Is my neighbour creepy??

[Batya33]

I definitely agree women are more vulnerable in those situations and it's a shame.

[mylolita]

6 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Mine was an overreaction to be afraid of all dogs based on being bitten by one dog (unprovoked and I knew the dog- my boyfriend's mother's dog).  Slowly over time it became only fear of certain types of dogs -behavior-wise and I am terrified of all unleashed dogs in places where they are required to be leashed.  But the gut feeling wasn't gut -it was an overreaction based on my past experience.  

I am curious Batya! I don’t think this seems like an overreaction to me but then again I am not you and I don’t know how it affected your life! 
 

Are you completely cured now?

 

I would be very surprised if you tell me you are now a full on dog lover!

 

I was never bitten but I do have an element of fear and caution when it comes to dogs. I’m not a dog lover, I’m not really a massive animal person. I think horses are absolutely beautiful but again, I have a big load of caution and fear around them too. Have you seen how big they are when you get up close?! People ride them all day across our beach. Amazing! But my friend at school grew up with her own and that thing was unpredictable and bit her and she bit it back! As a dominance thing. But honestly, even before that incident - caution. And I think that is rational and reasonable and I don’t class my feelings towards big animals as an overreaction at all! 
 

Little yappy things in fluffy coats? Yes I don’t fear them. Although maybe I should, I heard sausage dogs are very feisty and can be grumpy and aggressive!!!

 

x

[Cherylyn]

I think he's creepy.  The police can't do anything for you because staring is not a crime.  If he's a red flag for you,  I would steer clear of him,  always make sure you're with someone and be careful.  As long as you're cautious as with all things in life,  you'll be fine.  However,  beware.  Never let your guard down. 

[Seraphim]

Oh I hate elevators because I have severe claustrophobia. I mean my heart skips beats , my mouth goes dry or pours bile and I see spots when I get in one. But that is just being enclosed. 
 

I am not saying to avoid caution but avoid hysteria for no reason . Yes, women always have to be more cautious but not hysterical. 
 

There is also a massive anti man movement at play right now that a lot of women are being sucked into. 

[Seraphim]

I mean someone moved in across from me yesterday. I waved and looked because I was curious. Pretty sure that isn’t creepy. 

[mylolita]

38 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

I mean someone moved in across from me yesterday. I waved and looked because I was curious. Pretty sure that isn’t creepy. 

Of course not! 
 

Someone left a box of apples at my front door yesterday. Were they poisoned? 🤣

 

Maybe they fell off our apple tree - the robbing you know what’s! 🥲

 

Now it’s like, who left them? They most likely came from ROBS ALLOTMENT 🤣 No note. That’s so him. It’s okay, I slept well hahahaha 

 

x

[tattoobunnie]

16 hours ago, Fairy1111111 said:

We just recently moved in to a new apartment with my best friend (both girls). We came home around 9.30pm after dinner and there are 4 elevators.

when we got off our floor this other guy got off another elevator at the same time (who also lives on the same floor). We were walking behind him and he started to subtly looking at us like side eyeing to see what we look like. There was also a window on our floor and he stared to stare at the window to see our reflection. Then he started to walk very very slowly and he was already at the front of his house but did not enter and kept side eyeing to kind of look at what unit number we live in and me and my friend both rushed into the house and we both had that gut feeling that it was so creepy.

but not sure if we are just being paranoid? Also any advice on what to do in this situation when he hasn't done anything extreme for us to even report?

He had no idea who you were, but looked like you were following him.  Reminds me of the movie Knock Knock with Keanu Reeves.

[Coily]

1 hour ago, Seraphim said:

I am not saying to avoid caution but avoid hysteria for no reason . Yes, women always have to be more cautious but not hysterical. 
 

There is also a massive anti man movement at play right now that a lot of women are being sucked into. 

That is why I usually have such a strong reaction to the word "creepy" when it comes to a man's actions. Unless they guy is doing overt and aggressive behavior (and rightfully shunned), it seems like an easy way to ostracize a man who may be quirky or nervous.

I have a friend who went to an all female University, I lost count of the times I was called creepy by random female students while I waited in the car looking at my phone to pick her up on campus. Why?  I was "old" and "not hot."

Everyone should be cautious around strangers, but not to the level of paranoia that the OP implied.

[Seraphim]

11 minutes ago, Coily said:

That is why I usually have such a strong reaction to the word "creepy" when it comes to a man's actions. Unless they guy is doing overt and aggressive behavior (and rightfully shunned), it seems like an easy way to ostracize a man who may be quirky or nervous.

I have a friend who went to an all female University, I lost count of the times I was called creepy by random female students while I waited in the car looking at my phone to pick her up on campus. Why?  I was "old" and "not hot."

Everyone should be cautious around strangers, but not to the level of paranoia that the OP implied.

Correct. And it is wrong and shows women up as being easily influenced by each other and media. Plus I have an adult son who is awkward who would be labeled like this when is entirely innocent . He knows exactly what happened to me and would never do any such thing but because he happenstance to be born male he could be called “ creepy” Yeah, nope , doesn’t wash for me. It also is insulting to women who have been legitimately abused. 

[boltnrun]

My son was waiting for me outside a restroom. The restroom happened to be located in a children's play area. The mothers there were about to call security on him because obviously an adult male hanging out in a playground is a pedo. 

I did get it, though.

He said he would never again wait for me outside any restroom. He would find a place to sit down away from women's restrooms and playgrounds. Even though he wasn't staring at the kids or taking photos, people need to protect their kids.

If it was at some kind of event where it was all adults I doubt he would have gotten that reaction. 

[Kwothe28]

23 minutes ago, Coily said:

I have a friend who went to an all female University, I lost count of the times I was called creepy by random female students while I waited in the car looking at my phone to pick her up on campus. Why?  I was "old" and "not hot."

 

I wanted to ask if the neighbour was "not hot". Because it reminds me of a meme. 😆

[catfeeder]

Sounds as though he was afraid to unlock his door without knowing who was behind him.

That doesn't sound creepy, it sounds smart.

I like to say hello to new neighbors. When appropriate, I like to introduce myself.

You can still be cautious while being kind. This can build a sense of community that can help you ALL become safer.

[HeartGoesOn]

As with any stranger, stay aware of them and their surroundings.

Trust, but cut the cards.

[Wiseman2]

This may seem odd to you but, he was there because he lives there.

[mylolita]

It’s all objective, surely? 
 

What one person perceived as creepy will be different to another. What one person perceived as friendly will be different to another. 
 

I think it’s absolutely fine she found him creepy. Those are her feelings, it’s not a wrong thing. If she had laughed or mocked him or reported him for no sound reason - a different story. But thought crime is not a thing, you can think what you like about someone. You might be wrong, you might be right, but it’s your brain and your thoughts to think. I don’t think anyone can police what is correct thought.

 

It is true, on a whole other side of debate, that attractive people are seen in a load of positive ways. They are perceived as more intelligent, more trustworthy, more healthy, more confident - all the rest of it. Serial killers like Ted Bundy got away with it for so long because he was charming, intelligent and not ugly. A lawyer, respectable and professional.

 

Of course you can’t fully and accurately judge a book by it’s cover, but if truth be told, we do it to a small or large extent everyday whether we probably admit it or not! I think that is human nature. 
 

Attractive and socially confident people have many doors opened more easily in this life. Unfortunately, that is one of those awkward facts.

 

x

[mylolita]

45 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

I wanted to ask if the neighbour was "not hot". Because it reminds me of a meme. 😆

I have seen this meme! 
 

It’s funny because it’s true!

 

x

[mylolita]

1 hour ago, Coily said:

That is why I usually have such a strong reaction to the word "creepy" when it comes to a man's actions. Unless they guy is doing overt and aggressive behavior (and rightfully shunned), it seems like an easy way to ostracize a man who may be quirky or nervous.

I have a friend who went to an all female University, I lost count of the times I was called creepy by random female students while I waited in the car looking at my phone to pick her up on campus. Why?  I was "old" and "not hot."

Everyone should be cautious around strangers, but not to the level of paranoia that the OP implied.

I’m sorry you’ve had experiences with this Coily!

 

I think the word creepy should be used to describe a genuine feeling, and not thrown about. Some valley girl types use it like “eeeww look at that creep!” I don’t think that is the way the word is really intended to be used! 
 

On the flip side as a female, I think men are quick to jump and call me “ditzy” or “silly” or “air head”! I have been presumed feisty or difficult just because I have red hair (it’s true 🥲🤣). I’m not bothered! I know it’s not really fully correct, so I don’t care what other people think of me! If they wanna think I’m just some pear shaped ditz that’s fine by me! Or dismiss me as foolish, or I have been called a gold digger, Stepford Wife was a good one! Whatever! 
 

Jocks get called stupid every other day. Shallow. I think everyone gets stereotypes based on their appearance at some point.

 

It doesn’t matter what people think and shouldn’t! Their thoughts are their own and they have a right to think those thoughts, whether you think they may be wrong or influenced by external things.

 

It’s when people start making other peoples lives difficult, accusing, bullying - that’s when I would have a problem.

 

But just thinking a guy is creepy? Her  own thought to think, I have no problem with it, just as some guys think I’m an air head ditz who gold digged my husband! I could be insulted or, actually - don’t care!  

You can’t control how others are going to think about you or perceive you, but I guess you can control your own reaction to it and just think - incorrect! What a shame! But like, totally, whaaaatevvverrr! *said in valley girl accent!*
 

x

[Coily]

9 minutes ago, mylolita said:

I’m sorry you’ve had experiences with this Coily!

I think the word creepy should be used to describe a genuine feeling, and not thrown about. Some valley girl types use it like “eeeww look at that creep!” I don’t think that is the way the word is really intended to be used! 

On the flip side as a female, I think men are quick to jump and call me “ditzy” or “silly” or “air head”! I have been presumed feisty or difficult just because I have red hair (it’s true 🥲🤣). I’m not bothered! I know it’s not really fully correct, so I don’t care what other people think of me! If they wanna think I’m just some pear shaped ditz that’s fine by me! Or dismiss me as foolish, or I have been called a gold digger, Stepford Wife was a good one! Whatever!

Jocks get called stupid every other day. Shallow. I think everyone gets stereotypes based on their appearance at some point.

It doesn’t matter what people think and shouldn’t! Their thoughts are their own and they have a right to think those thoughts, whether you think they may be wrong or influenced by external things.

It’s when people start making other peoples lives difficult, accusing, bullying - that’s when I would have a problem.

But just thinking a guy is creepy? Her  own thought to think, I have no problem with it, just as some guys think I’m an air head ditz who gold digged my husband! I could be insulted or, actually - don’t care! 
You can’t control how others are going to think about you or perceive you, but I guess you can control your own reaction to it and just think - incorrect! What a shame! But like, totally, whaaaatevvverrr! *said in valley girl accent!*
 

x

My counter and seems we agree, is that when guys get falsely labeled as creepy there is an increased threats towards them by others. Boltnrun's son for example, could have been roughed up if someone decided he wasn't complying enough.

We all have a tendency to judge harshly those who don't fit in the mold we like to see in the world. It's a matter of how we handle it, in this case asking if something should be done to random neighbor borders close to ostracizing someone with malice. But that's me.

[smackie9]

The guy is just socially awkward. Anywho, the majority of serial killers are very charming and chameleon like. They live a double life, get married have kids etc. 

[mylolita]

34 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

The guy is just socially awkward. Anywho, the majority of serial killers are very charming and chameleon like. They live a double life, get married have kids etc. 

This is scarily bang on the money! And why women get into cars with them in the first place! They trusted them, they seemed nice, they seemed okay.

 

Communities are staggered when they find out these people were functioning on a different level. The unsuspecting nature of it all is what gives you the terrors.

 

The guy I worked with who ended up being a disgusting horrific pedophile was young (29) not bad looking, a professional, educated. He had girlfriends, hobbies. He was shy and reserved but that’s half the worlds population. Who would have thought  ? People forget women can be abusers too.  They all don’t look like Quasi Modo and rub their hands together while they walk! 
 

Was I wrong to find him creepy, even without any outstanding evidence? I don’t think so at all. Did I report him on “gut feeling” - no. I never saw him around children, never knew him, only knew him professionally. How could I have ever known? I couldn’t have.

 
Women in general are never going to throw caution to the wind and embrace every single guy with chatting and smiling and acceptance. It’s not human nature! 
 

@CoilyI am sorry your friend and yourself have had bad experiences re. judgements.

 

I still think this is simply human nature, by hook or by crook. We all do it. You make first impressions, we all take people in in a split second. That’s how we function, that’s how our brains work. Life unfortunately isn’t very fair. We see a woman walking down the road head to toe in designer labels and most of us will presume she is well off. It’s a fair and sensible presumption to make. We see a guy sat alone on a bench head in hands. We presume he is sad about something. Another fair presumption. We see an attractive guy at a bar chatting up women in a group, we presume, quite sensibly, he is confident. Well maybe the woman just went through a divorce, has not a penny to her name and is wearing her last remnants of her previous lifestyle? Maybe the lonely sad looking guy is crying tears of happiness and wanting to be alone to process his sheer joy at his great news! Maybe the sleek operator is actually deeply insecure and self critical and uses approval from the opposite sex to crutch up his wilting ego?!

 

Who knows really, unless you get to know anyone on a deeper level. But we all can’t go through life knowing every single person we cross paths with. You couldn’t realistically operate like that or function with your day. 
 

Men hanging around a playground are naturally going to be kept an eye on. I think most parents would only report it seriously if it was a persistent thing. I don’t think realistically anyone is coming out with pitchforks after 15 minutes.

 

And male defensive pack retribution is normally only delivered when people know something for almost sure. I haven’t heard of any guy being beaten up because a girl said he looked creepy. I realise this will have happened of course but, as a genuine concern in your life? I would hope not Coily! If so, that is a sad day and I would reassess your area and the places or people your friend hangs out with!

 

I do not agree by the way with reporting people based on feelings. You have to have facts and evidence. 
 

But to think and feel what you like whether it is wrong or right is something I defend for sure! 
 

I don’t think anyone needs to make any apologies for their perception of someone or something!  

 

I say this in a friendly and hopefully respectful way Coily. I don’t want to dismiss your or your friends incidents. I think it’s unfortunate. People can be misguided or make wrong assumptions. We all can. All I’m saying is, that is no crime, it’s just human thought and feeling.

 

x

[Batya33]

Lolita- I love cats and am not a dog person but I’m only afraid of certain breeds and off leash dogs. I’ve not been bitten again but I’ve been chased including when my son was with me.  It’s so scary.  I don’t like dogs jumping on me either.
 My issue is mostly with dog owners who flout leash laws and think it’s ok to let their dogs jump on people without permission.  So often the dog is fine and the owner is not behaving appropriately.  I also feel awful when I see dogs running off leash - I mean don’t the owners know they could get away and or be injured ?

[Jibralta]

9 hours ago, mylolita said:

I might be in the minority here! But I always say, your gut reaction is your gut reaction. It doesn’t need too much evidence, it’s all based on primal feelings.

I agree with you. I see an enormous difference between heeding a gut feeling and making an accusation or being hysterical. 

[mylolita]

Just now, Jibralta said:

I agree with you. I see an enormous difference between heeding a gut feeling and making an accusation or being hysterical. 

Clapping gay icon emoji!!🤣🫡🥲

[mylolita]

17 minutes ago, mylolita said:

Clapping gay icon emoji!!🤣🫡🥲

It’s getting to midnight the emojis and random stuff is coming out sorry guys 🤣

Thanks Jib! 
 

x

[Wiseman2]

11 hours ago, smackie9 said:

. Anywho, the majority of serial killers are very charming and chameleon like. 

ROFL🙄 Now he's a serial killer?😂😱