Jump to content

Not asking questions back.


Recommended Posts

15 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

I was about to ask if anger was the right word as it seems frustration would be more accurate so glad that you rephrased that. It sounds like friendly banter all around. I think it’s worse not acknowledging how you feel. 

You can use that or explore that feeling and also tell yourself that you’re not entitled to anyone’s affections. She doesn’t owe you anything, nor does the next stranger and so on even though it is perfectly ok to feel disappointed.

I recall you mentioning wanting a sense of community. Has that changed or have you been able to join meet ups or have regular people to spend time with? 
 

Yes you’re right that I did want to feel some sense of community. I am very happy that I found a new job and that things are looking up in that area of my life. Outside of that though there hasn’t been much change. I talk to my mother on Facebook messenger just about every day. Then I have other friends that I see once a month if that. Outside of that I just talk to my people lead at work and that’s it. I will post messages of good morning or how is everyone doing today and nobody answers in the chat. I think once I start my first project at the end of the month things will get better there. Every day will be doing teamwork of some kind. So right now I would say I don’t have any regular people I spend time with outside of my mother. Meetups so I pretty much gave up on. People would be sitting next to each other and staring at their phones for a great deal of time. Pretty much defeats the purpose of going to one. Then events like dancing or other classes I’ve been hesitant to try because of my age. I know that’s a dumb excuse but that’s how I feel. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

27 minutes ago, beatlesfan77 said:

That’s just it I’m not. Talking to women for me is few and far between. The opportunities are just not there. 

Well, what does your social life look like? Are you creating opportunities for yourself to meet women? 

Keep in mind that the women you're trying to engage might not even be single, OP.  It's anyone guess, so that may also well be the reason some women don't respond. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 6/10/2022 at 4:00 AM, beatlesfan77 said:

So I asked her what her background was all about. She responded that it’s helping her learn sign language and thinks it’s one of the best ways to learn. I then asked her a follow up question regarding if she was wanting to teach it.

Just curious: what made you ask if she wanted to teach sign language? 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

7 hours ago, beatlesfan77 said:

If I could go back and do it again I would have enthusiastically told her that I go there once a week and the food is great. Then asked her how her boneless wings were that she ordered. Instead of looking and acting dejected. Again hindsight is a great thing. 

Yay, you!

Use every encounter as a learning experience. Whenever someone doesn't react as you would wish, do NOT personalize it and put yourself in a lousy mood.

Instead, operate on the generosity of spirit that allows for everyone to be distracted by their own stuff.

I can't speak for those who are more 'present' in their moments, but I often walk around with a lot on my mind. I don't intend to be dismissive of anyone, and I 'think' I respond kindly to strangers, but we never know who might misinterpret us.

But I'm also not in places to hook up. If a stranger speaks with me or plays a round of pool or another game with me and I'm friendly, it doesn't speak of his level of attractiveness if I won't give him my number. It's TRULY a case of, sorry, it's not you, it's me.

Develop the resilience to accept rejections as being about the limitations of others. If you can do that, you'll stop torturing yourself as you stumble your way across one 'right' person who owns the vision to see and appreciate your unique value--and is up for it.

It's a needle in the haystack with really low odds--and that's what makes it special when it happens. Everything else is just learning and growth. Adopt the vision to see it that way--and enjOy it for it's own sake.

 

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

7 hours ago, beatlesfan77 said:

Yes you’re right that I did want to feel some sense of community. I am very happy that I found a new job and that things are looking up in that area of my life. Outside of that though there hasn’t been much change. I talk to my mother on Facebook messenger just about every day. Then I have other friends that I see once a month if that. Outside of that I just talk to my people lead at work and that’s it. I will post messages of good morning or how is everyone doing today and nobody answers in the chat. I think once I start my first project at the end of the month things will get better there. Every day will be doing teamwork of some kind. So right now I would say I don’t have any regular people I spend time with outside of my mother. Meetups so I pretty much gave up on. People would be sitting next to each other and staring at their phones for a great deal of time. Pretty much defeats the purpose of going to one. Then events like dancing or other classes I’ve been hesitant to try because of my age. I know that’s a dumb excuse but that’s how I feel. 

Go anyway though. You may be self-defeating here, knowing what you want but giving reasons to yourself not to do it. The first foodie group I joined ended up being 65+ but I had good time anyway and continued meeting with them. There was no age stipulation so I had no idea but they welcomed me. I thought most of the members in the group had a wicked sense of humour, the roasting kind. Damn. I laughed more than I ate. I also got to see the world through another generation and I felt my perspective on things change as well so don't rule out age of participants just because everyone seems a little older. 

I danced flamenco for awhile also and that was amazing. I think you should try the dancing lessons. What is a few hours of every week?

I wouldn't use these to meet women. If you get along and make friends, that's a good start.

Some of the other members gave some good tips about cold-approaching such as starting off with more benign questions or comments about the locale or food. The bottomline is if someone isn't attracted they aren't going to want to keep talking to you.

 

  • Like 2
  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

Yay, you!

Use every encounter as a learning experience. Whenever someone doesn't react as you would wish, do NOT personalize it and put yourself in a lousy mood.

Instead, operate on the generosity of spirit that allows for everyone to be distracted by their own stuff.

I can't speak for those who are more 'present' in their moments, but I often walk around with a lot on my mind. I don't intend to be dismissive of anyone, and I 'think' I respond kindly to strangers, but we never know who might misinterpret us.

But I'm also not in places to hook up. If a stranger speaks with me or plays a round of pool or another game with me and I'm friendly, it doesn't speak of his level of attractiveness if I won't give him my number. It's TRULY a case of, sorry, it's not you, it's me.

Develop the resilience to accept rejections as being about the limitations of others. If you can do that, you'll stop torturing yourself as you stumble your way across one 'right' person who owns the vision to see and appreciate your unique value--and is up for it.

It's a needle in the haystack with really low odds--and that's what makes it special when it happens. Everything else is just learning and growth. Adopt the vision to see it that way--and enjOy it for it's own sake.

 

@catfeeder

Some of your best advise yet! xxoo

Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 hours ago, Jibralta said:

Just curious: what made you ask if she wanted to teach sign language? 

It was just a follow up question to her telling me what her background was about. Figured it might’ve been a career choice for her. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

6 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

Go anyway though. You may be self-defeating here, knowing what you want but giving reasons to yourself not to do it. The first foodie group I joined ended up being 65+ but I had good time anyway and continued meeting with them. There was no age stipulation so I had no idea but they welcomed me. I thought most of the members in the group had a wicked sense of humour, the roasting kind. Damn. I laughed more than I ate. I also got to see the world through another generation and I felt my perspective on things change as well so don't rule out age of participants just because everyone seems a little older. 

I danced flamenco for awhile also and that was amazing. I think you should try the dancing lessons. What is a few hours of every week?

I wouldn't use these to meet women. If you get along and make friends, that's a good start.

Some of the other members gave some good tips about cold-approaching such as starting off with more benign questions or comments about the locale or food. The bottomline is if someone isn't attracted they aren't going to want to keep talking to you.

 

Thank you Rose. Those are all great points. 😀

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just me but people go out to forget about work and responsibilities so conversations are best to be light and generic. The food, the drinks, the entertainment, the atmosphere. Friendly brainless banter, funny stories, quick wit. That's it. Asking about one's career or whatever right off the bat might be a little intrusive to some.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

18 hours ago, beatlesfan77 said:

That’s just it I’m not. Talking to women for me is few and far between. The opportunities are just not there. 

You can increase the opportunities. Takes time and effort. I had to do so for years. During college etc it was of course full of those opportunities. After required a lot more being proactive on my part. 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...