Not asking questions back.

[BeaTlesFan77]

Greetings!  Had a confusing situation happen a couple of nights ago. I went to the sports bar to watch the NBA Finals. Near the end of the evening, a woman sat right next to me at the bar. It wasn’t the only bar seat left and there were plenty of seats around us. She left her phone open on the bar while she was looking at the menu. Her background looked interesting and figured that would be a great piece to begin a conversation. So I asked her what her background was all about. She responded that it’s helping her learn sign language and thinks it’s one of the best ways to learn. I then asked her a follow up question regarding if she was wanting to teach it. To which she responded no not right now. After that she didn’t ask me anything.
 

Then as she was looking at the menu there was another guy on the other side a couple of seats over from her sitting with his friends. Had on a backwards baseball cap and had been loudly yelling at the TV when his team was making mistakes. He started telling her about the bar food and how great it is. Then they were having a conversation and before I knew it, they exchanged phone numbers.
 

After seeing that it made me feel really bad like I wasn’t good enough. Followed by feelings of anger. After the guy and his friends left, about five minutes later she asked me if I came there often. To which I unenthusiastically replied yeah once a week. That was the last we spoke to each other. Then I paid my bill and left. 
 

So my question is, if I try to make conversation and she doesn’t ask me any questions back, does that typically mean she isn’t interested or could she possibly be shy?  Was there anything I could have done differently in this situation?  Another thing I wanted to mention is that neither of us had alcohol in our systems. 

[Tinydance]

I don't think you did anything wrong. You tried to start up a conversation but this woman for whatever reason wasn't interested in you. So that's probably why she didn't ask you any questions and then began talking to the other guy. Good on you for trying but just in this case she just wasn't interested. I don't think she was shy because she didn't have any trouble talking to the other guy or getting his number. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, beatlesfan77 said:

.He started telling her about the bar food and how great it is. Then they were having a conversation and before I knew it, they exchanged phone numbers.

You dodged a bullet if she's hanging out in sports bars waiting to get picked up by bozos.

[Kwothe28]

43 minutes ago, beatlesfan77 said:

if I try to make conversation and she doesn’t ask me any questions back, does that typically mean she isn’t interested or could she possibly be shy?

Not interested. While coming across shy girl is posible, most women would at least ask questions if they are interested. Plus you have the example of the other guy who approached to see that she isnt shy.

48 minutes ago, beatlesfan77 said:

Was there anything I could have done differently in this situation?

Eh, not really. I have a friend that was shy but became really good talking about himself. So it helped him present himself even though the other side isnt so talkative. But when the other side isnt so interested, there isnt a magic wand to just fix that. You could ask if she was interested in sport given it was sports bar and NBA Final. Maybe its her thing so conversation would be soother. But again, dont really think it would matter.

Also she did asked you a question

1 hour ago, beatlesfan77 said:

she asked me if I came there often

so there is that and at least she expressed some form of interest

You dont need to be resentful and angry because of the stuff like that. It would lead you to the dark path. Have a healthy attitude about it. OK, some girl that you may not see again in your whole life didnt want to get to know you. Some else will. There is no need for dark thoughts and feeling inadequate because of it.

[Jibralta]

3 hours ago, beatlesfan77 said:

So my question is, if I try to make conversation and she doesn’t ask me any questions back, does that typically mean she isn’t interested or could she possibly be shy?  

How did the conversation go with the other guy? Did she ask him any questions?

[MissCanuck]

3 hours ago, beatlesfan77 said:

After seeing that it made me feel really bad like I wasn’t good enough. Followed by feelings of anger.

Based on one interaction with a complete stranger? Why are you measuring so much of your self-worth this way? 

[DarkCh0c0]

Why you didn't see it as just friendly chatter is beyond me... 

[smackie9]

Maybe she was just looking for a new place to hang out and decided to have some social interactions to get a feel for the place. I don't think she was hunting for a BF. An exchange of numbers could mean anything, like she was looking for a plumber to fix her sink and that guy just happened to be one. 

[BeaTlesFan77]

3 hours ago, Jibralta said:

How did the conversation go with the other guy? Did she ask him any questions?

I wasn’t able to hear what they were talking about. 

[BeaTlesFan77]

2 hours ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Why you didn't see it as just friendly chatter is beyond me... 

That’s a very good point Dark. I should have seen it as just another encounter. 

[BeaTlesFan77]

3 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

Based on one interaction with a complete stranger? Why are you measuring so much of your self-worth this way? 

In the heat of the moment I was feeling frustration as this happens fairly often when I am out and try to meet a potential date when I see someone I’m interested in. 

[melancholy123]

It blows me away that this made you angry.  An over the top reaction to some chick you briefly met in a bar.  She just didnt seem interested in you.  So what?  Move on.  Hopefully the next girl will be more receptive.

[MissCanuck]

9 minutes ago, beatlesfan77 said:

In the heat of the moment I was feeling frustration as this happens fairly often when I am out and try to meet a potential date when I see someone I’m interested in. 

There could be something in your approach that is putting women off, or it may simply be the settings in which this happens. The cold approach is tricky because many of us ladies just don't want to be hit on when we're out minding our business. 

What sort of places are you meeting women? 

[Wiseman2]

[Rose Mosse]

32 minutes ago, beatlesfan77 said:

In the heat of the moment I was feeling frustration as this happens fairly often when I am out and try to meet a potential date when I see someone I’m interested in. 

I was about to ask if anger was the right word as it seems frustration would be more accurate so glad that you rephrased that. It sounds like friendly banter all around. I think it’s worse not acknowledging how you feel. 

You can use that or explore that feeling and also tell yourself that you’re not entitled to anyone’s affections. She doesn’t owe you anything, nor does the next stranger and so on even though it is perfectly ok to feel disappointed.

I recall you mentioning wanting a sense of community. Has that changed or have you been able to join meet ups or have regular people to spend time with? 
 

[Lambert]

I would try to stop taking every 'rejection' personally. And I only use the word rejection for lack of a better word. 

You have no idea what this woman is about.  You may have dodged a major bullet... 

There's an old saying- there's no accounting for taste.

So you have to look at why do you care what one random woman thinks of you? 

I don't think you did anything wrong and she isn't wrong to not be interested in you enough to make conversation. 

But I will say, you made the conversation very specific, like you're curious about a background.  Not about her specifically... the other guy may have just made it easier for her to engage back in a fun way.  Maybe next time make some small talk first. lead up to hey, that's a cool pic in your phone.

 

[smackie9]

So do you keep experiencing this scenario? Is that why is sets the tone for disappointment once again?

I agree with the above post...maybe your approach didn't spark an interest to continue with a conversation. The light hearted "Hey the food is great here." is relaxed/more inviting. 

[wealthydior]

The thing is I think its kinda creepy that you looked at her phone even though it was unlocked. Your intention wasn’t creepy I know that but I wouldn’t want to talk to the person who says this. You could’ve said something better.

[catfeeder]

19 hours ago, beatlesfan77 said:

I then asked her a follow up question regarding if she was wanting to teach it. To which she responded no not right now. After that she didn’t ask me anything.

I'd consider the timing. She may have been trying to make a menu choice and felt distracted by your questions, and then she may have interpreted your question as whether she wanted to teach you something from her sign language app at that moment. Which was a 'no'.

The other guy may have struck her after she already decided what she wanted, and as others have said, he might have hit her up as a potential customer for something, so they exchanged numbers.

Then she gave you an opportunity to pick up the convo again, and you pretty much swatted her down.

So what do you think you could have done differently?

Head high, and consider that assumptions are not your friend.

[BeaTlesFan77]

8 hours ago, wealthydior said:

The thing is I think its kinda creepy that you looked at her phone even though it was unlocked. Your intention wasn’t creepy I know that but I wouldn’t want to talk to the person who says this. You could’ve said something better.

You’re absolutely right Wealthy and I appreciate your feedback. Hindsight is always easy and looking back at it now it was on the creepy side. Maybe next time do ‘how is your evening so far’ or something along those lines.

[SooSad33]

22 hours ago, beatlesfan77 said:

After seeing that it made me feel really bad like I wasn’t good enough. Followed by feelings of anger. After the guy and his friends left, about five minutes later she asked me if I came there often. To which I unenthusiastically replied yeah once a week. That was the last we spoke to each other. Then I paid my bill and left. 

People need to realize just because they come across an attractive person, it does not mean you're gonna end up with them!

Everyone has their own interests and women especially get hit on often.  So, she didn't really take to you- it happens.

You accept & move on - dont take any of this personally.  I know I dont appeal to every guy i come across out there and they dont all appeal to me either.  is just how it is.

Also, just because they swapped numbers doesnt always mean much either.  I had guys offering numbers ( on dating sites etc).  We may have met up once or never.  It's how it goes... let it go now.  And carry on 😉  ( Just don't 'expect' instant results all the time).

 

[BeaTlesFan77]

15 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

What sort of places are you meeting women? 

That’s just it I’m not. Talking to women for me is few and far between. The opportunities are just not there. 

[BeaTlesFan77]

10 hours ago, smackie9 said:

So do you keep experiencing this scenario? Is that why is sets the tone for disappointment once again?

I agree with the above post...maybe your approach didn't spark an interest to continue with a conversation. The light hearted "Hey the food is great here." is relaxed/more inviting. 

I was looking for something that would show that I was interested in starting a conversation about her. Your example sounds much better and laid back. I don’t want to use any cheesy pick up lines or other pick up artist garbage. 

[BeaTlesFan77]

3 hours ago, catfeeder said:

Then she gave you an opportunity to pick up the convo again, and you pretty much swatted her down.

So what do you think you could have done differently?

Head high, and consider that assumptions are not your friend.

If I could go back and do it again I would have enthusiastically told her that I go there once a week and the food is great. Then asked her how her boneless wings were that she ordered. Instead of looking and acting dejected. Again hindsight is a great thing. 

[BeaTlesFan77]

15 hours ago, melancholy123 said:

It blows me away that this made you angry.  An over the top reaction to some chick you briefly met in a bar.  She just didnt seem interested in you.  So what?  Move on.  Hopefully the next girl will be more receptive.

As I was telling MissCanuck, it’s just all the frustration that has built up over time and thinking about all of the past times I got ghosted or the cold shoulder.