Is this okay?

[princess34]

Ok, I just want some opinions on this one. Is it okay for a guy to hold the door open for a woman that he does not know and call her "his queen?" I am in a  relationship with a guy and I heard him on the phone going into a store and as he was holding the door open for a woman he said, "Hello, my queen." Also, he has often told me on several occasions how his ex-wife looks like a gorgeous singer and actress. For example,  he was watching a movie one day and told me that his ex wife looked like the singer. And sometimes, he also calls different women beautiful and gorgeous. He also told me about how he bought flowers on Valentine's Day for his ex wife (when they were together) and how fine she was. But, I also thought about how he did not buy me anything on Valentine's Day.  Is this all okay? 

[Tinydance]

In my opinion no, it's not OK. If a guy is in a relationship I don't think he should be calling other women "my queen" and "beautiful/gorgeous". He shouldn't be talking to you about his ex wife and especially not how beautiful and hot she was. I think this is all inappropriate behaviour and tactless and insensitive towards you. Sometimes people don't give anything for Valentine's Day if they weren't dating long but it probably depends how long you've actually been together. Anyway this would all put me off. If he's out with you and he opens doors for other random women and says: "My queen" to them, no thanks! 

[princess34]

I forgot another time when he received a call from a woman with a wrong number and mentioned how the woman sounded like she was gorgeous, even though he did not know what the woman looked like because she had the wrong number. 

[Wiseman2]

How long have you been dating? How old is he? He seems clueless at best and insensitive. Rethink the relationship.

[Tinydance]

2 hours ago, princess34 said:

I forgot another time when he received a call from a woman with a wrong number and mentioned how the woman sounded like she was gorgeous, even though he did not know what the woman looked like because she had the wrong number. 

You are dating some kind of major compulsive flirt with extremely inappropriate (weird even) behaviours. I'm not sure what you're still doing with this guy? He's constantly hitting on other women right in front of you. Even women he's never seen or met! Of course this is not normal!

[Rose Mosse]

3 hours ago, princess34 said:

Ok, I just want some opinions on this one. Is it okay for a guy to hold the door open for a woman that he does not know and call her "his queen?" I am in a  relationship with a guy and I heard him on the phone going into a store and as he was holding the door open for a woman he said, "Hello, my queen." Also, he has often told me on several occasions how his ex-wife looks like a gorgeous singer and actress. For example,  he was watching a movie one day and told me that his ex wife looked like the singer. And sometimes, he also calls different women beautiful and gorgeous. He also told me about how he bought flowers on Valentine's Day for his ex wife (when they were together) and how fine she was. But, I also thought about how he did not buy me anything on Valentine's Day.  Is this all okay? 

Play along? “Is that so? My ex husband looks like the drummer too, come to think of it.” 

No, it’s not ok. I’m not sure how long you’ve been dating. He seems to be chatting with you like a buddy or a friend, gossips like a teenager over a sexy voice on the phone, and doesn’t seem like he’s over his ex. Do you know when they split up and for what reason? My guess is you’re the rebound and he’s in the recovery phase of his divorce/break up (born again lover) but it’s coming through in an OTT way. 

I’m sorry also that he didn’t make much effort on Vday even if it is just a gesture with flowers. Did he do anything for/with you?

[Kwothe28]

I have a friend that is very weird in that. For example, for a Women Day(very big holiday here) he bought a flowers not only for his woman friend(that was only friend and nothing else ever) but also for her mother and her grandmother(she lived with them). Oh, and he also randomly calls women beautiful, even if they are noticably not that beautiful. He is a politician so its part of his charm I guess. Some women tend to enjoy it, some see through him so they dont really like him. So yes, some guys tend to "overdo" it. Act like "Don Juan" and such.

I would more be worried that he doesnt give you a shred of affection that he gives to ex wife. Valentines gift for her and not for you? Either he is still in love with her or doesnt think that highly of you to even buy you a gift or even flowers for Valentine. Both those answers arent good for you in terms that it means he isnt very invested into you. 

[MissCanuck]

6 hours ago, princess34 said:

when he received a call from a woman with a wrong number and mentioned how the woman sounded like she was gorgeous

This is just weird. 

I would not date a man who talks like this. He sounds like a dog, OP. How long have you been dating, and how long has been split from his ex-wife? He sounds hung up on her, and women's appearance in general. 

[Seraphim]

Nope, not okay. 

[reinventmyself]

Not okay

Bigger question.  How does it make you feel when he does that?  

[smackie9]

I would dump him. 

[Batya33]

He's behaving like a jerk.  I'm surprised you don't feel that way.

[lostandhurt]

The simple answer is:  If it makes you feel bad enough to come to a forum and ask if it is okay then it is not okay.

 If you want to stay with this guy it is time for a boundaries talk.  No more bragging about how gorgeous his ex wife is (I am curious why they are divorced), no more overt opinions on other women's beauty in front of you (everyone has opinions, he needs to keep them to himself) and no more making you feel like less then the most important woman in  his life.

 Lost 

[Cherylyn]

Your guy is abnormal. 

I've had men open doors for me.  However, generally, they don't display opening doors for me in front of their girlfriend or spouse.  I graciously accept any door opening.  However, I don't expect it.  This was whether or not I had my hands full of boxes as I entered the post office, pushing a baby stroller through a doorway or pregnant with my two sons.  Both men and women opened doors for me just to be kind.  I've always said, "Thank you" and that was the end of that.  No one ever went so far as calling me "his queen," commented on my appearance and none of that. 

His endless comments regarding his ex-wife's appearance, boasting about buying flowers for his then wife yet ignoring you on Valentine's Day is definitely NOT all okay !  He's very boorish !

Then he mentioned how gorgeous a total stranger's voice was when she called a wrong number. 

Your guy is condescending, extremely rude and disrespectful to you and other women.   You need to dump him ! 

 

 

 

[boltnrun]

I used to date a guy who loudly commented on the physical attributes of every woman we passed or who walked by. "Look at that big t*tted one over there!!" he'd shout in a delighted voice. So I turned the tables on him. We were out somewhere and I shouted "Look at that guy with the giant schl*ng!!!" at the top of my lungs. He gave me a hurt look. Ironic, isn't it? But he got the message and stopped.

I still dumped him. He was an insensitive, misogynistic, sexist lout. Who needs that?

[catfeeder]

I'd ask him why he would say that to me. 

[HeartGoesOn]

Dump the chump.  It's not your job to raise him.

[SooSad33]

Not sure how long you've been dating - re: expecting flowers on Valentines...

As for door opening, yes I've had it done with NO words, but a 'thanks' 🙂 . I'd be a little bothered had some guy said anything my way with such words as 'my queen', etc.

As for telling you abt his ex, yeah, some people do talk about their ex's, but not to extent!  And I do find it too much to be talking that way towards any women on how they 'sound', especially some stranger! 😕 

He is odd and would make me feel uncertain.

[jul-els]

It is unreasonable and inappropriate behavior, imo. But whether or not you feel the same about it is something you have to ask yourself. Some people might be thick skinned and not be bothered by it. Myself, I wouldn’t tolerate it. 

[waffle]

15 hours ago, princess34 said:

I forgot another time when he received a call from a woman with a wrong number and mentioned how the woman sounded like she was gorgeous . . .

I would be turned-off by him and his behavior.  And as I broke up with him I'd tell him that too.

[princess34]

We have been dating for 11 months. And he said that his wife's family got involved and was the cause of the split. They have been divorced for over 10 years and they also have adult children. On Valentine's Day, he called me later on that day (when he normally would call me in the mornings when he gets off work) and was implying but not directly mentioning how he had not heard from me. Another thing too is that he always talks about how he used to get a lot of women and how no woman has ever rejected him. He even told me that he prefers "bold" women who come on to him or approach him first, which is the total opposite of my personality. Matter of fact, I did not approach him first nor have I ever offered myself to him, or any man for that matter. The women that he call hot are mostly celebs, although he has mentioned about the numerous gorgeous women he has had in life. He also told me about how women used to offer him their bodies and how neither him nor any other man would ever turn women down in that manner., mentioning how it is hard for men to turn down a woman who offers their bodies. He did not open the door for her in my face because we were on the phone. I was not there but I heard the exchange and this is definitely what happened because it was loud enough for me to hear. Btw, he and others have always said that he is and always has been a  really bold person. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, princess34 said:

. Another thing too is that he always .....

It's 11 months and you have lists and lists of grievances. He's not going to change.

Listing "and then he did this and then he said that" is venting but not doing anything about your dismay.

You're not married. Walk away. You staying is the problem. He's just being the jerk that he is. That makes You the problem.

[MissCanuck]

48 minutes ago, princess34 said:

Another thing too is that he always talks about how he used to get a lot of women and how no woman has ever rejected him.

Sure, Jan. 

I think this dude is a lothario only is own mind. Men who actually get a lot of women don't need to constantly remind others that they get a lot of women. Me thinks he's full of donkey manure, and wishes he were that guy. But he's not, so he plays make believe with himself. 

49 minutes ago, princess34 said:

mentioning how it is hard for men to turn down a woman who offers their bodies.

He's not-so-subtly letting you know he will cheat on you if the opportunity arises. 

This guy is a pig. What are you still doing there? Get rid of him and find a guy who isn't the main character in his own imaginary porn. 

[Kwothe28]

5 hours ago, princess34 said:

Another thing too is that he always talks about how he used to get a lot of women and how no woman has ever rejected him.

We call that ironically "The Fcker". They concote their stories in a way that you think one girl he has sex with while other gives him a BJ at the same time lol. They are mostly all talk, no walk. But not really a relationship material. As you can see from spending an 11 months with somebody like that. That guy doesnt really care for you. And would cheat if given a chance.

[Tinydance]

Well apart from the fact that it's insensitive to keep talking about his ex wife, this is from ten years ago??!! And he hit on a woman who called the wrong number who he'd never even seen! Something is actually wrong with this guy.