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Is my neighbour creepy??


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We just recently moved in to a new apartment with my best friend (both girls). We came home around 9.30pm after dinner and there are 4 elevators.

when we got off our floor this other guy got off another elevator at the same time (who also lives on the same floor). We were walking behind him and he started to subtly looking at us like side eyeing to see what we look like. There was also a window on our floor and he stared to stare at the window to see our reflection. Then he started to walk very very slowly and he was already at the front of his house but did not enter and kept side eyeing to kind of look at what unit number we live in and me and my friend both rushed into the house and we both had that gut feeling that it was so creepy.

but not sure if we are just being paranoid? Also any advice on what to do in this situation when he hasn't done anything extreme for us to even report?

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Poor guy gets new neighbors, is trying to evaluate who is in his building, and then gets pegged as a creep.

He was likely trying to see if there was a likelihood of wild parties on his floor. Or worse thought he was going to get jumped and robbed.

A one off incident of staring is nothing to falsely accuse someone over.

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8 hours ago, Fairy1111111 said:

 we both had that gut feeling that it was so creepy.

How long have you two lived there? He is also a resident of the building and lives on the same floor as you? 

It sounds like you two are overreacting. Maybe he glanced at you two a bit too long,so what? You're making a lot of TV drama claiming he stopped and looked at your reflection and other nonsense

He lives there so has a right to be there and use the elevators. It's not as if he followed you two in from the street.

You're right, there's nothing to report here. Except a good halloween story.🎃

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10 hours ago, Fairy1111111 said:

We just recently moved in to a new apartment with my best friend (both girls). We came home around 9.30pm after dinner and there are 4 elevators.

when we got off our floor this other guy got off another elevator at the same time (who also lives on the same floor). We were walking behind him and he started to subtly looking at us like side eyeing to see what we look like. There was also a window on our floor and he stared to stare at the window to see our reflection. Then he started to walk very very slowly and he was already at the front of his house but did not enter and kept side eyeing to kind of look at what unit number we live in and me and my friend both rushed into the house and we both had that gut feeling that it was so creepy.

but not sure if we are just being paranoid? Also any advice on what to do in this situation when he hasn't done anything extreme for us to even report?

If he verbally or physically threatens you or tries to enter your apartment (knocking is fine as long as it's not to harass you) I'd stop considering this as anything at all to be concerned about.  I always check out my new neighbors -I try to be subtle but I want to know if they have a dog, age range, family or otherwise, and also in case they do not live there and should not be there. I am indirect and subtle.  But yes I want that information if it's available.  I have a family and it's important for me to know who lives in our building to that general extent anyway.

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Hey Fairy!

 

I might be in the minority here! But I always say, your gut reaction is your gut reaction. It doesn’t need too much evidence, it’s all based on primal feelings.

 

If there is something that you are just not keen about him, and your girlfriend had the same feeling, well - that’s not a crime either. Our instincts are normally frowned upon or cast aside for other logical things. There have been plenty of times I got creepy feelings from guys (I worked as a lap dancer for two years, we normally had good instincts about these things, saw thousands of guys come and go, you get a feel for people generally). Anyway, there have been so many times I can’t put my finger on it but someone doesn’t sit right with me. That’s okay as well. I trust my gut and go with that until proven wrong or until something else changes my mind.

 

Your neighbour will never know you are being cautious. It’s nothing to feel guilty about. You both got a creepy feeling, no obvious stand out reasons like following you home or drooling or salivating or whatever but that’s not what happens in real life anyway! People who you should be cautious about are often on paper, very perfect! They don’t have to be hiding a collection of self done taxidermy and wearing their mothers clothes for this to be so. This is what makes actually dangerous or creepy people worrisome because, they often come across well. 
 

I say, don’t feel bad about having a feeling, whether it is founded in anything solid or not. Go with your gut until maybe he does something to change your mind and then you can feel better or silly or judgemental but, he’ll never know - you haven’t done anything wrong.

 

x

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Of course it's fine to be cautious and feel what she feels and I would not report it or if she ever has a loud party or runs her washing machine at 6am he might report her more quickly.  Be a good neighbor.

I've certainly gotten off feelings from people and kept my distance and stayed alert without acting on it by reporting.  There was a woman who used to do "face painting" at the playground I believe for free- never ever let my child near her.  Others did.  I was stared at once when I was on a first meet many years ago with a handsome guy.  I walked over to the table and said to the woman "Do I know you?" she said no.  I smiled and said "I assumed you did as you were staring at us." I gave her a knowing look and walked away. Problem solved. 

Sometimes it works just to use a sort of resting "witch" with a b face and say with a small firm smile and nod "have a good day" or similar.  Let's the person know you know and you're not playing.  

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15 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Of course it's fine to be cautious and feel what she feels and I would not report it or if she ever has a loud party or runs her washing machine at 6am he might report her more quickly.  Be a good neighbor.

I've certainly gotten off feelings from people and kept my distance and stayed alert without acting on it by reporting.  There was a woman who used to do "face painting" at the playground I believe for free- never ever let my child near her.  Others did.  I was stared at once when I was on a first meet many years ago with a handsome guy.  I walked over to the table and said to the woman "Do I know you?" she said no.  I smiled and said "I assumed you did as you were staring at us." I gave her a knowing look and walked away. Problem solved. 

Sometimes it works just to use a sort of resting "witch" with a b face and say with a small firm smile and nod "have a good day" or similar.  Let's the person know you know and you're not playing.  

Of course.

 

I think to dismiss and say oh he hasn’t done anything wrong well, he technically hasn’t at all of course! But it doesn’t mean they weren’t rightfully creeped out by him, as you have said in your experiences Batya.

 

I’m not always right at all. One instance stood out to me! I used to work at an opticians with a fairly large group of people - nearly 40. There was this one guy, Pete, who was nerdy (again, no crime) was very quiet (again, no crime) was a bit socially awkward (again! No crime!) but, whatever the reason I still do not know to this day, he made my skin crawl! And he kept himself well away from me! And me from him! My sister who also worked there for a bit and knew him used to ask me, “Why don’t you like Pete? He’s just shy he’s alright really.” 
 

I mean, I had such an aversion to this guy if I spied through the break room window that it was just him I would go walk out whatever the weather instead! Just for the record, I think shyness is lovely, and I have a bad habit as an extroverted bold kinda person bee lining straight for the most reserved person and bundling them into the group and involving them! But this guy! No.

 

Five years later, my sister text me out of the blue. She said “Lo, do you remember Pete?” I said of course. I INSTANTLY knew it was gonna be bad sinister news! She went on to tell me he had been arrested for possessing and making indecent images of very young children. 
 

He did nothing too me, he gave no indication. I just never liked him one bit, and I also would never have trusted him. If he was in my elevator I would have felt exactly the same about him.

 

I’m not religious, I don’t believe in psychics, spirits, crystals, auras, ghosts or any of that. But I have to say, sometimes you get a feeling about someone and there is no logical reason why.

 

We have this primal animal part of us that gets overrode by our more sophisticated and later developed brain. I think the idea of a “gut instinct” comes from that primal brain. Our brain used to be in our stomach, that’s where the term comes from. We get our feelings in the majority from that area. Butterflies, nervousness, creeped out, worried. Most of it happens in the gut, physically. You don’t feel it in your arm or your head. You feel it in the pit of your stomach. If you ever get that feeling, trust it. It makes no sense but it is actually often right.

 

x
 

 

 

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3 minutes ago, mylolita said:

If anyone is interested in the science behind your gut feelings, it makes interesting reading! Well, if you are a biology nerd like me!

 

https://www.interaction-design.org/literature/article/our-three-brains-the-reptilian-brain

 

A neuroscientist called Paul MacLean has made some interesting studies. 
 

x

I love that subject and also know certain gut feelings are simply insecurity or something other than "gut" because not everyone is in tune with their gut or mistakes it for "gut" to avoid responsibility, etc.  The creep factor gut feeling is real and sometimes can be triggered by other things.  I was afraid of all dogs for years after being bitten so I couldn't trust my knee jerk fear as "gut".  I also have had friends who had a general mistrust of, for example, male doctors so the reaction was often an overreaction.  

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As someone who has been sexuality assaulted and stalked several times I try not to make accusations or assumptions easily. It doesn’t mean I am not cautious. However, this man has done literally zip. We have to watch and not accuse just because of gender. 

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27 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

As someone who has been sexuality assaulted and stalked several times I try not to make accusations or assumptions easily. It doesn’t mean I am not cautious. However, this man has done literally zip. We have to watch and not accuse just because of gender. 

And to post it under the Abuse and Violence forum...just seems to me to be making light of those who actually have suffered from legit abuse or been attacked. My understanding is this guy didn't so much as speak to the OP, let alone physically attack her or act in a menacing or threatening way.

Yes, be cautious and aware of your surroundings at all times. But no need to panic and assume this man wanted to commit crimes against you.

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8 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I love that subject and also know certain gut feelings are simply insecurity or something other than "gut" because not everyone is in tune with their gut or mistakes it for "gut" to avoid responsibility, etc.  The creep factor gut feeling is real and sometimes can be triggered by other things.  I was afraid of all dogs for years after being bitten so I couldn't trust my knee jerk fear as "gut".  I also have had friends who had a general mistrust of, for example, male doctors so the reaction was often an overreaction.  

Of course Batya.

 

I mean, I think I your fear of dogs, especially after being bitten, is perfectly rational and sensible and plausible! I would say, most sane people should old some caution around dogs. Some are very powerful, and they are unpredictable animals after all. If your caution was causing you terror, or deliberating panic attacks, I would maybe say okay. But for the most part, a lot of peoples fears are not irrational at all too me in the slightest! They are very intelligent, primal and sensible! 
 

Like all children’s fear of the dark. We tell them as adults sometimes we say, don’t be silly or, there are no such thing as monsters. It’s condescending because as early humans the dark brought greater risk from predators, we were colder, and more vulnerable due to the fact we have to sleep then. It’s not silly at all! It’s very rational. Or peoples fear of snakes or spiders. Again, very rational. Some came be deadly. Fear of heights - completely reasonable! 

 

My thoughts on your friends fear of male doctors - this is tricky! My “gut reaction” (🤣) is to think, in general, as women, we know deep down that we are the weaker species. Pretty much all men and most men can very easily overpower a woman. Women have to operate on a much more cautious level than men will ever know or experience. I think all women have some level of caution towards men, even if it is subconscious, and again, it is completely natural and evolutionary sound and full of self preservation. 
 

Some women may of had bad experiences or abuse or fear medical settings due to a previous bad experience. It is human self preservation or as you say, misfiring. I kind of think it is and it isn’t. Your body just doesn’t want that experience again. I mean, I think most women will say they are more comfortable with a female doctor during an examination, that is common sense and very normal and definitely not irrational. If the woman is crippled by panic and fear at the thought of a male doctor - okay! I accept that is something she might want to work on, or needs addressing with psychology. 

 

I’m just sticking up for the primal brain here. We have, no matter what, lost touch with it because over millions of years of evolution we have no longer needed it as our main executive function. 

 

These feelings are sometimes as you say , useless - and hinder us. But often I think they aid us, even in modern life. You get anxious all the time, suffer panic attacks. Maybe it’s not a misfire. Maybe your body is telling you something is wrong, that you need to change something. Modern life is at complete odds with us humans. Our evolution hasn’t caught up to the technological swift change. We aren’t adapted to sit in front of screens at a desk for 8 hours, or have hardly any close social networking or community bonds. It’s as unhealthy for us as smoking, in my opinion. I have looked at myself and others and a caged animal in a zoo has often come to mind.

 

What I am trying to say I guess is to trust your body more. That is my instinct, anyway. We feel things for a reason. We aren’t always right, but, I think we know more than we think. Or, we can feel it - or sense it. We just don’t know why.

 

The more we get out of touch with ourselves and our basic nature, the unhappier we become. It’s an interesting notion.  People in western countries have, you might say, everything - yet we have the highest suicide rates and reports of unsatisfaction and depression. Have we come too far away from what we really need?

 

What does your gut tell you? 🥹

 

I say, if you find someone creepy, you find them creepy. It’s okay. Needs no explanation. The likelihood is that he’s a perfectly nice guy - but I still see no harm in caution, especially when you just get “the feels!”

 

I hope Batya you didn’t psychoanalyse yourself out of your fear of dogs! I share this slight fear and caution too. I think it’s perfectly sane and natural! 

 

x

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30 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

As someone who has been sexuality assaulted and stalked several times I try not to make accusations or assumptions easily. It doesn’t mean I am not cautious. However, this man has done literally zip. We have to watch and not accuse just because of gender. 

Seraphim,

 

It would be different if she said to everyone he’s weird or creepy or gave false statements about someone, but to just have a gut reaction to someone privately as a thought? Is perfectly fine.

 

You can really love or like someone for no apparent reason too. 

 

It is not accusing to merely think something or suspect something as long as you keep it to yourself and don’t spread false rumours or information without fact.

 

x

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3 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

And to post it under the Abuse and Violence forum...just seems to me to be making light of those who actually have suffered from legit abuse or been attacked. My understanding is this guy didn't so much as speak to the OP, let alone physically attack her or act in a menacing or threatening way.

Yes, be cautious and aware of your surroundings at all times. But no need to panic and assume this man wanted to commit crimes against you.

I don’t think the OP said he wanted to commit crimes - she just got a feeling he was creepy.

 

This is completely normal and rational and nothing wrong with it in my opinion.

 

Children sometimes feel certain people are creepy. My kids don’t like my Uncle (I KNOW HOW STEREOTYPICAL!) but because of that, I respect their gut reaction and I don’t push him onto them. I don’t force a relationship when they have taken a dislike too him. They have only ever seen him twice in their lives, all at busy family events but, I just say, I’m not going to try and rationalise it. They feel what they feel and that is enough for me.

 

x

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6 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

And to post it under the Abuse and Violence forum...just seems to me to be making light of those who actually have suffered from legit abuse or been attacked. My understanding is this guy didn't so much as speak to the OP, let alone physically attack her or act in a menacing or threatening way.

Yes, be cautious and aware of your surroundings at all times. But no need to panic and assume this man wanted to commit crimes against you.

Which other category would be more suitable? 

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3 minutes ago, mylolita said:

Seraphim,

 

It would be different if she said to everyone he’s weird or creepy or gave false statements about someone, but to just have a gut reaction to someone privately as a thought? Is perfectly fine.

 

You can really love or like someone for no apparent reason too. 

 

It is not accusing to merely think something or suspect something as long as you keep it to yourself and don’t spread false rumours or information without fact.

 

x

People can have feelings and respect them of course, I am just saying be careful it is not “ oh my god it is a man “ hysteria. 
 

I find it scary I have to warn my adult male son about this hysteria and man = bad. 

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Just now, Seraphim said:

People can have feelings and respect them of course, I am just saying be careful it is not “ oh my god it is a man “ hysteria. 
 

I find it scary I have to warn my adult male son about this hysteria and man = bad. 

My son is a physically large Hispanic male. He is a gentle giant and only gets angry if someone mistreats a family member or friend or if someone verbally attacks him. But I've seen the fearful side eye glances some women have given him. 

I don't say anything because as a female I get it, we sadly do need to be cautious. I just think what the OP is reporting is one of those usual interactions that happen that could be completely innocent or not. In every case, using caution, being aware of our surroundings, not walking alone at night or in a deserted area, having a device available to call for help if needed...all those things are unfortunately necessary. 

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I think as woman especially, at some point in our life, have had a guy “give us the creeps”. Maybe it was what he said, how he said it. Maybe it was more obvious things, maybe those things weren’t obvious at all.

 

It doesn’t mean we were accusing him of atrocious acts. It just meant, you don’t warm too them and are suspicious or cautious. Nothing wrong with that.

 

Some women have not gone home with men because they got a feeling something wasn’t right. It’s human nature. Those feelings aren’t always correct, but I think they are legitimate. 
 

 

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15 minutes ago, mylolita said:

mean, I think I your fear of dogs, especially after being bitten, is perfectly rational and sensible and plausible! I would say, most sane people should old some caution around dogs. Some are very powerful, and they are unpredictable animals after all. If your caution was causing you terror, or deliberating panic attacks, I would maybe say okay. But for the most part, a lot of peoples fears are not irrational at all too me in the slightest! They are very intelligent, primal and sensible! 

Mine was an overreaction to be afraid of all dogs based on being bitten by one dog (unprovoked and I knew the dog- my boyfriend's mother's dog).  Slowly over time it became only fear of certain types of dogs -behavior-wise and I am terrified of all unleashed dogs in places where they are required to be leashed.  But the gut feeling wasn't gut -it was an overreaction based on my past experience.  

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7 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

People can have feelings and respect them of course, I am just saying be careful it is not “ oh my god it is a man “ hysteria. 
 

I find it scary I have to warn my adult male son about this hysteria and man = bad. 

Of course Seraphim. My eldest is also a boy, my thoughts drift to the future sometimes.

 

Just a fact of life - woman have to be more cautious. I think it’s ingrained within us, it’s not a bad thing and most normal women aren’t going around frightened stiff about men or accusing them of God knows what! I absolutely ADORE MEN! I admire and respect men. I absolutely loved working as a lap dancer! I am the opposite of a man hater. But as a birds and bees fact of life, yes, most women are cautious and rightfully so. 
 

I am someone who relies very heavily on my feelings, for better or for worse, I am a slave to my emotions. So, this kind of thing does happen too me. Hardly ever! That pit of the stomach creeped out feeling might only hit me once or twice a year, if that. But when it does, I can’t ignore it even if I tried! 
 

Some people are more casual I guess or aren’t up a height! I am saying this guy is most probably perfectly great and lovely but, it’s okay she and her friend were creeped out by him. 
 

I find it extra solidifying that her friend thought exactly the same though. Second opinion in agreement makes me think she might be right. But honestly, who on earth knows right! Caution is not normally a bad thing.

 

Here for the feels! Ha!

 

Also, just as an extra note - I find elevators are often a place of vulnerability and fear for people. They are extremely confined spaces and you are shut in without windows down a voided shaft. Need I say more. Quite a lot of peoples heart beats quicken when travelling in an elevator. I think it comes down to that animalistic “must have exits”. That and a creepy perceived vibe from a stranger. Might have been a mix of all things.

 

x

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