her in any meaningful way anymore.  And I think that's fine what I did.  Others might have taken her in -given her more $, etc but other than telling her where to get resources (if she'd asked me) no I did not want to be involved in the life she was then choosing to lead.

[catfeeder]

If I'm allowed to use my body to swing a hammer or massage someone's muscles or blow into a saxophone for a living, I don't claim to say where the line gets drawn on how other people can use their bodies in any other way that doesn't harm anyone.

However, just as there are safe practices for good reasons on any job, it makes no sense to put your health at risk on request. That defeats the whole purpose of earning a living only to kill yourself from a disease.

As for the friendship question, nobody 'owes' us an agreement--on anything. You don't want her to put 'shoulds' on you and what you accept, and so she won't allow you to do that to her, either.

[catfeeder]

11 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I did not want to be involved in the life she was then choosing to lead.

Yeah, this is a thing. We each get to decide on the risks we're willing to take, yet some of those can spillover into another's life. So that risk is theirs to choose--or not.

I have a lifelong friend who's drinking got out of her control, and she became dangerous to be around. Even accidental things can change another's life on a dime, and I'm not willing to live with that degree of risk--for a friend--or for anyone. I decided to walk away.

[Tinydance]

I'm not really sure how someone can be harmed simply by being friends with a prostitute unless they're actually there when the prostitute does the work. Or they get introduced to the prostitute's clients and the clients are dangerous or violent in some way. One of my friends was a prostitute and I had no idea who any of the clients was and they had no idea who I was. I actually think it's a fear that comes from internal prejudice towards prostitutes that you're in some kind of danger if you're friends with a prostitute.

Personally to me it's not something that affected me in any way so I didn't care that my friend was a prostitute. I met her before I knew she was one and we got along really well. When she told me about it I didn't see her as all of a sudden becoming a different person. She wasn't someone that I didn't like anymore just based on that she's a prostitute.

However obviously not everyone will feel like me and some people don't accept it. In this case your friend doesn't accept it so I don't think there really is that much you can do about it. At the same time I don't think you need to keep explaining to her or apologise that you're a prostitute because this is your life and it's not affecting her. She doesn't have to accept it but you also don't need her approval or permission if you're enjoying what you're doing.

I really think though that having unprotected sex is a terrible idea. Some STD's are not curable and unless you're on the pill you could get pregnant.

[Jaunty]

1 hour ago, Tinydance said:

I really think though that having unprotected sex is a terrible idea. Some STD's are not curable and unless you're on the pill you could get pregnant.

Also if you're having unprotected sex with all these fellows  you are almost certainly not only going to get an STD, but also transmit it to the others.

If you're gonna be a pro, be professional about it.

[Batya33]

8 hours ago, Tinydance said:

I'm not really sure how someone can be harmed simply by being friends with a prostitute unless they're actually there when the prostitute does the work. Or they get introduced to the prostitute's clients and the clients are dangerous or violent in some way. One of my friends was a prostitute and I had no idea who any of the clients was and they had no idea who I was. I actually think it's a fear that comes from internal prejudice towards prostitutes that you're in some kind of danger if you're friends with a prostitute.

For me it was pragmatic.  If a person associates with people doing illegal stuff and also lives near enough to me I'm a target for middle of the night calls, for her friends seeing me on social media, for her sharing where I live, etc.  I have no internal prejudice I simply would choose to be safe and not associate with someone doing high risk behavior who lived in close proximity to me -different if a total other state etc. Especially as a parent I need to be careful about who I closely associate with.

 

And I don't have the stomach to hear about this sort of high risk behavior - I'd be too worried etc.  It depends on the nature of the interaction.  I had a friend who wanted to show me a letter she received from her husband's mistress who was harassing her - I said NO. I did not want to be involved in knowing her name and potentially then getting wrapped up in any issues with the mistress. Ironically much later it turned out I did know who she was but by then the husband was deceased.