Dogs

[sonice]

So I'm annoyed. My gf and I have been together for some time. My family lives about a 4 hour drive, so I rarely see them. There was a family get together that I wanted to attend. I recently adopted a dog, and  I didn't want to bring the dog nor pay 400 bucks to board him for a couple days. So I asked the GF if she would watch him at her place for 2 days. He's a good dog, and she didn't have to work or have any obligations during my travel time. I knew she wasn't a fan of dogs, so I expected her refusal to watch the dog, and i wasn't upset when she did refuse to do so. 

What I am upset about is a week after my ask was declined, she allowed her brother and his bimbo GF to move into her place with their 4...FOUR dogs. 

Am I in the wrong here? She can't dogsit for 2 days but allows her brother to move in with 4 dogs? 

Anyways, I'm annoyed. 

[shouldhavelearned]

That would be frustrating.

 

What reason did she give for not helping you out?

 

If you knew about the get together, could you have postponed getting the dog?

[catfeeder]

Did you miss your family outing because of the dog?

I'd make room for the GF not wanting to be responsible for a dog. Or to be alone with a dog.

She doesn't have any responsibility for her brother's dogs. Between him and his GF, they have them covered. Also sounds like while she may not be thrilled with this arrangement, brother likely needed a pretty serious hand if it would come down to moving in, don't you think?

I hope you feel better soon, and congrAts on your dog!

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, sonice said:

 she allowed her brother and his bimbo GF to move into her place with their 4...FOUR dogs. 

How long have you been dating?

[Coily]

I'd be a bit peeved by this as well. Now if you had a great dane and the brother & bimbo have 4 yappy small dogs, I could see a difference in comfort levels. You do have the right to be annoyed, the question is what do you want to do about this? personally I'd grumble a bit to myself and let it go, as getting stuck on this will poison your relationship.

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, sonice said:

. I recently adopted a dog, and  I didn't want to bring the dog nor pay 400 bucks to board him for a couple days. 

If you weren't dating  her where would you board the dog? Do you have other friends nearby? 

[Batya33]

I understand it seems unfair.  You adopted a dog knowing your family lives 4 hours away and therefore there will be times you have to spend $$$ for a dogsitter or to board your dog.  This isn't an emergency that came up suddenly for you where there was no one else to assist.  It's far different to dogsit than have people living with you with dogs.  

[Jibralta]

7 hours ago, sonice said:

My gf and I have been together for some time.

How long?

[Lambert]

Maybe there's more to this than a dog.  

How serious are you about her? Adopting a dog is a years long commitment. But your partner isn't a fan of dogs? 

That rather puts a hault to the progression of the relationship, no? Or at least that's the perception.

If you knew your family lived hours away and that you could not afford to board the dog, what did you think would happen? 

You didn't really consider your gf in getting the dog, you didn't invite her to visit your family, but you're miffed she didn't want to dog sit.

Sounds like you are not seeing the forest for the trees.

[Kwothe28]

Why did her brother moved in?

Her brother is family. Perhaps she wasnt in a position to turn down family if he didnt have another place to go. So maybe you should cut her some slack on that.

I mean, you have a right to be annoyed. But your thing was generally a favor she didnt want to do. Not the matter of urgency. Its not that big of a deal but you could ask why she wouldnt do that favor for you. Or even what is the future if she hates dogs and you adopted one. For example would she be willing to move in if you have a dog?

[smackie9]

Now is this just one incident? or is this something that is being added to the pile? 

[tattoobunnie]

11 hours ago, sonice said:

I didn't want to bring the dog

Why don't you want to bring the dog?

Is it the same reason why she doesn't want to watch your dog?

Where do you live where it's $200/day to board a dog? I'm in NY, and it's about $80.  We have some dog sitters that charge $35/day in your home or theirs.

Try rover.com to find a sitter.  I found many from there, and one that we love, and even have her watch our kids too.

My 2nd dog is pretty spicy, so I don't expect my folks to watch my dogs anymore; this should also go for your girlfriend.  Don't hold it against someone for saying "no" to caring for your babies for days.

[Cherylyn]

I'd be a bit peeved, too.  There are two sets of rules.  One for you and one for her brother,  his gf and their 4 dogs.  Perhaps in this case,  blood is thicker than water.  🙄

At the end of the day,  you are ultimately responsible for your dog as a dog owner and part of that expense is professional dog sitting services,  kennels or however you make arrangements whenever you're out of town. 

I wouldn't hold it against her regarding her refusal to dog sit your dog for 2 days.  Let it go.  Respect her decision,  make arrangements for dog care and have a nice visit with your family. 

[itsallgrand]

4 hours ago, Lambert said:

Maybe there's more to this than a dog.  

How serious are you about her? Adopting a dog is a years long commitment. But your partner isn't a fan of dogs? 

That rather puts a hault to the progression of the relationship, no? Or at least that's the perception.

If you knew your family lived hours away and that you could not afford to board the dog, what did you think would happen? 

You didn't really consider your gf in getting the dog, you didn't invite her to visit your family, but you're miffed she didn't want to dog sit.

Sounds like you are not seeing the forest for the trees.

Wow excellent point Lambert.

I guess you and gf don't have any plans to move in together any time soon at all? You getting the pup and her having a whole crew move in with her. 

If that's not an issue for either of you, and you are both cool with separate sort of lives but seeing each other long term that way, I can understand why you'd be annoyed but agree it's one of those things you need to shake off since she can kinda do whatever she likes in this situation. 

I'd just wonder if there's a pattern of lack of generosity in being there for each other or not, and if you are ok with it the way it is. 

[sonice]

We have been together for quite awhile. 

I CAN afford to board the dog, I just don't want to, and the cost is high because, while my dog is up to date on most shots, the kennel wants a bunch of other shots, which would necessitate me making a vet appointment and paying a bunch of money I would rather not spend. 

Her brother moved in...well...it's a long story. He purchased a house with his GF. She gave him 50k in cash, he financed the rest. Then he broke up with her and moved in with a woman half his age (he is 50) in her moms house. The now x gf continued to live in that house. Now he decided to kick her out so him and the gold digger bimbo can move into the house. Of course the x refused. So he is trying to evict her and has no place to go, so he and bimbo moved into my GF place. So basically he didn't NEED a place to stay. This was a problem of his own creation. Further more this is putting a huge damper on our sex life, as my kids are always at my place. She has allowed her brother and bimbo to take over her bedroom, he walks around in his underwear all day when he's not at work, and bimbo doesn't work so she's always around. Bimbo is one of those women who had dogs, not as pets, but as an accessory, something to get her attention and make her look cute. 

So yea. That's why I'm pissed. Her brother, while not a dead beat, not homeless, is a total moron who got himself into this ridiculous situation, and my GF decided to allow him to move in.

Enabling is a huge part of this family. Literally her entire family enables the matriarch, she fakes having a disability(I've seen it first hand), pays her rent, everyone goes out of their way for her. I tried to talk to other family members about how the matriarch fakes her disability and they kinda winked like "yea we all know" but they don't want to deal with it.

[sonice]

And I didn't bring the dog because he isn't a human. Believe it or not, pets are pets, not people. They don't belong in grocery stores or vacations. I was going to stay at a relatives house and he doesn't allow pets. It's not that he doesn't allow them...he has 3 dogs, and virtually everyone else in my family had a dog or 2. There would have been like 20 dogs at one house. 

[Capricorn3]

On 7/18/2023 at 9:18 PM, Wiseman2 said:

If you weren't dating  her where would you board the dog? Do you have other friends nearby? 

^ I'm curious about this too.

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, sonice said:

Further more this is putting a huge damper on our sex life

Maybe it's time to end it since you seem annoyed that she's not a free kennel and this situation is inconvenient for your sex life?

[Batya33]

5 hours ago, sonice said:

And I didn't bring the dog because he isn't a human. Believe it or not, pets are pets, not people. They don't belong in grocery stores or vacations. I was going to stay at a relatives house and he doesn't allow pets. It's not that he doesn't allow them...he has 3 dogs, and virtually everyone else in my family had a dog or 2. There would have been like 20 dogs at one house. 

Many of my friends bring their dogs on vacation if they can and I would say -all of my friends who adopt or get a dog - make absolutely sure the dog has all his shots.  Or they board the dog/find a dog sitter.  In fact I can say for sure no one would let me or my son dog sit because we have no experience with dogs (nor would I accept such a job or let my son) - but my son did cat sit/hamster sit for a couple of days a few years ago - and I went with him to supervise -he was 12 - because I was a pet owner for years (cat!) and my son had little experience (he is so so innately good with animals -it's a pleasure but it takes more than that IMO) - so even as a non-pet owner I treated it with a level of responsibility and care for my neighbor's pets -yes, "even" the hamster (sorry for "even" -I had a hamster who I rehomed as a child when we got our cat so yes I get it). 

My friend/neighbor would never have left them in the care of with anyone she didn't trust for the 4-5 days -in fact she had us come upstairs before she left to show us everything about the care/feeding/litter box/things to know and had my son interact with them.  That to me is a responsible pet owner - why would you ever have gotten a dog if you weren't willing to get him his shots/pay to board and/or find a pet friendly vacation spot???

[Lambert]

good lord, you're still mad about all this and defending your choices.

Obviously, you guys don't see things the same. You're not living a life together.  You do your thing.  She does her thing.  You meet where it works. 

But like all those situations, where it doesn't work and there's no discussion or compromise, it just gets harder. 

Maybe move on from this woman.  

[LootieTootie]

On 7/17/2023 at 9:51 PM, sonice said:

So I'm annoyed. My gf and I have been together for some time. My family lives about a 4 hour drive, so I rarely see them. There was a family get together that I wanted to attend. I recently adopted a dog, and  I didn't want to bring the dog nor pay 400 bucks to board him for a couple days. So I asked the GF if she would watch him at her place for 2 days. He's a good dog, and she didn't have to work or have any obligations during my travel time. I knew she wasn't a fan of dogs, so I expected her refusal to watch the dog, and i wasn't upset when she did refuse to do so. 

What I am upset about is a week after my ask was declined, she allowed her brother and his bimbo GF to move into her place with their 4...FOUR dogs. 

Am I in the wrong here? She can't dogsit for 2 days but allows her brother to move in with 4 dogs? 

Anyways, I'm annoyed. 

$400 for 2 days? I live in a metropolitan city in California and paid almost the same price for 2 weeks when I went up to Alaska. & if that additional costs is because your dog needs shots, that means he's not up to date.  Recommend getting pet insurance if you don't have it already.

[MissCanuck]

The disdain you have for your girlfriend and her family is quite something. Perhaps they are a bunch of clowns, but your resentment is going to make it very difficult to have a relationship with her at all. 

This is not just about the dog. It's about deeper, more fundamental incompatibilities. 

I would end it. You and she are not a match, and pets should be the least of your concerns here. 

[Jibralta]

On 7/27/2023 at 12:59 AM, sonice said:

We have been together for quite awhile. 

How many months?

[smackie9]

Well the dog thing is your problem because it's pretty obvious she has enough on her plate supporting her brother. That's her family dynamic, dysfunctional. It is what it is. So you are just going to have to figure out something on your own.

[catfeeder]

Okay, so you don’t want to vaccinate the dog or board the dog or travel with the dog… why’d you get a dog?

This isn’t your girlfriend’s problem.