Your boy is absolutely livid.

[j.man]

Alright, I promise a better, happier post with pictures in the near future, but in the meantime my not necessarily estranged, but definitely at this point not at all intimately related step father, also known in this moment as the d1ck of all d1cks, tried to pull the most smooth brained fast one I've ever witnessed.

We were due March 30th, and he calls me last week just like "lol hey passing through when's a good time to visit next week?"  And as tactfully as I could, pretty much just told him the due date and that i don't know what the **** would be the situation on any given day.  We don't exactly have a line of people trying to visit us straight away because fortunately, most people we know and love have that ounce of common sense, particularly those who would at least ostensibly know better after having had a kid themselves, so I just told him I'd let him know if the baby came and that we'd be fine if he wanted to swing by for a quick visit.

Little girl popped out on Monday, and we were able to bring her home Wednesday.  We arrange for him to stop by Saturday (today).  Come this morning, I hear my text notification go off with a text from him saying basically, "On my way, be there in a few hours, not gonna hang around long because I'm getting a cold and don't want to get you guys sick."  Legit just a "oh and P.S." No call, just a text letting me know like it's just happening.  I call him, he doesn't answer, and then I text saying it's not a good time if any of the three of us might get sick.

But I guess he's just on his way.  I like to think myself a pretty laid back guy, and we're pretty far from expecting visitors present vaccine statuses before visiting or anything close to that, but taking for granted you could just show up with a cold is absolutely ****ing wild.  EVEN WORSE, I call my sister to vent away from my sleeping wife and baby, and she tells me they gave him a heads up their kids were sick before he visited and suggested he visit them on his way back down *after* visiting us, and he still chose to visit them first.  Swap my already small brain out for a gerbil's and I'd still have enough grooves to process how categorically stupid that **** is.

I don't think I have it in me to thank him for his visit through the front door, but he's definitely not coming inside.  The most I think I'll do is walk around the block a couple times with him safely distanced to catch up a little bit.

Thanks for reading through my rant.  I needed to let off the steam so I could be better present.

ETA:  And by walking outside, I definitely mean without the kid.  He gets to forego that visitation altogether.  Not taking that risk.  

[Batya33]

So many congratulations. I am so very sorry you're in this situation. I was too when I had a newborn and infant.

From a family member who wanted to come over when he had a cold and there was the H1N1 flu epidemic.  I simply didn't let him in, we met outdoors and he admired the baby from a distance for a few minutes. I was very Mama Bear about visits and I didn't care who I p-d off. 

I had a friend come over with her new boyfriend -invited - and they said as soon as they walked in "ok we're going to wash our hands so we can hold the baby" (two weeks old).  I said "no".  When she then had a baby we didn't meet him because they decided no visitors.  People get really clueless.  And I know on top of that -in your case - you already don't have a positive relationship with this person. 

I'm really sorry - I know it's hard to even be civil . Honestly, it's fine if you're abrupt and at the outer bounds of civil.  As few words as possible.  It's fine.  I hope it goes ok, I hope you are all feeling well, I hope you lost all the baby weight already 😉

 

[boltnrun]

Congrats on your beautiful baby girl!

As for dad in law, hell to the no.  I can't stand when people are so selfish and inconsiderate.  Maybe to him it's no big deal but it's not his decision.  

I'm sorry he's being such a dumba**.

[Andrina]

So happy everything went well with your daughter's birth. Congrats on the new little one, born in the spring, a great time for new beginnings. 

You've come up with a good plan for the stepfather's visit.

You're not alone in dealing with clueless jerks. My husband's stepfather is one as well, and I'm always stressed the 2 or 3 times we have to see him during the year. 

Good luck!

[Seraphim]

Congrats!!!

[mylolita]

Afternoon!

 

Huge congratulations! We have an 8 month old baby girl too, and my other “baby” girl is 2 and a half; and my son just turned 4. 
 

I will say this - forget people pleasing for the rest of your time. As time goes on you will know! You have a baby now, your family and wife will always come first. Your time will also become incredibly precious all of a sudden. People often forget who have had children themselves and then get into their 70s and 80s how intense those tiny years are with them, their memories get a bit glossed over. 
 

Being outside is fine - I mean, you have made a very reasonable compromise and a polite one at that. He should understand, even regardless of covid or whatever you don’t go and see a newborn when you are obviously coming down with a cold or flu. 
 

All the best, babies are just, amazing, mind blowing! A true test! I do believe you won’t do anything harder but more worth while. Enjoy every moment, it goes so fast. You are in that super duper protective mode and I’m only 4 years into this parenting gig and it has never left me!

 

X

[itsallgrand]

Lol your rant made me smile though. I've missed that earthy humour around here. 

You handled it well. Thank god he let it slip that he has a cold. 

[indea08]

First of all, CONGRATULATIONS!! A baby girl, wow. I didn’t even know you were expecting, but man, what an awesome blessing. I’m so happy for you!!

Pertaining to your step father, I’m sorry, that’s so frustrating. I definitely felt the “w t f” feeling several times in trying to get the older adults in my life to see and respect me as an authoritative adult/parent. Some of the things they thought were okay literally just made my jaw drop. It’s maddening as hell while you’re in it, rest assured, it passes, eventually.

Jman has a baby girl…best thing I’ve heard today!! 🥰🥰 I tried to feel mad at step-father while I read the post but I can’t lie, I was too thrilled about a little pink baby.

[boltnrun]

Oops, it's your stepfather not your father in law.  Apologies for the wrongly accused FIL!

[greendots]

Congrats on the birth of your baby girl! Also, I hope things worked out with your stepfather.

[waffle]

I was the exact opposite.  My first Mother's Day my brand-new baby was four days old and I had a house full (or rather, apartment full at that point) of people and everyone passed the baby around.  Heck even my hospital room a couple days earlier was full (I didn't enjoy that so much because delivering a baby is a lot of work and I looked awful and my mother was quick to tell me that too ha ha!).  It all worked out fine, baby was literally never sick--ever--and as a child was one of those who always got perfect attendance at school. I'm sure today people would be pissed off with THAT mentality too because I found out pretty quickly that people don't want to respect your opinions, they want to see you implementing and following what they think you should be doing.  But you know what?

Your baby, your rules.  It is really that simple.

Enjoy your new little one!  Parenthood is an adventure to be sure.

[Batya33]

9 minutes ago, waffle said:

I was the exact opposite.  My first Mother's Day my brand-new baby was four days old and I had a house full (or rather, apartment full at that point) of people and everyone passed the baby around.  Heck even my hospital room a couple days earlier was full (I didn't enjoy that so much because delivering a baby is a lot of work and I looked awful and my mother was quick to tell me that too ha ha!).  It all worked out fine, baby was literally never sick--ever--and as a child was one of those who always got perfect attendance at school. I'm sure today people would be pissed off with THAT mentality too because I found out pretty quickly that people don't want to respect your opinions, they want to see you implementing and following what they think you should be doing.  But you know what?

Your baby, your rules.  It is really that simple.

Enjoy your new little one!  Parenthood is an adventure to be sure.

Reminds me of a friend of mine when she had her baby I went to visit her in the hospital -baby one day old -she said casually "I need the restroom can you hold her please?"  I said oh of course -um let me wash my hands first!

I personally don't believe in the pass a newborn around and I never get too close to a newborn (and taught my son to admire a newborn/infant from a distance) -I don't want the parent to get nervous that I'll touch without permission.  I hated when random people tried to touch my infant "oh just on the foot!" and I only let immediate family -parents/inlaws hold him till he was 5-6 months old (like covid, he was born during the H1N1 epidemic).  He had his first mild cold at 8 months and his first fever at age 2.  

[waffle]

And that's my point.  Doesn't matter which way you go, someone is not going to be happy with how you're handing it.  So do what makes sense to you as a parent.

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, waffle said:

And that's my point.  Doesn't matter which way you go, someone is not going to be happy with how you're handing it.  So do what makes sense to you as a parent.

I was deferential to and respectful of whatever the parent wanted.  When I was the new mom I experienced what you wrote way too many times.  Annoying.

[mylolita]

2 hours ago, waffle said:

I was the exact opposite.  My first Mother's Day my brand-new baby was four days old and I had a house full (or rather, apartment full at that point) of people and everyone passed the baby around.  Heck even my hospital room a couple days earlier was full (I didn't enjoy that so much because delivering a baby is a lot of work and I looked awful and my mother was quick to tell me that too ha ha!).  It all worked out fine, baby was literally never sick--ever--and as a child was one of those who always got perfect attendance at school. I'm sure today people would be pissed off with THAT mentality too because I found out pretty quickly that people don't want to respect your opinions, they want to see you implementing and following what they think you should be doing.  But you know what?

Your baby, your rules.  It is really that simple.

Enjoy your new little one!  Parenthood is an adventure to be sure.

Waffle,

 

Great point, everyone is different and babies do have to be exposed to things in order to develop their immune system.

 

Personally I was similar to you in that I didn’t  mind people holding my babies when they were tiny and personally didn’t expect or ask them to wash their hands either, I have never felt the need. I didn’t have a huge amount of visitors just because I wanted peace and time to chill out and get used to being a Mum! But, I did have parents and in-laws at the hospital about 12 hours after I had my first - it was fine, I was really preppy and everything had gone smooth so I was up for visitors. The other babies, close family came the day after I had had them, close friends about 4 days after.
 

Each to their own as you say, you have to respect a parents wishes.

 

It’s bringing back memories reading this thread 🥲

 

x

[limichelle]

Congrats J.man! I’m sorry your step father has put you in that difficult place, even though he’s without common sense and consideration. 

[Batya33]

We had a baby naming type ceremony when he was 12 days old and I had to physically stop people from trying to touch him.  Very stressful. I don’t agree/ personally - that newborns and infants need to be exposed to germs especially if the person is sick. My friend’s infant was exposed to her grandfather’s cough - got croup and almost went to the ER - my friend stayed up all night with her baby in a steamy bathroom. When my infant had his first vaccines for the new flu I felt more comfortable.  Again I think it’s up to the parents and J Man wrote he didn’t want his stepfather around his new born with a cold. 

[HeartGoesOn]

Congrats JMan!

Wishing you much happiness with your new baby girl.  We miss you around here.

[BecxyRex]

Congratulations on your baby girl j.man! What wonderful news!

[j.man]

It all went pretty smoothly.  I met him at the car and offered to walk around outside for about 20 minutes to catch up.  Toward the end, I showed him the baby through the glass screen door.  Didn't feel great doing it, but it's the best I could come up with.  Put her back down and met him again outside to see him off.  To his credit, he went along with it all.  

FWIW, it's not really the village aspect I have a problem with.  Pretty much anyone could tell me they want to visit and I'd go with it.  At the beginning it was just a minor inconvenience, but last minute throwing in the fact he was sick before coming down really hit me the wrong way.  It's great hearing other people's experiences, though.

Many thanks for all the warm wishes and congratulations!  Means a lot to me.  Promise to be back with a more positive thread with a picture or two very soon!

[catfeeder]

Dearest J.man,

BIG congrAts to you and Mrs. J.man, as well as to your little Miss J.man for coming into this world, such as it is. 

No, you are have not been slipped any Crazy pills. You are actually experiencing the ***-feeling phenomena known as, "Whut wuz I thinking--Oh, wait, I wasn't...", which actually dates back to pre-pandemic times.

I've often just loved it when people on the job brag about their current state of prowess at coming to work 'anyway' regardless of feeling awful and possibly being at their most contAgious--with zero awareness of how outrAgious such a statement comes off while I can feel their breath upon me while they grin so self satisfactorily.

I'm so glad to hear that step-dad was gracious about the outdoor walk. While it's unfortunate that he had not put together all of the factors that made his visit untimely, he has at least acted as an efficient Parent Testing Device for your protective response against stUpidity.

Thank you for bringing us up to date. I have missed you and your wonderful wit, and I'm so glad to hear of your latest wonderful news.

Love and (((Safe Hugs))),
Cat

[SherrySher]

1 hour ago, j.man said:

It all went pretty smoothly.  I met him at the car and offered to walk around outside for about 20 minutes to catch up.  Toward the end, I showed him the baby through the glass screen door.  Didn't feel great doing it, but it's the best I could come up with.  Put her back down and met him again outside to see him off.  To his credit, he went along with it all.  

FWIW, it's not really the village aspect I have a problem with.  Pretty much anyone could tell me they want to visit and I'd go with it.  At the beginning it was just a minor inconvenience, but last minute throwing in the fact he was sick before coming down really hit me the wrong way.  It's great hearing other people's experiences, though.

Many thanks for all the warm wishes and congratulations!  Means a lot to me.  Promise to be back with a more positive thread with a picture or two very soon!

Awww, j.man a daddy!!! I am so sincerely happy for you and your wife.

Congrats!! 🥰